Violent Housemate

[Brumby]

California.

I have recently moved to the USA to be with my fiance. The problem is.. he shares a house with his ex girlfriend due to the lease not being up.

She refuses to accept their relationship is over, is a diabetic who constantly overdoses on sugar, and just 'goes off', hitting him, abusing me, threatening to smash his personal belongings, threatens to assault myself. She often will drink then drive off in the car.. threaten suicide or threaten to call the Police on us for 'being in the house'. These fights go on for hours at a time and nothing can be said to calm her or to get her to talk rationally.

It gets to to the point where we are too scared to sleep incase she starts smashing things or us in our sleep.

I am a Legal Assistant from another country so am not altogether aware of the Laws in California on whether to call the Police when she is having an 'episode' and request they commit her. My previous experience in calling Police in a similar situation in another Country did not help... the Police were not prepared to get involved in a 'family situation' and would rather have me pack my bags and leave my home even though I was the victim of the verbal attacks.

Any advice would be appreciated

 

[Ohiogal]

They won't commit her. Your boyfriend NEEDS to move out as do you. His excuse quite frankly is stupidity. The police should be called when she gets violent and then a restraining order requested. Unless you are a doctor by the way you can't state that this is happening due to her diabetes.

 

[LdiJ]

They won't commit her. Your boyfriend NEEDS to move out as do you. His excuse quite frankly is stupidity. The police should be called when she gets violent and then a restraining order requested. Unless you are a doctor by the way you can't state that this is happening due to her diabetes.

True, but its a logical assumption...because that does happen.

 

[Tallrat]

Diabetes an cause Irritability but not violence. That is another issue. Probably the alcohol. Next time she hit's and throws things do as Ohio gal says, call police, file a restraining order.

 

[CdwJava]

I have recently moved to the USA to be with my fiance. The problem is.. he shares a house with his ex girlfriend due to the lease not being up.

Dumb reason to remain in a violent relationship.

She refuses to accept their relationship is over, is a diabetic who constantly overdoses on sugar, and just 'goes off', hitting him, abusing me, threatening to smash his personal belongings, threatens to assault myself.

Then he needs to call the police when he is assaulted or she damages his stuff or yours. If she just threatens to do it, then there is not likely a crime.

It gets to to the point where we are too scared to sleep incase she starts smashing things or us in our sleep.

Sorry, but I just don't buy it. If it were truly so bad, and she were this insane, both of you would be gone and out of there. If this truly IS the case, move out. If your fiance is too dense to move, then you need to get out for your own safety.

I am a Legal Assistant from another country so am not altogether aware of the Laws in California on whether to call the Police when she is having an 'episode' and request they commit her.

The police do not "commit" people. If she is a danger to herself or others, they can take her to see a psychological counselor or doctor who can then recommend commiting her for up to 72 hours if that is necessary. But, this rarely happens, and if her episodes are as the result of anger issues and even diabetic problems, they will not result in such a commission.

Oh, and I have yet to see anyone act like this on a diabetic episode.

And "verbal attacks" are not criminal here.

Time to move out.

Your fiance can seek a restraining order if he has anything to go on. But, if it is his word against hers, no court is likely to grant the order.

- Carl

 

[CourtClerk]

My previous experience in calling Police in a similar situation in another Country did not help...

Why do you keep getting yourself into these situations? Really, you need to be a lot more mindful of the company you keep. Everywhere you go, there is a domestic situation that either directly or indirectly involves you.

 

[Brumby]

Um firstly who says I'm continually in these situations? my reference to a previous call to Police in another Country was due to assisting a friend... was not my personal relationship thank you very much.

Also when one is tied to a lease, they are obliged to pay half the rent until said lease expires or someone else is available to take over that lease. Unfortunately he is tied into his half and departing the premises would effect his credit rating and ability to rent another premise. Let's use our brains here.

No I am not a Doctor, however, I am very familiar with diabetes and those with diabetes who over indulge on sugar and alcohol - it sends them into an irrational spiral.

