Child Custody during deployment

[RyansMom08]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

I have sole legal and sole physical custody of my son. For visitation, we go by the standard outlined 1st 3rd fifth weekend, every Thurs etc. He never takes our son on Thursdays and has skipped several weekends. We are both in the military, both deployable. I am up for deployment in June, he is getting stationed in Guam in October. He does not have approval for dependents at his OS location. In order for him to get this, my Son would have to be his dependent in the DEERS System. My family care plan (since I have sole custody, my Family care plan is the one that counts) states my son will go to my parents during this time. My parents agree to take care of Ryan during deployment, letting my ex-husband take him as stated in the divorce decree. Will my ex-husband be able to take my son from my parents while I am gone? Would he still have to make the child support payment if he had him the whole time I was deployed? I have heard stories of ex-spouses coming back for custody while the other parent is deployed. He handed me sole custody in the divorce to prevent me from getting a lawyer and getting half of all our stuff but now he wants 50% custody so he won’t have to pay Child Support. Can he do this?

 

[Ohiogal]

Your ex husband has a right to have custody of HIS child when you are not available. He can get custody on an emergency basis if you are deployed. You deploying is a substantial change in circumstance. Your son living with his grandparents and not a parent is a substantial change in circumstance. So yes, he could do that.

 

[CJane]

Your ex husband has a right to have custody of HIS child when you are not available. He can get custody on an emergency basis if you are deployed. You deploying is a substantial change in circumstance. Your son living with his grandparents and not a parent is a substantial change in circumstance. So yes, he could do that.

Does the fact that he's being stationed to Guam in October play into that at all? He's not currently approved to take a dependent with him.

What about where the Gparents are?

What does Dad's care plan say, even if Mom's is 'the one that counts'?

Does whatever the act is that keeps people from dragging deployed military members into court for family junk protect Mom at all?

 

[Ohiogal]

Does the fact that he's being stationed to Guam in October play into that at all? He's not currently approved to take a dependent with him.

What about where the Gparents are?

What does Dad's care plan say, even if Mom's is 'the one that counts'?

Does whatever the act is that keeps people from dragging deployed military members into court for family junk protect Mom at all?

Soldiers and Sailors can help mom HOWEVER if the child is with grandma, dad can go pick up his child and he doesn't have to return him to grandma and grandpa. He is dad's son. He can keep him until mom comes home. And mom is the only one with standing to sue for contempt. And the grandparents cannot prevent dad from getting HIS child.

As for Guam, that causes problems with dad's transfer HOWEVER if the child is with him because mom is deployed, he may be able to get clearance to take his son to Guam.
Those are all issues. Now will dad keep his son? Who knows. He doesn't take all his visitation as it is. He may honor mom's care plan. But he does have rights. And he could possibly end up with custody.

 

[RyansMom08]

My ex husband does not even have a family care plan. The Military does not require him have one since he does not have custody of Ryan.

In order for him to legally take "dependency" of Ryan as far as the military goes, he would have to have legal documentation that he has some custody of my son.

The only reason he would want to try to get custody of my son would be to avoid Child Support. It is a high amount - 526 a month. He even took the route of "I miss you lets work this out, but if you do love me you'll agree to lower the child support amount) Would he be able to go to court and get "temporary custody?" This would probably be the only way he would do this - if he got money for having a dependent and did not have to pay child support.

This is off topic...but another "issue" we have is my son's clothing. The decree states that he is to return Ryan to me with the belongings he went to his father's house with/in. He never does. Rather than meeting somewhere for him to get him, he picks him up from daycare Friday and drops him off on Monday. When I pick my son up from daycare he is in cheap clothing, without the "spare outfit" that is to be left in daycare "just in case". One Monday he was in pajamas, today just a onsie with no shorts or shoes. He constantly takes my clothing, only to return it after it is too small. Once he even tried to "donate" it to daycare (they gave it to me because most of it still fit him) Can anything be done with this or am I just stuck with it? This has been going on for 8 months now.

