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Stop ex-wife from calling police on my relatives

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A simple clause in the orders might solve the problem.

"Both parents are free to allow extended family visitation, including overnight visitation, during their parenting time."
Cool beans. Thanks for your suggestion.

How could I add something for overnight visitation with friends? This has currently not been a problem, as so far those visits have been with friends whose parents are closer to my ex-wife than to me. But this could change in the future, and I don't want my ex-wife reading another "loophole" into the "extended family" part of the sentence. How about:

"Both parents are free to allow occasional overnight visitation with friends of minor child as well."

Thanks again for your help.
 


Isis1

Senior Member
My ex-wife is the chronic, compulsive liar in this mess. I wouldn't want to usurp her role.


Been there, done that. It doesn't work. Ignoring her escapades just makes her think that she got away with it, and so her behavior just escalates next time. Ignore it again, and it will escalate again. This cycle will continue until she reaches the point of visitation denial, which I will never ignore. Now my strategy is to try to short-circuit this cycle before it reaches the point visitation denial.
dearie, some people just make their goal in life to be difficult just for the sake of being difficult. no matter what. you CANNOT CONTROL her. you CANNOT MAKE HER stop anything. she will keep going until she is bored, until she will stop getting a reaction, until she drops dead. and who knows, maybe even then she will find a way to keep bothering you. you do have the control to learn how to emotionally deal with it.
 
Child support calculation

I'm now trying to figure out the Virginia child support calculation. Can anyone explain to me how to count up the number of days my daughter is with me vs. the number of days my daughter is with my wife. I know there is some weird rule for counting overnights that aren't part of 24 hour periods, but I can't get the two numbers to add up to 365 that way.

Thanks!
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I'm now trying to figure out the Virginia child support calculation. Can anyone explain to me how to count up the number of days my daughter is with me vs. the number of days my daughter is with my wife. I know there is some weird rule for counting overnights that aren't part of 24 hour periods, but I can't get the two numbers to add up to 365 that way.

Thanks!
You count overnights, not just 24 hours periods. It all more or less balances out if you simply count overnights.
 
Followup question - pre-trial

If I should put this question in another thread, please let me know.

Anyway, the pre-trial is coming up, and I know one of the things that will be discussed is whether there will be a guardian ad litem.

I just found out that my ex-wife is planning on bringing our daughter to court for the pre-trial, taking her out of school. Is that common? What purpose would it serve to have our daughter appear at the pre-trial? She has never been to any of the other court cases in the past. I've been trying to keep her out of this as much as possible. (Hence the GAL.) She is 15 now, in case that matters.

Thanks in advance for any insights.
 

Bloopy

Senior Member
If I should put this question in another thread, please let me know.

Anyway, the pre-trial is coming up, and I know one of the things that will be discussed is whether there will be a guardian ad litem.

I just found out that my ex-wife is planning on bringing our daughter to court for the pre-trial, taking her out of school. Is that common? What purpose would it serve to have our daughter appear at the pre-trial? She has never been to any of the other court cases in the past. I've been trying to keep her out of this as much as possible. (Hence the GAL.) She is 15 now, in case that matters.

Thanks in advance for any insights.
Sadly, the attempt to bring a child/teen to court is common. Not appropriate at all.

One of the purposes of the GAL is to get a reading from the child without the burden of putting her though going to court.

It’s highly unlikely that the judge would want to talk to your daughter directly with a GAL covering her needs in a less threatening manner.

You have a responsibility to gently remind Mom that bringing Daughter is inappropriate and inform the GAL. Don’t just let it happen so Mom can get “busted” at court.
 
You have a responsibility to gently remind Mom that bringing Daughter is inappropriate and inform the GAL. Don’t just let it happen so Mom can get “busted” at court.
Mom is busted enough with calling the police on the sleepover without me having to worry about busting her more.

However, there is no GAL yet. The (main?) purpose of the pre-trial is to decide whether our daughter will have a GAL for the real trial. I am in favor of having a GAL. I anticipate my ex-wife will be opposed. Would this affect your response regarding our daughter's presence at pre-trial?
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Mom is busted enough with calling the police on the sleepover without me having to worry about busting her more.

