Admin. closed my last thread, so here's my update!

[xxnatalixx]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OH

I had court on the 9th for the ex parte I filed last month and Dad did not show up. The magistrate had an officer there. I over heard him telling the officer that Dad had a short fuse and that's why he had asked him to come. The magistrate asked what I wanted and I said supervised visits, even though dad has already told me that he won't go. So************** the magistrate ordered that supervised visits take place at the visitation center and said that if dad doesn't show up for them then visitation will be canceled and dad will have to take me back to court if he wants visits again and that if dad does happen to decide to take me back to court that he would order drug testing. Anyway, just wanted to update anyone who was curious.

 

[Isis1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OH

I had court on the 9th for the ex parte I filed last month and Dad did not show up. The magistrate had an officer there. I over heard him telling the officer that Dad had a short fuse and that's why he had asked him to come. The magistrate asked what I wanted and I said supervised visits, even though dad has already told me that he won't go. So************** the magistrate ordered that supervised visits take place at the visitation center and said that if dad doesn't show up for them then visitation will be canceled and dad will have to take me back to court if he wants visits again and that if dad does happen to decide to take me back to court that he would order drug testing. Anyway, just wanted to update anyone who was curious.

i'm glad things went the way you were seeking, but i'm sad dad chose not to show. the magistrate saw need of dad's bad temper and needed to be careful. this doesn't bode well on dad's temper. thanks for the update.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OH

I had court on the 9th for the ex parte I filed last month and Dad did not show up. The magistrate had an officer there. I over heard him telling the officer that Dad had a short fuse and that's why he had asked him to come. The magistrate asked what I wanted and I said supervised visits, even though dad has already told me that he won't go. So************** the magistrate ordered that supervised visits take place at the visitation center and said that if dad doesn't show up for them then visitation will be canceled and dad will have to take me back to court if he wants visits again and that if dad does happen to decide to take me back to court that he would order drug testing. Anyway, just wanted to update anyone who was curious.

I just reviewed your threads and I am very thankful for your child that the magistrate made those orders.

I also hope for your child's sake that dad grows up.

Good luck.

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OH

I had court on the 9th for the ex parte I filed last month and Dad did not show up. The magistrate had an officer there. I over heard him telling the officer that Dad had a short fuse and that's why he had asked him to come. The magistrate asked what I wanted and I said supervised visits, even though dad has already told me that he won't go. So************** the magistrate ordered that supervised visits take place at the visitation center and said that if dad doesn't show up for them then visitation will be canceled and dad will have to take me back to court if he wants visits again and that if dad does happen to decide to take me back to court that he would order drug testing. Anyway, just wanted to update anyone who was curious.

Thank you Natalie for the update. I'm very glad the Magistrate showed such caution in his decision...Hopefully Dad will seek some help so that someday he can have a good relationship with his child....

Good luck to you and your child.

Blue

 

[xxnatalixx]

Thank you Natalie for the update. I'm very glad the Magistrate showed such caution in his decision...Hopefully Dad will seek some help so that someday he can have a good relationship with his child....

Good luck to you and your child.

Blue

I know it's a long shot, but after dad has a bit to cool off, I'm going to see if he would be interested in going to counseling with our son. Dad really does love him and has the desire to be a good father, but was passed from foster home to foster home as a child and never really had a good male role model to show him how to be a dad. I'm praying God puts a good man in dad's life to be a good influence on him. Dad refuses to go to the visitation center too, so I'm going to try to find a mutual friend or someone who might be able to supervise the visits. Hopefully the next time I update it will be to say that dad is growing up and they (dad and son) are getting along well.

 

[Just Blue]

I know it's a long shot, but after dad has a bit to cool off, I'm going to see if he would be interested in going to counseling with our son. Dad really does love him and has the desire to be a good father, but was passed from foster home to foster home as a child and never really had a good male role model to show him how to be a dad. I'm praying God puts a good man in dad's life to be a good influence on him. Dad refuses to go to the visitation center too, so I'm going to try to find a mutual friend or someone who might be able to supervise the visits. Hopefully the next time I update it will be to say that dad is growing up and they (dad and son) are getting along well.

I hope so as well...I really do wish you ALL (Dad included) the very best. I also admire your desire to co-parent and do everything possible to facilitate a relationship between your child and his father. You are a good mom.

 

[wileybunch]

i'm glad things went the way you were seeking, but i'm sad dad chose not to show. the magistrate saw need of dad's bad temper and needed to be careful. this doesn't bode well on dad's temper. thanks for the update.

ITA.

Thanks for updating, Natalie.

 

[mom6399]

I may be out of line here....

But, please, take great caution in moving forward.

If the courts ordered the visitation center, then the visitation center it should be. The visitation center is for the child's comfort and safety, not the NCP's. The supervisors are agents of the court and their word, if something goes wrong, will likely be more valued in court, rather than the word of a "friend". If dad "really does love him and has the desire to be a good father, but was passed from foster home to foster home as a child and never really had a good male role model to show him how to be a dad." he will do whatever he needs to do to do the right thing by his child; to learn to be a good father, including visits at the center. It's not about making it easier for dad, but making it safe for kid. IF he truly has the desire to be a good dad, he would not refuse the visitation center...think about it.

