Court ordered family counseling

[californiamom3]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA
My X and 3 children attended their first court ordered family counseling today.
My oldest told me that it was obvious that the counselor did not know the custody situation and/or rules ordered by the court. (supervised visitation, no phone calls, etc.)
Would it be improper for me to give the counselor a copy of the current order?
I'm not sure if it would be overstepping my boundaries.
The counselor did mention that she might want to see me with the children at one point as well. Should I wait until then or at all?

 

[californiamom3]

sure of it

My oldest said that the counselor mentioned phone calls and sleep overs.....with NCP.
I can't imagine that she's seen the orders!

 

[CourtClerk]

I would think the counselor would have already asked for a copy of the court order.

Are you in CA?????

 

[CourtClerk]

My oldest said that the counselor mentioned phone calls and sleep overs.....with NCP.
I can't imagine that she's seen the orders!

Why don't you sit down and let the professional work. If they need anything from you, they'll ask you for it.

In the meantime, things that go on in a counseling session should remain in the counseling session and I'm surprised the counselor didn't mention that. If they didn't, then you should tell your children that one.

 

[californiamom3]

Yes I'm in CA.
All 5 of us....the children, NCP and I were all in the room with the counselor to discuss the rules. I am indeed aware of the confidentiality rule.
These things that were mentioned bothered my oldest who said,
"Mom, I don't think she knows the rules. Shouldn't we be following court orders even in counseling?" And then she mentioned a few things....nothing major but definitely indicated that there's no way the counselor could have seen papers on the case.
The only question I asked when I picked up the children was, "Did you have a nice time with your dad?"
There is a reason why NCP has supervised visitation. I am inclined to think that the counselor should be aware of the situation.

 

[Isis1]

Yes I'm in CA.
All 5 of us....the children, NCP and I were all in the room with the counselor to discuss the rules. I am indeed aware of the confidentiality rule.
These things that were mentioned bothered my oldest who said,
"Mom, I don't think she knows the rules. Shouldn't we be following court orders even in counseling?" And then she mentioned a few things....nothing major but definitely indicated that there's no way the counselor could have seen papers on the case.
The only question I asked when I picked up the children was, "Did you have a nice time with your dad?"
There is a reason why NCP has supervised visitation. I am inclined to think that the counselor should be aware of the situation.

i found that odd. i'm in CA. and the child's therapist asked for a copy. if she hadn't, i would have sent one.

 

[LdiJ]

Yes I'm in CA.
All 5 of us....the children, NCP and I were all in the room with the counselor to discuss the rules. I am indeed aware of the confidentiality rule.
These things that were mentioned bothered my oldest who said,
"Mom, I don't think she knows the rules. Shouldn't we be following court orders even in counseling?" And then she mentioned a few things....nothing major but definitely indicated that there's no way the counselor could have seen papers on the case.
The only question I asked when I picked up the children was, "Did you have a nice time with your dad?"
There is a reason why NCP has supervised visitation. I am inclined to think that the counselor should be aware of the situation.

I would send her a copy. Clearly she needs to know.

 

[wileybunch]

I would send her a copy. Clearly she needs to know.

I agree. DH had counseling ordered (he wanted it, that's how it got in the order) and the counselor ended up not handling the situation within the bounds of the court order entirely, he took a more, eh hem, progressive approach and went out on his own limb with a POV that the children should run the show sorta thing and actually put everyone into confusion (meanwhile was supporting DH's POV with the CO when he had sessions with DH). Whatever the counselor is doing in their counseling, it NEEDS to be kept within the bounds of the legal framework that is already in place.

 

[CourtClerk]

The problem is no one knows (including the mother) what the basis for the questions were or in what context they were in. If it were court ordered counseling, there is absolutely no reason to believe she already HAS a copy of the CO, forwarded by the court or she hasn't requested it.

It was the FIRST session... let the person work first. If it becomes a problem LATER ON DOWN THE LINE, then say something.

 

[thedoctorisin]

Counselors are not gods of mental health who know everything and do everything perfectly. If it is clear that the counselor is missing something important, whether it is legal information or any other relevant facts, it is in everyone's interest that you be proactive and inform the counselor of this information ASAP, in a private meeting. There are many types of counseling, each with its own theoretical basis, but NOT ONE of them depends on keeping the counselor in the dark.

 

[californiamom3]

I think I'll call and speak to the receptionist today.
It won't hurt to ask what their protocal is.
Thanks to all for your input.
As I said before, I don't want to overstep my boundaries....but it shold be done right.
NCP did not ask for the counseling because he wanted it.
He was previously ordered a phych eval. many years ago.
In the most recent custody hearing he claimed that he could easily make himself look like a knight in shining armor in front of an evaluator.
The mediator and the judge agreed that family counseling would be better for everybody anyway......a regular weekly thing rather than a one time deal with the phych. evaluator.... and the kiddos get to benifit as well.

 

[wileybunch]

The problem is no one knows (including the mother) what the basis for the questions were or in what context they were in. If it were court ordered counseling, there is absolutely no reason to believe she already HAS a copy of the CO, forwarded by the court or she hasn't requested it.

It was the FIRST session... let the person work first. If it becomes a problem LATER ON DOWN THE LINE, then say something.

Apparently it already is a problem, though, with the counselor saying things that aren't consistent with their custody/visitation framework so IMO this is something that needs to be set straight from the beginning before the horse gets too far out of the barn.

 

[profmum]

Send a copy of the CO to the counselor, if she is going to truly help your kids, she has got to get the context right.. this is the about mental well being of your kids.. not the time to be shy or tip toeing around sending over a CO.. that is NOT overstepping boundaries.

 

[frylover]

In the meantime, things that go on in a counseling session should remain in the counseling session and I'm surprised the counselor didn't mention that. If they didn't, then you should tell your children that one.

I'm curious about this.

Does this mean that if a child is upset or disturbed by something that is said or done in counseling they are not allowed to share their feelings with a parent?

 

[californiamom3]

I'm curious about this.

Does this mean that if a child is upset or disturbed by something that is said or done in counseling they are not allowed to share their feelings with a parent?

I wouldn't mind knowing the answer to this myself.
My oldest kiddo seemed to want to tell me something more but felt that she couldn't. Good for her for sticking with the rules......but....if she knows that something has been lied (which I know is not against the law) about or something disturbing said.....she can't ask me or tell me about it?