Not following court orders

[californiamom3]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA
6 years ago my ex-husband was ordered:
N/A attendance, anger mngmt., phych.eval., child support and others.
He left the country for 5 years. (I think I get to officially call that abandonment) He never paid support and is in some $80thou.arrears.
He is now back and has filed for a Modification. He showed proof of all things previously ordered. He was ordered to continue N/A, anger mngmt. and sign up for random drug testing.
He was awarded supervised visitation and the children are allowed to call him if they chose, but he is not allowed to call them. They will begin Family Therapy in 2 weeks. (all good things)
All previous orders....do not call my phone, no contact with school, etc. are still in place, and yes it states that in the new order. The only thing allowed is email contact with me concerning visitation only. Review hearing in 4 months. Support hearing is separate and is currently in review.
Problem: even before their first visitation he has emailed me several times asking me to lift certain requirements like anger mngmt. classes and has requested that he be allowed to text me rather than email. I responded only to the text request telling him no.
He has since texted the childrens phone twice and my personal phone once.
He doesn't seem to understand that the court orders are not mine to change.
These are minor offenses but still infractions. I am keeping a log.
The man has been given a second chance and is already breaking the rules.
Any advise?

 

[Isis1]

like you stated, these are minor. but since it is a bit early, you might try consistency. he texts, you don't respond. he calls, you don't answer. however, in the spirit of encouraging a start to a relationship between father and children, make an effort for the kids to start calling dad at least a few times a week. maybe every 3 days or such to start off with.

ignore the extra contact. stand your ground. if he gets out of control, mention it in court. sometimes, the other party will get it.

 

[californiamom3]

sorry

It specifically states in the new order that phone contact begin after the 3rd visit. They have had one.
Sorry to have left that out.

 

[bononos again]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA
6 years ago my ex-husband was ordered:
N/A attendance, anger mngmt., phych.eval., child support and others.
He left the country for 5 years. (I think I get to officially call that abandonment) He never paid support and is in some $80thou.arrears.
He is now back and has filed for a Modification. He showed proof of all things previously ordered. He was ordered to continue N/A, anger mngmt. and sign up for random drug testing.
He was awarded supervised visitation and the children are allowed to call him if they chose, but he is not allowed to call them. They will begin Family Therapy in 2 weeks. (all good things)
All previous orders....do not call my phone, no contact with school, etc. are still in place, and yes it states that in the new order. The only thing allowed is email contact with me concerning visitation only. Review hearing in 4 months. Support hearing is separate and is currently in review.
Problem: even before their first visitation he has emailed me several times asking me to lift certain requirements like anger mngmt. classes and has requested that he be allowed to text me rather than email. I responded only to the text request telling him no.
He has since texted the childrens phone twice and my personal phone once.
He doesn't seem to understand that the court orders are not mine to change.
These are minor offenses but still infractions. I am keeping a log.
The man has been given a second chance and is already breaking the rules.
Any advise?

Why does he have anyone's numbers?
Change the phones. And, have the kiddos call him every 3rd day.
If he needs emergency contact, he can e-mail as he is court ordered.

 

[californiamom3]

Why does he have anyone's numbers?
Change the phones. And, have the kiddos call him every 3rd day.
If he needs emergency contact, he can e-mail as he is court ordered.

We have had the same phone numbers for many years. Mine is a business cell phone and would be more than inconvenient to change.
Due to history I can only guess that these minor infractions will become more frequent and a bit more major through time.
If this does occur should I continue my logging and report it at the hearing in 4 months from now, should one request for a modification, or can somebody be charged with violation of a court order (arrest) if indeed infractions become major?
In the past he violated restraining order many times. phone harass, coming to the house, school, etc. No restraining order in place currently. He had been gone for so long and no idea if and/or when he'd come back so no point.
Very disappointing. Was hoping for a new man for the kids sake.

 

[LdiJ]

It specifically states in the new order that phone contact begin after the 3rd visit. They have had one.
Sorry to have left that out.

Well, then wait until after the third visit to have them start calling him.

 

[janM]

Just block his number from the phones.

 

[californiamom3]

Did anybody have an answer to this? I've been looking around on the web for answers and haven't come up with much yet. Thanks for everything so far.

should I continue my logging and report it at the hearing in 4 months from now, should one request for a modification, or can somebody be charged with violation of a court order (arrest) if indeed infractions become major?

