not legal?

[californiamom3]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA
I understand that step parents and bed buddies do not have any legal rights unless given by a judge.
In reading other threads I see that some are reprimanded for using "We" and "Us."
My children and I have lived with my bed buddy (BF) for over 6 years. My youngest was 3 1/2 at the time. She is now 10.
Their dad was not in the picture until recently. My BF is all that my girls had for a father figure for all those years. My children do not call my BF dad, but my two youngest do introduce him as dad. Dr.s, teachers and anybody of any importance know of our situation. (including that dad is not allowed at school) They know that my BF is not dad.
Anyway, through the years my BF has signed emergency cards, permission slips and many other school orientated items. School knows that we are not married and that he is not their legal guardian. BF is allowed to pick up from school, etc.
He does not sign any medical related items but is on as an emergency contact.
Could the school be in legal trouble for allowing this?
I never thought anything of it as they were always aware of our situation and never questioned me.

 

[CourtClerk]

My children and I have lived with my bed buddy (BF) for over 6 years.

How sad... how unbelievably sad...

Your boyfriend has no business signing any legal document that concerns your child.
Sleeping with you for 6 years doesn't make him important to anyone else in this world but you.

 

[Proserpina]

How sad... how unbelievably sad...

Your boyfriend has no business signing any legal document that concerns your child.
Sleeping with you for 6 years doesn't make him important to anyone else in this world but you.

Question for you, CC (if you don't mind?)

Is the school liable for anything in this one? Could they be in trouble?

(thank you!)

 

[CourtClerk]

Question for you, CC (if you don't mind?)

Is the school liable for anything in this one? Could they be in trouble?

(thank you!)

Liable for what? You think they go through all the thousands of school records to ensure that the signatures of everyone are that of a legal parent? Who has time to do that? Do you have children? How many papers are you sent home to sign in the course of a school year? You think that there is a signature verifyer (if that's a word) sitting waiting for the next batch of forms?

 

[Proserpina]

Liable for what? You think they go through all the thousands of school records to ensure that the signatures of everyone are that of a legal parent? Who has time to do that? Do you have children? How many papers are you sent home to sign in the course of a school year? You think that there is a signature verifyer (if that's a word) sitting waiting for the next batch of forms?

Dunno, really - I suppose I was thinking more along the lines of the school inadvertently letting a step/BUD/Disney Character/Serial Killer sign important documents without knowing who they really are or whether or not they have permission to do so, you know?

Good point. Maybe Monk? (final series - he's going to need something to do)

Nobody I know

Yup! And good gracious me there's enough legal paperwork with a toddler, let alone a child of school-age!

Eleventy twelve lbs. I swear it seems that way.

Hmm...never thought about that really. Probably not, no!

In retrospect the question was somewhat foolish (I'd prefer 'misguided', but I can admit when I'm wrong), yes - didn't seem so at the time but I could've been influenced by that surreal, obnoxious underwater Sponge thing who seems to have taken over the bed-room. Mine. I wouldn't mind so much if it was just Lil'un's bedroom...

Thanks for taking the time though.

 

[CourtClerk]

Dunno, really - I suppose I was thinking more along the lines of the school inadvertently letting a step/BUD/Disney Character/Serial Killer sign important documents without knowing who they really are or whether or not they have permission to do so, you know?

Does anyone REALLY know that someone is who they say they are? When my child entered his current school district, I had to give them a copy of his birth certificate. When he went from elementary to middle school, I didn't have to give them another one, from middle to high school either.

Now, I have sent back, EVERY YEAR an emergency card with information, which, they've taken me on my word is accurate. I can put anything on there I darn well please... including that Walt Disney is my son's father. They wouldn't make me prove it.

 

[Antigone*]

Does anyone REALLY know that someone is who they say they are? When my child entered his current school district, I had to give them a copy of his birth certificate. When he went from elementary to middle school, I didn't have to give them another one, from middle to high school either.

Now, I have sent back, EVERY YEAR an emergency card with information, which, they've taken me on my word is accurate. I can put anything on there I darn well please... including that Walt Disney is my son's father. They wouldn't make me prove it.

OP ~ sorry for the hijack


CC ~ (did you get the PM I sent you? If not, check you pm's.

