Advice Needed

[TheNJBen]

Again, I am not calling all lawyers bloodthirsty nor did I intend offend legal aid lawyers. I merely referred to the participants in this case. On one hand you have an extemely aggressive and condescending lawyer and on the other was a legal aid lawyer who was overburdened and unable to respond to the mountains of letters received and who ultimately was intimidated by him. For the record, I have great respect for the legal aid system as without them she would have had zero representation in the original divorce or in the recent bouts of reconsiderations. THe problem is that like any such system the hardworking lawyers are overburdened and lack the requisite support staff to handle a case against someone like her ex's lawyer. I posted a question because of the dilemma my girlfriend is in. She is scared to confront her ex or his lawyer and while I agree that is excuse when you are supposedly fighting for the well being of your children it is what it is. THe effects of an abusive relationship last long after that relationship is over and with his constant threats of taking her children with her lacking the means to adequately defend herself, she gets scared and when scared she freezes. I apologize my asking for advice in an advice forum and trying to help her and the children has offended so many of you. And if you must all know, when her daughter had all the issues with repeated UTI's, DYFS was called because of what those infections could imply. DYFS ignored anything that was said regarding the father and his negligence in giving bubble baths and they inspected and questioned my girlfriend, the children,and her parents and even inspected that home and never even contacted the father.

 

[Isis1]

Again, I am not calling all lawyers bloodthirsty nor did I intend offend legal aid lawyers. I merely referred to the participants in this case. On one hand you have an extemely aggressive and condescending lawyer and on the other was a legal aid lawyer who was overburdened and unable to respond to the mountains of letters received and who ultimately was intimidated by him. For the record, I have great respect for the legal aid system as without them she would have had zero representation in the original divorce or in the recent bouts of reconsiderations. THe problem is that like any such system the hardworking lawyers are overburdened and lack the requisite support staff to handle a case against someone like her ex's lawyer. I posted a question because of the dilemma my girlfriend is in. She is scared to confront her ex or his lawyer and while I agree that is excuse when you are supposedly fighting for the well being of your children it is what it is. THe effects of an abusive relationship last long after that relationship is over and with his constant threats of taking her children with her lacking the means to adequately defend herself, she gets scared and when scared she freezes. I apologize my asking for advice in an advice forum and trying to help her and the children has offended so many of you. And if you must all know, when her daughter had all the issues with repeated UTI's, DYFS was called because of what those infections could imply. DYFS ignored anything that was said regarding the father and his negligence in giving bubble baths and they inspected and questioned my girlfriend, the children,and her parents and even inspected that home and never even contacted the father.

i was once in your g/f's shoes. as i am sure other posters had once been. your g/f needs counseling. and to educate herself. knowledge is my power. what i know now, compared to what i know then is so hugely different. no more will the NCP ever make me feel like i am doing anything wrong. no more do i walk into court scared he will say anything to hurt me. because i KNOW what he can do and can say and what effect it will have. I also know what i can do and what I can say and what effect that will have. no one can intimidate unless you let them. my knowledge is so much better, not even the NCP's attorney made me coil in fear. because i KNOW things. it would serve your g/f better if she sought this information herself. not you, not her mom, but all by herself. you have to want to be stronger. anyone doing it for her, is only enabling her.

 

[TheNJBen]

Isabella .. you are 100% right. I am enabling her weakness, a weakness which is a constant issue in our relationship. The problem is that I have 2 options - do what I am doing now to arm myself with more information and push her to fight as much as I can or just be a shoulder for her to lean on and watch her lose her children to a man who is not the more deserving parent.

 

[LdiJ]

I am going to throw in just one thing here...as I feel that most of the issues have been addressed by others.

If the court orders specifically said she could take the child to the dentist, then despite his threats, she should take the child to the dentist.

 

[stealth2]

I agree with LDi. And if Mom decides not to - regardless of the reason - she is as negligent as Dad, so you can kill two birds at the same time and report them both.

Sorry, but the "abuse excuse" wears thin after a while. BTDT, but no way would I sit in a corner with one thumb in my mouth and the other up my rear when my kids's welfare was threatened.