 

[wileybunch]

He doesn't seem to understand that the court orders are not mine to change.

This may not be germaine to the larger questions, but since you included this in your post, I want to ask -- why do you say that? Was the no contact with you no something you requested? If not, who required him not to have contact with you? Or with the kids?

 

[californiamom3]

no contact

When the initial restraining /custody order was made the mediator and judge made most of the requests and decisions based upon mediation and court hearing actions. In other words....it was made apparent that he had drug and anger issues to all. (his own actions)
Bottom line....he has been gone for over 5 years, claimed to have gotten his life together, moved back to the states, filed for modification, I agreed to mod. due to the fact that he has indeed shown proof that orders given previously are now taken care of. I'm trying to give him the benefit of doubt.
Even before his first supervised visitation (the children have not seen him in over 5 years) he is emailing, texting, asking me to drop certain orders (anger mngmt. classes) and emailing our oldest child to arrange visitation which should be dealt with by he and I ONLY! He is apparently working a full time job in which a wage assignment has been sent. He is emailing me complaining about how little money he will have left over at the end of the month. He has no idea what it $$ takes to raise 3 teenagers! He is over 70thou. in arrears (never has paid support) Then come to find out he has a second under the table job.
At first I had some hope for my childrens sake, but history seems to be slowly creeping its way into the present. As said in one of the reply posts, "Sometimes, the other party will get it." I can pray for this to be true. My oldest child wants to have a relationship with him. No matter how angry I might be about the past this is NOT about me. I DO understand this.
I know that nobody on here knows me on a personal level and can only post answers and questions based on what they have read.....
please do not judge me based on the many bitter X-husbands and wives out there and on here. I am not doing this to be this mans friend or business partner. A second chance has come around for this man and the "lighbulb" doesn't seem to have clicked on yet.
I do not want to live an episode of cops during my daily life ever again.
I'm on here to get some sincere legal advise about how to prevent that NOW....before it get's ugly. There are no guarantees that it will.....the switch may indeed turn on...maybe even tomorrow....but I need to protect myself and my children in case it doesn't.
I hope that I have provided enough information. Ask away if you need more answers. My life has not been a private one for many years. I can take it.

"should I continue my logging and report it at the hearing in 4 months from now, should one request for a modification, or can somebody be charged with violation of a court order (arrest) if indeed infractions become major?"

I have never had anything but a restraining order in the past so my question was basically,,, What can be done about a court order violation?

 

[LdiJ]

When the initial restraining /custody order was made the mediator and judge made most of the requests and decisions based upon mediation and court hearing actions. In other words....it was made apparent that he had drug and anger issues to all. (his own actions)
Bottom line....he has been gone for over 5 years, claimed to have gotten his life together, moved back to the states, filed for modification, I agreed to mod. due to the fact that he has indeed shown proof that orders given previously are now taken care of. I'm trying to give him the benefit of doubt.
Even before his first supervised visitation (the children have not seen him in over 5 years) he is emailing, texting, asking me to drop certain orders (anger mngmt. classes) and emailing our oldest child to arrange visitation which should be dealt with by he and I ONLY! He is apparently working a full time job in which a wage assignment has been sent. He is emailing me complaining about how little money he will have left over at the end of the month. He has no idea what it $$ takes to raise 3 teenagers! He is over 70thou. in arrears (never has paid support) Then come to find out he has a second under the table job.
At first I had some hope for my childrens sake, but history seems to be slowly creeping its way into the present. As said in one of the reply posts, "Sometimes, the other party will get it." I can pray for this to be true. My oldest child wants to have a relationship with him. No matter how angry I might be about the past this is NOT about me. I DO understand this.
I know that nobody on here knows me on a personal level and can only post answers and questions based on what they have read.....
please do not judge me based on the many bitter X-husbands and wives out there and on here. I am not doing this to be this mans friend or business partner. A second chance has come around for this man and the "lighbulb" doesn't seem to have clicked on yet.
I do not want to live an episode of cops during my daily life ever again.
I'm on here to get some sincere legal advise about how to prevent that NOW....before it get's ugly. There are no guarantees that it will.....the switch may indeed turn on...maybe even tomorrow....but I need to protect myself and my children in case it doesn't.
I hope that I have provided enough information. Ask away if you need more answers. My life has not been a private one for many years. I can take it.

