Not Sure of My Rights...Ex's Girlfriend Kept my daughter from me

[MommyDearest]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

I'm not really sure what, if anything, I can do. I can't get in touch with my attorney until tomorrow and just ooking for some answers to get through the night.

My ex husband's girlfriend has been watching my daughters after school, against my wishes, but I have to wait until our court date to do anything about it. (We're in the middle of a custody fight) She is abusive towards the girls and it is under investigation by our GAL, who is almost ready to order her into counseling.

Today, I went to pick them up after school and in the meantime she had taken my older daughter's cell phone that I pay for, so I could not let her know I was there. I had no choice but to go to the door to get them.

Well my older daughter came to the door and was obviously upset. I asked her where her sister was and she said I DON'T KNOW. She went to look for her and came back to tell me that "Girlfriend" was not letting her come to me. It is my day of parenting time. So I said, "Go get her" I then found out that Girlfriend was holding her in a corner against her will. I yelled into the house to let her go and she told me to leave. So I yelled to give me my kid, several times. She refused and then CALLED the POLICE! I also called them, by this time I was getting VERY UPSET!!!

The police showed up and immediately told me to shut up while I was standing there crying my eyes out. He told me he'd arrest me if I said ANYTHING! I was FINALLY allowed to tell him that this STRANGER has my girl hostage in there and he went in. A few minutes later he walked her out to me and I asked if I could do anything, press charges.. etc. He said, "FOR WHAT?? ARE YOU CRAZY??!" I then got even more hysterical (NEVER DISRESPECTFUL) and said, "She held my daughter HOSTAGE!!" So he said, "You know what I'm arresting you!" With my other daughter there crying by this tome as well! He ended up not arresting me but told me I'd be smart to get my ass in the car and leave.

I am so beside myself! How can this crazy woman hold my 8 year old hostage for NO REASON and have NO consequences? And this cop is insane! I am so upset that this could happen to a mother and I get treated this way! I am so upset, I don't know what I can do.

I am planning on going to file a protective order for the girls in the morning unless my attorney says I shouldn't. We were going to do this a little while back but we didn't have concrete evidence that there was any true threat. Well isn't this it? Shouldn't I be able to file charges for what she did? And about this ******* cop, can I file a complaint against him? Are we allowed to kidnap these days and then just give the kid up and walk away free?

I'd appreciate any words of advice. I just want to be able to sleep tonight and I am still so enraged.

 

[TheGeekess]

Cops don't get involved in civil matters. So, PO was well within the scope of his powers.

I know it's too late this time, but you need to keep your custody/visitation papers with you, in the car, your purse, scanned into PDF format and stored on your PPC/cell phone/PDA. When you go to pick up DDs, but are denied, you need to stay calm. Police Officers don't like dealing with hysteria and/or possible Domestic Violence. Makes them nervous/hyper-vigilant, because they can never tell which way the situation is going to go.

GF may have told PO that they were her daughters. (This is merely conjecture on my part.) If she had, and you had been able to have presented your custody/visitation paperwork and acted in a calm and rational manner, the PO might have taken it upon himself to help you by persuading GF to let the girls go.

 

[Bloopy]

I am so beside myself! How can this crazy woman hold my 8-year-old hostage for NO REASON and have NO consequences? And this cop is insane! I am so upset that this could happen to a mother and I get treated this way! I am so upset, I don't know what I can do.

Frankly, you handled the situation poorly. Yelling hysterically on someone else’s property and continuing to be hysterical in front of police does not bode well for you.

When dealing with police or anyone making a judgment call, She who can act rationally will prevail.

I had no choice but to go to the (girlfriend's) door to get them.

I yelled into the house to let her go and she told me to leave.

So I yelled to give me my kid, several times.

She CALLED the POLICE! I also called them, by this time I was getting VERY UPSET!!!

The police showed up and told me to shut up

I was standing there crying my eyes out.

He told me he'd arrest me if I said ANYTHING!

I asked if I could do anything, press charges.. etc. He said, "FOR WHAT?? ARE YOU CRAZY??!"

I then got even more hysterical

"She held my daughter HOSTAGE!!"

Absolutely, she has no rights to your children. She should not interfere with your visitation. There can be consequences for her and contempt charges for Dad. This is barring a restraining order being in place against you (before the incident).

You gave the police nothing to work with. They cannot really enforce a civil order and you were behaving like a mad woman.

 

[MommyDearest]

Well thanks for the reply. All I was doing is crying really which was well within my rights as a mother. If explaining the situation warrants arrest then so be it I suppose. The girlfriend is a nut job and it is being investigated. I was ONLY on the property to pick up my children which was expected and a normal occurence. I didn't enter the residence, I merely rang the doorbell and voiced my requests through the open door.

As for the rest, we're filing an Emergency Custody petition today per the GAL. This isn't the first outrageous act she's committed with my children but it will be the last.

