What to tell daughter if anything

[blackshadow]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OH

I have posted a few different things about my ex moving. I was wanting to know if it is a good idea to mention to daughter that she might not be moving. Daughter keeps mentioning that she is moving and mom said that there was nothing I could do. My poor daughter has been promised the world when she moves ( horse, big house) very materialistic things. I just want my daughter to know that I am going to fight for what is best for her. Mom has also told me that there is nothing I could do because her current husband is in the military and he is being transferred somewhere else.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OH

I have posted a few different things about my ex moving. I was wanting to know if it is a good idea to mention to daughter that she might not be moving. Daughter keeps mentioning that she is moving and mom said that there was nothing I could do. My poor daughter has been promised the world when she moves ( horse, big house) very materialistic things. I just want my daughter to know that I am going to fight for what is best for her. Mom has also told me that there is nothing I could do because her current husband is in the military and he is being transferred somewhere else.

You say nothing about stopping the move. What you state is that "mommy and daddy both love you very much and are going to make sure that BOTH of us can see you and be a part of your life regardless of WHERE you live. Don't worry about anything else."

As for the bolded: the court will determine what is best for her. You are fighting for what YOU THINK is best for you which is always biased towards what you want.

 

[blackshadow]

You say nothing about stopping the move. What you state is that "mommy and daddy both love you very much and are going to make sure that BOTH of us can see you and be a part of your life regardless of WHERE you live. Don't worry about anything else."

As for the bolded: the court will determine what is best for her. You are fighting for what YOU THINK is best for you which is always biased towards what you want.

Yes I am going to try to stop the move. No I am not fighting for what is best for me it's all about my daughter. her family from both sides are here in akron and she has a sibling here also. This child has gone through so much moving around since she has been 5. I am talking like 9 different homes with all different kinds of moms BF's several different schools. This is just not right for a child to have to deal with.

 

[Ohiogal]

Yes I am going to try to stop the move. No I am not fighting for what is best for me it's all about my daughter. her family from both sides are here in akron and she has a sibling here also. This child has gone through so much moving around since she has been 5. I am talking like 9 different homes with all different kinds of moms BF's several different schools. This is just not right for a child to have to deal with.

Reread what I said. YOU DO NOT SAY A THING TO HER ABOUT STOPPING THE MOVE OR TRYING TO STOP IT. And the court will determine what is in her best interest. Is her sibling a FULL sibling, step sibling or half sibling? You need to realize that YOU are NOT the deciding factor for what is in the child's best interest. THAT is the court's decision. You might attempt to have a GAL appointed. They cap them at $700 in fees (or 14 hours of work). You just really need to reread what was written. I told you EXACTLY what you are to tell her. YOU have an idea of what is in her best interest but that is based on YOUR PERSONAL FEELINGS. The court will determine according to the law what is in her best interest.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OH

I have posted a few different things about my ex moving. I was wanting to know if it is a good idea to mention to daughter that she might not be moving. Daughter keeps mentioning that she is moving and mom said that there was nothing I could do. My poor daughter has been promised the world when she moves ( horse, big house) very materialistic things. I just want my daughter to know that I am going to fight for what is best for her. Mom has also told me that there is nothing I could do because her current husband is in the military and he is being transferred somewhere else.

One thing that I should throw out there, just for you to be aware of, is that military related moves do tend to be approved by the courts more frequently than other types of moves. The reason for this is because there is very limited choice involved in a military move. The military spouse cannot simply quit their job and get a new one if they choose not to relocate.

What the judge will determine is whether or not it would be more detrimental for your child to move with her mother and be separated from you, or stay with you, and be separated from her mother. Other family etc., will factor in to one extent or the other, but the bottom line will be which parent will it damage your daughter the least to be separated from by distance.

So, as part of your court case, you need to present a parenting plan that truly shows you as being the parent who most wants to facilitate the relationship with the other parent.

It bothers me a bit that your daughter is so "up" for this move. If she truly wants to move/remain with her mother its going to be problematic if you prevail on the issue. You haven't mentioned (unless i missed it) how old your daughter is, but if she is old enough to have a real opinion on what she wants, that has to be taken into consideration.

 

[blackshadow]

Reread what I said. YOU DO NOT SAY A THING TO HER ABOUT STOPPING THE MOVE OR TRYING TO STOP IT. And the court will determine what is in her best interest. Is her sibling a FULL sibling, step sibling or half sibling? You need to realize that YOU are NOT the deciding factor for what is in the child's best interest. THAT is the court's decision. You might attempt to have a GAL appointed. They cap them at $700 in fees (or 14 hours of work). You just really need to reread what was written. I told you EXACTLY what you are to tell her. YOU have an idea of what is in her best interest but that is based on YOUR PERSONAL FEELINGS. The court will determine according to the law what is in her best interest.

Half sisters

 

[blackshadow]

One thing that I should throw out there, just for you to be aware of, is that military related moves do tend to be approved by the courts more frequently than other types of moves. The reason for this is because there is very limited choice involved in a military move. The military spouse cannot simply quit their job and get a new one if they choose not to relocate.

What the judge will determine is whether or not it would be more detrimental for your child to move with her mother and be separated from you, or stay with you, and be separated from her mother. Other family etc., will factor in to one extent or the other, but the bottom line will be which parent will it damage your daughter the least to be separated from by distance.

