Response to a petition

[Sculptor]

What is the name of your state? Maryland

Hello everyone,

Maybe a nit-picky question....

Very short version: my ex is charged with 5 felony counts of child/sexual abuse, indicated by DSS. There's been no contact with my daughter since February. Trial is in August.

He's filed for modification-to full custody and to receive child support! However bogus I believe this to be, I still need to answer his petition. I downloaded forms and noticed there were only 13 paragraphs included, when his petition had 30. Is it ok for me to copy more pages and add more paragraphs?

Never a dull moment.

Thanks in advance.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Maryland

Hello everyone,

Maybe a nit-picky question....

Very short version: my ex is charged with 5 felony counts of child/sexual abuse, indicated by DSS. There's been no contact with my daughter since February. Trial is in August.

He's filed for modification-to full custody and to receive child support! However bogus I believe this to be, I still need to answer his petition. I downloaded forms and noticed there were only 13 paragraphs included, when his petition had 30. Is it ok for me to copy more pages and add more paragraphs?

Never a dull moment.

Thanks in advance.

What you should do is use his motion and the form as a template to create your own response....rather than trying to just fill in the form. You want it to look as professional as possible.

Does he actually have an attorney handling this case? Did he abuse your daughter or someone else?

Edit to add:

I reviewed your small amount of past threads and I see that it is your daughter he abused. I am going to recap for the sake of the other members of the forum so that they will understand the seriousness of the case.

The first report of abuse was in 2004, when she was 4 or 5. She reported it to a daycare worker, while she was on summer visitation with dad. CPS was unable to substantiate if it was abuse, or inappropriate behavior. Dad was court ordered not to be nude around the child and not to sleep in the same bed. He did not obey those orders.

At one time, dad pulled up stakes and ran with the child. Obviously mom got the child back, but she never indicated how.

The last report of abuse, which was jumped on quickly, was made in March of 2008, by the child to a teacher. CPS and the police jumped on it quickly, and a GAL is also apparently backing mom and the child.

Mom, if possible I would really recommend that you get an attorney on this one....or stall the case until he goes to trial and hire an attorney if he does not get convicted....particularly if he has an attorney or hires one later on.

I don't want to scare you, but there have been cases where children have ended up in the custody of their abusers, because the abusers did not get convicted and convinced a judge that the CP was coaching the child to make false abuse charges. Therefore, you really don't want to take this one lightly.

 

[Sculptor]

Thanks muchly

Hi again,

Obviously, it's a long story. I had a lawyer with what happened previously, but simply couldn't afford her 5K retainers. Things had been fairly quiet, with only a parent coordinator involved, up until February.

What started all this was that I was trying to get my daughter into the counseling ordered by DSS, found that I needed legal sole custody (because he wouldn't sign), and my daughter's GAL told me to get a protective order ASAP for this purpose. When the ex was served, he hit me with this petition, which bumped the whole thing from district to circuit court and I had one week to prepare. I got a lawyer for that, but he couldn't stick with it. He did say I needed to answer this within 30 days. I just got info on the Sexual Assault Legal Institute, which would supply a lawyer, however, the intake takes longer than the 2 weeks I have left. His petition is pretty straightforward, so I figured I could do it.

Oh, and how she got back to me after he ran with her....he showed up at a rape crisis center, with a story about how my son, from a previous marriage, had molested my daughter. She said that only daddy had ever touched her; he said it was to apply lotion for a rash. Anyway, he was acting all agitated and weird, AND left my daughter locked in his truck (that resulted in 2 counts of neglect), so the MD. State Trooper on duty reported him to DSS, who called me to come get her. The neglect went to court; the rest was dropped because a father is allowed to apply cream for a rash. Yeah, mom was seething.

Three years back, my daughter reported to me that, as part of a sex ed talk (yep, she was about 6), he had her touch his privates, and "there are two balls in there!" That is the only one of the 5 DSS reports made by me. That one resulted in the court-appointed GAL, who wanted to advise putting cameras in the ex's house!! Still, I was told to quit harassing him with DSS reports or it might result in his getting full custody!!! It's been the Twilight Zone.

So, now, I've got to answer this bogus petition. I'm going to see if I can escape work long enough today to do the intake for the Legal Institute.

Thanks again!

 

[Sculptor]

Hi again,

LDiJ...I never thanked you properly for the researching you did and for your advice. My daughter's GAL said it would look a lot better to use his as a template and answer more completely. He did say I could do it myself, though he gave me some pointers. He's so darned sure a conviction will happen and that will do all my work for me. I've been in the system long enough not to want to relay on that.

