Chances of the courts to rule changing child's surname to mine (father)

[JWilso8101]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX

My ex-girlfriend just gave birth to our son a couple of days ago. We have been negotiating with lawyers on visitations and child support since she was 6 months pregnant. Now that he is here, my feelings are even stronger than before on being apart of his life. I have never denied he was mine and have always stated that I will do whatever I need to inorder for him to have everything he needs. I have agreed to pay almost $900/month in child support and reluctantly agreed to visitations of 3 days a week for 2 hours each visit ( i wanted much more, but being so young it would be hard on him). We have just finished signing the acknowledgement of paternity, and after begging the mother to at least hyphenate our last names for his on the birth certificate, she decided for him to only have her last name. I signed the papers bitting my lip because of the fact that she just went through a tough labor and I did not want to argue in front of our newborn in the hospital and I am also trying to play "nicey" so things can be easier to negotiate in the future. But this last name thing is really bugging me, especially since I am already limited so much in his life and that I am paying so much in child support, I don't feel that it is fair for me not to have my name attached with his. What are the odds that a judge will favor in my behalf a name change? I have already spoken to my lawyer about this and thinks at least it would be hypenated, and is going to address it in our next round of visitation negotiations, but I would love some more opinions. Thanks. Sorry for the long post, I wanted to make sure I laid most of it out.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX

My ex-girlfriend just gave birth to our son a couple of days ago. We have been negotiating with lawyers on visitations and child support since she was 6 months pregnant. Now that he is here, my feelings are even stronger than before on being apart of his life. I have never denied he was mine and have always stated that I will do whatever I need to inorder for him to have everything he needs. I have agreed to pay almost $900/month in child support and reluctantly agreed to visitations of 3 days a week for 2 hours each visit ( i wanted much more, but being so young it would be hard on him). We have just finished signing the acknowledgement of paternity, and after begging the mother to at least hyphenate our last names for his on the birth certificate, she decided for him to only have her last name. I signed the papers bitting my lip because of the fact that she just went through a tough labor and I did not want to argue in front of our newborn in the hospital and I am also trying to play "nicey" so things can be easier to negotiate in the future. But this last name thing is really bugging me, especially since I am already limited so much in his life and that I am paying so much in child support, I don't feel that it is fair for me not to have my name attached with his. What are the odds that a judge will favor in my behalf a name change? I have already spoken to my lawyer about this and thinks at least it would be hypenated, and is going to address it in our next round of visitation negotiations, but I would love some more opinions. Thanks. Sorry for the long post, I wanted to make sure I laid most of it out.

In general, judges are very fond of hypenated last names, because its a valid compromise. Therefore I agree with your attorney. However, my advice would be to go no further than asking for a hyphenated last name.

I will also give you some other advice. If mom comes to regard you as a friend, a good co-parent and an ally, rather than an enemy, she likely won't make you stick to just the two hours, and might not even mind if you hang around a lot more than that.

 

[acmb05]

In general, judges are very fond of hypenated last names, because its a valid compromise. Therefore I agree with your attorney. However, my advice would be to go no further than asking for a hyphenated last name.

I will also give you some other advice. If mom comes to regard you as a friend, a good co-parent and an ally, rather than an enemy, she likely won't make you stick to just the two hours, and might not even mind if you hang around a lot more than that.

I would not agree to such limited visitation in the beginning without some stipulation that it would gradually increase as the child ages.

 

[qurice]

I will also give you some other advice. If mom comes to regard you as a friend, a good co-parent and an ally, rather than an enemy, she likely won't make you stick to just the two hours, and might not even mind if you hang around a lot more than that.

While this is true, I don't agree that people should be encouraged to NOT exercise their rights for the sake of making nice. If Dad wants to be "nicey" as he called it, that's on him. If taken to court, he would be granted stepped up visitation time without having to kiss Mom's butt in the hopes that she'll let him "hang around" another hour.

If she get's upset that Dad wants to spend time, custody should go to Dad since she clearly doesn't want to encourage the relationship with the other parent.