I am young and have zero experience as far as divorce and custody. My parents are even still together, so I don't know anything about it. I apologize if I seem ignorant or even immature. I am trying to work out what is worth the battle and what is not.

 

[Ohiogal]

My ex husband does not even have a family care plan. The Military does not require him have one since he does not have custody of Ryan.

In order for him to legally take "dependency" of Ryan as far as the military goes, he would have to have legal documentation that he has some custody of my son.

Have you given him notice that the child's legal residence will be changing and when and why?

The only reason he would want to try to get custody of my son would be to avoid Child Support.

or because the child is also his son.

It is a high amount - 526 a month. He even took the route of "I miss you lets work this out, but if you do love me you'll agree to lower the child support amount) Would he be able to go to court and get "temporary custody?" This would probably be the only way he would do this - if he got money for having a dependent and did not have to pay child support.

Children are more than $526 a month in work.

This is off topic...but another "issue" we have is my son's clothing. The decree states that he is to return Ryan to me with the belongings he went to his father's house with/in. He never does. Rather than meeting somewhere for him to get him, he picks him up from daycare Friday and drops him off on Monday. When I pick my son up from daycare he is in cheap clothing, without the "spare outfit" that is to be left in daycare "just in case". One Monday he was in pajamas, today just a onsie with no shorts or shoes. He constantly takes my clothing, only to return it after it is too small. Once he even tried to "donate" it to daycare (they gave it to me because most of it still fit him) Can anything be done with this or am I just stuck with it? This has been going on for 8 months now.

How old is your son? And truthfully if you want to have him held in contempt, file in court a motion to show cause. If the child is an infant, pajamas are just as good as clothes.

I am young and have zero experience as far as divorce and custody. My parents are even still together, so I don't know anything about it. I apologize if I seem ignorant or even immature. I am trying to work out what is worth the battle and what is not.

Truthfully the clothes not worth the battle. If your child is still in onesies, he probably blows through clothes anyway. NOT worth arguing about. And he has a right to custody if you are deployed. You two NEED to understand that you are stuck with each other for a lifetime.

 

[LdiJ]

I think that you need a consult with both JAG and with a local attorney.

If your child is still in onesies then I have to assume that your child is an infant. You are being deployed, but so is dad (being stationed is Guam is deployment, although its not the same as being deployed to a location that does not permit dependents.)

All in all this situation is a pretty complicated one, and I think that its beyond the expertise of an internet forum. Considering the circumstances, I am not even sure that its responsible of us to be giving advice on this one.

 

[Ohiogal]

I think that you need a consult with both JAG and with a local attorney.

If your child is still in onesies then I have to assume that your child is an infant. You are being deployed, but so is dad (being stationed is Guam is deployment, although its not the same as being deployed to a location that does not permit dependents.)

All in all this situation is a pretty complicated one, and I think that its beyond the expertise of an internet forum. Considering the circumstances, I am not even sure that its responsible of us to be giving advice on this one.

Why? Because you don't know the answer? Everything I said is possible. Dad could step in for his child. Dad has rights to his child -- more so than grandma. Military law does NOT prevail in the real world. We are not a military state. Dad may face consequences in the military for his choices on the "outside" but quite frankly, dad can go and get his child from grandma and not return him.

 

[my life is mine]

Dad can go get child from grandparents, after you have deployed. Dad cannot take child to Guam in his move, as he is not allowed per military regulations, to bring a child that is not under his custody. He cannot gain custody legally while you are deployed, as he is held by SSCRA for court actions, until you are able to attend court.

So what can happen?
Dad gets child in June until his move then will have to return child back to grandparents or have his orders changed to stay in area he is stationed at now.

Do you have sole custody or physical placement? Do you have sole legal custody or joint legal custody?

 

[CJane]

Do you have sole custody or physical placement? Do you have sole legal custody or joint legal custody?

In her first post it says sole legal and sole physical.

