Just Curious

[JustAMom2five]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? South Dakota

The Basic Rules of conduct and discipline established by the custodial parent should be the base-line standard for both parents and any step-parents, and consistently enforced by all, so that the child/ren do not receive mixed messages about appropriate behaviors

Can I get some opinions on how this should be understood...
It comes from the SD Visitation Guidelines

It's not a personal issue I'm just curious to how far a parent could take wording like this

 

[proud_parent]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? South Dakota



Can I get some opinions on how this should be understood...
It comes from the SD Visitation Guidelines

It's not a personal issue I'm just curious to how far a parent could take wording like this

According to the South Dakota judiciary:

These are promulgated as unofficial guidelines to assist parents and courts. They are not compulsory rules. Unless they are adopted as part of a visitation order, they have no binding effect.

Shared Parenting Guidelines

 

[JustAMom2five]

Thank You Proud Parent

The lawyer who wrote up my divorce decree said that the wordage he used is extremely common in SD.
It says that when the two parties can not agree on visitation that the SD guidelines shall be put into affect.

Is that what you mean by being adopted by the visitation order?
And as I said this is not for personal use.. I hope you don't mind a hypothetical question but If two parents were having extreme parenting style disagreements would this help them?

I know that these forums are filled to the brim with real scenarios that people are going through but every once in awhile I see a thread that is out of pure curiosity.. and that is what this one is.
I am not having issue of parenting styles with my ex at this point because he has put himself in the position to not have visitation.


I had been reading the thread about "How do I obtain full custody " and I noticed that either this OP had real control issues or there was at least some real parenting style issues... and instead of posting my question there I thought I would start my own thread. If there is an agreement that adopts this kind of wordage... how far could a parent take it.
Is it enough to help make the argument that the NCP or Step should be following the stability for the kids?

For poster who are currently writing visitation agreements is it wise or useful to add something similar to this?

Thanks again PP for answering a not so pending question just for the sake of my curiosity

 

[proud_parent]

Thank You Proud Parent

The lawyer who wrote up my divorce decree said that the wordage he used is extremely common in SD.
It says that when the two parties can not agree on visitation that the SD guidelines shall be put into affect.

Without the full text of your order to provide context, I would interpret the bolded statement above as meaning that when the parties are unable to agree to adjustments to the parenting schedule, the court-ordered schedule and/or SD guideline parenting schedule shall be enforced. I would NOT interpret it to mean that everything to be found in SD Shared Parenting Guidelines shall be enforced.

But as you say, it's all hypothetical , as I do not live in SD and you aren't really asking. I will tell you that if I were in SD and my order stated only that "the SD guidelines shall be put into affect [sic]", I'd be petitioning to have the order modified to include the specific language.

Is that what you mean by being adopted by the visitation order?

It's not a question of what I mean by "being adopted by the visitation order". That language comes straight from the SD judicial website I referenced before; it is the legal disclaimer that appears before the full text of the SD Shared Parenting Guidlines.

I personally interpret that disclaimer to mean, "Unless your court order includes the exact language contained in these guidelines, these guidelines are absolutely unenforceable." In other words, they are guidelines and not statutes. Furthermore, they are guidelines originally authored by who knows whom. I may agree with some of those guidelines, but I do wonder how one could expect children never to receive mixed signals from their parents unless one of those parents is no longer living!


If I were in SD and involved in writing a parenting schedule/parenting plan, I would never agree to including the language you first quoted unless a judge ordered it to be included. IMO, unless the parties' court order states that a particular parent's rules of conduct and discipline shall control in both households, each parent has the authority to decide what goes in his/her home.

 

[JustAMom2five]

So PP it wouldn't be your advice to include a stipulation like that...

thanks I was just looking for opinions

 

[proud_parent]

So PP it wouldn't be your advice to include a stipulation like that...

You're darn right; in fact, I'd advise against it. How the heck would one expect to enforce such an order, even if one wanted to?

thanks I was just looking for opinions

No problem. As my husband can attest, I like to give 'em!

 

[JustAMom2five]

You're darn right; in fact, I'd advise against it. How the heck would one expect to enforce such an order, even if one wanted to?



No problem. As my husband can attest, I like to give 'em!

