Baby's Last Name???

[MommaD]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? tx

I am providing a link to my original request here but basically, husband and I were married in August. He ex-girlfriend was pregnant and now trying to work through the legal stuff, visitation, child support -- fun stuff.

Prior Post:
https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/husbands-child-outside-marriage-442096.html

Husband finally received paperwork in the mail from the attorney general for his 3 month old daughter. They went to their appointment, established paternity, set up child support, scheduled for payment of arrears of child support, medical support and he received a visitation schedule of 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends, Saturday and Sunday for 8 hours - Supervised. He is concerned with who determines who supervises and how difficult that might make his time with his daughter but he believe that will take some time and they can work through that.

The one subject that set the mother off is the baby's last name. She didn't call and have him there when their daughter was born, she said that was why is name wasn't listed on the birth certificate. She gave their daughter her last name. He always voiced a disagrement over that for several reasons. He's the father and will be involved, pay child support and feels she should have his last name.

The representative for the Attorney General assured her that if that was taken to court it would likely be in his favor for the reasons of his desire for involvement and paying child support and simply - she's as much his daughter as she is yours. She gave them an option of hyphenating the last name so their daughter would have both of their last names. He said he wanted to try and work with her. If she wanted it to be hyphenated like that in lieu of having her with just his last name he could deal with that. So that is what he did. She still wasn't happy about it but their daughter now has a first, middle and two last names.

Now he's come to me scared he might have made a bad decision. How can tihs affect them down the road? Did he just make things difficult for his daughter to grow up with two last names? Can the mother choose to use one or the other and not both together? If they both agreed together that that may have been a bad idea and they want to change it to just choose one last name or the other can they and what process would they have to go through?

 

[mommyof4]

Legally, it has no effect on your husband. This is solely a personal preference issue and it's not worth getting so upset about.

BOTH parents had good reasons for their wish to have the child carry his or her last name. They came to a compromise, however grudgingly.

Your husband needs to just let this go.

If they BOTH want to change the child's last name to a name they agree on, then that can be done. However, it doesn't sound like that they agree on the child having either name, singularly, so what's the point?

 

[Humusluvr]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? tx

I am providing a link to my original request here but basically, husband and I were married in August. He ex-girlfriend was pregnant and now trying to work through the legal stuff, visitation, child support -- fun stuff.

Prior Post:
https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/husbands-child-outside-marriage-442096.html

Husband finally received paperwork in the mail from the attorney general for his 3 month old daughter. They went to their appointment, established paternity, set up child support, scheduled for payment of arrears of child support, medical support and he received a visitation schedule of 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends, Saturday and Sunday for 8 hours - Supervised. He is concerned with who determines who supervises and how difficult that might make his time with his daughter but he believe that will take some time and they can work through that.

The one subject that set the mother off is the baby's last name. She didn't call and have him there when their daughter was born, she said that was why is name wasn't listed on the birth certificate. She gave their daughter her last name. He always voiced a disagrement over that for several reasons. He's the father and will be involved, pay child support and feels she should have his last name.

The representative for the Attorney General assured her that if that was taken to court it would likely be in his favor for the reasons of his desire for involvement and paying child support and simply - she's as much his daughter as she is yours. She gave them an option of hyphenating the last name so their daughter would have both of their last names. He said he wanted to try and work with her. If she wanted it to be hyphenated like that in lieu of having her with just his last name he could deal with that. So that is what he did. She still wasn't happy about it but their daughter now has a first, middle and two last names.

Now he's come to me scared he might have made a bad decision. How can tihs affect them down the road? Did he just make things difficult for his daughter to grow up with two last names? Can the mother choose to use one or the other and not both together? If they both agreed together that that may have been a bad idea and they want to change it to just choose one last name or the other can they and what process would they have to go through?

It doesn't matter WHAT the child's name is. What matters is who is mom and dad.

It won't change a thing.

He did the most respected thing in agreeing to a hyphenated name. Insisting on HIS NAME ONLY would have most likely gotten him nowhere.

You stated the argument yourself "she's as much his daughter as she is yours." So why would he take her back and demand his name only? That would be stupid and hypocritical.

Leave it hyphenated. Best way, equal way, just fine.

 

[MommaD]

It doesn't matter WHAT the child's name is. What matters is who is mom and dad.

It won't change a thing.

