Summer Visitation / Living Arrangements

[VirginiaMom]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

My 9 year old son is going to Ohio to be with his Dad for the summer, per our court order. The order states "Neither party, while (child) is present, shall have an adult overnight guest or visitor of the opposite sex, unless said guest or visitor is a family member, or in the company of his or her lawful spouse."

Dad's official residence is with his parents. However, based on the inadvertent mention by my 23-year-old son (who visited there just 2 weeks ago, to see his dying grandmother), Dad is actually living with his GF and her daughter.

I have asked Dad where he and our child will be living this summer, and he says they will be at his parents' house. But since his mother, our child's Grandmother, is not expected to make it through the summer, they may not be there, for the grandmother's comfort.

If that happens, I am unsure whether to say anything further about living arrangements, given that his mother is dying ... but also do not want our son exposed to a situation he is not supposed to be in (living with Dad's GF and child for 8 weeks), something the judge specifically included in our Custody and Visitation Order.

So my questions are: if it comes to my attention that Dad is living with GF while our son is there for the summer, what should I do about it? Is "overlooking" it actually accepting it? And what is the alternative?

Thanks for any help and insight - I want to do what is right for our son but it feels like I'm being crass and heartless even thinking about it at a time like this. And of course, it may be that he will stay at his parents' house while our son is with him. I just want to know what the right thing to do is, in case.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[Proserpina]

I do have a quick question.

Given the circumstances, would it really be harming your son if he stayed with Dad and his gf?

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

My 9 year old son is going to Ohio to be with his Dad for the summer, per our court order. The order states "Neither party, while (child) is present, shall have an adult overnight guest or visitor of the opposite sex, unless said guest or visitor is a family member, or in the company of his or her lawful spouse."

Dad's official residence is with his parents. However, based on the inadvertent mention by my 23-year-old son (who visited there just 2 weeks ago, to see his dying grandmother), Dad is actually living with his GF and her daughter.

I have asked Dad where he and our child will be living this summer, and he says they will be at his parents' house. But since his mother, our child's Grandmother, is not expected to make it through the summer, they may not be there, for the grandmother's comfort.

If that happens, I am unsure whether to say anything further about living arrangements, given that his mother is dying ... but also do not want our son exposed to a situation he is not supposed to be in (living with Dad's GF and child for 8 weeks), something the judge specifically included in our Custody and Visitation Order.

So my questions are: if it comes to my attention that Dad is living with GF while our son is there for the summer, what should I do about it? Is "overlooking" it actually accepting it? And what is the alternative?

Thanks for any help and insight - I want to do what is right for our son but it feels like I'm being crass and heartless even thinking about it at a time like this. And of course, it may be that he will stay at his parents' house while our son is with him. I just want to know what the right thing to do is, in case.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

Okay if he has his GF spend the night then he is contempt. You can file a motion to show cause. But quite frankly why is that clause in there? What harm is girlfriend causing to son? Is she a danger? Is dad a danger if he has his girlfriend there? Are you remarried? Is the divorce final?

 

[VirginiaMom]

Okay if he has his GF spend the night then he is contempt. You can file a motion to show cause. But quite frankly why is that clause in there? What harm is girlfriend causing to son? Is she a danger? Is dad a danger if he has his girlfriend there? Are you remarried? Is the divorce final?

They would be in GF's home (not spending night in his / parent's home). Though it pertains to us both, judge put that clause in mostly for ME, since it was me that had all the visible mistakes in our separation / divorce. GF is not a danger that I know of; she's a nice person and has a nice daughter.

Divorce final in 2004. Yes, I am remarried. Son's dad and I separated in 2002; Dad awarded custody in 2003; a big reason was I was 8 1/2 months pregnant with daughter from another man. But, son did not do well with the situation and had all kinds of trouble in Kindergarten; judge gave me after school time since dad would not; son improved drastically; Dad decided to move shortly thereafter but custody reverted because the judge found it was not in child's best interest to go with. Since then, he has almost all out of school time (all Easter breaks, all Thanksgiving breaks, half Christmas, 8 weeks in summer) and they also keep in touch with webcam several times a month.

 

[Ohiogal]

They would be in GF's home (not spending night in his / parent's home). Though it pertains to us both, judge put that clause in mostly for ME, since it was me that had all the visible mistakes in our separation / divorce. GF is not a danger that I know of; she's a nice person and has a nice daughter.

Divorce final in 2004. Yes, I am remarried. Son's dad and I separated in 2002; Dad awarded custody in 2003; a big reason was I was 8 1/2 months pregnant with daughter from another man. But, son did not do well with the situation and had all kinds of trouble in Kindergarten; judge gave me after school time since dad would not; son improved drastically; Dad decided to move shortly thereafter but custody reverted because the judge found it was not in child's best interest to go with. Since then, he has almost all out of school time (all Easter breaks, all Thanksgiving breaks, half Christmas, 8 weeks in summer) and they also keep in touch with webcam several times a month.

Okay so here is the next question -- knowing that you can file a motion to show cause if he has girlfriend spend the night or spends the night with girlfriend when son is there as that would be a violation of the court order -- what would be the point? Is girlfriend a danger? Is it time to let bygones be bygones and agree to drop that clause from the order using an agreed entry? Is it just about wanting control over what happens in each other's home?

Again, you can file a motion to show cause for contempt against dad if he spends night with girlfriend when son is visiting him. That is a legal option. But if it does not matter to you then you can also file an agreed entry to drop it.

 

[VirginiaMom]

Okay so here is the next question -- knowing that you can file a motion to show cause if he has girlfriend spend the night or spends the night with girlfriend when son is there as that would be a violation of the court order -- what would be the point? Is girlfriend a danger? Is it time to let bygones be bygones and agree to drop that clause from the order using an agreed entry? Is it just about wanting control over what happens in each other's home?

Again, you can file a motion to show cause for contempt against dad if he spends night with girlfriend when son is visiting him. That is a legal option. But if it does not matter to you then you can also file an agreed entry to drop it.

Okay, I think the best thing is to just let it go. I do not want to control and I think they may well end up getting married. My only concern was if I had to "do something" as soon as I knew about it, or forever accept it. But given the circumstances, whatever they decide in making the grandparents comfortable works for me. Thanks for your time and help and perspective!

 

[Ohiogal]

Okay, I think the best thing is to just let it go. I do not want to control and I think they may well end up getting married. My only concern was if I had to "do something" as soon as I knew about it, or forever accept it. But given the circumstances, whatever they decide in making the grandparents comfortable works for me. Thanks for your time and help and perspective!

Well then don't worry about it. Congrats on being the better person and not pressing the issue. Seriously.