What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ
I am writing completely in knowledge of the board's hatred of third party posts, and with free admittance that I do not have all the facts of the case. However, a friend is hurting, and we acknowledge that he is truly too lazy to seek out answers on his own, so we'd like to be able to pass on advice.
The couple in question are members of our church. They have two children, ages 6 and 9. The wife has been diagnosed bipolar, and has been hospitalized for swallowing a bottle of pills. Recently, her psychiatrist retired and her new psychiatrist has decided that she suffers from PTSD, not bipolar disorder, and so she has stopped taking her medication. Each time previously that she has stopped her medication, her family life has suffered, and such is the case now.
The family has been in a mess for a long time. They have not made a mortgage payment since last September. For some reason no one understands, there are no foreclosure actions in place, but everyone understands it is a matter of time. He is a Catholic schoolteacher, she works in a real estate office in a clerical role.
They apparently fight regularly. After their arguments, she will go out and spend money frivolously, on herself. She has admitted publicly to this, and will spend $400 on a handbag, or money on clothes, all for herself.
Their home is a sty, frankly. There is a path from the front door to the other rooms, and that is the only clear space. Dad will not allow the children to have their friends in the house because of the disorder. When mom was in the hospital for the pills, the church ladies went over to clean and did 27 loads of laundry. The mess has re-established itself since that time.
Approximately two weeks ago, she had an argument with her husband, and she wanted to go out - not leave him, just go out. She had been screaming, crying, etc., and he told her that he didn't think that she should be driving. He took her keys, and went to her purse, removing her wallet so as to remove their debit card. She jumped on his back to stop him from doing this and beat on his back. She called the police, who came and made out a police report, stating such. The next day, she obtained a TRO on the basis of this incident and took the children out of the home.
He went to some sort of expedited hearing the next business day, and it was established that he could have a supervised visitation with his children on Saturday. This visitation did not happen because her lawyer was on vacation and unavailable to his lawyer. During that week, she crashed her car, causing an overnight hospital stay. She also called an ambulance twice, once for heart palpitations and a second time for pain in her knee.
Two days after going to the hospital for her knee, she went to the police and swore out a criminal complaint for assault against her husband, claiming that her knee was injured during the taking of her money. He went to court on his own, paid a bail, and was released.
During this time, she has sent the children to stay overnight with various church members, and most recently, her husband's parents. When one of the church members went to the family home to help clean, the church member asked whether she could have the kids call the husband. Mom said, "Well, if you want to use your own phone for that, go ahead." The woman did, the children spoke to dad. After the conversation was over, mom said, now get the f*** out of my house. If you're not going to stand on my side, get out." Last night, when the children were with the paternal grandparents, they asked her whether the kids could talk to dad on the phone, and her response was, "If you must." So they did.
The day after the assault charge, the children were brought to the church, with mom's permission, by a church member. Neither mom nor dad were present. Apparently, the tro includes the children, so dad stayed away. The church member took the children back to her home for mom to pick them up. The church member lives around the corner from the building. Someone called dad when the children left so that he could attend a men's planning committee meeting and a prayer meeting. Mom drove by the church with the kids, saw dad's car, and brought the kids back into the church, and demanded to enter the men's meeting. She saw her husband, hollered, "Get him the he** out of here!" and then proceeded to threaten my husband with charges and a restraining order, and screamed that she was done with the church and that her children were done with the church.
The pastor called the police after the incident. The officer had been flagged down by mom on his way to the call, so he had heard her side. He told her that she couldn't get dad in trouble with the restraining order when she went to places that he was, and that he was allowed to go to his church.
The children have reported, on their own, to various church members, that their mom is filing for bankruptcy so that they can keep the house, and that mom is filing things with the police so that they don't have to see dad. The daughter also reported that mom said that now that dad is not living there, they can have friends over. Daughter recently called one of her friends a "selfish bitch", which is not usual talk for a church family.
Their cell phones (their only phones) have been disconnected due to non-payment. They only had $108 in their joint account at the time she left, and he took $103 of it. She cancelled his car insurance. They clearly have no money, so it's all really a moot point.
They are both employed, as I said. She has not been going to work, been calling out, so much so that as of Sept. 1, her employer designated her to part-time status, so she lost her insurance.
Do you have any advice for the husband as to what he can do regarding this situation and his kids? I know that there are two sides to all stories, but as one of our elders said, he is really too lazy to actually hit his wife... he has seen warning signs for soooo long, and done nothing, he has been content not to pay his mortgage, because some financial advisor told him not to, but he hasn't been saving the money. His wife buys things, on their joint cards, and it doesn't occur to him to take them back to the store - he doesn't want to work, and I'm sure advice will fall on deaf ears, but I'd like to be able to advise him to soothe my heart.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
I am writing completely in knowledge of the board's hatred of third party posts, and with free admittance that I do not have all the facts of the case. However, a friend is hurting, and we acknowledge that he is truly too lazy to seek out answers on his own, so we'd like to be able to pass on advice.