 

[CJane]

Legally, the school has done nothing wrong.

I really don't think YOU would be in any legal trouble either. You haven't excluded Dad - he hasn't been around. There's a difference.

I do think that in general, we're WAY harder on step-parents/boyfriends/girlfriends than an actual judge is. And frankly? The school couldn't care LESS who is on those forms.

 

[Humusluvr]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA
I understand that step parents and bed buddies do not have any legal rights unless given by a judge.
In reading other threads I see that some are reprimanded for using "We" and "Us."
My children and I have lived with my bed buddy (BF) for over 6 years.

I, personally, LOL'd. C'mon guys, it shows she read the forum!

I do not see where you have done anything legally wrong. Those types of permission slips and the such are usually a CYA from the school. Its not like you are going to go back and sue the school if your kid trips while on a picnic with the school, because your BF signed the slip.....right???

 

[CourtClerk]

I do think that in general, we're WAY harder on step-parents/boyfriends/girlfriends than an actual judge is. And frankly? The school couldn't care LESS who is on those forms.

Not in my county. However, I will say step-parents get a little lee-way... just some chick/dude you're performing free sexual services for? Not a chance. She'd have her behind handed to her in court if this ever made it there.

 

[CJane]

Not in my county. However, I will say step-parents get a little lee-way... just some chick/dude you're performing free sexual services for? Not a chance. She'd have her behind handed to her in court if this ever made it there.

Perhaps so. In my case, D'man is treated the same as SMom. We're not married, not engaged, not living together, but any 'long term committed relationship' is looked at in the same light as marriage as far as impact on the kids/parenting relationship.

 

[LdiJ]

Not in my county. However, I will say step-parents get a little lee-way... just some chick/dude you're performing free sexual services for? Not a chance. She'd have her behind handed to her in court if this ever made it there.

But this isn't one of those cases where it would end up in court, at least not for the past.

Dad wasn't around at all for the last 6 years and has just now started coming around.

If dad tried to complain about the fact that mom's boyfriend signed things in the last six years while dad was AWOL, the judge would laugh him out of court.

It could be an issue NOW, since dad is back in the picture, but not for the last 6 years. Mom was perfectly free to designate another adult as her backup.

 

[CourtClerk]

although I believe bedbuddy shouldn't be the term of someone your allowing to be responsible for your children.

There is nothing wrong with calling someone who/what they are. If that's who he is, then that's who he is. If that's what she is, then that's what she is.

 

[californiamom3]

moraly

Morally? My BF stepped in when dad fled the country and was gone for 5 years.
Dad is gradually (baby steps) getting to know our children, and if all goes well, will eventually be the one who signs next to me.
As I has said in my original post.....school knows of our situation, knows that BF is not stepdad and/or legal guardian and still allowed for items to be signed by him.
School also knows of dads restrictions, has a picture of him and all current copies of court orders. Previously there was a restraining order that did not allow him at kids school, home, work, etc. Restraining order has since expired (dad was in a foreign country for 5 years,,,no point in reinstating order) Before dad left he was striped of all but parental rights. No visitation, no contact, no NOTHING!
There is so much more to this that doesn't involve legal questions. Just a matter of having one tad bit of my old life I'd like to leave behind.
I think that some may have an issue with me not being married.
Marriage isn't important to me. WE (yes, I'm saying WE this time) live as a family.
BF does not discipline my children, he has rarely ever raised his voice to them.
He has supported them financially, emotionally. He taught my now 10 year old to ride a bicycle, was there for 8th grade graduation and awards night. He has taught the girls how to fish and camp. He does things alone with them as much as any "father figure" would.
NO, he has no legal rights. I know this to be true. He, nor I, have ever spelled it out any differently.
BF is important to more than just me. I also know this to be true.
He was never there to replace, but to step in while needed.
If dad ever pulls his life together, BF is prepared to take a step back and let dad be dad. One day****************************....just maybe.

 

[californiamom3]

There is nothing wrong with calling someone who/what they are. If that's who he is, then that's who he is. If that's what she is, then that's what she is.

Bed buddy= I only use that term on here....most of you won't allow it any other way!
I get the feeling that court clerk doesn't believe in unmarried couples living together......
Which is fine, be it a religious view or just their own morals. We have different opinions, thats ok too.