Swapping Weekends for Hurricane Gustav Evacuation

[nythng4mygrl]

Ginny J, Thanks for the backup by the way. I guess unless you have lived through these expreriences you will never know what it is like.

 

[CourtClerk]

Okay CC - you have earthquakes. We have wind storms that can cause us not to have a home to come back to. Depending on where dad is, it might behoove him to evacuate also. If you haven't lived thru the panic of NOT being able to contact family members cuz of a hurricane, then, it is hard to explain.

Nope, I get that too. I've got family all over both Florida and Puerto Rico... hurricanes everywhere, I've been caught in a few. My mom was caught in Andrew visiting family. I get it... believe me, I get it. I couldn't reach her either. We don't have hurricanes in California, but I do travel you know... us Californians have an ability to hop on a plane every once in a while.

Seems to me that 'evacuation plans' need to be added to court orders to.

Nowadays, seems like CO's need to be 200 pages long with a contingency for EVERYTHING under the sun with some parents. Dad here is stuck between his "ever so interfering wife" and his "overbearing AND controlling" ex. You can't win for losing.

 

[nythng4mygrl]

I don't see myself overbearing and controlling, but it is what it is. Wife is ordered not to contact me whatsoever, and continues to TRY to make decisions with me about my daughter. She tries to contact school, medical offices, and psychiatrist on dad's behalf. She even showed up at the school demanding to speak with the principal, and he ended up throwing her out of the office and told her to have dad show up alone when he is ready to talk. (Who is overbearing and controlling?) She is ordered not to do that either. I hardly think I am overbearing and controlling with what I have to deal with on a daily basis.

Dad has access to all of that himself. Dad doesn't show up to any extra-curricular activities, school functions, or call to check on her. He has never been to hospital when she had RSV, or even made 1 doctor visit. He only talks to her on his weekends, when it is his weekends. I can't force him to contact me or my daughter, so it is what it is.

 

[wileybunch]

The reason I copied my attorney is because for the last 2 or 2 and half weeks, dad has avoided me completely and will not return our daughter's calls either.

Is there something from 2-2.5 weeks ago he NEEDS to respond to you about? And, since when do you need to contact an attorney if Dad doesn't return a child's call? Why do you want to poke the bear? You come across as wanting attention and when Dad doesn't give it, you up the ante.

So he is gonna be pissy with me because I won't email him my issues with his interfering wife, etc....?? That is still no reason to ignore me when I am trying to communicate about our girl.

Well, he can ignore you and you are pissy that he won't use email so I guess you're even in that regard. Men often don't get caught up or thrive on the same level of drama or whatever that women do. He should respond about the hurricane sitch, but we don't know what was said or how. But, the reality is you do not NEED his permission to evacuate when it's been ordered or strongly recommended. When have people been told they should be out of there *by*?

It is not about control, it is about safety. I don't know if you were involved in Katrina, but I had 7 trees crush my home and destroyed it. We did not have power for 2 months, and the closest grocery around was Chilis restaurant or we could drive an hour and a half away to the Super Wal Mart. We were unable to communicate with anyone for over 2 weeks because the cell towers were down. Not having communication with my daughter for that long will worry me about her safety.

*sigh* Well, I would be worried spitless if my kids weren't with me, too, but that doesn't mean I can violate an order and make myself the #1 parent that calls all the shots b/c I would feel better having my kids w/me. You live in hurricane country. Use the time of the year when it's NOT hurricane season to develop an emergency plan together WITH your daughter's father. And, yes, that CAN be done by email. You two obviously have some dynamics going on where he'd prefer as little contact with you as possible so don't give up easily if he's slow to respond to your emergency planning attempts (this is once you're out of the current emergency situation and have time to devote to putting a plan together). Ultimately if you try to work with him and he's not interested, you can propose the plan you will go with so at least he knows what to expect from you and then hopefully he follows suit at some point and fills you in on how he plans to handle the next emergency.

Maybe if he would be a man, grow some kahunas, put a muzzle on his wife, and call me, we could figure out what each one of us is doing.

You are way too focused on his wife. If he wants to avoid you, that's his choice. If he does it to the point of being in contempt, that's his choice, too. You need to quit being overbearing and dictating if or how big his balls are, for pete's sake. Did you used to boss him around so assume the new wife is the same way? You need to let.it.go.

I don't even know if he wants to get our daughter this weekend. My life revolves around when he wants her.

You are not central to everything that goes on. This isn't all about you. When the other parent doesn't want the child for every visitation, count yourself lucky you get more time with the child, don't make yourself out to be a martyr. Assume he wants the child as you have no choice but to follow the court order, emergencies excepted, of course.

 

[wileybunch]

Wife his ordered not to contact me whatsoever, and continues to TRY to make decisions with me about my daughter. She tries to contact school, medical offices, and psychiatrist on dad's behalf. (Who is overbearing and controlling?) She is ordered not to do that either.

So you've filed for contempt of the order?

Dad doesn't show up to any extra-curricular activities, school functions, or call to check on her. He has never been to hospital when she had RSV, or even made 1 doctor visit. He only talks to her on his weekends, when it is his weekends. He is what I like to call sperm donor, and I know I chose to lay with him, yadayadayada, but we were very happy at one time. I can't force him to contact me or my daughter, so it is what it is.

That is absolutely outrageous. He does have contact with his DD. He does see his DD. He probably also pays child support? How dare you be so immature to call him a sperm donor. As is said around these parts, congratulations on craptastic co-parenting. Even if he frustrates the hell out of YOU and doesn't exercise all of his visitation, you need to keep your many derogatory opinions to yourself and stop even going there in your thinking. It obviously affects your motivations and interactions (and I won't ASSUME anything, but I'm sure this sentiment has rubbed off on the poor child).

