Hoping, i hope you read this

[Isis1]

Yes. Yes.
I am a dead beat P.O.S. parent that doesn't deserve any rights whatsoever. I get it.
Thanks so much for the helpful advice on this free legal site. It's really helped out a ton.
I have no chance in hell.
Not only have I made bad choices but because of those bad choices I'm a horrifyingly bad mother.
I should follow parenting advice from people who know nothing about my personal relationship with either my daughter or ex-husband even though I'm asking for LEGAL advice.
and I should delete this post right away to avoid the continued hate that will cause me to slip into another depressive agoraphobic state which would make me the WORST sort of parent ever. Damn it all, I should just stop with these mental issues of mine.
shame shame shame on me.
But I will leave this post for the so called advice givers and as a warning to anyone hoping to get advice from here.
Advice givers. People come here for advice not criticizm.
People seeking advice - be warned. More than likely, you will get ripped apart for your personal life and not get any legal advice whatsoever.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to let my daughter run naked and barefoot down a jagged gravel road while I get rip roaring drunk and ignore her.

What a crock. I wonder where I can go to get free legal advice without the finger pointing? Oh well. What does it matter anyway? No chance in hell, remember?

Also, a warning to anyone with any sort of depressive disorder. These ruthless people will cause you to question whether you're worthy of living or not. Don't let them let you slide back down into that hole. It's really hard to climb out of. If you're feeling like you can't deal, there's a website called depressionforums.org
Really nice people there that don't judge you. No legal advice though, I'm afraid. But this place has killed any sort of hope I might have had to begin with so I guess it doesn't matter anyway.

while i'm on a mental tangent from your self pity post, let's get something straight.

don't hide behind a depressive disorder. don't you dare. i have dealt with chronic depression since i was 15. i had days where i can barely move or eat anything because i got so sick. i didn't have custody of my two older boys for 3 years. i was in a horrible state. i talked to my doctor and DID something about it. am i on medication? YES. do i still get depressed? YES, but i can deal with it better. i do everything the doctor suggest. is it hard? YES, on a daily basis. your daughter is NOT your support group for depression. don't have one? GET ONE.


your attitude here, ALREADY suggest you are not ready to parent full time. be a good parent part-time and work your way from there. accept that. recognize it. and start working from there.

 

[Proserpina]

I'm genuinely puzzled.

That last post (before the thread was locked) showed several reasons why OP isn't ready to become fulltime custodian; I'm genuinely puzzled as to exactly why OP would think it would be in the best interest of the child?

I know, I know - I suppose that last question was rhetorical. It all just makes me feel quite sad for the child

 

[ErinGoBragh]

I'm genuinely puzzled.

That last post (before the thread was locked) showed several reasons why OP isn't ready to become fulltime custodian; I'm genuinely puzzled as to exactly why OP would think it would be in the best interest of the child?

I know, I know - I suppose that last question was rhetorical. It all just makes me feel quite sad for the child

Because OP doesn't actually give two ****s about the best interest of the child, OP just cares about herself and what *she* wants.

I have no pity for the OP, mental illness or not. What she's putting her child through is extremely unfair. I also love how she can't pay CS but thinks that she should have the child in her care F/T.

And if OP reads this, I'm also diagnosed bipolar. It still doesn't change a thing about what I think about you.

 

[Ohiogal]

Lets get a few things straight.

Yes. Yes.
I am a dead beat P.O.S. parent that doesn't deserve any rights whatsoever. I get it.

No you do NOT get it. You do not GET anything but the fact that you seem to believe you deserve to be able to have a self pity trip. Sorry but you DO NOT. You are a parent. YOu do not have time for self pity trips. You do not have the luxury of allowing children to make decisions -- not if you want said child to be healthy both mentally and emotionally.

Thanks so much for the helpful advice on this free legal site. It's really helped out a ton.
I have no chance in hell.

No you don't. And the biggest reason why? YOUR ATTITUDE. It sucks. It is your biggest downfall. YOU are your biggest enemy. Your whole attitude about how you believe a 10 year old gets to participate in court and how you believe she is MATURE enough to handle it SUCKS. Dearie, YOU are proving YOU are NOT mature enough to handle court and what comes with it but you believe your CHILD is able to handle it? If that is true, then you should NOT have custody because your child would end up parenting YOU.

Not only have I made bad choices but because of those bad choices I'm a horrifyingly bad mother.

