Dad doesn't spend time with daughter during placement.

[partiallypeeved]

i sure hope you aren't Barney

was this the same order as before dad moved?

the fact dad does not spend time with his daughter on his time is irrelevant to the issue. so lose that argument. what dad does on his time is his business and his choice.

now, i am curious how mom is doing all the transportation when DAD moved and how did dad get EVERY WEEKEND?? normally the moving parent is required to provide all the transportation. joint legal custody isn't an issue. joint physical custody might not be working.

it's mom's best interest for her to come online and answer the advisors' questions. you wouldn't send your wife to a prostate doctor for cancer in your place, would you?

Mom and Dad were living in Wisconsin when Mom informed Dad that she wanted to separate. Within days, Dad moved to his mother's house in Illinois. Mom filed in Wisconsin, residency / jurisdiction wasn't contested, the schedule in place is the schedule at the time of the ruling.

The judge threw out Mom's petitions for "every other weekend" and "every weekend except the last weekend of the month" because he thought that Dad wouldn't have enough time with Daughter (which, I am not contesting). But because of the logistics, if Dad is to get enough placement time, it has to navigate around Daughter's school schedule. Thus, "every weekend."

I realize that it's in Mom's best interest to speak for herself in this forum. I'm just trying to get a feel for whether these circumstances might be such that a revised placement schedule would be considered. This schedule is causing grief for both my wife and my step-daughter, and I'm just trying to do what I can to make that go away.

 

[Isis1]

if you read other postings, you'll notice that most seniors are surprised at the schedule. and it appears this schedule was placed AFTER dad moved.

also notice a correction on my advice made by other seniors.

mom should get an attorney if in fact the judge ruled on this schedule with dad being out of state. it defintely needs to be modified.

and mom would get some wonderful help if she got online herself. third party advice is not really condoned. think of it as the same in court, judges don't like third party interference.

 

[partiallypeeved]

The only thing I see in here is the every weekend with Fred during the school year, and all summer. EOW would be easier and give Wilma "weekend" time with Pebbles. I would propose that Wilma request a change, to have 2 weeks during the summer, for vacation.

Unfortunately you cannot make Fred spend time with Pebbles. Is Pebbles in counseling? They can really help and give her tools to talk to Fred to request more time.

Is Wilma on speaking terms with Grandma? Could she talk with Grandma and possibly enlist her help with getting more time with Fred?

I agree - EOW would be a welcome change, but unless Pebbles goes to two schools in two states, we could only do that during the summer. Doing that would tip the scales pretty heavily on the placement percentages (to roughly 15 days/month with Mom June - Aug, vs. about 8 days/month with Mom currently).

Wilma and Grandma are on good terms. I'm not sure Grandma would be a very good advocate for Wilma because that would mean that SHE'D end up with less time with Pebbles, but I could see her being more rational than Fred.

Pebbles isn't in counselling. She had just turned 4 when Fred and Wilma separated, and her memories of them living in the same cave are pretty vague. This is the life she's grown up knowing. That said, part of what prompted me to consult this forum is the fact that ever since the summer began, she has been VERY sensitive. Wilma's re-telling of a story of something cute that Pebbles did as a baby (for example) will cause Pebbles to cry. We've talked to her - reassuring her that no one was making fun of her, trying to make her feel secure, but we're still not aware of why the sudden change. My step-mother is a family psychologist, and they're going to be in town in a couple of weeks. I think I'll get her up to speed on what's going on with Pebbles and see what she's got to say. Until now, Pebbles had equated the blended families as "more people to love me", but it could very well be that it took a couple of years for the effect of the divorce to manifest itself.

Thank you for your reply.

 

[partiallypeeved]

Would a right of first refusal clause be appropriate in a case like this? As OP described it, this situation doesn't sound like it's fostering a relationship with dad at all.

That's exactly where I'm coming from. The judge wanted to make sure Dad had ample opportunity to foster the relationship with Daughter - but Dad isn't taking advantage of that opportunity. So if she's not going to be with Dad, she should be with Mom.

But as much as I like the first refusal idea, I think it would work better in theory than it would in practice - considering the great distance and how unreasonable and irrational Fred has sometimes been in the past.

I guess that's why I was focusing on revising the court order and taking the "let's act like adults" factor out of the equation.

 

[partiallypeeved]

:::: What is repeated? Pebbles is being dropped off at g'ma's each day? But, you didn't mention she's picked up each day.

Step-mom drops off two-year-old every morning, picks up two-year-old every afternoon, but leaves Pebbles at Grandma's.

 

[partiallypeeved]

Nope. Because mom is two hours from dad. And dad may be available. And OP you have NO SAY SO in any of this. Mom needs to handle her own issues. NOT you as you are a legal stranger.

I know I have no say so.

My only hope is to gather legal opinions as to whether the current set of conditions has a shot at a revised placement schedule in a court of law - or if we're wasting our mental energy considering filing a new petition.

 

[Ohiogal]

I know I have no say so.

My only hope is to gather legal opinions as to whether the current set of conditions has a shot at a revised placement schedule in a court of law - or if we're wasting our mental energy considering filing a new petition.

You contradict yourself. YOU know you have no say but you want to know if you are wasting your time filing a new petition. Remove the "we". Mom should file a new petition.