I appreciate the 'constructive' and 'helpful' advise and will follow up on same on the next occasion.

 

[CdwJava]

Also when one is tied to a lease, they are obliged to pay half the rent until said lease expires or someone else is available to take over that lease. Unfortunately he is tied into his half and departing the premises would effect his credit rating and ability to rent another premise. Let's use our brains here.

Then he is knowingly remaining in a situation which can result in physical harm to him or you. Frankly, I wouldn't care about the money if I was so afraid of someone that I believed I might be assaulted in my sleep!

Of course, YOU are not tied to HIS lease, so at least you can get out for your own safety.

Perhaps he needs to seek a restraining order. Has he tried this? Does he have any proof of these actions so that he can get a judge to sign such an order?

- Carl

 

[Ohiogal]

Also when one is tied to a lease, they are obliged to pay half the rent until said lease expires or someone else is available to take over that lease. Unfortunately he is tied into his half and departing the premises would effect his credit rating and ability to rent another premise. Let's use our brains here.

Really? Why dont you use your brain? A lease does not say that normally. Maybe he has an odd lease. What the lease NORMALLY says is the person on it is responsible for the ENTIRE rent per joint and several liability. He is NOT responsible for half the rent. He is responsible for the ENTIRE rent even if he has a roommate or others on the lease. Marvelous creation that. But staying with a violent roommate is now what is considered smart. Where is YOUR brain in all this? You are NOT on the lease so why are you there? Oh yeah -- because you luuuuuvvvv him and/or you can't work/don't want to work and need to rely on someone (another reason why you aren't the smartest one in the room). Financial independence, dearie. It's important. Get some.

 

[MTHRaye]

OP let's be real. Housemate?? Your "fiance" moves you here from another country to LIVE with him and his very recent ex-girlfriend (NOT simply a "housemate") who he has clearly not broken ties with (if she can't yet accept the fact the relationship is over and they we living together until you showed up) because the lease it not up. And you and her "fiance" don't expect ex GF to be slightly ticked off on a daily basis?

You and your fiance need to get your own place to live. If "fiance" has enough money to be buying you rings and relocating you to another country, he should be able to at least get you a nice studio apartment.

You stated the police would rather have you pack your bags and leave YOUR home. Legally, (you said 1/2 so I assume it is just the 2 of them on the lease) it doesn't sound like you are on the lease/this is YOUR home. If I were your fiances ex GF I would call the police or take it to court to and ask to have you removed. Has anyone contacted the landlord to inform him/her that there is another adult living in the house? Was your name added to the lease making it YOUR home?

 

[ShelBelle]

Wrong answer

It seems as if you all are being a bit harsh to Brumby. She is only looking for sound advice...
I think, if this is still in fact going on, that your boyfriend needs to first contact the police and let them know everything you are saying. Then go to the courthouse and file for a restraining order and tell the clerk it needs to be filed as an emergency motion. There are different statutes for different states, and I am not familiar with your state's laws, but here in Michigan you can get a restraining order the same day you file. Once he has the restraining order, she can no longer reside in the same home, and he can have her removed by the police. It's that simple. If your boyfriend doesn't agree to this, then you need to get rid of him because he is just putting your life in danger, simple as that. He needs to respect you as well as himself. Did she know you were coming home with him? I think the whole thing sounds a bit fishy, myself, but if he is indeed on the up and up and she knew everything before you arrived, then he needs to follow this advice or he should lose you.
Best of luck to you.

 

[CdwJava]

Brumby had been previously advised that her boyfriend should seek a restraining order. Typically, these matters are over exaggerated and the truth is generally something less than what is articulated.

But, a judge might very well issue a temporary order against the woman ... or, he may not. He may issue a "peaceful contact" TRO until the court date rather than order her to move out until that time. Even if a temporary IS issued, there would be a court date some three to four weeks later where both parties could make their case before the court.

- Carl