He did the most respected thing in agreeing to a hyphenated name. Insisting on HIS NAME ONLY would have most likely gotten him nowhere.

You stated the argument yourself "she's as much his daughter as she is yours." So why would he take her back and demand his name only? That would be stupid and hypocritical.

Leave it hyphenated. Best way, equal way, just fine.

Agree, I believe he talked to his mom who said, Poor Baby, ya'll should have just chosen one to make things easier on her. It's not about ya'll it's about her. So he started questioning whether he did the right thing. I told him I thought he did a really respectful thing to try and meet in the middle. Mom will calm down - emotions are high. It his their child and both have rights to have her with their last name. His point was that mom has never been married and is 21. She'll likely be married one day and the name she's insisting the daughter have she may not always have. Secondly daughter is a daughter and will also likely get married one day and also have a name change.

I understand the unimportance but just wondered, from a legal standpoint.

Maybe the correct question is: If mom gets married and changes her last name can she then change the daughters last name and if so can she do away with his in the process. He thinks she can for some reason.

 

[mommyof4]

Maybe the correct question is: If mom gets married and changes her last name can she then change the daughters last name and if so can she do away with his in the process. He thinks she can for some reason.

No, her possible marriage in the future will not have any bearing on whether she can legally change the baby's name.

Your husband needs to stop talking about this to people who feel they have any right to interject their opinion on how he and the mother of his child parent said child.

 

[MommaD]

Thanks for your help and advice. Much appreciated!

 

[Humusluvr]

I understand the unimportance but just wondered, from a legal standpoint.

Maybe the correct question is: If mom gets married and changes her last name can she then change the daughters last name and if so can she do away with his in the process. He thinks she can for some reason.

Nope.

Just so you know, I encountered this situation too. I am mom, and decided to give Kiddo my last name, and dad's last name as a middle name.

So, dad is (let's say) Brad Pitt.

I am Humus Luvr.

Our child is Kiddo Bob Pitt Luvr.

I have decided to keep my last name, cuz I can't argue conventionality when I had a child out of wedlock so why change my name? Plus, by the time I eventually find a man that will put up with me - I will be Dr. Luvr. (I am working on my PhD right now) So, why would I change my name from Dr. Luvr? That's a pretty badass name, if I do say so myself. My husband will just have to deal.

Or, maybe I'll decide so bad that I want to be Mrs. Clooney one day, that I change my name, and Kiddo keeps his name.

There's logic in there somewhere.

 

[MommaD]

Yes . . . I am following you here. ;-)

I'm sure hubby will rest easier tonight. The name thing was the last thing he expected to be the blow up point.

 

[Ohiogal]

Agree, I believe he talked to his mom who said, Poor Baby, ya'll should have just chosen one to make things easier on her. It's not about ya'll it's about her. So he started questioning whether he did the right thing. I told him I thought he did a really respectful thing to try and meet in the middle. Mom will calm down - emotions are high. It his their child and both have rights to have her with their last name. His point was that mom has never been married and is 21. She'll likely be married one day and the name she's insisting the daughter have she may not always have. Secondly daughter is a daughter and will also likely get married one day and also have a name change.

I understand the unimportance but just wondered, from a legal standpoint.

Maybe the correct question is: If mom gets married and changes her last name can she then change the daughters last name and if so can she do away with his in the process. He thinks she can for some reason.

So what about the name change. If mom gets married she may also keep her last name. And no mom cannot change the child's name without dad being notified and having a chance to argue against it. And the court will not allow mom to change the name just because she gets married.

ETA: Crap -- should have kept reading to see that Dr Luvr (still sounds like a porn name to me) had already answered what I said.

 

[Humusluvr]

Yes . . . I am following you here. ;-)

I'm sure hubby will rest easier tonight. The name thing was the last thing he expected to be the blow up point.

Well, point is that mom doesn't really get to make the argument that child should only have her name and she should get to change it when she gets married.

There are TWO parents, and since the parents don't both have the same last name, the most equitable thing is to have BOTH last names.

It sounds like the AG agrees, and mom knows she will lose.

Your husband is doing the right thing with the hyphen. Unless this happens -

Hilarious Wedding Announcements | Engagement Week, marriage, Marriage Humor | gigglesugar - Funny Videos & Humor.

Hope you smiled.

 

[Humusluvr]

Linux Notes: When not to hyphenate your name