There is also a complaint in the making against the officer. He was wrong. You can't treat a mother this way when her childs safety is in question.

 

[LdiJ]

Well thanks for the reply. All I was doing is crying really which was well within my rights as a mother. If explaining the situation warrants arrest then so be it I suppose. The girlfriend is a nut job and it is being investigated. I was ONLY on the property to pick up my children which was expected and a normal occurence. I didn't enter the residence, I merely rang the doorbell and voiced my requests through the open door.

As for the rest, we're filing an Emergency Custody petition today per the GAL. This isn't the first outrageous act she's committed with my children but it will be the last.

There is also a complaint in the making against the officer. He was wrong. You can't treat a mother this way when her childs safety is in question.

I think that what the cop was trying to do was to scare you into behaving more rationally.

If you had not yelled into the house, but calmly called the police, stating that you were there to pick up your children and that the girlfriend was physically preventing one of them from leaving the house, that the situation would have been very different. The girlfriend might very well have been arrested.

 

[wileybunch]

Today, I went to pick them up after school and in the meantime she had taken my older daughter's cell phone that I pay for, so I could not let her know I was there. I had no choice but to go to the door to get them.

Actually, you most likely DID have choices.

Let's start with what does the CO for custody/visitation say about pick up/drop off? Where is it supposed to be done, when, who does it? Where was Dad during all of this? Did you contact him? Dad is a party to your CO (assuming you have one), not GF. Parties need to be where the designated drop off/pick up location is at the time they are supposed to be there and if that doesn't happen, contact Dad and if Dad isn't going to produce children, pursue contempt (again assuming there is a CO). At no time should you be confronting GF.

 

[cyjeff]

Especially in front of the children.

Make sure you log this, however.

 

[MommyDearest]

Actually, you most likely DID have choices.

Let's start with what does the CO for custody/visitation say about pick up/drop off? Where is it supposed to be done, when, who does it? Where was Dad during all of this? Did you contact him? Dad is a party to your CO (assuming you have one), not GF. Parties need to be where the designated drop off/pick up location is at the time they are supposed to be there and if that doesn't happen, contact Dad and if Dad isn't going to produce children, pursue contempt (again assuming there is a CO). At no time should you be confronting GF.

The CO doesn't provide for specifics on pick up/drop off, it only details the days in which we have them. As I stated, I normally do pick them up there because they go there after school. Ex husband won't pay for child care which IS ordered by the court, he chooses to have GF watch them. Another issue that has to be handled.

I called Dad repeatedly, he wouldn't answer as he never does. I left several voicemails while waiting for the police. He never called back, never showed up and still hasn't tried to contact me.

So when Girlfriend confiscated my daughters cell phone I had absolutely no other way to let the kids know I was there. Girlfriend won't give me her phone number (she is a nut case) so my only choice WAS to go to the door.

She's a nut job, Ex husband is a nut job. The police have come to this same conclusion as well as the GAL and she is the neutral party.


Thanks again. It does give me a little insight on why people may have reacted the way they did.
Oh well, right now I just have to wait for the newest petitions to go through court and hopefully i can remove my girls from this madness.

 

[wileybunch]

I'm not saying she's not a nutjob, but it seems like the police were taking her side over yours from your account.

You should not ever confront or start an argument during pick up/drop off. You cannot physically force someone to turn the child over to you w/o risking committing a crime yourself or other issues with custody/visitation. Don't cause a scene like that again, don't put one child in the position of playing tug of war to pull other child away from GF, etc. If they are both nutjobs, you should be able to better handle them. If you are denied your parenting time, you deal with it in the court.

 

[MommyDearest]

Yes, they were originally. I later talked to the officers again and they got the true facts of the situation, along with copies of court petitions and have apologized/changed their attitude considerably. Sheesh.

I now know I handled the situation wrong but at the time, and knowing how GF treats my kids, I just couldn't walk away without my girl. Emotion won over logic, but I see now what do do if anything else happens.

I'll be soooo relieved when this is over, it's taking a serious toll on me.

 

[cyjeff]

Next time she refuses to give you your child, calmly walk out of the house and sit down in your car.

From the street, dial 911. When the police arrive, present them with your custody papers and ask them to help you retrieve your child.

The more often this action is forced, the better you will look in court.

 

[MommyDearest]

The more often this action is forced, the better you will look in court.

Well , now after talks between the attorneys and the GAL, they have persuaded me to hold off on the Temp Custody Petition unless there is any other incident. Apparently I will appear hasty if I go through with it and it could end up hurting the outcome of the case (Filing for Full Legal and Physical). I really don't agree. I don't feel the kids are truly safe there and they have begged me to just keep them. I have a wonderful attorney though and she thinks I will be better off waiting, so i do what she says.

The GAL has requested an additional meeting tomorrow with the girls though so she has to have something on her mind.

Uggh... December can't come soon enough!