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Mom's neighbor approached dad about kids...

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doc2b

Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MI

This is not so much a legal question, I guess, but I figured this was the best place to ask since most of you here have good advice on how to reasonably deal with issues between exes.

When my husband and I went to pick up his kids yesterday, we were parked out front of their mom's house and the neighbor came up to the car to talk to my husband (this is the first time he's ever spoken with her). When she approached him, she apologized for getting involved, but wanted him to know that she has had to have a talk with the kids on various occassions (for different things-most recently throwing water balloons over a retainer wall into someone else's yard). She said that the kids were really sweet and she felt bad because their mom doesn't watch them when they're around the neighborhood, and she doesn't seem to care where they go or what they do.
She is an elderly woman (probably mid 70's, early 80's), so she may just be acting on her motherly/grandmotherly instincts...but my husband is still uneasy about the kids going out and walking/riding around a neighborhood where they don't know anybody without any supervision (except for the sweet, nosy neighbor lady:))

Is this concern even something he should try to bring up with mom? I understand, and so does he, that it's a parenting difference-and she would probably take any effort to discuss it as a personal attack on her. Or, should he just have a sit down with the kids and make sure they know how to handle themselves when they're out in the neighborhood playing unsupervised like that? (The kids just turned 8, if that factors in at all). They've discussed stranger danger and all that stuff...but I guess it couldn't hurt to refresh their memory.

Thanks!
 


What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MI

This is not so much a legal question, I guess, but I figured this was the best place to ask since most of you here have good advice on how to reasonably deal with issues between exes.

When my husband and I went to pick up his kids yesterday, we were parked out front of their mom's house and the neighbor came up to the car to talk to my husband (this is the first time he's ever spoken with her). When she approached him, she apologized for getting involved, but wanted him to know that she has had to have a talk with the kids on various occassions (for different things-most recently throwing water balloons over a retainer wall into someone else's yard). She said that the kids were really sweet and she felt bad because their mom doesn't watch them when they're around the neighborhood, and she doesn't seem to care where they go or what they do.
She is an elderly woman (probably mid 70's, early 80's), so she may just be acting on her motherly/grandmotherly instincts...but my husband is still uneasy about the kids going out and walking/riding around a neighborhood where they don't know anybody without any supervision (except for the sweet, nosy neighbor lady:))

Is this concern even something he should try to bring up with mom? I understand, and so does he, that it's a parenting difference-and she would probably take any effort to discuss it as a personal attack on her. Or, should he just have a sit down with the kids and make sure they know how to handle themselves when they're out in the neighborhood playing unsupervised like that? (The kids just turned 8, if that factors in at all). They've discussed stranger danger and all that stuff...but I guess it couldn't hurt to refresh their memory.

Thanks!
I think this issue has some variables that are needed to be known.
Is it a busy street?
Is it a good area?
Is it a kid friendly neighborhood? (kids up and down and back and forth to friends who are neighbors)
 

CJane

Senior Member
There are probably nosy neighbor ladies who would say the same about my kids. Doesn't make it true.

Is mom's neighborhood generally safe?

You say the kids are schooled in stranger danger? They know to look both ways before they cross the street?

They're 8?

I see no issues, but I live in Mayberry.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
When it comes to nosy neighbor ladies, particularly elderly nosy neighbor ladies, you really have to take things with a grain of salt.

I would talk to the children about the neighbor lady and what she said regarding their behavior, just to reinforce how they should be behaving, but I would leave it at that.
 

doc2b

Member
I think this issue has some variables that are needed to be known.
Is it a busy street?
Is it a good area?
Is it a kid friendly neighborhood? (kids up and down and back and forth to friends who are neighbors)
The house isn't on a busy street itself, but where they ride has moderate traffic after school through rush hour.

The area is not bad during the day, but a little shady at night (which doesn't really matter since they don't go out after dark, as far as he knows).

It is not a kid friendly area-mostly young renters (early 20's) and elderly folks. I don't recall seeing any kids out playing in their complex in the year they've been there, other than a couple of mid teens. They have no friends in the area because mom moved out of their school zone into these condos. They don't know any of their adult neighbors, either.

The kids don't mind playing outside alone-it's just dad that's worried for their safety (and me, of course). Especially when a stranger feels the need to bring it to your attention-she's been in this condo for many years, and seems concerned for them.
 

CJane

Senior Member
The kids don't mind playing outside alone-it's just dad that's worried for their safety (and me, of course). Especially when a stranger feels the need to bring it to your attention-she's been in this condo for many years, and seems concerned for them.
Nosy old lady. Lived there forever. Trying to 'help' by tattling on the kiddos.

Yeah, BIG. HUGE. GRAIN. of salt.

HUGE.

Parenting issue. Dad bringing it up TO MOM will not only sound accusatory, but will likely create friction between Mom and her neighbor.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Nosy old lady. Lived there forever. Trying to 'help' by tattling on the kiddos.

Yeah, BIG. HUGE. GRAIN. of salt.

HUGE.

Parenting issue. Dad bringing it up TO MOM will not only sound accusatory, but will likely create friction between Mom and her neighbor.
I agree 100%, that was my exact reaction as well.
 

doc2b

Member
There are probably nosy neighbor ladies who would say the same about my kids. Doesn't make it true.

Is mom's neighborhood generally safe?

You say the kids are schooled in stranger danger? They know to look both ways before they cross the street?

They're 8?

I see no issues, but I live in Mayberry.
When it comes to nosy neighbor ladies, particularly elderly nosy neighbor ladies, you really have to take things with a grain of salt.

I would talk to the children about the neighbor lady and what she said regarding their behavior, just to reinforce how they should be behaving, but I would leave it at that.
The kids went through a program at school, plus we had a booklet through Scout's that we went over with them for a couple of days...so, for the most part, they should know what to do-you just don't want to have actually have them ever put it to practice.

He's talked to them about the neighbor lady (they said she's "mean" because she tells them what to do :D) and why it's important to be safe, and respect others property, etc...and that she's not trying to be mean, that she's just trying to help them to not get hurt or get in trouble. They responded with "yeah, I guess she's nice, she gave us chocolate once"-gotta love that reasoning. I personally love our nosy neighbors, they've (for the most part) been really nice-just a little lonely.

Guess there really isn't anything left for him to do-thanks!
 

doc2b

Member
Nosy old lady. Lived there forever. Trying to 'help' by tattling on the kiddos.

Yeah, BIG. HUGE. GRAIN. of salt.

HUGE.

Parenting issue. Dad bringing it up TO MOM will not only sound accusatory, but will likely create friction between Mom and her neighbor.
Gotcha-don't listen to nosy old neighbor ladies ;)

(I hope I don't turn into one of those...but I can definitely see it happening)
 

wileybunch

Senior Member
She'd make a great neighborhood watch person so long as people have a big filter. She does seem to be giving herself a hobby when there seems to be nothing she needs to have butted in about.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
She'd make a great neighborhood watch person so long as people have a big filter. She does seem to be giving herself a hobby when there seems to be nothing she needs to have butted in about.
If its a condo complex where there really aren't any other children, then its pretty typical. The children are a novelty so the nosy old ladies would typically be paying lots of attention...LOL.

I had a neighbor like that for a long time. She meant well, but you really needed to have a BIG filter.
 

bzdmk

Member
Old ladies...

Just tell the kids about the old lady and tell them to avoid her...

Kids will be kids and nosy ladies just get older and nosier...
 

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