partiallypeeved
Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? WI
Hi there,
My wife (I'll call her "Wilma") and her ex-husband (call him "Fred") have joint custody of their eight-year-old daughter (what else, "Pebbles"). They have a shared placement schedule, with my wife having primary placement.
Upon separation, Fred moved back home to Illinois, Wilma stayed in Wisconsin. The residences are about 120 miles apart. During the school year, the placement schedule calls for Pebbles to be with us Sundays at 6pm until Fridays at 7pm. During the summers, we get her Fridays at 7pm until Sunday at 7pm. This is causing several problems.
First, it is really a drag for me or my wife to have to spend 2 hours in a car EVERY Friday and EVERY Sunday - not to mention the drag it is for my step-daughter to be carted back and forth.
Second, the way the time is split up sucks. The reward that my wife and I get for getting Pebbles ready for school, being home when the school bus drops her off, and helping her with her homework for nine months is a two-hour car trip and an empty home for the weekend. Then when the summer rolls around and we don't have school to deal with... we only get her for two-day increments. So much for ever going on vacation.
Yes, I realize that I sound selfish and resentful. BUT there's a twist:
While Fred has her for five days a week during the summer, HE DOESN'T EVEN SPEND TIME WITH HER! He (or more often than not, his wife) picks her up on Sunday at the exchange place and drops her off at Grandma's house. Monday morning, his wife drops off their two-year-old at Grandma's; Monday afternoon, she picks up the two-year-old - but leaves Pebbles with Grandma. Tuesday through Thursday, repeat. Friday, pick up both girls and drop off Pebbles at the exchange place.
Pebbles has come home in tears, saying she misses her father - even though she just spent the last five days in Illinois. That's because the only time she saw him that week was when he stopped by Grandma's house one morning before work, or only spent one night at dad's house, or didn't see him at all.
Now, I am thrilled that Pebbles has a good relationship with her grandmother - but her grandmother is not her parent. If my wife and I have to accept this pain-in-the-butt schedule because of the Father's Right to spend time with his daughter, doesn't the father have an obligation (moral, if not legal) to actually spend time with his daughter? And what message does it send to Pebbles when Monday through Thursday, her step-mother drops off and picks up her half-sister after work - but leaves her behind at Grandma's?
To place this in context, Fred didn't spend time with his daughter before the divorce either. According to Wilma, he never fed her, changed her, bathed her, or got her dressed when she was a baby; he wouldn't pick her up from day care even though he got off of work 90 minutes earlier than Wilma; and he'd call a sitter if Wilma had to leave the house (for whatever reason) and it meant he'd have to take care of his own daughter. So it comes as no surprise to me that he's not spending time with her now.
That said, do Wilma and I have to continue to put up with this lousy placement schedule? Does Pebbles have to continue to be broken-hearted when her step-mother picks up her half-sister but leaves her behind?
If we exhaust all avenues of trying to resolve this as rational adults (to-date, Fred has been a real douchebag in this regard) and Wilma decided to petition the court for a revised placement schedule, would the fact that Fred chooses not to spend time with Pebbles make a difference?
I know judges want children to be able to spend time with both parents, but if Fred isn't spending time with Pebbles during his placement periods anyway, would that make a judge to be more inclined to revise the placement schedule so that Pebbles has more time scheduled with Wilma? If Fred won't spend time with her, and Wilma wants more time with her, what objection could there be?
So, what do you think: given all of the above, do we have a legitimate chance of getting a revised placement schedule, or is this a slam-dunk 'petition deined' ruling waiting to happen?
Wilma and I don't want to press the issue if we're just jousting at windmills. I know that it will depend on other factors and I know it will vary from judge to judge. But if you could weigh in with a "worth a shot" or a "no chance in hell", Wilma and I would really appreciate it.
Thank you in advance for you help.
Joe Rockhead
Hi there,
My wife (I'll call her "Wilma") and her ex-husband (call him "Fred") have joint custody of their eight-year-old daughter (what else, "Pebbles"). They have a shared placement schedule, with my wife having primary placement.
Upon separation, Fred moved back home to Illinois, Wilma stayed in Wisconsin. The residences are about 120 miles apart. During the school year, the placement schedule calls for Pebbles to be with us Sundays at 6pm until Fridays at 7pm. During the summers, we get her Fridays at 7pm until Sunday at 7pm. This is causing several problems.
First, it is really a drag for me or my wife to have to spend 2 hours in a car EVERY Friday and EVERY Sunday - not to mention the drag it is for my step-daughter to be carted back and forth.
Second, the way the time is split up sucks. The reward that my wife and I get for getting Pebbles ready for school, being home when the school bus drops her off, and helping her with her homework for nine months is a two-hour car trip and an empty home for the weekend. Then when the summer rolls around and we don't have school to deal with... we only get her for two-day increments. So much for ever going on vacation.
Yes, I realize that I sound selfish and resentful. BUT there's a twist:
While Fred has her for five days a week during the summer, HE DOESN'T EVEN SPEND TIME WITH HER! He (or more often than not, his wife) picks her up on Sunday at the exchange place and drops her off at Grandma's house. Monday morning, his wife drops off their two-year-old at Grandma's; Monday afternoon, she picks up the two-year-old - but leaves Pebbles with Grandma. Tuesday through Thursday, repeat. Friday, pick up both girls and drop off Pebbles at the exchange place.
Pebbles has come home in tears, saying she misses her father - even though she just spent the last five days in Illinois. That's because the only time she saw him that week was when he stopped by Grandma's house one morning before work, or only spent one night at dad's house, or didn't see him at all.
Now, I am thrilled that Pebbles has a good relationship with her grandmother - but her grandmother is not her parent. If my wife and I have to accept this pain-in-the-butt schedule because of the Father's Right to spend time with his daughter, doesn't the father have an obligation (moral, if not legal) to actually spend time with his daughter? And what message does it send to Pebbles when Monday through Thursday, her step-mother drops off and picks up her half-sister after work - but leaves her behind at Grandma's?
To place this in context, Fred didn't spend time with his daughter before the divorce either. According to Wilma, he never fed her, changed her, bathed her, or got her dressed when she was a baby; he wouldn't pick her up from day care even though he got off of work 90 minutes earlier than Wilma; and he'd call a sitter if Wilma had to leave the house (for whatever reason) and it meant he'd have to take care of his own daughter. So it comes as no surprise to me that he's not spending time with her now.
That said, do Wilma and I have to continue to put up with this lousy placement schedule? Does Pebbles have to continue to be broken-hearted when her step-mother picks up her half-sister but leaves her behind?
If we exhaust all avenues of trying to resolve this as rational adults (to-date, Fred has been a real douchebag in this regard) and Wilma decided to petition the court for a revised placement schedule, would the fact that Fred chooses not to spend time with Pebbles make a difference?
I know judges want children to be able to spend time with both parents, but if Fred isn't spending time with Pebbles during his placement periods anyway, would that make a judge to be more inclined to revise the placement schedule so that Pebbles has more time scheduled with Wilma? If Fred won't spend time with her, and Wilma wants more time with her, what objection could there be?
So, what do you think: given all of the above, do we have a legitimate chance of getting a revised placement schedule, or is this a slam-dunk 'petition deined' ruling waiting to happen?
Wilma and I don't want to press the issue if we're just jousting at windmills. I know that it will depend on other factors and I know it will vary from judge to judge. But if you could weigh in with a "worth a shot" or a "no chance in hell", Wilma and I would really appreciate it.
Thank you in advance for you help.
Joe Rockhead
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