ExWife doing drugs around children

[atxdad]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

So ex-wife and I have joint conservatorship. We just wrapped up my summer visitation and I was informed (from my 7 year old) that my exwife is smoking marijuana around them. For a fact it's marijuana. We were watching Cops and they pulled weed off of someone and my daughter said "Thats what my mom smokes." but I already knew she smoked anyway, just didn't know it was still going on around the kids. I asked my daughter how she smoked it and she said "she cuts it and rolls small white cigarettes. And smells different than her other cigarettes." my daughter also says she's heard them use the word "weed" often. Also I know that my exwife's parents smoke pot like 5 times a day including when dropping the kids off for my weekends. (they reek of marijuana which is the same thing their mom smokes and tries to hide sometimes). So my question is how can I prove this in court for custody. My daughters have expressed to me that they don't want to live with their mom and step-dad anymore. They've also expressed their want to talk to whoever is in charge (the judge) so they can move in with me. I feel it may be the wrong thing to do to mix them up in the court system, but also do want custody for the best interest of the children. Is there any way to order drug tests for the grandparents and mother and stepdad since they all are doing this with the children in their custody? I want whats best for them. They are scared of the stepfather because he has been known to spank them often, and they want out of the trailer they feel imprisoned in. What steps should I take to gain custody? How do I get them drug tested, and when they do fail, will that benefit improve my chances of getting the children out of this mess? A little info about me- military combat vet, full time student, on deferred probation for possession charge with intent (in court she admitted to being involved in the same offense i'm eligible to be off early probation now and working on it, so it won't be on my record anymore) I've since been rehired as a federal firefighter but resigned to finish up business degree. Any suggestions are much appreciated.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

So ex-wife and I have joint conservatorship. We just wrapped up my summer visitation and I was informed (from my 7 year old) that my exwife is smoking marijuana around them. For a fact it's marijuana. We were watching Cops and they pulled weed off of someone and my daughter said "Thats what my mom smokes." but I already knew she smoked anyway, just didn't know it was still going on around the kids. I asked my daughter how she smoked it and she said "she cuts it and rolls small white cigarettes. And smells different than her other cigarettes." my daughter also says she's heard them use the word "weed" often. Also I know that my exwife's parents smoke pot like 5 times a day including when dropping the kids off for my weekends. (they reek of marijuana which is the same thing their mom smokes and tries to hide sometimes). So my question is how can I prove this in court for custody. My daughters have expressed to me that they don't want to live with their mom and step-dad anymore. They've also expressed their want to talk to whoever is in charge (the judge) so they can move in with me. I feel it may be the wrong thing to do to mix them up in the court system, but also do want custody for the best interest of the children. Is there any way to order drug tests for the grandparents and mother and stepdad since they all are doing this with the children in their custody? I want whats best for them. They are scared of the stepfather because he has been known to spank them often, and they want out of the trailer they feel imprisoned in. What steps should I take to gain custody? How do I get them drug tested, and when they do fail, will that benefit improve my chances of getting the children out of this mess? A little info about me- military combat vet, full time student, on deferred probation for possession charge with intent (in court she admitted to being involved in the same offense i'm eligible to be off early probation now and working on it, so it won't be on my record anymore) I've since been rehired as a federal firefighter but resigned to finish up business degree. Any suggestions are much appreciated.

(just as a note, "rolling" can be done with regular tobacco and papers - it's not proof that marijuana is involved)

You're going to need cause (and a 7-year-old child's words aren't generally going to cut it) to even request a drug test.

How old are the kids? How long have they been with mom? Is there any proof other than statements from the kids that she's doing drugs around them? Was Mom ever been convicted or charged with anything?

(it's also unlikely that the judge will even listen to the kids' wishes, let alone take those wishes into consideration. The kids aren't the ones deciding where they want to live, y'know?)

 

[Banned_Princess]

My daughter is 10 and I don't watch "cops" with her. She gets ideas, and its not really child appropriate.

I'm probably going to get alot of flack for the following, but as a pro legalization advocate, I feel like I should point some things out...

Marijuana is literally a signature away from becoming legal and decriminalized. And I firmly believe Obama is going to provide that signature, as soon as he straightens out the rest of this country's mess. (as in its not his first or 5th priority, but he WILL get to it.)

And furthermore, "weed" is not at all disrupting your ex's ability to parent, or care for her children. As a matter of fact, it might even help in that she might be calmer, and prepare better meals more often. It has that effect. It is less damaging then alcohol, and with alittle openmindedness, America will see its error and embrace its various and medically valid uses, as well as tax the heck out of it in order to provide Americans with total medical coverage.