However, there is no GAL yet. The (main?) purpose of the pre-trial is to decide whether our daughter will have a GAL for the real trial. I am in favor of having a GAL. I anticipate my ex-wife will be opposed. Would this affect your response regarding our daughter's presence at pre-trial?
YOUR DAUGHTER SHOULD NOT BE AT COURT. At all. NOt unless you want a pissed off judge. And the judge quite frankly would also be pissed at you for knowing mom wanted to do that and letting it happen.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
YOUR DAUGHTER SHOULD NOT BE AT COURT. At all. NOt unless you want a pissed off judge. And the judge quite frankly would also be pissed at you for knowing mom wanted to do that and letting it happen.
I agree that the child should not be at court. However, how could a judge expect him to stop mom from bringing her?
 
YOUR DAUGHTER SHOULD NOT BE AT COURT. At all. NOt unless you want a pissed off judge. And the judge quite frankly would also be pissed at you for knowing mom wanted to do that and letting it happen.
Cool. Thanks for the response. My daughter is stressing out about this a bit, and your response will help me reassure her.

I will make sure an appropriate stink is raised with my ex-wife's lawyer before the pre-trial.
 
I have to ask, was daughter perhaps served? As a resident of VA and going through JDR courts, each time EX served me, the children's names were also on supeona, so I had to bring them also. 99% of the time they sat in waiting area doing school work only 2 times did someone wish to speak to them specifically, once was attornies, once was GAL.
 
I have to ask, was daughter perhaps served? As a resident of VA and going through JDR courts, each time EX served me, the children's names were also on supeona, so I had to bring them also. 99% of the time they sat in waiting area doing school work only 2 times did someone wish to speak to them specifically, once was attornies, once was GAL.
Daughter was perhaps served. Daughter says she was served, but I take everything she says with a grain of salt, as teenagers often get important details incorrect.

Daughter and mother share same first and last name, as well as same middle initial, so there is potential for confusion on that front as well.

Never in the past, for either Show Causes or Motions to Amend that I have filed, has child been brought to court.

Is there someway to tell from my paperwork if daughter was served?
 
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I'm now trying to figure out the Virginia child support calculation. Can anyone explain to me how to count up the number of days my daughter is with me vs. the number of days my daughter is with my wife. I know there is some weird rule for counting overnights that aren't part of 24 hour periods, but I can't get the two numbers to add up to 365 that way.

Thanks!
The Virginia Division of Child Support Enforcement calculator has been created in response to demand from the public. Its intent is educational, and does not guarantee results will accurately predict an actual child support obligation.

A brief explanation of the calculator's features and limitations will gain the user a better understanding of its usefulness. The calculator worksheet has two columns. The first is titled Custodial Parent Information. Place all required information for the Custodial Parent (the parent the children live with) in this column. The second column is for Noncustodial Parent Information. Place all required information for the Noncustodial Parent (the parent that does not live with the children) in this column.

Custody

The calculator assumes a sole custody arrangement only. Sole custody is the most common arrangement in child support cases, and means the child lives with the custodial parent 100 percent of the time. The non-custodial parent may have visitation privileges - allowing a child to spend every other weekend with the noncustodial parent, for example. Legally defined, however, the child lives with the custodial parent 100% of the time.

Shared and split custody arrangements are far more complex. A shared custody arrangement generally occurs when the parents live close to each other geographically. In this instance, a child might spend three days a week with one parent and four days a week with the other, for example. Split custody arrangements occur when there is more than one child. In this instance, one child may live with the father while another child may live with the mother, for example.

Shared and split custody arrangements are usually more complicated, often involve litigation, and generally include many unique variables. For these reasons, they do not lend themselves well to generic calculators because results can vary widely, and can often be affected by variables not included in a calculator.

Virginia Child Support Guideline Lookup

Simply enter the number of children involved and the combined gross income of both parents, and you receive a basic total child support obligation. The lookup is designed to mirror obligation amounts in the child support guideline published in the Code of Virginia. It is the initial step in determining each parent's child support obligation. In this instance, the actual obligation of each parent would be prorated based on each parent's percentage of the total income. All necessary uninsured medical and dental expenses in excess of $250 for any calendar year for each child shall also be prorated based on each parent's percentage of the total income. If a noncustodial parent earns 60% of the total income, for example, they are responsible for 60% of the total obligation published in the guidelinei and will also be responsible for 60% of the necessary uninsured medical/dental expenses in excess of $250 for any calendar year for each child. A variety of factors can, however, dramatically change each parent's child support obligation as initially stated in the guideline.

