Quick question

[doc2b]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MI

If a parent is out of state on vacation, and has parenting time during that vacation that they are unable and have no intent of exercising because of the distance, do they have the right to "give" it to another family member?

Hubby's ex is, apparently, already out of the state and gave her parenting time over to her mom (according to the kids, grandma had them all day, and is planning on picking them up tomorrow and next day to exercise mom's parenting time).

What is the best way for dad to handle this? They have a ROFR in place, which has already been violated (for the umpteenth time), but if mom isn't in the state can he take the extra time with them himself? Especially important right now, because we got transferred out of state for his job and a whole change in domicile hearing is in the works...we leave on Monday and don't know when he will get to see the kids again.

Thanks.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MI

If a parent is out of state on vacation, and has parenting time during that vacation that they are unable and have no intent of exercising because of the distance, do they have the right to "give" it to another family member?

Hubby's ex is, apparently, already out of the state and gave her parenting time over to her mom (according to the kids, grandma had them all day, and is planning on picking them up tomorrow and next day to exercise mom's parenting time).

What is the best way for dad to handle this? They have a ROFR in place, which has already been violated (for the umpteenth time), but if mom isn't in the state can he take the extra time with them himself? Especially important right now, because we got transferred out of state for his job and a whole change in domicile hearing is in the works...we leave on Monday and don't know when he will get to see the kids again.

Thanks.

Grandma does not get to exercise mom's parenting time in MI...or any other state for that matter.

I would tend to insist on dad exercising what time he could prior to his move.

 

[doc2b]

Grandma does not get to exercise mom's parenting time in MI...or any other state for that matter.

I would tend to insist on dad exercising what time he could prior to his move.

Thank you, LD...that's kind of what I gathered from the other similar questions I've looked at on here, but every state and situation is different. The kids already told him that they dropped her at the airport and that they were excited for her to bring them back shells from the beach
He sent her a message inquire whether she was going to be able to exercise her parenting time tomorrow, and she basically responded that the kids would be picked up in the morning for her parenting time and it was none of his business who was picking them up or whether she was available for the next few days. She also stated that her attorney advised her that she was within her rights to hand the kids over to whomever she chose while she was gone, but she's BS'd like that before about just about everything.

Would it be inappropriate for dad to call grandma tonight and let her know not to come get the kiddos tomorrow (she lives quite a distance away)? If not, how does he handle it tomorrow morning when grandma shows up?

 

[Isis1]

Thank you, LD...that's kind of what I gathered from the other similar questions I've looked at on here, but every state and situation is different. The kids already told him that they dropped her at the airport and that they were excited for her to bring them back shells from the beach
He sent her a message inquire whether she was going to be able to exercise her parenting time tomorrow, and she basically responded that the kids would be picked up in the morning for her parenting time and it was none of his business who was picking them up or whether she was available for the next few days. She also stated that her attorney advised her that she was within her rights to hand the kids over to whomever she chose while she was gone, but she's BS'd like that before about just about everything.
Would it be inappropriate for dad to call grandma tonight and let her know not to come get the kiddos tomorrow (she lives quite a distance away)? If not, how does he handle it tomorrow morning when grandma shows up?

but she's not handing her kids over to ANYONE. she's never there. mom would have to show up personally, hand the kids over and THEN go back on vacation.

dad shouldn't be home. least i wouldn't. but then i have an attitude problem.

 

[TheGeekess]

Would it be inappropriate for dad to call grandma tonight and let her know not to come get the kiddos tomorrow (she lives quite a distance away)? If not, how does he handle it tomorrow morning when grandma shows up?

I think it would show some consideration for MGrandM if your husband calls her this evening and lets her know that she won't have to drive all that distance tomorrow. (And those little considerations can go a long way....)

 

[doc2b]

but she's not handing her kids over to ANYONE. she's never there. mom would have to show up personally, hand the kids over and THEN go back on vacation.

dad shouldn't be home. least i wouldn't. but then i have an attitude problem.

Yeah, we'll all be heading out for breakfast He and I have this same attitude problem you're speaking of, but we try really hard to keep each other at bay.

