Fathers Day

[wileybunch]

txmom, my condolences to you, too. And, I agree with the other posters that said they didn't have the best dad, but that was THEIR DAD and they miss him anyway and that is between FATHER and CHILD. Moms need to stay out of it.

 

[ezmarelda]

txmom
I am so sorry for your loss. No matter what kind of relationship you have with your parent it's never easy. My sisters estranged husband commited suicide last week. They were going through a lot of crazy stuff....doesn't matter....he was a great dad to his 3 children, so sad.
I did email dad offering the morning of Father's Day. I even offered more than an hour. He said he could not commit. Should I be expected to scrap any plans for the whole day and wait for him to come up with somebody to supervise? Should I sit by the computer on Sunday and wait to hear from him? I don't think that's quite fair either. The kiddos and I have a life as well.
I received an email from him this morning that says,
"Can you please confirm 6pm on Sunday."
It is a game of control for him. He has no rights at the moment and will push as far as he can. He continues to write to kiddos about dropping the supervision, he continues to write to kiddos about times and dates of visits.
I'm at a quandry at the moment. He has been gone for a long time. I wish that he had come back a better man for the childrens sake. I was more than willing to work with him if he had. The children deserve a decent father. So frustrating.

this is not legal advice...just advice from someone who grew up with a crappy Dad,then almost lost him in a car crash when i was 18....i also have a 9yo daughter who has not seen her crappy Dad in aprox 4yrs
if my daughter's Dad were to make ANY effort at all to act like a Dad (even as small as 1 hr a week) i would make EVERY effort to allow him to including "scrapping" my plans for the day

Just because the other parent is not doing things the way you want them to dosent always mean they are doing it "wrong". It also isnt always just to mess with you

 

[ezmarelda]

You know what?

My dad died yesterday.

Be glad they have a father to have fathers day with....

i am so sorry, try and remember how blessed you are to have had the time you did with him

 

[Ohiogal]

txmom
I am so sorry for your loss. No matter what kind of relationship you have with your parent it's never easy. My sisters estranged husband commited suicide last week. They were going through a lot of crazy stuff....doesn't matter....he was a great dad to his 3 children, so sad.
I did email dad offering the morning of Father's Day. I even offered more than an hour. He said he could not commit. Should I be expected to scrap any plans for the whole day and wait for him to come up with somebody to supervise? Should I sit by the computer on Sunday and wait to hear from him? I don't think that's quite fair either. The kiddos and I have a life as well.
I received an email from him this morning that says,
"Can you please confirm 6pm on Sunday."
It is a game of control for him. He has no rights at the moment and will push as far as he can. He continues to write to kiddos about dropping the supervision, he continues to write to kiddos about times and dates of visits.
I'm at a quandry at the moment. He has been gone for a long time. I wish that he had come back a better man for the childrens sake. I was more than willing to work with him if he had. The children deserve a decent father. So frustrating.

Write this to him:

"I am confirming 6pm Tomorrow as your relationship with your children is important."

End of story.
Here are your choices:
Be the adult and bigger person.
Or be a gameplaying immature bitter person. Pick one.

 

[Nativity]

Help the kiddos get a card.

 

[txmom512]

Thank you. You know, he really was a great great dad. Since the whole cancer thing, we all stopped taking each other for granted. We called each other and got together a Lot more often, always said "Love You" when we called or saw each other, hugged a lot more. This past few years has been a great gift. He didn't die of cancer, he actually had had his bi-annual scan 2 days before and he was Fine. The doctors say it was an embolism. It is amazing how someone so young (he was 62) and healthy, and active and So strong can just be taken from you so unexpectedly. I keep wondering what am I going to do without my daddy...

All I can say is cherish every moment...


ETA: OP, I agree w/ OG - that's the perfect answer. And Nativity is right as well, help the kids get a card...

 

[DawnPlusTwo]

Op-

I understand your frustration, I really really do.
My son's dad thinks two hours is a good enough amount of notice before a visit. I always have plans. Guess what? I always CANCEL or rearrange my plans so that our son can spend time with his dad. Because ultimately, son's time with dad is far more important than our playdates or our errand running. It just is.
I know this isn't an answer you want to hear, but it is an answer you NEED to hear.

