Is This Being Unreasonable?

[rebeccarollers]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OH

Since approximately November 2007 I've been the kids primary caretaker Mon - Fri. Nov/Dec 07 my wife worked a night shift, and then beginning Jan. 2008 through Sept. 2008 she worked days and went to school at night. In approximately March 2008, she left the marital home and I kept the kids Mon - Fri, and she had them Friday night through Sunday morning when she dropped them off at church. she was done with school in September however the arrangement with the kids did not change, nor was it objected to by her. In December I came to terms with her not being interested in fixing our marriage and I contacted my lawyer to begin the divorce process. She was served on January 12, 2009 and the court awarded me temporary residential custody which had been in effect ( M-F, she had them F-until church Sunday morning).

Now that she's been served she's more interested in being there and taking an interest in the kids. I'd like full custody, but after reading several of the posts it doesn't seem like full custody is likely unless I could show she is unfit. She wants to do shared custody, which I wouldn't be opposed to, but I am opposed to the schedule she would like. She would like to do a schedule where she has them Mon - Tues, and I would have them Wed-Thur and we would alternate weekends. She would want me to watch the kids on Mon - Tues until she got out of work. The problems I have are -

1. She wouldn't be able to pick the kids up until 7PM, providing she gets out on time. She works in a Dr.s office so if he has to stay late, she does too. So it's possible that the pickup time could be later than 7Pm. Assuming she is never late and can be there at 7PM by the time she gets home it would be close to 7:30PM and she'd have about 1.5 hours with the kids.

2. I'm on disability so she'd drop the kids off to me Mon/Tues mornings, and I'd watch them until she picked them up at night. I have no problems with that if I don't have anything to do. I could do something Monday night. I choose not to do it now because she works and I don't expect my neighbors to watch the kids every Monday.

3. The schedule I've worked out would actually give her more time with the kids than her schedule and have less impact on the kids, imo. The schedule would be the same as it is now except I'd return the kids to her Sunday after church which would be before 1p. (my schedule would give her approx..88hrs/month compared to hers approx.. 64hrs/month). I also have no problem going with a different Summer schedule if she preferred.


Not sure if this is relevent or not.. The kids are 6 and 8, they've lived in this home since they were born, the kids and I started attending church in June and because of our involvement the school (at the church) gave the kids full scholarships.

So is the schedule I'm presenting being unreasonable?

Also any advice/suggestions appreciated.

Thanks,
Steve.

 

[rebeccarollers]

Thoughts, opinions?

I'm curious if I'm presenting a custody arrangement that would be viewed as reasonable or unreasonable.

Thanks.

 

[Ohiogal]

Joint custody is presumed. That does not mean 50/50 time. EOW and time during the week with extended time in the summer and alternating holidays is normal. If you have temporary primary custody and can afford to keep the house where they have lived, plus things are going well for the children then you have strong case to remain primary.

 

[MichaCA]

If I understand your proposed schedule correctly, then on the week where you would have the weekend with kids, they would go one solid week without seeing mom. How would that work?

 

[rebeccarollers]

Hi,

Joint custody is presumed.

That is correct it would be joint custody..

If I understand your proposed schedule correctly, then on the week where you would have the weekend with kids, they would go one solid week without seeing mom. How would that work?

Sorry, I'll clarify... Because of her schedule what I'd like to do is keep the kids during the week, and allow her to have the kids on the weekend (all weekends during the school year) and then drop them off with me Monday morning.

During the Summer when the kids aren't in school then go with a more schedule..

 

[summerdawn]

I would think VERY strongly before giving up every weekend with your children. In my situation, at one point, in an effort to give dad a break because Sunday was his only day off, I started letting him have the kids every Sunday. At first I didn't notice anything wrong, but then the holidays rolled around and it was very difficult to schdule anything with my family and have the kids involved because they were gone every Sunday, and that was the only day my family had free. It was hard in general to plan recreational stuff with the kids beause we are so busy on school days and our weekends were cut short by their visits with dad. I finally realized it was my right to have every other weekend and I had to assert that right, and let him know that I had made a mistake when I told him he could have every Suday, just so we'd be able to have some downtime.

Think on it before you give up ever single weekend. Even if you only take one weekend out of the month it's better than none.

 

[wileybunch]

OP, Ohiogal's trying to tell you that you have a good shot at retaining primary custody so it wouldn't be a 50/50 split. Mom would have EOW, alternating holidays, some time in the summer. If that's what you want, you have a good shot at that.

If you want to reduce your time down to 50/50 with Mom, I don't actually like either of your schedules. Mom's is too much back/forth for the kids -- yours is unreasonable for Mom to have the kids each and every weekend. You won't like it and Mom won't, either.

It usually makes more sense to alternate weeks with the parent the children are not residing with getting a visitation mid-week for a couple hours in the evening.

 

[rebeccarollers]

OP, Ohiogal's trying to tell you that you have a good shot at retaining primary custody so it wouldn't be a 50/50 split. Mom would have EOW, alternating holidays, some time in the summer. If that's what you want, you have a good shot at that.