I think it would show some consideration for MGrandM if your husband calls her this evening and lets her know that she won't have to drive all that distance tomorrow. (And those little considerations can go a long way....)

Unfortunately, it's 10:30 pm here...hope it's not too late. I guess it's better than not giving a heads up at all. Although, mom wouldn't confirm that grandma is the one she's sending to get the kids in the morning, so he could be calling and waking her up for nothing...oh, what to do.

Thanks, everybody!

 

[doc2b]

Update

Well, dad tried to call grandma...no answer. The kids' Mom messaged him wondering what he wanted with her mom. Grandma drove around dad's parent's neighborhood this morning checking to see if the kiddos were there (made 4-5passes that they saw her slowing out front).

Mom has thrown the "my attorney said she can have them" card out there numerous times today, but her attorney will not return any of dad's attorney's calls regarding visitation, change in domicile agreement, an agreement they made for temporary order for summer parenting time since we're moving, or their recent agreement in court regarding child support. I'm thinking mom fired her attorney or he quit her....I can't imagine why, just out of professional courtesy, he wouldn't be making any attempts to contact dad's attorney for the last week and a half despite many messages. The attorneys are supposed to be working on writing the new order for CS (dad got it lowered a bit, but mom still won't provide actual income to the court-she claims she doesn't know how much she makes ).

So, we'll see what happens tomorrow. Dad took it as a vacation day (mom was notified back in early May), but she seems to think that he doesn't get her daytime hours tomorrow and that grandma can come get the kids and use her parenting time, despite what happened today.

I don't get why she's so bent on dad not getting these last few days he has with the kids before we have to leave. Stepdaughter had to go into the doc this morning for an ankle sprain that happened while with grandma yesterday. When dad sent mom a message about what the doc found, mom simply replied with "am I going to have issues with the kids getting picked up tomorrow, too?" Not anything about how her daughter is feeling, what happened, what's the care plan...just whether she can take the kids from dad tomorrow.

Sorry-done with my rant (for now). This is just a stressful enough weekend for everybody without all the added drama. The poor kids are really starting to shut down knowing that dad, baby brother and I are moving in a few days, and their mom is wanting to shorten their time together. I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone-are people really this bizarre?

 

[LdiJ]

Well, dad tried to call grandma...no answer. The kids' Mom messaged him wondering what he wanted with her mom. Grandma drove around dad's parent's neighborhood this morning checking to see if the kiddos were there (made 4-5passes that they saw her slowing out front).

Mom has thrown the "my attorney said she can have them" card out there numerous times today, but her attorney will not return any of dad's attorney's calls regarding visitation, change in domicile agreement, an agreement they made for temporary order for summer parenting time since we're moving, or their recent agreement in court regarding child support. I'm thinking mom fired her attorney or he quit her....I can't imagine why, just out of professional courtesy, he wouldn't be making any attempts to contact dad's attorney for the last week and a half despite many messages. The attorneys are supposed to be working on writing the new order for CS (dad got it lowered a bit, but mom still won't provide actual income to the court-she claims she doesn't know how much she makes ).

So, we'll see what happens tomorrow. Dad took it as a vacation day (mom was notified back in early May), but she seems to think that he doesn't get her daytime hours tomorrow and that grandma can come get the kids and use her parenting time, despite what happened today.

I don't get why she's so bent on dad not getting these last few days he has with the kids before we have to leave. Stepdaughter had to go into the doc this morning for an ankle sprain that happened while with grandma yesterday. When dad sent mom a message about what the doc found, mom simply replied with "am I going to have issues with the kids getting picked up tomorrow, too?" Not anything about how her daughter is feeling, what happened, what's the care plan...just whether she can take the kids from dad tomorrow.

Sorry-done with my rant (for now). This is just a stressful enough weekend for everybody without all the added drama. The poor kids are really starting to shut down knowing that dad, baby brother and I are moving in a few days, and their mom is wanting to shorten their time together. I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone-are people really this bizarre?

She may have an irrational fear that you and dad plan to take the kids with you. Otherwise, she is being more than a bit selfish.