 

[partiallypeeved]

Mom really needs to file for a modification. That is honestly a bad schedule.

Thank you LdiJ.

Not being a practioner of family law, I had no idea if this placement schedule is cutomary or not. If it is, so be it. If it's not, maybe there's a shot at getting it modified.

Thank you for your reply.

 

[partiallypeeved]

OP - it doesn't matter how peeved you might be. Or how much of a pain it is to you to make the drive. Because it's really not your place to have any say in the matter. If Mom has a problem with the situation, then she should address it.

And she'll need more than the word of an 8yo to prove that Dad spends no time with the kiddo. You can bet that, should she file, the situation will change. But not likely in the manner you desire.

I set up my handle a while back when I had an issue with forced partial-day vacation time for a salaried employee. That's what I was peeved about. I probably need a new handle, huh?

It's not the word of an eight-year-old. It is geography. The 8yo spends the night at Grandma's - not at Dad's. Mom call's Dad's house to say goodnight to Daughter, and Daughter is at Grandma's.

 

[partiallypeeved]

Missed that. And Isabella is quite wrong. If mom can prove that dad is spending NO time with the child then mom (NOT INTERFERING STEPDAD) needs to file for a modification.

Just asking the question. I don't know that that should officially be considered interfering. Besides - I am advocating more time between the child and her parents. I don't know that calls for YELLING at me...

 

[partiallypeeved]

if you read other postings, you'll notice that most seniors are surprised at the schedule. and it appears this schedule was placed AFTER dad moved.

also notice a correction on my advice made by other seniors.

mom should get an attorney if in fact the judge ruled on this schedule with dad being out of state. it defintely needs to be modified.

and mom would get some wonderful help if she got online herself. third party advice is not really condoned. think of it as the same in court, judges don't like third party interference.

Thanks, Isabella. That's what I was looking for - confirmation that modifying such a schedule is not an unreasonable expectation.

I do agree - this is totally Mom's call on how to proceeed. She's unhappy with the schedule but has been hesitant to consider re-petitioning the court because she's convinced it would be a lost cause. But it sounds like the answer is "yes, talk to an attorney about a modification", and not "no chance in hell - save yourself the legal fees."

Anyway, thank you - and everyone else - for weighing in.

 

[partiallypeeved]

You contradict yourself. YOU know you have no say but you want to know if you are wasting your time filing a new petition. Remove the "we". Mom should file a new petition.

Argumentative, Your Honor.

I know that I have no legal say in the matter. But believe me, if Mom chooses to pursue a modification or if Mom chooses to stay the course, we will be in this together.

I love my wife and I love my step-daughter and I want them to be happy. The fact that Dad chooses to leave his daughter at Grandma's house rather than include her with his "new family" is making my wife and step-daughter unhappy. That problem gets solved either by Dad stepping up and at least letting his daughter spend the night at the same house that he does, or it gets solved by changing the placement schedule. Or it doesn't get solved at all. One way or the other, I will be there to help, to support, and to love my wife and step-daughter because we are a family.

 

[Mariposa]

Unfortunately you cannot make Fred spend time with Pebbles.

It is possible to some extent. In the agreement between my ex and I, it's explicitly stated that the parent be with the child for his/her parenting time. In other words, I can't spend my weekends with the children at work and them at grandma's. He cannot go to work during the week when he has the children... at least not until they are in school all day. I'm not sure what they would do to enforce it if he were to get a weekday job though. Most parents work to some extent, so it's a weird stipulation but there it is.

This was his idea and plan during the court case and he got his wish. He's not thrilled with it now because he can't work more and money's now tight, and I can only do so much myself.

Every weekend can work at that distance, but it's not easy. I moved 200 miles away and travel every week. The only time it's a problem is in bad weather and putting gas in the car hurts a bit, but it's for the kids.

 

[Isis1]

Argumentative, Your Honor.

I know that I have no legal say in the matter. But believe me, if Mom chooses to pursue a modification or if Mom chooses to stay the course, we will be in this together.

I love my wife and I love my step-daughter and I want them to be happy. The fact that Dad chooses to leave his daughter at Grandma's house rather than include her with his "new family" is making my wife and step-daughter unhappy. That problem gets solved either by Dad stepping up and at least letting his daughter spend the night at the same house that he does, or it gets solved by changing the placement schedule. Or it doesn't get solved at all. One way or the other, I will be there to help, to support, and to love my wife and step-daughter because we are a family.

what OG is getting at, is to remove the "we's" out of your vocabulary entirely. your emotional family is immaterial in court. this is a legal board and the legal family is mom, dad. and child.

 

[partiallypeeved]

what OG is getting at, is to remove the "we's" out of your vocabulary entirely. your emotional family is immaterial in court. this is a legal board and the legal family is mom, dad. and child.

I get that. However, consider my statement:

"...or if we're wasting our mental energy considering filing a new petition."​

Last time I checked, the U.S. Courts do not have jurisdiction over the usage of mental energy by individuals. I'm pretty sure that my wife's use of mental energy - whether she's considering things, contemplating things, or just humming songs to herself in her head - is both inadmissable and irrelevant in a child placement hearing.

That is, of course, unless the respondant counter-petitions with a claim that Mom is an unfit parent by reason of insanity. In that case, using mental energy to hum songs to herself may work against Mom.