You said it. When you CHOOSE not to do anything when CPS was involved with your child, yes you are a bad mother. When you let your CHILD make adult decisions regarding custody, yes you are a bad mother. When you believe your child should be involved in court for custody, yes you are a bad mother.

I should follow parenting advice from people who know nothing about my personal relationship with either my daughter or ex-husband even though I'm asking for LEGAL advice.

Legally you would get reamed by a judge if you suggested your 10 year old should be brought in. LEGALLY you would have a judge questioning why you did nothing when CPS was involved.

and I should delete this post right away to avoid the continued hate that will cause me to slip into another depressive agoraphobic state which would make me the WORST sort of parent ever. Damn it all, I should just stop with these mental issues of mine.

Damn it all you should quit making excuses and grow up. Damn it all, you should think about how your actions and inaction and your mental issues AFFECT your child. This is NOT about you. It is about HER!

shame shame shame on me.

Apparently there is not enough shame for you yet.

But I will leave this post for the so called advice givers and as a warning to anyone hoping to get advice from here.
Advice givers. People come here for advice not criticizm.

You are doomed in court.

People seeking advice - be warned. More than likely, you will get ripped apart for your personal life and not get any legal advice whatsoever.

Lady your choices impact custody. You made bad choices that negatively affected your child. YOU need to answer for those.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to let my daughter run naked and barefoot down a jagged gravel road while I get rip roaring drunk and ignore her.

More attitude.

What a crock.

Yes you are a crock.

I wonder where I can go to get free legal advice without the finger pointing? Oh well. What does it matter anyway? No chance in hell, remember?

Not really.

Also, a warning to anyone with any sort of depressive disorder. These ruthless people will cause you to question whether you're worthy of living or not. Don't let them let you slide back down into that hole. It's really hard to climb out of. If you're feeling like you can't deal, there's a website called depressionforums.org

There is also counseling and therapy. And treating the disorder rather than having a pity party or using it as an excuse. The courts do NOT care about excuses. Juvenile courts are full of parents with excuses as to why their children are neglected, dependent or abused.

Really nice people there that don't judge you. No legal advice though, I'm afraid. But this place has killed any sort of hope I might have had to begin with so I guess it doesn't matter anyway.

More pity party which just shows how immature you want to be. Okay. Poor kid. She is going to end up parenting you if she hasn't already. Try googling parentification -- parents LOSE CUSTODY for that.

 

[Isis1]

I'm genuinely puzzled.

That last post (before the thread was locked) showed several reasons why OP isn't ready to become fulltime custodian; I'm genuinely puzzled as to exactly why OP would think it would be in the best interest of the child?

I know, I know - I suppose that last question was rhetorical. It all just makes me feel quite sad for the child

you know what gets me? is that she isn't even willing to accept the fact that she can't handle it right now and start working on being able to handle it.

i had a my pity party, i felt sorry for myself. i cried into a bottle of alcohol. did things i won't even repeat. i was in NO WAY a fit parent in the condition i was in. i knew it.

but here i am. with custody 3 years later. it was a long road. it sucked. but i did it. it didn't happen overnight, but i did it. and OP doesn't have to live this way forever. but it looks like she'll never know. or care.

 

[ErinGoBragh]

i had a my pity party, i felt sorry for myself. i cried into a bottle of alcohol. did things i won't even repeat. i was in NO WAY a fit parent in the condition i was in. i knew it.

And that fact that you recognized that sets you a world apart from the OP of that thread, and puts you in the better place you are now.

It's so frustrating when people like the OP struggle but refuse to ADMIT what they can and can't do, because they just want what they want. It never benefits anyone in the end, not themselves, their children, their family or their friends, because people who put the blinders on never recognize why they need help.

 

[notoversteppin]

Excuses and justifications for behavior run rampant around here. What this poster and the vast majority don't seem to understand that how you live your life is CHOICE. In making those choices you assume the consequences. Coming on this board will not get you hugs and kisses from anyone when you ACT like you are a victim. Everything I read on here the past few months show me that the only sympathy that is doled out is for the TRUE victims in these situations and that's the kids.

This post has me riled up a bit for the simple fact that "hoping" is using her bipolar as her excuse for everything. My ex has the same issue but is living his life to the fullest WITH our children at his side. He realized early on that his mental wellbeing would affect his ability to parent if he didn't have it under control. He takes his meds and he sees someone on a regular basis. He knows the consequences involved in not managing his life. He makes a CHOICE to make sure that he is doing what he needs to. In return for those choices he and the children benefit greatly.