So, as part of your court case, you need to present a parenting plan that truly shows you as being the parent who most wants to facilitate the relationship with the other parent.

It bothers me a bit that your daughter is so "up" for this move. If she truly wants to move/remain with her mother its going to be problematic if you prevail on the issue. You haven't mentioned (unless i missed it) how old your daughter is, but if she is old enough to have a real opinion on what she wants, that has to be taken into consideration.

She is a 11. Yes she is up for the move because she has been promised all this materialistic things. What 11 year old wouldn't want a farm to have horses on? Then she has her mom telling her she would die if she didn't live with her. What kind of crap is this?

 

[blackshadow]

She is a 11. Yes she is up for the move because she has been promised all this materialistic things. What 11 year old wouldn't want a farm to have horses on? Then she has her mom telling her she would die if she didn't live with her. What kind of crap is this?

Also her husband had a choice if he wanted to live here or go somewhere else he choose else where to keep me from having continuing contact with my daughter. This is the man that threatened my daughter to have her name changed. I legally know that he cannot do that but she was very upset about this.

 

[LdiJ]

She is a 11. Yes she is up for the move because she has been promised all this materialistic things. What 11 year old wouldn't want a farm to have horses on? Then she has her mom telling her she would die if she didn't live with her. What kind of crap is this?

Lots of 11 year olds would be really interested in horses, but not interested at all in a farm...LOL. Some 11 year olds wouldn't be the slightest bit interested in horses.

Please don't misunderstand me, I am not suggesting that you should not fight to keep your child from relocating. What I am suggesting is that you be realistic about the fact that you might not win. The reality of things is that parents get permission to relocate with their children all the time in this country, therefore no one can guarantee that you will win this case. There is also no guarantee that you won't win either.

This forum is so anti moveaways that sometimes I think that we give posters an unrealistic expectation of what may or may not happen in court...particularly when kids are "up" for the move and are old enough to have an opinion.

If you present a really strong plan for strong contact between the child and mom, then even if you lose, the judge should be inclined to order for you, whatever strong contact you recommended for mom. It can also give you an edge over mom, because it would show that you thought these things out, particularly if mom doesn't.

Take things into consideration like high speed internet access and webcams so that the parents and child can both see and speak to each other regularly over the net. Consider a very generous parenting schedule that maximizes the child's time with the other parent...within the reason of your mutual budgets.

You also have the problem that you have known about this potential move for over a month, and you are just now doing anything about it, less than two weeks before the move has to take place. That's a problem too.

 

[Ohiogal]

Half sisters

Separating half siblings is NOT the same as separating full siblings. Mom could prevail which is why I stated quite a few times that it is based on the best interest of the CHILD and NOT what YOU believe is best for the child. You need to understand the difference. And the judges in Summit County as well as the magistrates are going to abide by the statute very precisely. Mom will be given a chance to present a parenting plan (you should present one as well). You folks will almost guaranteed be ordered to mediation. If that does not work then you will have Family Court Services involvement (including a GAL). Child will most likely be ordered to stay here temporarily HOWEVER depending on the GAL report that can be changed even if the child remains with you in Akron until after school starts in August/September.

 

[blackshadow]

Separating half siblings is NOT the same as separating full siblings. Mom could prevail which is why I stated quite a few times that it is based on the best interest of the CHILD and NOT what YOU believe is best for the child. You need to understand the difference. And the judges in Summit County as well as the magistrates are going to abide by the statute very precisely. Mom will be given a chance to present a parenting plan (you should present one as well). You folks will almost guaranteed be ordered to mediation. If that does not work then you will have Family Court Services involvement (including a GAL). Child will most likely be ordered to stay here temporarily HOWEVER depending on the GAL report that can be changed even if the child remains with you in Akron until after school starts in August/September.

O.K. parenting plan what would be a reasonable plan for out of state?

 

[LdiJ]

O.K. parenting plan what would be a reasonable plan for out of state?

It depends on the actual distance and the financial resources of the parties...even the proximity to major airports could make a difference.

If the parties have decent incomes and both parties are located near major airports every other weekend is possible...which would be a stretch for most people.

Otherwise, a typical long distance plan is every other Thanksgiving, a week at Christmas, every or every other Spring Break and anywhere from 1/2 to 3/4s of the summer....if the distance isn't too far once a month visits in between holidays is common as well.

Add hi speed internet and webcams into the mix as well.

 

[Ohiogal]

It depends on the actual distance and the financial resources of the parties...even the proximity to major airports could make a difference.

If the parties have decent incomes and both parties are located near major airports every other weekend is possible...which would be a stretch for most people.

Otherwise, a typical long distance plan is every other Thanksgiving, a week at Christmas, every or every other Spring Break and anywhere from 1/2 to 3/4s of the summer....if the distance isn't too far once a month visits in between holidays is common as well.

Add hi speed internet and webcams into the mix as well.

A few comments -- in Summit County you are within three hours of FOUR MAJOR airports -- Akron Canton, Cleveland, Columbus, and Pittsburgh. Those airports will fly a child just about anywhere with pretty much any carrier out there. In Summit County you have approximately 10 days off at Christmas. You have a week at Spring break and separate time (if only a few days for Easter). Get the school calendar out and mark every three day holiday and longer period of time off. Go online and find a school calendar for where mom is moving. Mark every three day holiday and longer period of time that the child would have off.