I agree, you are a great mom for working so hard to co-parent and facilitate visitation! But I'm gonna be honest, I, too, have been there. It's dad's job to do what dad needs to do...all of your desires, well wishes and efforts will go nowhere without dad's willingness to change and do the work. It's your job to support his efforts, but with the safety (emotional and physical) of your child,first.

You are not looking at weeks here, but maybe years, for dad to overcome the issues he is facing. In my humble and non-legal opinion, your job is to keep your child safe while dad does the work. Offer to pay for or split the cost for the center, participate in family counseling, for all of you ,as dad does the work...let him see, even though you are a broken family, you are still a family...give dad a chance to bond, but in a safe, healthy and legally appropriate environment.

 

[xxnatalixx]

But, please, take great caution in moving forward.

If the courts ordered the visitation center, then the visitation center it should be. The visitation center is for the child's comfort and safety, not the NCP's. The supervisors are agents of the court and their word, if something goes wrong, will likely be more valued in court, rather than the word of a "friend". If dad "really does love him and has the desire to be a good father, but was passed from foster home to foster home as a child and never really had a good male role model to show him how to be a dad." he will do whatever he needs to do to do the right thing by his child; to learn to be a good father, including visits at the center. It's not about making it easier for dad, but making it safe for kid. IF he truly has the desire to be a good dad, he would not refuse the visitation center...think about it.

I agree, you are a great mom for working so hard to co-parent and facilitate visitation! But I'm gonna be honest, I, too, have been there. It's dad's job to do what dad needs to do...all of your desires, well wishes and efforts will go nowhere without dad's willingness to change and do the work. It's your job to support his efforts, but with the safety (emotional and physical) of your child,first.

You are not looking at weeks here, but maybe years, for dad to overcome the issues he is facing. In my humble and non-legal opinion, your job is to keep your child safe while dad does the work. Offer to pay for or split the cost for the center, participate in family counseling, for all of you ,as dad does the work...let him see, even though you are a broken family, you are still a family...give dad a chance to bond, but in a safe, healthy and legally appropriate environment.

I don't think you're out of line at all. You have a reallly good point, and given all the petty things dad has tried to use against me in the past, it could be a really big problem if I don't have a reliable witness. Anyway, dad has decided that he wants nothing to do with our son at all, so it's not going to be a problem****************************....for now.

 

[mom6399]

modify your custody order....

I've been wondering about you...I'm glad you found my post helpful.

While dad is in this state of not wanting anything to do with kiddo...now is the time to draft a new custody order with dad voluntarily relinquishing visitation rights. He still may come back later down the road...but it is easier to re-instate rather than modify if he turns around.

Keep in mind, that even if he does not want to be a part of this child's life, he is still financially responsible...you don't have to trade one for the other...and dad should not be allowed to either. HE is choosing to be an absent parent.

Good luck to you!

mom

 

[Ohiogal]

I've been wondering about you...I'm glad you found my post helpful.

While dad is in this state of not wanting anything to do with kiddo...now is the time to draft a new custody order with dad voluntarily relinquishing visitation rights. He still may come back later down the road...but it is easier to re-instate rather than modify if he turns around.

Keep in mind, that even if he does not want to be a part of this child's life, he is still financially responsible...you don't have to trade one for the other...and dad should not be allowed to either. HE is choosing to be an absent parent.

Good luck to you!

mom

Keep in mind that she cannot do this at this juncture because there was just a court hearing in which she got supervised visitation ordered. Keep in mind that many Ohio judges will not let parents relinguish their visitation rights per se. Keep in mind that you do not seem to know Ohio law.

 

[xxnatalixx]

Not sure what I should do

Since dad was ordered to have supervised visits at the visitation center, he has not attempted to see our son at all. He has run into him out and about a couple times and told him to have me take him to his house and drop him off whenever he wanted to see him. Step mom has done the same. I let son call their house to talk to dad but will not take him there. He texts his step brother every now and then too. The other day when son called his cousin, step mom was there and told him to go to there house the next day at 6. So son tells me they have plans for a visit and I tell him he is not allowed to make plans without me, that it is something his dad and I would have to discuss. Dad is in jail for 30 days then out for 2 weeks and will go back for 30 more. Step mom keeps getting a hold of me to see if they can start seeing him again and and says they want to start taking him a couple days a week. Not going to happen. I told her that I was not going to discuss visitation with her at all but she is still telling son when she sees him to go to tell me to take him there and tells her daughter to ask me why he can't go. Now she says dad is going to get a hold of me when he gets out of jail to discuss it with me. I am absolutely NOT going to let them take him. I have considered meeting them somewhere and letting them visit with him in a neutral place. Maybe a park or McDonalds or something. Step mom clearly has not learned not to overstep yet since she says it's something the 3 of us need to talk about. I am wondering if I should entertain the idea of even trying to work something out so son can see his dad or if I should just tell him that he can see him at the visitation center as the judge ordered. Am I even allowed to do anything else, as far as making other arrangements for them to see each other? Dad refuses to go to the center but son wants to see him and I am really confused about what I am suppose to be doing to facilitate their relationship. Is there some way I can stop step mom from aproaching him and telling him to have me take him there? She is really trying to make me the bad guy here and is upseting my son.



