Understandable, but I can't change what other people think or assume.I understand, but you can certainly raise your child not to be defined by the who his name is associated with. You can raise him to be aware of the pitfalls and be better.
My son has my last name but for different reasons. In anycase, I still believe it was a good decision.
OMG, But I know how you feel. I guess my ex would feel the same way if he came there and they called him Mr. Trueblue.....LOL.Understandable, but I can't change what other people think or assume.
Actually, alot of his things for school, sports, and doctors use both last names already. Simply because I am the main contact so they list both last names.
I can't tell you though how many times I have cringed when called "Mrs. Ex's last name" and still do to this day sometimes.
Smart Cookie You Are!OMG, But I know how you feel. I guess my ex would feel the same way if he came there and they called him Mr. Trueblue.....LOL.
I always said if I have a kid out of wedlock (which I did) he is getting my last name, especially if its likely he would be raised in my household. If I ever get married I will hyphen my last name with hubbys name last so my son and I still have the sae last name.
I dont think there are any laws that says you have to give the child the last name of the married parents. You can name your child Pepsi Cola if you wanted to....LOLSmart Cookie You Are!
I sadly found out ex cheated 10 days before I gave birth. I had the option to use my last name even though we were married, but, in my hormonal, emotional state, I elected to use ex's. Dumb, Dumb, Dumb.
But you sure are trying....Understandable, but I can't change what other people think or assume.
Ridiculous. And your son and you will NOT have the SAME last name if your name is Jones-Smith and his name is Jones.I always said if I have a kid out of wedlock (which I did) he is getting my last name, especially if its likely he would be raised in my household. If I ever get married I will hyphen my last name with hubbys name last so my son and I still have the sae last name.
It's not a small town at all, but, in our district, they are the only one's with that last name. So, due to the troubles with ex and his family, people know of them and don't think too highly.But you sure are trying....
Is your child's last name so unique that the only people that have it are related to his father? Do you think that there are any Gotti's in this world NOT related to the "family?" You can erase his name if you want, but you can't erase his lineage. People will STILL know that's his child (especially if you live in a small town). HE will still know that's his child. HE will know he is his son. They may be seen around town with him one day. What happens when he grows up, looks change and he ends up looking JUST like his father? Face lift? Surely people are going to come to him and say... geez, you look like the spitting image of your father.
At what point are you going to realize that you can NEVER change what people think about you or anyone else? Or are you going to raise your child to worry all day long about what people think about him?You are correct, I sure am trying to change what others may think or associate with son because of his Father.
Jones and Jones-Smith is not the same, I agree, the the relationship is still obvious.Ridiculous. And your son and you will NOT have the SAME last name if your name is Jones-Smith and his name is Jones.
Amazing how some people try and work so hard to shield their children from reality. Burst the bubble people, your kids can't live in it long.
Shame? His Father has caused the shame, not me.At what point are you going to realize that you can NEVER change what people think about you or anyone else? Or are you going to raise your child to worry all day long about what people think about him?
I mean seriously, I have a very good childhood friend of mine who's father was the neighborhood tyrant. Convicted murderer in prison for life, 2 of her uncles in prison as well. Everyone knows it. She carries HER name proudly because of the way her mother raised her. She's not her name, she is who SHE is.
However, I suppose you can go attempting to shame your child about his name and help him try to hide himself from the world... your call.
His father caused shame on himself. What's that got to do with your child?Shame? His Father has caused the shame, not me.
Ok, but that's not the name you gave him in the beginning, now is it?I want son to carry MY name proudly because I am the one caring, supporting, raising, teaching, disciplining.
He should be raised to be proud of HIS ACTIONS, not anyone else's, including YOURS.Why should he be raised to be proud of his Father's actions or name?
Drugs, no job, no support, non-involved.
And you can do that even if his last name is Bozo The Clown...I want him to be raised to be a respectable man.
Because that's who you chose.... if you wanted your son to be associated with a family that is respectable, then perhaps that should have been in the thought process BEFORE you got pregnant. Come to think about it, I'm the daughter of an engineer (and military vet) and an engineering recruiter. Both work hard, have respectable jobs (my dad is retired)... uhhh, no one around me cares who THEY are. Who I am is important.Why should son have to immediately be associated with ex's and his familys issues right off the bat due to the name. I want son to associated with all the hard work I do. I want son to be associated with a family that is respectable and works hard.
Until he's in school with a ton of other Jones'. I don't have a common last name, but ended up with in school with a kid who shared the same last name as I. We were asked a few times if we were related. Answer? No. There is an NFL player that shares my last name. No relation there. Now, one of my brothers really WAS an NFL player. No one ever asks me if we are related...Jones and Jones-Smith is not the same, I agree, the the relationship is still obvious.
I can't tellCan you please explain what reality you think some people are trying to shield their children from? What bubble? I know no other reality other than the one we are all living in.
And that may be fine, but in the OP's situation, this child already has it.And let me add its no longer the 20th century. All kids don't get dad's last name nowadays.
He's his Father.His father caused shame on himself. What's that got to do with your child?
No. But the ex also wasn't a heroin addict at the time either.Ok, but that's not the name you gave him in the beginning, now is it?
He is being raised to be proud of his actions and of others including myself and his brother. I am proud of the parents I have and all they have done for me.He should be raised to be proud of HIS ACTIONS, not anyone else's, including YOURS.
You are correct. I can and I do.
Considering all these arrests and problems have happened in the past 3 years I was unable to know BEFORE I got pregnant.Because that's who you chose.... if you wanted your son to be associated with a family that is respectable, then perhaps that should have been in the thought process BEFORE you got pregnant. Come to think about it, I'm the daughter of an engineer (and military vet) and an engineering recruiter. Both work hard, have respectable jobs (my dad is retired)... uhhh, no one around me cares who THEY are. Who I am is important.
You sound like ex. Blame everyone but himself.Might I add that as you slowly try and erase dad (or his name) out of this child's life, even if you hyphenate his name, every school certificate, diploma and award will continue to have both names.... HYPHENATED. For the world, and your son to see.