Hoping, it's NEVER too late to change. The first step to that is to take a hard look at yourself and to realize and acknowledge your mistakes and take responibility and own them. Make the right choices and take control of your life. Take some parenting classes and do all you can to DO BETTER! It IS possible.

 

[TheGeekess]

I'm another who has had problems with major depression, including 8 hospitalizations in 5 years (before I had The Child-none since then). I've followed my physician's recommendations since I was first diagnosed. I've got SOLE legal & physical custody. Because I've made that CHOICE to get stabilized and developed insight that allows me to manage my depression successfully.

So, Ms. Hoping, it's indeed YOUR CHOICE. You can choose to remain a piss-poor parent who involved CHILDREN in ADULT legal issues. You can choose to not get treatment to help you manage your mental health. You can choose to continue your pity party. You can choose to do nothing.

It's all up to you.

 

[2Mistakes]

Hoping, if you happen to be reading this, PLEASE seek treatment for you bipolar disorder. If you are in treatment for it, please speak to your psychiatrist. You may need your meds adjusted or changed.

My wife was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in Nov. 2008, and it took several tries before she and her doctor found the right combo and dosages of meds. She now lives an (almost) completely normal life.

Are there bad days still? Sure. But not overwhelmingly so. She's had a few hypomanic episodes, but she's actually been able to turn them into positives instead of neagtives. Her last hypomanic episode led her to completely clean out and organize the utility room, which was desperately needed.

The biggest thing to remember is that you CAN NOT use bipolar disorder as a crutch.

My wife knows and understands that she can't use her illness as an excuse. She and I both know that sometimes her illness is the reason for things, but it's never an excuse.

Find a good support network. My wife has an awesome support network with me, her parents, her sister, my parents. If you don't have family/friends locally, find an outside support network. Check your local mental health center.

The more you wallow is self-pity, the worse you are going to get.

You have to take contol of your illness. You CAN'T let it control you.

As the others have stated, you are not fit to be a full-time custodial parent. You need to work on you. You need to work on you to even be the best part-time parent you can be. Judging from your post, you can't even do that right now.

Please get help. With the proper medication/therapy, you can live a happy and fulfilling life, and have a great relationship with your daughter. Right now it sounds like you are subjecting her to mental abuse. You can not rely on a 10 year old for your happiness. That is too much pressure for this child to bear.

My legal advice? Get the notion of custody out of your head. STOP talking to your daughter about it. Now. Your current actions could land you with supervised/no visitation with her.

 

[stealth2]

Well, I'm not going to slam Hoping any more than I did in her own thread (which I didn't there, either). However, that last post did indicate a lack of willingness or ability (one, the other or both) to accept that she may not be currently able to raise her child - even due to circumstances that are not wholly her fault. But... having said that... there are ways to mitigate circumstances to turn things more in her favor, similar to how Isabella did. Simply blaming those circumstances will never make them better.

Hoping... can you *ever* get custody of your daughter? No one can tell you what can happen for sure. Right *now*? No, you don't really have much hope of it. In the future? If you get control of your problems, you stand at least a chance of increasing your time with her. How?

* If you are not currently taking any meds for your mental problems, see your doctor and talk to him/her about it. If you are, talk to him/her about tweaking your dosage (or changing meds) so that you are able to hold more meaningful/sustained employment (because I suspect that is why your employment history is "laughable").

* Find a way to start paying your arrears/current support. That is very important, because the court WILL look upon your inability to do so as a negative. As you are showing, a custodial parent cannot and should not count on child support in being able to support the child.

* Talk to Dad, honestly and sincerely. Yes, he is rightfully angry that you had your child go and talk to him about changing custody. That doesn't mean I agree with him for saying you're a bad mommy - but again, that's coming from your child so you really don't KNOW what he said. But you could go a long way towards fixing that situation by having an honest talk with him. Explain that you realize you're really not in a position to have her live with you. But you are working on improving yourself so that, perhaps, in the future you could have some extra time - some more overnights, perhaps an evening during the week, more time in the summer. And since your daughter has expressed that she misses you, you were wondering if there was a way the two of you could work together to make her miss you less - perhaps a dinner between your overnights? Perhaps he'd be okay with getting her a webcam and to set up a time when she'd be available to chat online a few evenings a week.

* Help your daughter learn to be happy where she is. There are ways to do this that don't involve a change in custody. Encourage her to journal, write letters, get involved in after school activities - another thing to talk to Dad about, though, as someone will have to get her to/from.