ETA: We run into them quite a bit because the kids go to the same school and play sports so we see stepmom at the games. If we didn't see her so often I wouldn't have such an issue with her saying these things to son. I don't mind if she talks to him/hugs him/ asks him about his day or whatever, but she won't quit trying to make visitation arrangements with him.

 

[LdiJ]

Since dad was ordered to have supervised visits at the visitation center, he has not attempted to see our son at all. He has run into him out and about a couple times and told him to have me take him to his house and drop him off whenever he wanted to see him. Step mom has done the same. I let son call their house to talk to dad but will not take him there. He texts his step brother every now and then too. The other day when son called his cousin, step mom was there and told him to go to there house the next day at 6. So son tells me they have plans for a visit and I tell him he is not allowed to make plans without me, that it is something his dad and I would have to discuss. Dad is in jail for 30 days then out for 2 weeks and will go back for 30 more. Step mom keeps getting a hold of me to see if they can start seeing him again and and says they want to start taking him a couple days a week. Not going to happen. I told her that I was not going to discuss visitation with her at all but she is still telling son when she sees him to go to tell me to take him there and tells her daughter to ask me why he can't go. Now she says dad is going to get a hold of me when he gets out of jail to discuss it with me. I am absolutely NOT going to let them take him. I have considered meeting them somewhere and letting them visit with him in a neutral place. Maybe a park or McDonalds or something. Step mom clearly has not learned not to overstep yet since she says it's something the 3 of us need to talk about. I am wondering if I should entertain the idea of even trying to work something out so son can see his dad or if I should just tell him that he can see him at the visitation center as the judge ordered. Am I even allowed to do anything else, as far as making other arrangements for them to see each other? Dad refuses to go to the center but son wants to see him and I am really confused about what I am suppose to be doing to facilitate their relationship. Is there some way I can stop step mom from aproaching him and telling him to have me take him there? She is really trying to make me the bad guy here and is upseting my son.



ETA: We run into them quite a bit because the kids go to the same school and play sports so we see stepmom at the games. If we didn't see her so often I wouldn't have such an issue with her saying these things to son. I don't mind if she talks to him/hugs him/ asks him about his day or whatever, but she won't quit trying to make visitation arrangements with him.

In my opinion you need to be more vigilant in these instances to ensure that stepmom does not have the opportunity to discuss that sort of thing with your child.

The judge ordered that visitation had to take place at the supervision center. You should honestly stick to that. If its not important enough to dad to make the effort, that is dad's problem.

 

[liandrajade]

Since dad was ordered to have supervised visits at the visitation center, he has not attempted to see our son at all.

I am sorry to hear that but that is on him that he decided to not show up.

I am wondering if I should entertain the idea of even trying to work something out so son can see his dad or if I should just tell him that he can see him at the visitation center as the judge ordered.

ABSOLUTELY NOT! Do not dare think about going outside of your court order. You follow that order to a T.

Am I even allowed to do anything else, as far as making other arrangements for them to see each other?

No, unless you go back to court to get the order changed, which if it just happened recently and he chose to NOT show up. I do not think its going to happen.

Dad refuses to go to the center but son wants to see him and I am really confused about what I am suppose to be doing to facilitate their relationship.

Again, I am sorry dad is not doing what he should but you need to worry about keeping kiddo safe. Your case isn't one where you aren't trying facilitate visitation, dad is blatantly thumbing his nose at the court by not showing up to his ORDERED visitation. I know you want to do right by kiddo but you cant make dad stop being craptastic.

Is there some way I can stop step mom from approaching him and telling him to have me take him there? She is really trying to make me the bad guy here and is upseting my son.

The seniors will chime in if I am out of line, but I would give her an ultimatum, stop talking to your child about things that have NOTHING to do with him. I would let her know it's not acceptable and if she keeps HARASSING your child that you will seek the necessary legal remedies available.

 

[xxnatalixx]

In my opinion you need to be more vigilant in these instances to ensure that stepmom does not have the opportunity to discuss that sort of thing with your child.

The judge ordered that visitation had to take place at the supervision center. You should honestly stick to that. If its not important enough to dad to make the effort, that is dad's problem.

I don't know how to keep step mom away from him without making a scene and upseting the kids. I have told her before not to approach him in public anymore but then she just makes more of an effort to do it. Then if I take son and walk away before she gets to us she gets loud enough for him to hear and tells her kids that I'm just being a b**** and don't want them to see each other. Not sure which scenario causes more "damage" to my son. I've been thinking about all the drama we've been through over the years and I know the visitation center won't let that stuff go on there so I really wish dad would visit there. I guess I'll just have to let son be mad at me for a while if that's what happens and eventually hopefully he'll understand that it was his dad's decision and not really mine. This mom stuff is really hard.