I wouldn't have a clue.. an extremist might try and deny visitation all together if there was problems with differing styles...

I see your point about advising against it.

In my own circumstance I will be having my lawyer write up new visitation plan for when/if my ex cleans up his act and can resume visitation I will make sure the wording is much more specific .
As long he is not putting them in harms way I see no reason to try and control how he parents... shoot I couldn't accomplish that when we were together. It's way more important that the kids are healthy.. & being cared for... .
Seems it would teach them to be more adaptable to understand Dad's rules at his house on his time.. and Mom's at hers on here time.

Thanks again for the opinion

 

[majomom1]

I wouldn't have a clue.. an extremist might try and deny visitation all together if there was problems with differing styles...

I see your point about advising against it.

In my own circumstance I will be having my lawyer write up new visitation plan for when/if my ex cleans up his act and can resume visitation I will make sure the wording is much more specific .
As long he is not putting them in harms way I see no reason to try and control how he parents... shoot I couldn't accomplish that when we were together. It's way more important that the kids are healthy.. & being cared for... .
Seems it would teach them to be more adaptable to understand Dad's rules at his house on his time.. and Mom's at hers on here time.

Thanks again for the opinion

No... it is not a tool to deny ANY time, for either parent.

I wouldn't get too specific in your new visitation plan, nor would I even try to get that "He will follow your base line". You may come off as very controlling. And then, if you run to court over every little thing, trying to enforce it - you will irritate the judge.

 

[JustAMom2five]

No... it is not a tool to deny ANY time, for either parent.

I wouldn't get too specific in your new visitation plan, nor would I even try to get that "He will follow your base line". You may come off as very controlling. And then, if you run to court over every little thing, trying to enforce it - you will irritate the judge.

That is VERY good advice majomom1 but I kinda wonder whether or not you read my post...

By me saying that I was going to have the wording much more specific was because in my divorce decree it states that if we can not come to an agreement then SDVG would be in affect... per PP's advice

In my last post that you quoted I went on to agree with PP about parents having their own rights to choose their own style.

As long he is not putting them in harms way I see no reason to try and control how he parents...

I most certainly con not pay to run to court over every little thing.. shoot it's hard enough to afford this necessary battle that is going on right now.

 

[majomom1]

That is VERY good advice majomom1 but I kinda wonder whether or not you read my post...

By me saying that I was going to have the wording much more specific was because in my divorce decree it states that if we can not come to an agreement then SDVG would be in affect... per PP's advice

In my last post that you quoted I went on to agree with PP about parents having their own rights to choose their own style.


I most certainly con not pay to run to court over every little thing.. shoot it's hard enough to afford this necessary battle that is going on right now.

I read your post.

My first comment was for your "extremist"...

The second was just my suggestion (opinion) to be careful on how "specfic" you (or anyone) might try to get with parenting.

 

[JustAMom2five]

No... it is not a tool to deny ANY time, for either parent.

I agree.... I was only taking a stab in the dark about what some over controlling parent might try to do with a stipulation like that.
Whether or not that is the intended purpose.. I do believe some parents would go running to court with every little complaint, That is why I agreed with PP that wordage like that shouldn't be included.

The second was just my suggestion (opinion) to be careful on how "specfic" you (or anyone) might try to get with parenting.

I wouldn't get too specific in your new visitation plan, nor would I even try to get that "He will follow your base line". You may come off as very controlling. And then, if you run to court over every little thing, trying to enforce it - you will irritate the judge.

I didn't mean to make it sound like I was going to try to get him to follow my base line.
Only to eliminate vague language that won't be helpful in possible future circumstances.
Really as far as my own personal situation goes my biggest concern is making the modifications a clear as possible. ie: his drug abuse not being tolerated

 

[majomom1]

I agree.... I was only taking a stab in the dark about what some over controlling parent might try to do with a stipulation like that.
Whether or not that is the intended purpose.. I do believe some parents would go running to court with every little complaint, That is why I agreed with PP that wordage like that shouldn't be included.





I didn't mean to make it sound like I was going to try to get him to follow my base line.
Only to eliminate vague language that won't be helpful in possible future circumstances.
Really as far as my own personal situation goes my biggest concern is making the modifications a clear as possible. ie: his drug abuse not being tolerated

I get it. Really I do.