 

[Humusluvr]

He is what I like to call sperm donor, and I know I chose to lay with him, yadayadayada, but we were very happy at one time. I can't force him to contact me or my daughter, so it is what it is.

Maybe the reason he doesn't want to communicate in person with you is because YOU ARE a condescending, controlling person. Maybe he only wants emails is because you call names like this.

Get over yourself.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

He is what I like to call sperm donor, and I know I chose to lay with him, yadayadayada, but we were very happy at one time. I can't force him to contact me or my daughter, so it is what it is.

I was willing to defend until this post. Your attitude is showing - might be why dad is avoiding contact.

One immature act does not justify another immature act.

You can make it an all-about-me party here, or you can send an email:

Dear X,

In light of Hurricane Gustav, we will be evacuating to _____________________. I will be staying at ______________________. We can be reached at this number: xxx-xxx-xxxx.

Sincerely,
Me

No drama.

 

[nythng4mygrl]

Wileybunch, to respond to your issues. Dad and I have been getting along extremely well for last year until 2 weeks ago. The wife sent me an email that I did not like about my daughter and an incident that happened while under her care and I asked her not to email me anymore. I texted dad and told him that I don't want to deal with her drama, and she is NOT should not be my concern our daughter is, that I wanted to talk to him about his wife hitting our daughter. He never responded. I left him a voicemail to address my concerns where his wife is involved with our daughter and myself. I only called him twice in the last two weeks because I already told him that i would not email my issues. You act like I call fifty times a day every day.

I do have problems with wife, and so does the judge and my attorneys, which is why she is ordered NOT TO CONTACT ME and not to be alone with daughter because of past issues with her 11 year old son beating on her. There is way more to this story, but I did not want to drag out EVERYTHING. The reason I copied my attorney is because he is in the midst of bringing dad back to court for contempt. Those false accusations dad made about grandpa are coming out, along with wife calling and harrassing me, as well as contact medical providers, smoking around girl, failing 2 drugscreens and no-showing for what turns out to be 14, now this woman thinks she can hit my child and get away with it?

I only had hurricane question and got my answers, so I will stop defending myself, because I am only getting worked up with wife again.

Thank you all for your advice.

 

[nythng4mygrl]

I apologize for my sperm donor comment, and removed it. I acted wrong in the heat of the moment. I do apologize.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Which helped enforce why communication by email or snail mail is sometimes best. You can never retract what you say, "in the heat of the moment." But, you can use the 24-48 hour rule before you press SEND.

 

[nythng4mygrl]

Thank you Ginny J, also his email address is actually the wife's, and the cell phone is in her name too. It really is frustrating to have to go through her to speak to dad. That's all. I didn't mean my remarks.

 

[Humusluvr]

Thank you Ginny J, also his email address is actually the wife's, and the cell phone is in her name too. It really is frustrating to have to go through her to speak to dad. That's all. I didn't mean my remarks.

Thank you for fixing it. I hate that "name calling," especially because he DOES participate in raising the child.

I think you should email him to the address he provided. If the wife sends you junk back, then save it for use in your contempt motion.

And make your emails COMPLETELY factual, not opinions or rants about newwife. Only discuss your daughter.

 

[CourtClerk]

also his email address is actually the wife's, and the cell phone is in her name too.

SO WHAT!!!! It's his business... that of his and his wife's whose name the phone is in and who owns what email. If he doesn't care, you shouldn't either.

It really is frustrating to have to go through her to speak to dad. That's all. I didn't mean my remarks.

I don't want to surprise you, but dad doesn't want to speak to you. For whatever reason, he doesn't want to speak to you.

And if you respond to him in the "heat of the moment" like you did here, I can see why - and it's best that he doesn't speak to you. If I were him, I'd let you hang yourself via email also. As for his no-shows for visitation, there is no contempt there, because he isn't bound to show up at ALL for visitation. It's a right, not an obligation. The other issues, maybe.

 

[>Charlotte<]

I have another issue involving my ex and his ever so interfering wife.
his wife has emailed me on his behalf
I don't want to email him so that his wife can retrieve the messages
I want to talk about it in person so his wife does not interfere.
Several of my issues pertain to his wife
she does not need to interfere anymore than she already has.
I won't email him my issues with his interfering wife, etc
put a muzzle on his wife
Wife is ordered not to contact me whatsoever
(Wife) tries to contact school, medical offices, and psychiatrist
(Wife) showed up at the school
The wife sent me an email that I did not like
I asked her not to email me anymore.
I don't want to deal with her drama
I wanted to talk to him about his wife hitting our daughter
I left him a voicemail to address my concerns where his wife is involved
I do have problems with wife
She is ordered NOT TO CONTACT ME
wife calling and harrassing me
I am only getting worked up with wife again

she is NOT my concern

But you do seem extremely preoccupied with her.

 

[nythng4mygrl]

Clt747, I see your point, but also you need to see that I do not attempt to communicate with her. She wants to be the decision maker where me and dad are concerned, and it seems that she is overly-involved with me. I always make it about my daughter, and I always prevail in court. The judge sees her and how she speaks for dad, and half of the time she gets thrown out of court. He needs to ask her to step back and let him raise our daughter. He allows her to overstep her boundaries, and this causes lots of friction between all 3 of us. We have been getting along excellent for the last year, because he and I were dealing with each other one on one and not through emails.

I just got off of the phone with his mother and learned that he has been offshore for the last 2 weeks. He is on his way back in, which is why he has not called me. Just goes to show that all of these emails did not come from him, but from the wife. That is what I am talking about with her interfering. He says not problem with swapping weekends, and will call me when his helicopter comes in.

SEe everyone, I was NOT fighting with him to begin with, but it was his WIFE all along.

And the tables keep turning.