confused dad needs help

[mommabearx1]

Gotcha Wiley I didn't think it would alienating either but very inappropriate.

 

[MrJenkins]

Thank you all for your help, I will definitely seek an actually court order.

We both agreed upon the 4 hour visitation as I didn't want to overwhelm my daughter and be in their house for an extended amount of time. I was hoping she would see that I was trying to make forth the effort and in exchange would civilly agree to letting me either take her our for the day, or have more time.

I am indeed anticipating her not allowing for more time. Everytime I ask to participate in an activity that would give me further knowledge (feeding her, changing diapers, etc) she won't let me help and ask why I need to know. I explain why and she just states I won't have her long enough without her to worry about it.

Also, the household is becoming worse. Not only is the boyfriend there,but they also seem to take pot shots at me while I am there. i've heard from my ex " I am sick and tired of this, he wants to come here once a month and play dad when it always ruins my plans" They'd never admit they were talking about me and I know they are trying to get a reaction, but it's stuff I rather not hear it.

I know I live long distance away, so I am fully prepared to give up some perks that same city parents have, but I don't feel like I should be a stranger in my daughters life. Also, I do have a job that will allow me to move to PA and retain my job. I just want to finish school first.

 

[Ohiogal]

It is long distance visitation, so one visit a month is not unusual, however the limited 4 hours is.

As far as OG's statement that he should file for full custody because mom isn't cooperating and is alienating, I have to disagree with that. Apparently mom has not denied any of the agreed upon visitation, and I think that alienation is a factor not in evidence at this point. The child won't be two until April 09.

Dad needs to take it back to court to get something more concrete. Its sounds to me like he hasn't had more than 4 or 5 supervised visits yet, so he made not be able to go straight into a full weekend, but he can definitely get more time, and unsupervised time. He should not agree to anything however that doesn't show specific progression.

For example, for three months he gets 8 hours unsupervised outside mom's home, and then for three months he gets 1 overnight in mom's community, and after that it goes to full weekends either in mom's community or his, depending on actual distance.

She wants their child to call her boyfriend dad. I almost wrote that completely opposite which would have been wierd. Sorry. But he should ask for the maximum he could want. If he only asks for the minimum most courts will not grant MORE. Or he could do a " Plaintiff prays the Court to grant him joint physical and legal custody with an equal time split or as an alternative, any amount of custody/visitation the courts find reasonable and in the child's best interests."

 

[Ohiogal]

The BF should not be there but I don't consider that really "alienating", either. I think OP's anticipating she won't be cooperative in increasing time and going to overnights, but she doesn't HAVE to at this point because they have no court order for that. That's not alienation. He needs to move to get a CO that achieves those end goals, either now, or with a graduated schedule. Mom's behavior certainly smacks of someone that would be alienating, saying new bedwarmer is "Dad" and such, but there's no evidence she's doing alienating behavior that would have her found in contempt at this point. He doesn't have a solid CO in the first placer.

It is a way of getting that in front of the court and making sure the Court gives mom a nice verbal lashing and gives him a method of asking for as much as he wants and more than he may get but to give the court's permission to grant that much or scale back.

 

[MrJenkins]

ok, here is an update.

I have hearing April 16th. My last visitation went alright, mainly due to my exes bf not being there. That allowed me to really bond with my daughter since she wasn't distracted by him feeding here, playing with her, etc during my time.

During my last visit, she made really weird request which included that I not email her anymore, that if I want to find out how my daughter is doing, that I must call her instead. She is also requiring me to stay inside, even though in mediation we agreed I'd be allowed to take my daughter out if the weather was nice. She also makes for an uncomfortable setting because they make snide remarks all the time. I hear them, but brush them off cause it's easier than starting a fight, but it really irritates me

She also has taken an abrasive route against me since she was served and is threatening to take away my visitation until the court says otherwise, since we made the agreement through a mediator.She also states she will make me submit to weekly drug test because she heard I smoked weed(not true, could pass a drug test). I have never been in trouble, except a few traffic tickets. I have never been arrested, or investigated.

She also has been stalking my myspace(since made it private) and messaging people telling them I am a horrible father, abandoned my daughter, etc..