"should I continue my logging and report it at the hearing in 4 months from now, should one request for a modification, or can somebody be charged with violation of a court order (arrest) if indeed infractions become major?"

I have never had anything but a restraining order in the past so my question was basically,,, What can be done about a court order violation?[/QUOTE]

Yes, you should continue logging and bring everything up in court at your next hearing.

If an infraction becomes major then you need to immediately file for contempt for the violation.

 

[californiamom3]

update

NCP has been sending one of the children manipulating emails in order to convince child to eliminate supervised visitation. (judge said that it was up to the children and I to decide when they can see him unsupervised pending his path to follow orders and such) Children were also given the right to chose weather or not they attend visitation (strange and uncommon but true)
NCP has been given the responsibility to provide an agreed by all parties supervisor. It was clearly stated that visitation NOT be on a regularly scheduled day but rather to be once a week for an hour each time due to his and the childrens schedule being unpredictable. (he drives for a living and often works evenings and/or weekends)I emailed him telling him that he needs to stop mailing child with adult issues that are to be decided between he and I.
The children have seen him the past 2 Sundays (remember...the first time in over 5 years) This most recent Sunday our family had plans so emailed him that Sunday would not work but any other day of the week would be fine. (they also have a scheduled family counseling appt. this Wednesday)
Reminder.....Sundays was NOT the determined visitation day!
Anyhow, to say the least he was unhappy with the whole idea of having visitation on day other than Sunday and began sending me angry emails demanding that he see the children on Sunday UNSUPERVISED!
Following emails were a big pitty party about how he can only inconvenience his friends to be supervisors for so long and that he will file for a new mod.
Since the last hearing (May 26th) he has texted my phone and the childrens phones, emailed me about something other than visitation, consistently harasses the children through emails about visitation....one of the children came home after one visitation telling me that they had caught him in a lie....
IsabellaSoriano- you had said, "sometimes, the other party will get it."
Is there a book on how long this will take? I hope you know I'm kidding but this is so frustrating. I can handle the texts and emails but to be manipulating the children really urks me bad.
If he decides to go back to court I honestly think that he will get LESS than what he has now...breaking the rules since the last order is not going to look good for him.
I feel like a babysitter all over again. It is not MY responsibility to hold his hand through this and tell him to get his act together before he loses what little he's got. Honestly I almost feel sorry for the guy....not really!
I had previously allowed emailing between he and the children because they wanted to keep in touch with him while he was out of the country.
The order specifically states that he have once a week visitation and phone calls to be initiated by the children after the 3rd visit. Nothing about emailing. I'm thinking of cutting off the emails for now. What do you think?
Children are 16, 13 and 10

 

[LdiJ]

Well, you would be within your rights to cut off the emails to the kids.

However, how do the children feel about the whole thing? They are old enough to have an opinion regarding anything that isn't court ordered.

 

[californiamom3]

emails

I have yet to ask them how they feel about cutting off emails....
I know the emails create a lot of anxiety, especially with the oldest. Children feel like they are being put in the middle with his pressuring.
So you think I should discuss it with the children first....?
I lean a bit more toward it's my responsibility to protect them from emotional as well as physical.....feel free to bite my head off if you think I'm wrong. LOL!

 

[LdiJ]

I have yet to ask them how they feel about cutting off emails....
I know the emails create a lot of anxiety, especially with the oldest. Children feel like they are being put in the middle with his pressuring.
So you think I should discuss it with the children first....?
I lean a bit more toward it's my responsibility to protect them from emotional as well as physical.....feel free to bite my head off if you think I'm wrong. LOL!

Most people would say that no, you should not discuss it with the children, you shouldn't contribute to putting them in the middle. If the emails are creating anxiety, then block his email address on their accounts. You might want to tell the 16 year old that you have done so, so that he/she can be prepared to "make you the bad guy" the next time that they visit dad...so they don't catch any flack.

Clearly the judge intended that communication between visits be initiated by the children. Dad is clearly circumventing that with the emails, and with putting the kids in the middle.