Gotcha! Thank you for clarifying that for me. That helps.

It usually makes more sense to alternate weeks with the parent the children are not residing with getting a visitation mid-week for a couple hours in the evening.

I don't think we'd be able to work that out with her work schedule. Since she works in a Dr.s office the time she is suppose to be off isn't always the time she gets off.

I appreciate everyone's time and responses.

Thank you.
Steve.

p.s. I guess I also need to consider getting a new screen name... Rebecca (my soon to be x wife) Rollers (as in The Bay City Rollers)...

 

[wileybunch]

I don't think we'd be able to work that out with her work schedule. Since she works in a Dr.s office the time she is suppose to be off isn't always the time she gets off.

If Mom can't get off to do a mid-week "dinner date" with the kids on the weeks the kids are with you, how can she have primary physical custody for *any* week day?

 

[CJane]

I think it's very unreasonable to force Mom to give the children back to you so they can attend church - and I'm fairly certain, if she doesn't agree to it, you'll never get a judge to order it.

 

[LdiJ]

A very "standard" schedule would be mom having the children every other weekend and an overnight on Wednesday. I also agree with CJane that a judge wouldn't order mom to interrupt her weekend to give the children to you for church on Sunday. A judge would have no problem with mom allowing you to take the children to church on Sunday, but would EXPECT you to give them back to her afterwards. A judge also won't care that mom may not get off work until 7 PM on the weekdays.

Its also quite normal for a judge to allow one parent to provide child care while the other parent works.

Therefore, what mom is proposing is not really very far off "standard". Its one extra day a week than a "standard" schedule. It also allows you to spend time with the children every day during the week, plus every other weekend, where mom will only be spending time with the children two days out of the week, and every other weekend.

What you are proposing however, is problematic. You may not realize it now, but as someone else told you, a schedule where you get none of the weekends is not going to be workable in the long term...for a myriad of reasons.

 

[Ohiogal]

A very "standard" schedule would be mom having the children every other weekend and an overnight on Wednesday.

NOT in Ohio. Ohio doesn't give overnights midweek on a standard schedule.

I also agree with CJane that a judge wouldn't order mom to interrupt her weekend to give the children to you for church on Sunday. A judge would have no problem with mom allowing you to take the children to church on Sunday, but would EXPECT you to give them back to her afterwards. A judge also won't care that mom may not get off work until 7 PM on the weekdays.

A judge won't care about the religion. Nope. Not at all. I agree with that. The judge might care that mom works until 7pm on weekdays due to the child care issues IF the parties do not reach an agreement.

Its also quite normal for a judge to allow one parent to provide child care while the other parent works.

Therefore, what mom is proposing is not really very far off "standard". Its one extra day a week than a "standard" schedule. It also allows you to spend time with the children every day during the week, plus every other weekend, where mom will only be spending time with the children two days out of the week, and every other weekend.

It is far off standard in Ohio.

What you are proposing however, is problematic. You may not realize it now, but as someone else told you, a schedule where you get none of the weekends is not going to be workable in the long term...for a myriad of reasons.

Agreed. But it does work for some in Ohio. I have seen such schedules. It depends on the people involved.

 

[stealth2]

p.s. I guess I also need to consider getting a new screen name... Rebecca (my soon to be x wife) Rollers (as in The Bay City Rollers)...

The fact that anyone knows the Bay City Rollers outside of the deepest trivia well frightens me badly.

I think it's very unreasonable to force Mom to give the children back to you so they can attend church - and I'm fairly certain, if she doesn't agree to it, you'll never get a judge to order it.

I have to agree.

 

[rebeccarollers]

Thanks again for the input. Ohiogal not sure if it makes a difference or not, but I'm in Butler County.

The church and transportation to/from, I think is a non issue. She was raised Catholic went to a Catholic School, and I think she appreciates the kids going to church it's just that she has no desire to go. Also because the kids and I go to church they received scholarships (valued at approx 7k) to the school, which is something that we couldn't afford even if we weren't getting a divorce. I've worked it out for the kids to go to school their next year which she supports.

The judge might care that mom works until 7pm on weekdays due to the child care issues IF the parties do not reach an agreement.

This is the real sticking point with me and the issues I have is the time she works. Because she works in a Dr.'s office there is no gaurantee she will be able to pick the kids up by 7pm. There's been some nights when she hasn't got out until 8pm. It all depends on how the Dr.'s schedule goes, if he falls behind she's gonna have to stay later at work. It seems a bit unreasonable, to me, for her to pick the kids up at 7pm and at most have 2hrs with them, and then have to get the kids up at 6:30am to drop them back off to me. I learned from reading the forums that it really doesn't matter what I think or feel, only what would have in a courtroom. If I"m being unreasonable though it's good to hear because then maybe I need to readjust my ideas.

There's other room for compromise with me for ie. she has 1 or 2 Tuesday's off a month so by all means I have 0 problem with her picking up the kids and keeping them for the night. During the week if she's able to have a big block of time with the kids (more than 2 hours) that seems reasonable and fair. I'm completely open in regards to the Summer.