 

[Isis1]

I agree with LDi. And if Mom decides not to - regardless of the reason - she is as negligent as Dad, so you can kill two birds at the same time and report them both.

Sorry, but the "abuse excuse" wears thin after a while. BTDT, but no way would I sit in a corner with one thumb in my mouth and the other up my rear when my kids's welfare was threatened.

THANK YOU! why is that so damn hard for ANYONE to understand

 

[TheNJBen]

I love it, the exhusband in question who thinks he is better suited to be a parent has called out sick for the second time since last month from taking the kids during his parenting time. Not to mention the "vacation" time he took in September to go to a wedding.

 

[Ohiogal]

I love it, the exhusband in question who thinks he is better suited to be a parent has called out sick for the second time since last month from taking the kids during his parenting time. Not to mention the "vacation" time he took in September to go to a wedding.

Not to mention he is allowed to. And mom is griping about having more time with the children -- or you are. I reread your first post. You shouldn't be involved in medical decisions for these children they are not your children and NEVER will be.

The 5-year old girl had UTI issues that were exasperated by him giving her bubble baths despite constant warning by the doctor that it was worsening her conditions and the 8-year old boy was just diagnosed with asthma and he is not giving him his medication or treatments during their time together and his new wife continues to smoke in the house with him there (her own son has asthma for 13 years and she never quit for him either).

How often does dad have the child? How does MOM KNOW that the UTIs were exacerbated -- so she had the UTIs when she was there or they began there? What type of underwear does the child wear? How do you know that the 8year old is NOT getting his medicine or treatment while there? How do you know that new wife continues to smoke in the house?

 

[stealth2]

I love it, the exhusband in question who thinks he is better suited to be a parent has called out sick for the second time since last month from taking the kids during his parenting time. Not to mention the "vacation" time he took in September to go to a wedding.

So? My ex is "The Parent of the Century" in his mind. He's seen our kids once since January. It's his prerogative and not my loss. I love having them home. And ANY partner of mine who whined about it would get kicked to the curb.

 

[TheNJBen]

I am sorry but did you hear the mother or me gripe about having the children? PLease do not add words to my post that were not typed or implied. For the record, I have NEVER complained about spending time with the children. My comment was a sarcastic jab at a man who wants all the control of full custody but none of the responsibility.

My medical involvement is in advising her, at her request, by her authority as the mother and parent of primary residence and due to the fact that I can get advise from well renowned doctors whenever I wish. I do not make any decisions but I have expertise and resources neither of them have and so I make my opinion known.

How does the mother know? Not that it is any of your business but this is what the children reported to their doctor (bubble baths, smoking, medication etc) and by the fact that certain asthma drugs come in packaging that make it obvious when medication is not given, and the fact that they were returned reaking of cigarette smoke. And of course what the doctor told the mother and what the doctor told the mother.

 

[stealth2]

None of which changes the fact that it is none of your business. So... tell Mommy to bring her pretty little butt to the computer chair, register her own account, and ask her own questions.

 

[Ohiogal]

I am sorry but did you hear the mother or me gripe about having the children? PLease do not add words to my post that were not typed or implied. For the record, I have NEVER complained about spending time with the children. My comment was a sarcastic jab at a man who wants all the control of full custody but none of the responsibility.

My medical involvement is in advising her, at her request, by her authority as the mother and parent of primary residence and due to the fact that I can get advise from well renowned doctors whenever I wish. I do not make any decisions but I have expertise and resources neither of them have and so I make my opinion known.

How does the mother know? Not that it is any of your business but this is what the children reported to their doctor (bubble baths, smoking, medication etc) and by the fact that certain asthma drugs come in packaging that make it obvious when medication is not given, and the fact that they were returned reaking of cigarette smoke. And of course what the doctor told the mother and what the doctor told the mother.

You have forfeited the right to ANY help from me. Get an attitude. Quite frankly you don't get it. This bloodthirsty legal aid contracted attorney is over and out. Have fun. Take your expertise elsewhere.