Thanks again...

 

[LdiJ]

Hi again,

LDiJ...I never thanked you properly for the researching you did and for your advice. My daughter's GAL said it would look a lot better to use his as a template and answer more completely. He did say I could do it myself, though he gave me some pointers. He's so darned sure a conviction will happen and that will do all my work for me. I've been in the system long enough not to want to relay on that.

Thanks again...

You are welcome. Its promising that the GAL believes so strongly in the case, but wierd things happen sometimes with criminal cases, which is why I am encouraging you to be as thorough as possible.

I have seen criminal cases that seemed like a slam dunk, only to have a DA agree to such a lesser charge on a plea bargain, that it hardly caused a "blip" in the family court scene.

I hope that there is a special place in He!! for DA's who do that.

I know of a recent case is Ohiogal's state where a man beat the living daylights out of his girlfriend, and she ended up in the hospital for over a week. He did it in front of her son and his son. Everyone was absolutely certain (lawyers, gals, prosecutors etc.) that he was going to do serious time because he had prior convictions....he was charged with all kinds of things. Because the girlfriend stopped cooperating he end up with fines and a 30 day sentence...and with no child related convictions.

So again, I am not trying to scare you, but just warning you that you can't rely on criminal convictions to make your case.

In the above case I mentioned, both the man's visitation with his child and the mom's custody of her child were suspended over this case, because despite the lack of a significant criminal conviction the other parents of both children made a strong case in family law court. They didn't rely on soley the criminal case to do the job for them.

However, I know of several cases where there was no doubt whatsoever that a parent was sexually abusing their child, yet the parent who was trying to protect the child ended up losing custody and actually being restricted from contact with the child on the basis of false abuse claims and parental alienation. This isn't anecdotal...its published case law because the adult children pursued charges after the fact, and won convictions.

So...please understand that you have to take this seriously on all fronts. You can't rely on the crimnal courts to do the job for you.

 

[Sculptor]

Hi LDiJ,

You speak the awful truth. I've seen cases that defy common sense, yet go south because the one abused didn't press charges or follow orders.

I'm working with DSS, the state's attorney's office (prosecutor and victim's advocate), as well as my daughter's GAL, and following the advice of my one-day attorney. If he had the time, he'd do this answer, for "just" another $600, but has no time in the next two weeks. As he told me it needs to be in by that time, I'm running out of choices.

I did contact the Sexual Assault Legal Institute. They've got to contact my previous lawyer and get back to me for the intake. There is no way I'm going back to court without a lawyer, conviction or not; I just thought I had a lot more time to seek one out.

Thanks for everything.

 

[Sculptor]

Update

Hello everyone,

It's been a long couple of months, of depositions, subpoenas for documents, $5K out of savings**************...yes, I did get a lawyer, one who had worked for the House of Ruth-very experienced and dedicated.

I also, on the advice of CPS, contacted a most incredibly wonderful group, BACA (Bikers Against Child Abuse). They "adopted" my daughter, gave her a BACA biker's vest with logo and pins, assured her she was part of their family and she could call/email any time. They are known to the sheriff's dept, state's attorney...they would come to court and be friendly faces in the crowd, be escorts to keep us safe....

I've been working with CPS and the state's attorney's office, including victim's advocate. Though they interviewed my daughter to see what kind of witness she might be (they said she was awesome!), they were still trying to get a plea deal, to save her the trauma. We settled on his pleading to a lesser charge, which could result in no contact and a guilty verdict to carry into our custody hearing(s).

Today was his hearing. I met my two BACA contacts out front and they flanked me the whole time. CPS contact , my lawyer, advocate, a therapist from the YWCA and the teacher my daughter told were all there. Long story short, the prosecutor aired all my daughter reported and our victim's impact statements, to the shock of the gallery. My ex wanted no conviction or registry, because it would lose him his "high-security" job and he wouldn't be able to make sure his daughter was financially cared for (gag me)....Anyway, the judge said he'd lock him up but for the plea deal, was adamant about no contact with my daughter, sexual offender counseling and he will be REGISTERED as a sex offender! Yehaw! Love that judge!

Next, it's the custody hearing. I feel armed for bear now. After 8 years of being put down, having my integrity and parenting degraded, and feeling helpless to protect my daughter without seeming unreasonable to the court, this is a gift.

It's cool to have the ex's custody lawyer and him wondering about my hanging with bikers, too....

Thanks for advice along the way.