It really sounds to me like you are allowing your 7 yr old and 5 year old dictate to you what they "want" and I hate to point this out, but they may just be saying some things like that to you in order to gain your approval or get a reaction from you, also kids are notorious liars, embellisher's, and hate punishment and discipline period. Don't think for one minit they don't need boundaries and discipline, so be happy they are not being spoiled silly.

The best thing in my point of view, which in this case is not a legal point of view is continue with your order of visitation, Don't stir up trouble over anything less then a raging crack addiction, and try to appear supportive of your ex and her family. Your children are lucky to have so many family members involved in their lives, and as long as you are united with them from the beginning, the less chance your children will try to manipulate you and walk all over you in the future.

Speak to your ex about your concerns, try to refrain from being judgmental and accusatory, Your in it for the long haul with her... get it straight asap.

 

[atxdad]

They have been with Mom now for 5 yrs, since the divorce. She hasn't been convicted of anything. I know she still smokes weed bedsides that because she has been a habitual smoker when we were young, along with her parents, but stopped while married to me because I was in the USAF. I caught her while she was prego smelling like weed and that just turned into an argument. The Guardian Ad litem from the courts went on the stand for me when my ex decided to move 300 miles away, and said we can suggest a hair test. That was 9 months ago. She comes from a family of everyday smokers, and I thought she had gotten it together but Im now sure she hasn't. I know my kids know the difference because they pull up in with their Grand parents with weed rolling out....and say "they are smoking weed." Now they are telling me that Mom and step dad are smoking it a lot. The kids are 5 and 7..turns 8 in Sept. At one point the Guardian Ad Litem was going to tell the judge the best interest was with me (which she pretty much said while on stand) because my ex had been constantly giving her a run around after withholding the kids for 16 months. The kids already started school 300 miles away so judge kept her in that county or our county only. She looks way more innocent then she is....which is too bad. So basically no, no proof. Only harassing messages calling my wife and I B#$%^'s...

 

[Banned_Princess]

on deferred probation for possession charge with intent (in court she admitted to being involved in the same offense

What is this about? You shouldnt act all high and mighty when it was ok for you at one point in your life. Just be honest with your kids, It will get you alot further in the long run. You sound like a good dad and you migh be letting it fog your judgement.

 

[atxdad]

My daughter is 10 and I don't watch "cops" with her. She gets ideas, and its not really child appropriate.

I'm probably going to get alot of flack for the following, but as a pro legalization advocate, I feel like I should point some things out...

Marijuana is literally a signature away from becoming legal and decriminalized. And I firmly believe Obama is going to provide that signature, as soon as he straightens out the rest of this country's mess. (as in its not his first or 5th priority, but he WILL get to it.)

And furthermore, "weed" is not at all disrupting your ex's ability to parent, or care for her children. As a matter of fact, it might even help in that she might be calmer, and prepare better meals more often. It has that effect. It is less damaging then alcohol, and with alittle openmindedness, America will see its error and embrace its various and medically valid uses, as well as tax the heck out of it in order to provide Americans with total medical coverage.

It really sounds to me like you are allowing your 7 yr old and 5 year old dictate to you what they "want" and I hate to point this out, but they may just be saying some things like that to you in order to gain your approval or get a reaction from you, also kids are notorious liars, embellisher's, and hate punishment and discipline period. Don't think for one minit they don't need boundaries and discipline, so be happy they are not being spoiled silly.

The best thing in my point of view, which in this case is not a legal point of view is continue with your order of visitation, Don't stir up trouble over anything less then a raging crack addiction, and try to appear supportive of your ex and her family. Your children are lucky to have so many family members involved in their lives, and as long as you are united with them from the beginning, the less chance your children will try to manipulate you and walk all over you in the future.

Speak to your ex about your concerns, try to refrain from being judgmental and accusatory, Your in it for the long haul with her... get it straight asap.

Wow...maybe I should just ask my ex to pass the joint to my daughters when they are having sleeping troubles, or ADHD moments. Then they can drop out in the 8th grade and live off 2 "baby Daddy's" child support and our taxes. I respect your opinion. As of now, smoking weed in front of your kids is illegal in Texas...

 

[atxdad]

Made some pretty bad mistakes when I came home from a pretty different situation over in some other Countries....it is still wrong and it wasnt in possession of kids. High and mighty huh? Its called growing up. Im now on my 3 yr in college...and am starting to grow hair in odd places....you mean Im not getting younger?? I see why you call yourself banned princess. Thanks for the advice though....really.

 

[Banned_Princess]

Wow...maybe I should just ask my ex to pass the joint to my daughters when they are having sleeping troubles, or ADHD moments. Then they can drop out in the 8th grade and live off 2 "baby Daddy's" child support and our taxes. I respect your opinion. As of now, smoking weed in front of your kids is illegal in Texas...