The couple in question are members of our church. They have two children, ages 6 and 9. The wife has been diagnosed bipolar, and has been hospitalized for swallowing a bottle of pills. Recently, her psychiatrist retired and her new psychiatrist has decided that she suffers from PTSD, not bipolar disorder, and so she has stopped taking her medication. Each time previously that she has stopped her medication, her family life has suffered, and such is the case now.
The family has been in a mess for a long time. They have not made a mortgage payment since last September. For some reason no one understands, there are no foreclosure actions in place, but everyone understands it is a matter of time. He is a Catholic schoolteacher, she works in a real estate office in a clerical role.
They apparently fight regularly. After their arguments, she will go out and spend money frivolously, on herself. She has admitted publicly to this, and will spend $400 on a handbag, or money on clothes, all for herself.
Their home is a sty, frankly. There is a path from the front door to the other rooms, and that is the only clear space. Dad will not allow the children to have their friends in the house because of the disorder. When mom was in the hospital for the pills, the church ladies went over to clean and did 27 loads of laundry. The mess has re-established itself since that time.
Approximately two weeks ago, she had an argument with her husband, and she wanted to go out - not leave him, just go out. She had been screaming, crying, etc., and he told her that he didn't think that she should be driving. He took her keys, and went to her purse, removing her wallet so as to remove their debit card. She jumped on his back to stop him from doing this and beat on his back. She called the police, who came and made out a police report, stating such. The next day, she obtained a TRO on the basis of this incident and took the children out of the home.
He went to some sort of expedited hearing the next business day, and it was established that he could have a supervised visitation with his children on Saturday. This visitation did not happen because her lawyer was on vacation and unavailable to his lawyer. During that week, she crashed her car, causing an overnight hospital stay. She also called an ambulance twice, once for heart palpitations and a second time for pain in her knee.
Two days after going to the hospital for her knee, she went to the police and swore out a criminal complaint for assault against her husband, claiming that her knee was injured during the taking of her money. He went to court on his own, paid a bail, and was released.
During this time, she has sent the children to stay overnight with various church members, and most recently, her husband's parents. When one of the church members went to the family home to help clean, the church member asked whether she could have the kids call the husband. Mom said, "Well, if you want to use your own phone for that, go ahead." The woman did, the children spoke to dad. After the conversation was over, mom said, now get the f*** out of my house. If you're not going to stand on my side, get out." Last night, when the children were with the paternal grandparents, they asked her whether the kids could talk to dad on the phone, and her response was, "If you must." So they did.
The day after the assault charge, the children were brought to the church, with mom's permission, by a church member. Neither mom nor dad were present. Apparently, the tro includes the children, so dad stayed away. The church member took the children back to her home for mom to pick them up. The church member lives around the corner from the building. Someone called dad when the children left so that he could attend a men's planning committee meeting and a prayer meeting. Mom drove by the church with the kids, saw dad's car, and brought the kids back into the church, and demanded to enter the men's meeting. She saw her husband, hollered, "Get him the he** out of here!" and then proceeded to threaten my husband with charges and a restraining order, and screamed that she was done with the church and that her children were done with the church.
The pastor called the police after the incident. The officer had been flagged down by mom on his way to the call, so he had heard her side. He told her that she couldn't get dad in trouble with the restraining order when she went to places that he was, and that he was allowed to go to his church.
The children have reported, on their own, to various church members, that their mom is filing for bankruptcy so that they can keep the house, and that mom is filing things with the police so that they don't have to see dad. The daughter also reported that mom said that now that dad is not living there, they can have friends over. Daughter recently called one of her friends a "selfish bitch", which is not usual talk for a church family.
Their cell phones (their only phones) have been disconnected due to non-payment. They only had $108 in their joint account at the time she left, and he took $103 of it. She cancelled his car insurance. They clearly have no money, so it's all really a moot point.
They are both employed, as I said. She has not been going to work, been calling out, so much so that as of Sept. 1, her employer designated her to part-time status, so she lost her insurance.
Do you have any advice for the husband as to what he can do regarding this situation and his kids? I know that there are two sides to all stories, but as one of our elders said, he is really too lazy to actually hit his wife... he has seen warning signs for soooo long, and done nothing, he has been content not to pay his mortgage, because some financial advisor told him not to, but he hasn't been saving the money. His wife buys things, on their joint cards, and it doesn't occur to him to take them back to the store - he doesn't want to work, and I'm sure advice will fall on deaf ears, but I'd like to be able to advise him to soothe my heart.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
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