Logistically, I think it's highly unlikely that Dad can just 'go get' the infant child and abscond with him back to the base. He'd have to make child care arrangements, which is going to be difficult w/no custody provisions at all. He has no care plan, and can't really do one w/out custody provisions and he's deploying. Just because he doesn't LEAVE til Oct doesn't mean he's sitting around twiddling his thumbs until October.

He can't take child to Guam with him without custody - the military isn't going to allow that.

So while LEGALLY Dad CAN just swoop in and take child, PRACTICALLY it would make no sense at all.

 

[Ohiogal]

In her first post it says sole legal and sole physical.

Logistically, I think it's highly unlikely that Dad can just 'go get' the infant child and abscond with him back to the base. He'd have to make child care arrangements, which is going to be difficult w/no custody provisions at all. He has no care plan, and can't really do one w/out custody provisions and he's deploying. Just because he doesn't LEAVE til Oct doesn't mean he's sitting around twiddling his thumbs until October.

He can't take child to Guam with him without custody - the military isn't going to allow that.

So while LEGALLY Dad CAN just swoop in and take child, PRACTICALLY it would make no sense at all.

I agree and hence why I said:

Those are all issues. Now will dad keep his son? Who knows. He doesn't take all his visitation as it is. He may honor mom's care plan. But he does have rights. And he could possibly end up with custody.

 

[my life is mine]

In her first post it says sole legal and sole physical.

Logistically, I think it's highly unlikely that Dad can just 'go get' the infant child and abscond with him back to the base. He'd have to make child care arrangements, which is going to be difficult w/no custody provisions at all. He has no care plan, and can't really do one w/out custody provisions and he's deploying. Just because he doesn't LEAVE til Oct doesn't mean he's sitting around twiddling his thumbs until October.

He can't take child to Guam with him without custody - the military isn't going to allow that.

So while LEGALLY Dad CAN just swoop in and take child, PRACTICALLY it would make no sense at all.

I asked, because alot of parents make the mistake of physical placement as having sole custody. Alot of parents think joint legal custody means joint physical custody.

I assuredly know that Dad is not sitting around twiddling his thumbs as I have done move than one military more and have helped more than one military member and their families make moves.

One things is Dad would have to do an overseas screening for child to be able to take child to Guam, that includes a physical, shot records reviewed and if child has teeth a dental screening, then he must submit paperwork to proper channels and they would make a decision on medical eligibilty. They do not make that decision quickly, sometimes it can take up to 6 months.

Yes he would need to submit a family care plan, which would include child care arrangements, arrangements for possible deployments (as you can be deployed from Guam)


His biggest battle would be to receive applicable custody for military to even consider him relocating child to Guam, which he will be hindered if Mom makes courts aware that she is readying for deployment and will invoke her rights under SSCRA.

 

[my life is mine]

Yes he will have rights, as they stand now in court order, as changing those rights in this short amount of time would be futile.

To gain custody he would have to take that to court correct? getting in court before Mom deploys is next to impossible, if she is to deploy this month.

 

[RyansMom08]

my son is nine months. there is no confusion on what i believe my custody is. he said upon my mention of a lawyer and getting half of everything, i will give you sole custody if you agree to not have a lawyer and we keep what we each have in our possesion now. meaning he got all but our son's belongings.
it is good to know he cant try for custody until i get back.

in his classroom at daycare, the kids are mobile so they are expected to have shoes on, as well as an appropriate outfit to play both inside and outside.

 

[CJane]

my son is nine months. there is no confusion on what i believe my custody is. he said upon my mention of a lawyer and getting half of everything, i will give you sole custody if you agree to not have a lawyer and we keep what we each have in our possesion now. meaning he got all but our son's belongings.
it is good to know he cant try for custody until i get back.

in his classroom at daycare, the kids are mobile so they are expected to have shoes on, as well as an appropriate outfit to play both inside and outside.

You're gonna have to let the clothing issue go.