Advice Needed

[TheNJBen]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New Jersey

Hello,

Hopefully I can find some advice. I am the boyfriend of someone who is going through some post-divorce custody issues where now her ex-husband has now told her that he is going to file for full custody (they now have shared parenting with her as primary residence). His grounds are that he is newly married and living in their own home where the children (boy 8, girl 5) have their own rooms and she still lives with her parents where they share a room. Actually this has everything to do with him maintaining complete control and paying less money than anything else.

His mother works for a bloodthirsty lawyer who does all his legal work completely free. She has limited resources and has so far been stuck with legal aids who are not equipped to deal with his lawyer's aggressiveness and nastiness.

His last threatening letter first of all said that as of that moment she is no longer allowed to take the children to the dentist (yet he has yet to take care of his daughter's cavities and even though the latest ruling directs here to take them to the dentist). He said that she can no longer ask me about doctors regarding physicians (I work for a hospital that includes one of the best children's hospitals in the country and I have connections to get them priority appointments with the best physicians). It threatens here with psych evaluations. And it ends with "YOU ARE NOT IN CONTROL AND NEVER EVER EVER EVER WILL BE!!" (Emphasis his and yes it was written just like that).

The 5-year old girl had UTI issues that were exasperated by him giving her bubble baths despite constant warning by the doctor that it was worsening her conditions and the 8-year old boy was just diagnosed with asthma and he is not giving him his medication or treatments during their time together and his new wife continues to smoke in the house with him there (her own son has asthma for 13 years and she never quit for him either).

Here are my questions: WOuld it be better to pre-empt his filing and have her file for full custody based on what I said above? And are the medical neglect issues rising to the level of actual child neglect as being as through I work for a hospital I full under my state's mandatory reporting law and can face criminal charges myself if I do not report when I should.

Thanks for any help!
Ben

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New Jersey
Hello,
Hopefully I can find some advice. I am the boyfriend of someone who is going through some post-divorce custody issues where now her ex-husband has now told her that he is going to file for full custody (they now have shared parenting with her as primary residence).

Not really.

Your name is not on their court order/s.

 

[seniorjudge]

What is the date of the judgment in the lawsuit?

 

[Silverplum]

Actually this has everything to do with him maintaining complete control and paying less money than anything else.

His mother works for a bloodthirsty lawyer who does all his legal work completely free. She has limited resources and has so far been stuck with legal aids who are not equipped to deal with his lawyer's aggressiveness and nastiness.

I did, however, find those two snippets amusing. So thanks for that.

 

[seniorjudge]

I did, however, find those two snippets amusing. So thanks for that.

I am a bloodthirsty lawyer.

 

[mommyof4]

I am a bloodthirsty lawyer.

Well, yes...but now you hide your true nature so much better under those long black robes.

What DO you wear under those robes, anyway?

 

[seniorjudge]

Well, yes...but now you hide your true nature so much better under those long black robes.

What DO you wear under those robes, anyway?

Robe?

The people around here think I'm uppity for wearing shoes!

 

[Silverplum]

I am a bloodthirsty lawyer.

And people think *I* am scary!

 

[Isis1]

if OP is a state mandated reporter, why isn't he reporting?

how on earth do you listen to someone when they say "don't take them to the dentist" why didn't she do it anyway? what's going to happen if she properly provides for her children? i'm confused by that logic. if the NCP in my case told me that, i'd still be laughing, after i hung up.

 

[TheNJBen]

OK to answer the questions:

1. The latest court order was in April, and in that case the ex did ask the judge for custody and she would not even entertain a hearing on that issue

2. I was not implying all lawyers were bloodthirsty wolves, I merely meant that to describe him. If you file against his client, he will barage you with condescending and aggressive letters threatening everything plus the kitchen sink.

3. She did not take them to the dentist because she is afraid of his lawyer and that fact that she has no one really to represent her. I did advise her to take them anyway and let him try to file when she was only abiding by the latest ruling and getting necessary care for her daughter.

4. While I am not a party to the suit, I do have knowledge of his neglect. That is why I concerned regarding my own exposure.

 

[TheNJBen]

My opinion is for her to visit as many lawyers as it takes until SOMEONE has enough sympathy to say yes and accept payments and then not only pre-empt him but go in for the kill, no holding back, no mercy. His puffed up arrogance has him in a world where that will never happen and if it did, he would be left reeling.

 

[Isis1]

OK to answer the questions:

1. The latest court order was in April, and in that case the ex did ask the judge for custody and she would not even entertain a hearing on that issue

2. I was not implying all lawyers were bloodthirsty wolves, I merely meant that to describe him. If you file against his client, he will barage you with condescending and aggressive letters threatening everything plus the kitchen sink.

3. She did not take them to the dentist because she is afraid of his lawyer and that fact that she has no one really to represent her. I did advise her to take them anyway and let him try to file when she was only abiding by the latest ruling and getting necessary care for her daughter.

4. While I am not a party to the suit, I do have knowledge of his neglect. That is why I concerned regarding my own exposure.

if it really falls under neglect, report it REPORT IT! if something later happens that could have been prevented, YOU can be held responsible for not doing your job.

 

[TheNJBen]

I dont KNOW if it counts as legal neglect. Some states give parents a lot of leeway in medical decisions regarding their children. Personally, I would rather NOT report to DYFS as they generally only have one tool in their toolbox and that tool is a sledgehammer and a lot of times the agents do not come with common sense. If I report and there is no issue, I not only hurt everyone involved but finding no fault in him will add legitamacy to his bad parenting. But if I am legally bound to call then I will. Its not my "job" but a side effect of who my employer is even though it has nothing to do with this case.

 

[Ohiogal]

I am a bloodthirsty lawyer.

And I do work for legal aid. Guess I am afraid of you and don't know how to handle your aggressiveness. I won't respond therefore and will crawl back into my corner cowering.

HEY WAIT! I am a lawyer who does work for the local legal aid. So I am also bloodthirsty. Does that mean I am a bloodthirsty coward????

 

[Ohiogal]

I dont KNOW if it counts as legal neglect. Some states give parents a lot of leeway in medical decisions regarding their children. Personally, I would rather NOT report to DYFS as they generally only have one tool in their toolbox and that tool is a sledgehammer and a lot of times the agents do not come with common sense. If I report and there is no issue, I not only hurt everyone involved but finding no fault in him will add legitamacy to his bad parenting. But if I am legally bound to call then I will. Its not my "job" but a side effect of who my employer is even though it has nothing to do with this case.

If you are a mandated reporter and have knowledge of possible neglect you have to report it. IT IS NOT YOUR JOB to determine whether or not it is actually neglect. YOU are to report. You have no clue. You don't want to report? Then for crying out loud get out of the business that causes you to be a mandated reporter. Hopefully YOU will be brought up on criminal charges for your stupidity in not reporting what you believe to be neglect.

And yes I am a bloodthirsty lawyer who does contract work for legal aid -- you on the other hand are pathetically irresponsible. Congrats.