 

[doc2b]

She may have an irrational fear that you and dad plan to take the kids with you. Otherwise, she is being more than a bit selfish.

Absolutely not the plan...dad does want half of the summer (they have almost 60 (dad)/40 (mom) custody) as a temp order, but he agreed to dates that she gave him mid summer that work around her vacation plans. We, unfortunately, are having to leave in just a few days without knowing anything about what's going to happen in the coming summer months.

It basically boils down that she doesn't want him to have any summer at all, and she wants full custody. Dad's attorney is filing for a change in domicile this week, which dad knows may or may not go his way-but it's worth trying to him. I have total faith that their judge will make the best decision for the kids (he's got a great judge, which is comforting because I've heard horror stories about the county we're in). It just stinks that we have to leave and mom is refusing to cooperate in figuring out a temporary summer plan until the judge's decision is made. I'm terrified that the kids and dad won't get to see each other this summer, but his attorney is filing some motion to get a temp order in while they're waiting for the hearing date. It's obviously going to be a while since there is most likely going to be an evaluation first. Ugh, what a mess.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Your saving grace is the ROFR on this one.

I wouldn't be home anywhere near the times of potential pickup.

As for the change of domicile, I'm sure you've researched long-distance parenting plans. Since dad is the one moving, he'll most likely pickup the transportation costs.

How big a distance?

 

[doc2b]

Your saving grace is the ROFR on this one.

I wouldn't be home anywhere near the times of potential pickup.

As for the change of domicile, I'm sure you've researched long-distance parenting plans. Since dad is the one moving, he'll most likely pickup the transportation costs.

How big a distance?

Well, another part of the issue is that mom is insisting pickup times are at her discretion...the CO'd pickup time is 7am, and she's insisting that tomorrow her mom is going to pickup the kids at 8:30 am so she can take the kids to a a summer play group (keep in mind, tomorrow is one of dad's summer vacation days, anyway...so she's not entitled to any part of that day, regardless).

We will definitely be gone again at pickup time. She's already made dad aware that grandma is going to attempt pickup again tomorrow to exercise her time. She also told the kids on the phone that they will be going with grandma tomorrow because it's her time, not dad's. They're so confused...they know it's a vacation weekend, but mom's telling them that dad is keeping them illegally.

Transportation costs are expected, for sure. We've already tried to figure them into our budget to be prepared. However, mom is insisting she will not allow the kids to travel by airplane without a parent. The distance is 750 miles (through the mountains), so driving, it would take 1-2 days each direction, depending on weather, what time the exchange occurs, etc.

Obviously, he wants the kids for the school year, and is offering all breaks in their entirety, with the exception of Christmas/Winter break (1 week apiece, alternating each year) and a few days at the end of summer break to prepare the kids for school, as well as virtual visitation, extra time when mom needs it for special occassions or if she's visiting in the area (as well as for extended family)...basically he wants to offer up as much time as possible and as many extra opportunities for contact so that if it doesn't go in his favor, he will hopefully be afforded the same schedule.

I just pray for the kids to be okay, regardless of what happens. I know a lot of families have to go through this, but you never expect it to be your own.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Holler when it comes time for the coming up with a parenting plan. I am way too familiar with the laws and I am dealing with the long-distance plan.

I did get most of what I wanted when in court.

The judge ORDERED my X to sign the paperwork to get a passport. I left with notarized paperwork.

 

[doc2b]

Holler when it comes time for the coming up with a parenting plan. I am way too familiar with the laws and I am dealing with the long-distance plan.

I did get most of what I wanted when in court.

The judge ORDERED my X to sign the paperwork to get a passport. I left with notarized paperwork.

I definitely will! Thanks! It helps to get tips from other people who have had to experience the plans (and shortcomings of them) firsthand.

Maybe I'm delusional or just overly optimistic, but I'm really feeling confident about the Change in Domicile going well for my husband. And if not...well, I guess he and I will have to work like crazy to get him back in state as soon as possible and go from there.

Glad your court date went so well (not that it sounded like it wouldn't, since your ex sounds like he's a PITA). Hopefully no more problems for you and your daughter anytime in the near future!