Is there a way I can try to move up the date so I don't potentially miss out on my daughters birthday? and I am recording all this information when we speak so I have dates and times when these incidents happened.

So far I have been filing pro se, but at this point should I retain an attorney? or can I continue down the pro se path?

 

[MrJenkins]

Had a conversation with my ex over increasing my time of visitation. After determining herself that I don't deserve more time, she stated that if I don't quit asking for more time, she will take away my current time. She also stated if I wanted to break up the 4 hours of time, I can come once a week, every other weekend depending if she is busy. Also, she will not allow me to have photographs of my daughter.

Now my question is, since we went through mediation and I don't have a CO, will she be able to hold me from my March visit, as well as my April visit until we can get to court.

Also, I have another question. What are the chances of me receiving weekend visitation. As of now, I have completed 5 supervised visits at her house(4 which had her current bf there). She is stating she won't be home during my March visit due to our arguement. She is dead set that I will not be able to have weekend visitation either at my house, or taking her out for the day in her city.

Currently, I live in ohio, she lives in PA (180 miles away). I pay all expenses for traveling. Right now, I am currently driving 7 hours for 4 hours of visitation and I think I deseve more time with my daughter.

thanks

 

[Ohiogal]

Had a conversation with my ex over increasing my time of visitation. After determining herself that I don't deserve more time, she stated that if I don't quit asking for more time, she will take away my current time. She also stated if I wanted to break up the 4 hours of time, I can come once a week, every other weekend depending if she is busy. Also, she will not allow me to have photographs of my daughter.

Now my question is, since we went through mediation and I don't have a CO, will she be able to hold me from my March visit, as well as my April visit until we can get to court.

Also, I have another question. What are the chances of me receiving weekend visitation. As of now, I have completed 5 supervised visits at her house(4 which had her current bf there). She is stating she won't be home during my March visit due to our arguement. She is dead set that I will not be able to have weekend visitation either at my house, or taking her out for the day in her city.

Currently, I live in ohio, she lives in PA (180 miles away). I pay all expenses for traveling. Right now, I am currently driving 7 hours for 4 hours of visitation and I think I deseve more time with my daughter.

thanks

Do you have an attorney at all?
If not then you need to file a motion if she does not allow your March visit -- but that means you have to travel to her house in March to attempt it -- for show cause as to why she should not be held in contempt. Second, take a camera with you and take pics of YOUR dauhgter.

 

[tornado88]

If I were you I would get an attorney to help your cause. This is to important of an issue to risk loosing. While I

Stop asking her for more time. For one, you are just aggravating her and she could very well take away what little time you do have. It's not court ordered so she can't be banged by a judge to bad for not allowing it. Secondly, you're not going to change her mind.

Your chances of getting weekend visitations with your daughter are good. Like another poster stated earlier, it may be in stages, but you should get them. The difference between those stages and what you got with a mediator is that the new set will be court ordered and has to be followed. The mother can not change her mind or decide for herself just how long each stage will last.

You do deserve more time with your daughter. You just have to take the correct steps to make sure you get that time. Unfortunately, the court systems move slowly.

I would still email her myself. It can be used to help you. Phone calls can not. Her asking for drug testing and her getting it are two different things. I've seen it on here severals times that there has to be some sort of proof in order for testing (drug, psych evals) to be ordered.

 

[CJane]

Currently, I live in ohio, she lives in PA (180 miles away). I pay all expenses for traveling. Right now, I am currently driving 7 hours for 4 hours of visitation and I think I deseve more time with my daughter.

thanks

You will likely continue to pay the expenses for travelling. You MIGHT be able to get Mom ordered to meet 1/2 way, but the way she's currently behaving, I'd be willing to bet you'd be back here regarding contempt charges before too long.

You're VERY likely to get more time w/your daughter. You're VERY likely to be allowed to have unsupervised all day visits that progress to overnights.

Just stick to it this time. And don't stress so much about potentially missing her Bday or a visit or two between now and court. She's not going to remember long-term and it's gonna bite Mom.

 

[tornado88]

Second, take a camera with you and take pics of YOUR dauhgter.

I was going to suggest that but wasn't sure of the legality of it. That's my lesson for today.