Using The Calculator

The calculator allows the user to factor in many of the most common variables that can significantly alter the basic obligation published in the guideline. There are generally two types of variables:

Variables that can alter total income (Adjustments to Income):
These can include, but are not limited to:


The gross income of each parent.

Spousal support (alimony).

Other legal dependents (who either live with a parent or who a parent pays child support for).


Variables that can alter a total child support obligation, and the noncustodial parent's share of the total obligation (Adjustments to the Obligation).
These can include, but are not limited to:


Health insurance payments.

Employment-related daycare expenses.

Social security death or disability payments.


The amounts of these items, and who currently pays for or receives them can substantially change one's obligation. The calculator allows you to enter as many or as few variables as you wish. If you leave a field blank, the calculator assumes that variable is not a factor.

Income

The amount of money each parent makes is an important factor determining a child support obligation, but particularly important is how income is defined. Gross income is all income earned before taxes, deductions and expenses are taken out. The Code of Virginia defines gross income as:

"...all income from all sources, and shall include, but not be limited to, income from salaries, wages, commissions, royalties, bonuses, dividends, severance pay, pensions, interest, trust income, annuities, capital gains, social security benefits except as listed below*, workers' compensation benefits, unemployment insurance benefits, disability insurance benefits, veterans' benefits, spousal support, rental income, gifts, prizes or awards." "Gross income" shall not include benefits from public assistance (TANF), Federal Supplemental Security income benefits, or child support."

Essentially, the Code states that if a child is receiving a social security disability insurance benefit on behalf of a parent, the amount of the benefit received by the child is added to the gross income of that parent. In the final calculation of the child support obligation, the parent whose child is receiving the benefit is given credit for the amount of the benefit. For more information, please refer to 20-108.2, section B of the Code of Virginia.

This definition is very large for a generic calculator to capture. The calculator assumes gross income comes largely from sources that are known, predictable and fairly stable: salaries, regular interest or dividend payments, annuity payments, social security payments, pensions, etc. There are other, less predictable sources of income, such as: profits or losses from a business, capital gains or losses, bonuses, commissions, etc. If the parents involved have income from sources that fluctuate widely from year to year, it usually becomes an issue subject to negotiation and litigation, thus becoming a variable the calculator cannot predict. For example, self-employed parents are entitled to deduct reasonable business expenses and half of any taxes they pay from their business income. The more accurate you can estimate both parent's annual average gross income from all sources, the more likely you will calculate a reasonably close estimate of your obligation.

Adjustments to the Obligation

A noncustodial parent's child support obligation is based on the assumption that they are not currently paying for any regular expenses the custodial parent may have. The court, however, usually takes into account expenses currently being paid by the noncustodial parent, and alters a child support obligation accordingly. The calculator allows both the custodial and noncustodial parent to factor in the most common variables---health insurance, employment-related daycare expenses and social security payments---but not others. There is, in fact, no cut-and-dried formula for factoring in other payments a noncustodial parent may make. Such payments might include: mortgage payments, life insurance, home association dues, car payments, education expenses, etc. Only the court can consider these payments, and determine how they might alter a child support obligation.

Accuracy

A variety of factors can change a child support obligation, too many in fact to allow a generic calculator to reliably render a precise amount. Every child support case is unique and brings with it unique variables no calculator can fully capture. In addition, the courts can deviate from the child support guidelines if a case has unusual or extenuating circumstances, which can change the obligation unpredictably. The calculator is meant to provide an estimate of a child support obligation based on one's personal circumstances regarding the most common variables. Please use it with this understanding, and do not depend on its results to predict your actual child support obligation.

(Note: When using this calculator to determine if a change in your child support should occur, keep in mind the difference must be at least 10% plus $25.00 of the current order.)
 

TinkerBelleLuvr

Senior Member
Regarding the X bringing the child to court:

Have someone on standby to take the child home. Explain to the judge that you will be arguing to have a GAL appointed and you do not want to harm your child by making her be in court. Let them know you have someone there to take the child home/school/whatever.

My X tried that too. Didn't work.
 

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