I also personally think OP should not have signed the AOP without DNA testing. Also, is that amount of CS guideline? Be very careful what you agree to. Situations change, and you may not be able to always afford it, and you'll have a hard time getting it changed. So if it's way over what you should be paying, I'd serously rethink that as well. You can always give her more $$ outside the order, but it would be a gift. But that's just me.

Good luck, and congrats!

 

[LdiJ]

While this is true, I don't agree that people should be encouraged to NOT exercise their rights for the sake of making nice. If Dad wants to be "nicey" as he called it, that's on him. If taken to court, he would be granted stepped up visitation time without having to kiss Mom's butt in the hopes that she'll let him "hang around" another hour.

If she get's upset that Dad wants to spend time, custody should go to Dad since she clearly doesn't want to encourage the relationship with the other parent.

I also personally think OP should not have signed the AOP without DNA testing. Also, is that amount of CS guideline? Be very careful what you agree to. Situations change, and you may not be able to always afford it, and you'll have a hard time getting it changed. So if it's way over what you should be paying, I'd serously rethink that as well. You can always give her more $$ outside the order, but it would be a gift. But that's just me.

Good luck, and congrats!

Three visits a week, with a newborn, is very "standard". That very closely matches my state's guidelines. Of course, my state's guidelines include a very thorough, stepped up plan.

We don't actually know that a stepped up plan won't be put into effect. The child is only a couple of days old, and they haven't even had a court date yet, let alone time to go to mediation.

There is no basis here to state that the mother doesn't want to encourage a relationship with the father. The child is only a couple of DAYS old. Mom hasn't even recovered from the birth yet (that takes a couple of weeks of healing) and dad is already bombarding her with the legalities.

 

[qurice]

There is no basis here to state that the mother doesn't want to encourage a relationship with the father.

Then on the flip side, there is no basis to state that if Dad doesn't ask for anything else, Mom will GIVE him extra time with the child either. Either way, we both are speculating.

The child is only a couple of DAYS old. Mom hasn't even recovered from the birth yet (that takes a couple of weeks of healing) and dad is already bombarding her with the legalities.

Who can blame him? No one wants to miss out on ANY time with their newborn. And Dad's are bombarded with "legalities" as soon as the child is born also, it's called an AOP.

 

[LdiJ]

Who can blame him? No one wants to miss out on ANY time with their newborn. And Dad's are bombarded with "legalities" as soon as the child is born also, it's called an AOP.

Dads don't have to sign the AOP. They don't even have to show up at the hospital at all.

Anyway, that wasn't my point. I have had a child, and I can tell you that if anybody had been bombarding me just a couple of days after the birth, about ANYTHING, I would have told them to take a hike. I know that some women have it easier, but It took me a good two weeks to be physically ok.

 

[qurice]

Dads don't have to sign the AOP. They don't even have to show up at the hospital at all.

In the hospital, there were lots of flyers, pamphlets, and even a VIDEO to watch in room about doing the "right thing" and signing the AOP before leaving the hospital - all sponsored by the OAG.

We hear it all the time. If they don't show up and don't sign, they look like the bad guy. No pressure there!

I agree that Mom needs to physically heal, on the other stuff, I'll just have to agree to disagree

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Since negotiations started when mom was 6 months pregnant, none of the legalities was "new" news. Mom's known what was going to happen.

 

[CJane]

My take...

'Dad' gets no kudos for 'never denying the child is his' nor for signing the AOP w/out a DNA test. Stupid, IMO.

He also gets no Kudos (and neither does Mom) for entering negotiations before there was even a child to negotiate visitation OF.

No kudos given for 'not arguing in front of our newborn' because really? Who cares? Certainly not the kid.

No kudos for 'agreeing' to pay almost $900/month in CS when none of us know how close that is to the guidelines.

And no kudos for being all hung up on whether or not the child has HIS name. Again... who cares?

However. Legally, it's likely the kid will end up with a hypehanted name and instead of arguing in front of the newborn, it can be fought out in court over the course of the next several months, along with everything else and the relationship between the two 'adults' (and I use that term loosely) will deteriorate to the point that arguing in front of the newborn is the least of anyone's concerns.

 

[tuffbrk]

Ditto CJane