 

[LdiJ]

Hello everyone,

It's been a long couple of months, of depositions, subpoenas for documents, $5K out of savings**************...yes, I did get a lawyer, one who had worked for the House of Ruth-very experienced and dedicated.

I also, on the advice of CPS, contacted a most incredibly wonderful group, BACA (Bikers Against Child Abuse). They "adopted" my daughter, gave her a BACA biker's vest with logo and pins, assured her she was part of their family and she could call/email any time. They are known to the sheriff's dept, state's attorney...they would come to court and be friendly faces in the crowd, be escorts to keep us safe....

I've been working with CPS and the state's attorney's office, including victim's advocate. Though they interviewed my daughter to see what kind of witness she might be (they said she was awesome!), they were still trying to get a plea deal, to save her the trauma. We settled on his pleading to a lesser charge, which could result in no contact and a guilty verdict to carry into our custody hearing(s).

Today was his hearing. I met my two BACA contacts out front and they flanked me the whole time. CPS contact , my lawyer, advocate, a therapist from the YWCA and the teacher my daughter told were all there. Long story short, the prosecutor aired all my daughter reported and our victim's impact statements, to the shock of the gallery. My ex wanted no conviction or registry, because it would lose him his "high-security" job and he wouldn't be able to make sure his daughter was financially cared for (gag me)....Anyway, the judge said he'd lock him up but for the plea deal, was adamant about no contact with my daughter, sexual offender counseling and he will be REGISTERED as a sex offender! Yehaw! Love that judge!

Next, it's the custody hearing. I feel armed for bear now. After 8 years of being put down, having my integrity and parenting degraded, and feeling helpless to protect my daughter without seeming unreasonable to the court, this is a gift.

It's cool to have the ex's custody lawyer and him wondering about my hanging with bikers, too....

Thanks for advice along the way.

The custody case may go away. He has been ordered by the criminal court judge not to have contact with your daughter, as part of his sentence. I don't believe that a family court judge can override that.

 

[OhReally?]

My ex wanted no conviction or registry, because it would lose him his "high-security" job and he wouldn't be able to make sure his daughter was financially cared for (gag me)....Anyway, the judge said he'd lock him up but for the plea deal, was adamant about no contact with my daughter, sexual offender counseling and he will be REGISTERED as a sex offender! Yehaw! Love that judge!

IIRC, the law doesn't give Judges a choice. It's mandated that offenders be labeled as such accordingly. Thank God because we don't need Judge's bending this stuff, like they do with drunk driving sentences. But anyways, your ex wanting not to be registered wasn't a choice. Good to hear you were able to get all of this!

 

[Silverplum]

Just wanted to say:
Congratulations! upon winning in court thus far!
Yay! for the bikers protecting you and your daughter!
and
Keep up the very good work, don't give up and don't give in.

 

[Ohiogal]

Congrats OP! And I see Silver is channeling Galaxy Quest. Can I have some popcorn (or pudding dear)?

 

[Sculptor]

Thank you all!

I feel so free for the first time in years. I look at my daughter and smile about the life she has ahead. It's great!

He is who he is, so he will push the custody issue in any way he can. He will want some sort of supervised visits; he will want me to keep him informed of her activities, he'll want support lowered. My daughter's GAL (now BIA-Best Interest Attorney) will fight for her well-being on every front.

The biker group was an unexpected and strong ally. They are so cool, so dedicated. If anyone is interested in info about them, here's their website:
Bikers Against Child Abuse - About BACA

I'll let you all know how the custody hearing comes out.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Congrats and good luck.

 

[Isis1]

Thank you all!

I feel so free for the first time in years. I look at my daughter and smile about the life she has ahead. It's great!

He is who he is, so he will push the custody issue in any way he can. He will want some sort of supervised visits; he will want me to keep him informed of her activities, he'll want support lowered. My daughter's GAL (now BIA-Best Interest Attorney) will fight for her well-being on every front.

The biker group was an unexpected and strong ally. They are so cool, so dedicated. If anyone is interested in info about them, here's their website:
Bikers Against Child Abuse - About BACA

I'll let you all know how the custody hearing comes out.

i pulled up the website last night. i was crying as i read all the testimonials. i couldn't even come back to comment. what a wonderful organization. i am so glad your daughter can feel safe now. definitely keep us updated.

 

[Sculptor]

I cried, too. Considering what my daughter went through (telling someone, being faced with testifying in court), you'd think she'd back down. She knew her biker buds would be there for her and it gave her the strength to keep going. Not only that, but she is now the cool kid in the neighborhood with the huge (and impressively loud) biker family. I know how those other parents felt. Just wow

Take care, all...