Sticky Situation

[2Mistakes]

Really? Why?

Because I'm thinking the person w**serious issues' is the MARRIED MAN who gets involved with another woman.

This woman wasn't (apparently) risking her entire family for a piece of a**. The married MAN was.

This woman wasn't (apparently) risking bringing home any number of diseases to the spouse that she promised to love, honor and cherish. The married MAN was.

The 'issues' are far more the married man's than the woman's. IMO of course.

I couldn't agree with you more, m'dear. Isn't there an old saying about laying down with dogs and getting up with fleas? Seems fitting to this situation.

 

[CourtClerk]

I think mid-life crisis is a big part of it.

No such thing as a "mid life crisis," only people with serious character flaws that would like to blame anything/everything but themselves and bad decision making.

 

[Ohiogal]

Thanks! She isn't a stable person and I realize she would have to have to serious issues to get involved with a married man in the first place. Once again, I realize that affairs are symptoms of bigger problems. Ironically this pregnancy situation has brought the two of us closer. We are discussing issues within our marriage that led to this...I think mid-life crisis is a big part of it. We will be going to marriage counseling soon - thank you for the suggestion.

How stable is your hubby to be sleeping around with someone other than his wife? I mean that screams serious issues to me right there. Understand -- pot, kettle. The whole thing. Your hubby is NOT a saint.

ETA or I could have just said What CJane wrote -- cosigned.

 

[penelope10]

No such thing as a "mid life crisis," only people with serious character flaws that would like to blame anything/everything but themselves and bad decision making.

You are so right about that---couldn't agree with that statement more.

 

[Gracie3787]

I did contact an attorney and ask about that very thing. I was told in the State of Florida that child support is determined on the amount made by both parents and does not take into consideration the number of children previously being paid child support for. A deduction can be requested; however, that will be determined if we get divorced during the court pocedure.

I want to send you a PM, please unlock your PMs. I may be able to help.

 

[onebreath]

Well, you've heard it out the kazoo, and it smarted with me too....you judge the 'mistress' as being very unstable upon another post that suggests that this mom to be is aware of the instability of her situation and may be acting out....
Your husband is lucky to have you...not that no one makes mistakes. We all do, all the time. This is a hard one. Your husband is more out of bounds than even the woman....as he has so much more at stake. Having an affair, and using no birth control.

I am truly glad this is making you and husband closer, but be careful of doing so at the risk of labeling this woman out there. Thats making her the scapegoat and not making your husband accountable for at least the same behavior. Your already compassionate by loving your husband through this, try some compassion for the blamed scarlet lettered woman who's fault was sleeping with your HUSBAND. And yes, she's pregnant and if she was against abortion, she should be freaking out. Not to excuse her behavior.

Try to be level headed about this. Both her and your husband were at fault, and you will need to come to terms with that, and his lack of carefulness, in couples counseling. For both of your sakes, I hope you will both be honest, stop the blame game, and own up.

 

[stealth2]

Personally speaking, no way would I ever stay with a person who would seriously consider walking away from his/her infant, or one who would advocate I walk away from mine. So I guess you two make a good pair.

Just please - don't procreate any further.

 

[DealingWDrama]

Is SHE married?

No she is not married and has 2 teenage children from a previous relationship.

 

[DealingWDrama]

Personally speaking, no way would I ever stay with a person who would seriously consider walking away from his/her infant, or one who would advocate I walk away from mine. So I guess you two make a good pair.

Just please - don't procreate any further.

Everything is a consideration. I have told him I would lose respect for him if he walked away...he told her he wants to be involved in the child's life it is his...she is the one being a pill...we are a good pair...people make mistakes. Infidelity is a big issue that we will have to heal in our marriage...thanks for being judgemental.

 

[DealingWDrama]

No such thing as a "mid life crisis," only people with serious character flaws that would like to blame anything/everything but themselves and bad decision making.

THere are SEVERAL circumstances regarding the affair and what happened in the past which I will not discuss in a legal forum. I was simply looking for legal advice, not looking for people to judge and criticize. I realize the affair happened and from a marriage stand point, yes - he could have exposed me to any number of diseases ... that is something I am dealing with. I have been tested - all is clear. The issue at hand is that an innocent child is being brought into this world and I wanted advice as to how to handle this situation.

 

[DealingWDrama]

Well, you've heard it out the kazoo, and it smarted with me too....you judge the 'mistress' as being very unstable upon another post that suggests that this mom to be is aware of the instability of her situation and may be acting out....
Your husband is lucky to have you...not that no one makes mistakes. We all do, all the time. This is a hard one. Your husband is more out of bounds than even the woman....as he has so much more at stake. Having an affair, and using no birth control.

I am truly glad this is making you and husband closer, but be careful of doing so at the risk of labeling this woman out there. Thats making her the scapegoat and not making your husband accountable for at least the same behavior. Your already compassionate by loving your husband through this, try some compassion for the blamed scarlet lettered woman who's fault was sleeping with your HUSBAND. And yes, she's pregnant and if she was against abortion, she should be freaking out. Not to excuse her behavior.

Try to be level headed about this. Both her and your husband were at fault, and you will need to come to terms with that, and his lack of carefulness, in couples counseling. For both of your sakes, I hope you will both be honest, stop the blame game, and own up.

Please realize I am not leaving all the blame on her at all...he made the vows and broke them...she willingingly and knowingly chased a married man. I was attending college full time and taking care of our two children...she filled his time instead of sending him home to his wife and he screwed around with another woman - who is NOT stable. I am not passing judgement the woman is literally bipolar...has had issues with drugs in the past (coke and heroine) and was a stripper when she was younger. It's easy to pass judgement and throw blame at people when all the facts are not out there. He was going through a situation in his life and rather than turning to his wife - like he should have done - he turned to another woman. I am not excusing the affair or passing blame solely on her. I told him this is his mess...I and my children and the unborn child are the victims here.

 

[stealth2]

I have told him I would lose respect for him if he walked away...

Yet, in your very first post, you wrote:

I personally feel like I do not want to be involved with this woman for the rest of my life and (I) want my husband to sign away his rights to this child so we do not have to deal with the other woman for the rest of our lives.

So which is it? You'd lose respect for him if he walked away, or you want him to walk away?

he told her he wants to be involved in the child's life it is his...

Yes, I misread that in your original post - it would seem that he, at least, is willing to step up to the plate.

she is the one being a pill...we are a good pair...people make mistakes. Infidelity is a big issue that we will have to heal in our marriage...

Sure, people make mistakes. Like suggesting to a parent that they walk away from their kid.

thanks for being judgemental.

Anytime, when someone tries to screw with a kid.

 

[DealingWDrama]

My personnal opinion is that yes I would love for him to walk away - what WIFE wouldn't want that. I would love the whole thing to not be true, but once again - YES I would like for it to disappear. That isn't going to happen. Call it a character flaw on my part for not wanting to be a step mother to a child that was concieved by my husband with another woman. I'm human...and until anyone walks a mile in my shoes they have no idea what they would think or feel about the situation. It's easy to speculate and pass judgement. If the other woman was acting like an adult about the whole thing, then I would probably not worry or be concerned about spending the next 20 some odd years of my life having to compromise and 'deal' with her, but the fact is she is being AWEFUL!