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cost of living and support modification

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abys32

Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ
I was divorced in January 2008 in NJ. During the divorce, I became unemployed and received unemployment compensation. There is no alimony. At that time, joint custody of our adopted child was granted. Child support was waived. The child (12 y.o.) was adopted out of foster care and her mother receives a support stipend from the state plus medicaid for the child. She also receives disability compensation for herself, which may include a provision for the child as well. The judge stated that she believed I would spend more money on the child during visitation than the support award. The visitation allowed for every other weekend plus some holidays and a few weeks in the summer.

I found a job in Florida in February 2008 and moved out of state. I have since become unemployed once again in April 2009. I am working contractually whenever I can. The work is unstable. I would like to return to school to get my bachelor's degree in order to be more employable. My entire family lives in Florida and I have a second child here, so I do not anticipate returning to NJ. I have paid all round trip airfare for visits and provide for my child's needs when she lives with me and buy her things for school, she does not bring any belongings with her. She brings whatever we buy (that is portable, like clothes, school supplies, toys, etc..) back with her to NJ. This is most likely irrelevant in a court, but it is what the judge predicted would happen. There has been no change in the order or attempts to change the order since the original order. The current visiting arrangement is fine with me (as long as it is also fine with my child). My child is also welcome to move in with me. I would not prefer less custody or visitation than what her mother and I have agreed to informally. Her mother has not objected as far as I can tell. We only talk briefly and rarely to make visit arrangements, that she obviously agrees to. I don't really have more money for formal child support, and it is very difficult to decrease an award in NJ once it is established. NJ has a cost of living increase every two or three years. What could I expect in terms of changes in support and visitation orders? Thanks for any info or advice.
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ
I was divorced in January 2008 in NJ. During the divorce, I became unemployed and received unemployment compensation. There is no alimony. At that time, joint custody of our adopted child was granted. Child support was waived. The child (12 y.o.) was adopted out of foster care and her mother receives a support stipend from the state plus medicaid for the child. She also receives disability compensation for herself, which may include a provision for the child as well. The judge stated that she believed I would spend more money on the child during visitation than the support award. The visitation allowed for every other weekend plus some holidays and a few weeks in the summer.

I found a job in Florida in February 2008 and moved out of state. I have since become unemployed once again in April 2009. I am working contractually whenever I can. The work is unstable. I would like to return to school to get my bachelor's degree in order to be more employable. My entire family lives in Florida and I have a second child here, so I do not anticipate returning to NJ. I have paid all round trip airfare for visits and provide for my child's needs when she lives with me and buy her things for school, she does not bring any belongings with her. She brings whatever we buy (that is portable, like clothes, school supplies, toys, etc..) back with her to NJ. This is most likely irrelevant in a court, but it is what the judge predicted would happen. There has been no change in the order or attempts to change the order since the original order. The current visiting arrangement is fine with me (as long as it is also fine with my child). My child is also welcome to move in with me. I would not prefer less custody or visitation than what her mother and I have agreed to informally. Her mother has not objected as far as I can tell. We only talk briefly and rarely to make visit arrangements, that she obviously agrees to. I don't really have more money for formal child support, and it is very difficult to decrease an award in NJ once it is established. NJ has a cost of living increase every two or three years. What could I expect in terms of changes in support and visitation orders? Thanks for any info or advice.
To be honest, I cannot imagine that someone with your set of facts, would not be required to pay child support. I am also surprised that you didn't have to pay child support from the very beginning. I realize that mom receives some support for the child from the state, but normally that would not preclude you being required to contribute to the child's support as well.
 

abys32

Member
I was also surprised, to be honest. My *guess* is that it had to do with discussion related to the visitation arrangements. I had difficulty making arrangements to see the child and requested joint custody plus an ordered visitation arrangement. Her mother admitted to the judge that it was true and she was "just waiting for you (the order)." Further, her mother acted very strange. She may have been on strong psych medication, but she seemed drunk or something.

We parted ways because she left to spend time in a different and questionable lifestyle. She entered into therapy and treatment, which she supposedly continued to attend. I would have requested custody if I had been employed and I think I messed up by not taking the opportunity at that time. That part is complicated and something I'd rather discuss with an attorney, especially since I am out of state now. My attorney was just awful. She spent most of her time trying to get control of an escrow account from my RE attorney and billed for it, failed to show in court. It was a bad experience. I would not use or recommend her, but I know it is smart to have a *good* attorney help you when it comes to your child.

I just don't want to be surprised. I need to be able to determine what is a feasible plan for now. I am guessing that her mother will not pursue a change in the order because she 1) can't get her act together 2) doesn't want to pay a lawyer, and 3) fears that I will try to get custody. She could pursue it whenever she wants to, of course. I am just wondering how does COLA work and will that cause an automatic review of the current orders? If it does, everything will have to change.

PS. Her mother gets more financial support from the state than some of the people on this forum get from real parents. Would any other info be useful?
 

abys32

Member
LdiJ

Maybe the judge also considered in the CS decision that I waived alimony that would have been owed to me? Just a thought. She did not say any more than to spend money during the visits. The order I described is and was the order from the beginning. Prior to the final divorce decree, there were no custody or pendente lite arrangements. Is that what you mean? Thanks again for your reply.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Maybe the judge also considered in the CS decision that I waived alimony that would have been owed to me? Just a thought. She did not say any more than to spend money during the visits. The order I described is and was the order from the beginning. Prior to the final divorce decree, there were no custody or pendente lite arrangements. Is that what you mean? Thanks again for your reply.
No, that isn't what I meant.

Your judge honestly ruled in a very odd way. Perhaps the fact that you waived alimony factored into the judge's decision, but it didn't sound to me like you had a particularly long term marriage.
 

abys32

Member
No, that isn't what I meant.

Your judge honestly ruled in a very odd way. Perhaps the fact that you waived alimony factored into the judge's decision, but it didn't sound to me like you had a particularly long term marriage.
My reply didn't post:eek: Final judgement was just after 20 years! (and not one moment too early). I think she may have angered the judge.

I guess this is not a forum with too much info about NJ, but thanks for your replies anyway. Just thought I would ask, since I don't know and don't know anyone who does either.
 
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abys32

Member
One more thing...

I am concerned about visitation and moving out of state. Do you think that I have set enough of a precendent to ensure that we could modify the visitation arrangments to ensure the out of state visits,even if there is disagreement? (which I don't anticipate, but anything is possible). We have repeated a similar process informally and I have paid for everything up to this point. Her mother only has to drive her to the airport. She doesn't even pack a bag. She will be 13 in October. Do you think that matters?
 
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