Should Stepmom get POA?

[poppabear]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oregon

My daughter is 3. Her mom has supervised visitation. My wife and I have a 2nd child and my wife stays at home with both children. I work very long and unpredictable hours. I am wondering if my wife needs POA to take my daughter to doctor/dentist appointments. For the last 1 1/2 years she has just carried around a note from me saying that she has my permission to seek medical care in emergency and non-emergency situations. The same type of note that I would give a daycare or babysitter if my daughter were in childcare. My wife does not pose as mom and everyone knows that she is step-mom. So far, she has had no problems getting care for my daughter, I just want to be sure that she doesn't have any problems in the future. Also, my daughter will be starting an early education program this year and I want to be sure that my wife will have no problems picking up my daughter or getting information in my place. Thank you.

 

[haiku]

I have been a step mom for 12 years and have never even needed a hand written note from my husband to do anything that came up with my steps when parents were not available, including getting stitiches on a bashed open knee.

What you already have done will do you just fine in the coming years. As far as pre school goes you list step mom as one of the people authorized for pick up, and just like any school notes usually get sent home or mailed to the parents.

 

[TribecaClrk]

I guess it depends on where you are...I've been a stepparent for 5 years and doctors/teachers wouldn't even look my way ... they were/are so afraid of mom smacking down the law. Also touchy when child and stepparent are different races bc the obvious fact that there is no relation is so evident.

 

[haiku]

I guess it depends on where you are...I've been a stepparent for 5 years and doctors/teachers wouldn't even look my way ... they were/are so afraid of mom smacking down the law. Also touchy when child and stepparent are different races bc the obvious fact that there is no relation is so evident.

umm really there are not to many reasons for a step parent to be having docotor or teacher conferences alone. And no not really buying a racial reason either... Those situations should still be the parents domain only. The OP is referenceing emergencies and pick ups and drop offs, notes home etc...

 

[Proserpina]

I guess it depends on where you are...I've been a stepparent for 5 years and doctors/teachers wouldn't even look my way ... they were/are so afraid of mom smacking down the law. Also touchy when child and stepparent are different races bc the obvious fact that there is no relation is so evident.

No offense, but that makes absolutely no sense.

Otherwise every mixed-racial couple would come under suspicion every time one of them went alone to pick up kiddo And that's not even touching on adoption.

ETA: and again, it doesn't consider the possibility of parents "looking" like a particular race despite not actually being of that race.

 

[poppabear]

Thanks for the info. I guess we will just keep doing what has worked for us so far. My ex cannot be involved at this point in DD's daily activities, but she doesn't want stepmom involved either. Her solution is that I quit my job so I can be the one taking care of DD full time

And since it was brought up, stepmom and DD are different races. But so are mom and DD, and I don't think mom has ever been asked to "prove" she was mom because they don't quite look the same. But then again, where we live mixed-raced relationships aren't all that odd. I didn't realize it was still an issue out there.

 

[wileybunch]

No offense, but that makes absolutely no sense.

Otherwise every mixed-racial couple would come under suspicion every time one of them went alone to pick up kiddo And that's not even touching on adoption.

Well, I have natural children that are bi-racial and I'm not and when they were younger, yes, this was an issue. Not constantly, but it does happen.

 

[jbowman]

Well, I have natural children that are bi-racial and I'm not and when they were younger, yes, this was an issue. Not constantly, but it does happen.

So do I and I agree, yes it does happen. People not in this situation have no idea.

 

[LdiJ]

So do I and I agree, yes it does happen. People not in this situation have no idea.

So far I haven't run into that with my granddaughter, but we are in an urban area where its very common.