 

[Ohiogal]

Op-

I understand your frustration, I really really do.
My son's dad thinks two hours is a good enough amount of notice before a visit. I always have plans. Guess what? I always CANCEL or rearrange my plans so that our son can spend time with his dad. Because ultimately, son's time with dad is far more important than our playdates or our errand running. It just is.
I know this isn't an answer you want to hear, but it is an answer you NEED to hear.

Is your son a year old? You work nights?

 

[DawnPlusTwo]

He's about 10 1/2 months now. And I do work nights taking care an eldery friend of the family...

 

[Ohiogal]

He's about 10 1/2 months now. And I do work nights taking care an eldery friend of the family...

Your husband's wife was on here griping about you. Apparently you are expecting dad to give 24 hours notice or the night before and he wants to call at 10 am or 11am for a 1 or 2pm visit. NPiearcy -- she got mad at me and deleted her thread however I have a thread about the situation.

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/n-piearcy-471661.html

Read. Enjoy. Print it out.


SORRY FOR THE HIJACK. Should have taken to PMs.

ETA: Npiearcy did change the sex of the child but pretty much everything else remained the same.

 

[Zigner]

Should I be expected to scrap any plans for the whole day and wait for him to come up with somebody to supervise?

For this ONE day out of the year? Yes.

 

[BBQ Pope]

to everyone who has lost a father: my deepest condolences. i am extremely sorry for your loss. i can't imagine what that feels like, but i know one day i will learn. i am eternally grateful to my father for the man he is. he inspires me everyday to be the best father i can be and has been a constant influence in my life. if i can be seen by my sons as half the man my father is, then i've done an exceptional job as a father to them.

calimom, i don't know the particulars regarding your situation. no one does but you and the father of your children. but i do know that "games" are played both psychologically and emotionally years after a divorce is finalized. i'm already beginning to see the onset of these games and our papers haven't even been filed yet. but you can't allow these games to affect your children. you stated that it's a control thing even though he basically has none. keep that in mind and be the better person. it's one day a year. allow the father of your children to see his kids on father's day. do whatever it takes. it's not for him... it's for your kids. and if he doesn't come through, just let it go and be confident that your kids will remember days like today when you did everything you could to let them see their father and he's the one that didn't make it happen. don't set yourself up to be the person they're angry at when they're older and are experiencing issues related to feeling abandoned by their father. they'll know you did what you could. they'll know you tried to do what's best for them when they were too young to know themselves. and happy belated mother's day to you.

 

[rookie231]

Wow

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA
NCP emailed me on Monday telling me that both of his (mutually agreed) supervisors will be out of town for the day and he will not be able to have his visitation with the children.
So I made plans for the day.
Today NCP is telling me that he's waiting to hear back from one of the friends about visitation on Sunday. Rhetorical question: did he forget that he already told me that he couldn't on Sunday?
I know it's Father's Day, but COME ON!

I hope you gave in today

I am going through a very contested, sometimes ugly custody case, didn't even bring up this weekend, as it wasn't "mine" and didnt want the conflict, AND baby's Mom text me this week and said she wanted me to have her for the entire weekend! She told me I would only have ONE First Fathers Day, and her birthday was even this weekend

No matter how ugly things get, parents have to remember there are kids involved and I am very grateful my baby's mom did what she did.

 

[nextwife]

My dad passed away on Fathers Day, many years ago. I miss him terribly, wish my husband and child could have known him, and pray that any mom whose child doesn't get to see BOTH their parents on a daily basis do everything in their power to give their child as much time with their NCP as possible. After all, when the parents DON'T live together, kiddos don't get before school, during dinner or after dinner time with the other parent the way they do with the custodial parent. Some of my favorite memories of my dad were all of his spontaneous, spur of the moment plans, many of which were not on weekends at all.

Fathers Day is, after all, Father's Day. NOTHING is more important than a child being with their dad.

 

[Ohiogal]

I hope you gave in today

I am going through a very contested, sometimes ugly custody case, didn't even bring up this weekend, as it wasn't "mine" and didnt want the conflict, AND baby's Mom text me this week and said she wanted me to have her for the entire weekend! She told me I would only have ONE First Fathers Day, and her birthday was even this weekend

No matter how ugly things get, parents have to remember there are kids involved and I am very grateful my baby's mom did what she did.

Try to remember that. The other parent appears to be wanting to work with you. So work with her as well. It is only ugly if you both decide that YOUR way is the ONLY way. (For what its worth, one way is NEVER the only way.)