 

[CJane]

If you have the money to hire an attorney, that really would be best. HOwever, please bear in mind that you have no reasonable shot at primary custody.

 

[MrJenkins]

Do you have an attorney at all?
If not then you need to file a motion if she does not allow your March visit -- but that means you have to travel to her house in March to attempt it -- for show cause as to why she should not be held in contempt. Second, take a camera with you and take pics of YOUR dauhgter.

OG,

I do not have an attorney as of yet. While I am not made of money, I am not opposed to doing what it takes in order to get one if that needs to be the case.

Also,it's garanteed that the cops will be called if I show up. I currently have the piece of paper from our mediator that shows the date/times that we agreed on. How should I handle that? Wait for them to come, perhaps call them ahead of time?

and I have numerous times taken a camera with me in order to take a picture. My ex will not leave the room and each chance I tried to take a picture of us, she has thrown a fit and tried to interrupt by standing in the picture, etc. Instead of fighting, I just put the camera away and she said she will give me pictures that she sees fit.

 

[MrJenkins]

You will likely continue to pay the expenses for travelling. You MIGHT be able to get Mom ordered to meet 1/2 way, but the way she's currently behaving, I'd be willing to bet you'd be back here regarding contempt charges before too long.

You're VERY likely to get more time w/your daughter. You're VERY likely to be allowed to have unsupervised all day visits that progress to overnights.

Just stick to it this time. And don't stress so much about potentially missing her Bday or a visit or two between now and court. She's not going to remember long-term and it's gonna bite Mom.

Ok I will bite my tongue on this one since it will help out my case. Will any of my supervised visits I had with my daughter the previous 5 months count for me when I ask for more visitation.

If you have the money to hire an attorney, that really would be best. HOwever, please bear in mind that you have no reasonable shot at primary custody.

I know and I am not looking for primary custody, I am just trying to get more than 4 hours a month visitation with my daughter.

Thank you for your help. I really appreciate it

 

[MrJenkins]

If I were you I would get an attorney to help your cause. This is to important of an issue to risk loosing. While I

Stop asking her for more time. For one, you are just aggravating her and she could very well take away what little time you do have. It's not court ordered so she can't be banged by a judge to bad for not allowing it. Secondly, you're not going to change her mind.

Your chances of getting weekend visitations with your daughter are good. Like another poster stated earlier, it may be in stages, but you should get them. The difference between those stages and what you got with a mediator is that the new set will be court ordered and has to be followed. The mother can not change her mind or decide for herself just how long each stage will last.

You do deserve more time with your daughter. You just have to take the correct steps to make sure you get that time. Unfortunately, the court systems move slowly.

I would still email her myself. It can be used to help you. Phone calls can not. Her asking for drug testing and her getting it are two different things. I've seen it on here severals times that there has to be some sort of proof in order for testing (drug, psych evals) to be ordered.

Thank you,
I have been calling her due to her request, but I think I will go back to emailing.

I just want to make sure I take the correct steps in order to get visitation.

Also, I haven't had any type of pysch evals, drug convictions,or arrest in my past. I would be willing to submit to a drug test, but I believe she is just trying to make it as difficult for me as possible.

Thanks again for the imput

 

[Ohiogal]

OG,

I do not have an attorney as of yet. While I am not made of money, I am not opposed to doing what it takes in order to get one if that needs to be the case.

Also,it's garanteed that the cops will be called if I show up. I currently have the piece of paper from our mediator that shows the date/times that we agreed on. How should I handle that? Wait for them to come, perhaps call them ahead of time?

and I have numerous times taken a camera with me in order to take a picture. My ex will not leave the room and each chance I tried to take a picture of us, she has thrown a fit and tried to interrupt by standing in the picture, etc. Instead of fighting, I just put the camera away and she said she will give me pictures that she sees fit.

Show up at the proper time and have the paperwork with you. If the police are called GREAT. Have them take a report that you were there and mom refused to let you see your daughter. If she doesn't let you see your daughter YOU call the police. And quite frankly you should have just taken the picture. Heck take a video camera to record the fun you are having with your child. If your ex throws a fit, I am quite positive the judge would like to see it. If you just want to record your child for the sake of recording your child that is your perogative.