Thats over the edge. Sounds to me like you are reaching alittle.
Smoking anything (_in front of_) kids is wrong because of the secondhand harm to there lungs, and I completely agree with that, but smoking when there not around is harmless. hiding it from your kids is harmful, then you look like a liar and loose any credibility with them. Honesty is best. Your ex wife is an adult. Her parents are adults, they can smoke cigarettes, they can drink, and they can smoke pot. Be happy she isn't on heroin and forgetting to feed them for days because shes passed out. Come on, be reasonable.

You are rightfully upset over your children's statements to you, but you are being ridiculous. Pot smoking, if decriminalized will do more good then harm, and theres no way to tell if smoking or not smoking will influence your kids in the future at all. If you make a huge deal about it its going to be a big deal. but if you don't, you'll keep the peace and maby influence your kids in the right way.. to make there own educated decisions about what they get into when they get older. They might just decide not to do it because its no big deal, and they see no need to use because it wont be rebelling in any way. instead of -doing it to see what the big deal is really about.-

Cigarettes are more horrible then pot, and it is perfectly legal to smoke them. and not hide it.

You should be more worried about the harder drugs out there that are truly destroying lives. and the lives of everyone around them, like kids.

 

[Proserpina]

Bottom line:

You have no proof - and the words of two very young children are not going to carry much weight. You don't know if she's still smoking - you're not there. You think she is and it's probably fairly likely - but you don't know this.

Now, you said the GAL almost did something - what exactly did s/he recommend, and what happened?

(and personal feelings aside Princess, you'll have to quit advocating and/or condoning an act which is, at this point, illegal. This just isn't the appropriate forum, k?)

 

[Banned_Princess]

Made some pretty bad mistakes when I came home from a pretty different situation over in some other Countries....it is still wrong and it wasnt in possession of kids. High and mighty huh? Its called growing up. Im now on my 3 yr in college...and am starting to grow hair in odd places....you mean Im not getting younger?? I see why you call yourself banned princess. Thanks for the advice though....really.

Well, Personally I think it would be better if you be honest with your kids, and express your feelings and experiences about the matter when they are older. (10+) It will get you more respect then starting a whole mess of court dates, removing them from there mother and making her look like a criminal and like a bad person over something as harmless as pot smoking. It might backfire in the long run.

But if you are totally convinced, Your right, it is still illegal all over and you can go to court, bring her in, have her tested, take the kids, teach them there mother was a horrible mother who deserved to have her kids ripped from her. That might scare them into never ever ever experimenting with drugs, (which is inevitable no matter what) and when they do get to that age, they'll remember what you did to there mother over her usage, and they wont feel comfortable coming to you if they do get into trouble with it later, or have questions. They'll see you think its bad enough to remove them from there home over it, how can they come to you about it later, you might kick them out like there mom.

I am not trying to change your mind, I grew up too, only I came to a very different conclusion on what is evil, and what is unfairly labeled evil.
I just hope you meditate hard on what your values are, why you feel this way, and is it really a battle that you want to engage in. There will be bigger ones I promise you.

You love your kids and that is really wonderfully. Best of luck Sir.

 

[atxdad]

The GAL recommended that the kids should NOT move 300 miles away because the father (myself) is a good influence around them. The judge didn't allow it ONLY because the kids had started school already. The GAL said she would also testify on my behalf at any future court date in regards to the children. She also said we should suggest hair follicle test and she would support that (even though she's off the case, but still works for the DRO)

 

[Banned_Princess]

Bottom line:

You have no proof - and the words of two very young children are not going to carry much weight. You don't know if she's still smoking - you're not there. You think she is and it's probably fairly likely - but you don't know this.

Now, you said the GAL almost did something - what exactly did s/he recommend, and what happened?

(and personal feelings aside Princess, you'll have to quit advocating and/or condoning an act which is, at this point, illegal. This just isn't the appropriate forum, k?)

Yes Ma'am, Your right this isnt the forum, and it is compleately Illegal to smoke pot period, and I do not condone illegal activity, at all.

I am Very happy to hear the bottom line in this case.

Good luck Sir.

 

[Proserpina]

Oh for the love of...look, this is not an episode of Masterpiece bloody Theatre and Helena Bonham-Carter is not running around with little more than a few pieces of silver and a sadistically restricting bodice.

This is a LEGAL board - people respond to questions with information based upon the law. There's more than enough drama floating around without debating the rights, wrongs, morals or ethics of a particular law. We just don't have time. (and I'm sure if we did have time we'd spend it petitioning our local Congressmen etc to try and get things changed to how we want 'em, y'know?)

OP, pop back in the morning to check your responses too - I still think you're going to need a lot more proof before you'll get anywhere but another poster may have more or different information. But be aware that even if Mom tests "dirty" it does not guarantee that you'll end up with custody - some judges see pot as no more harmful than alcohol. And be prepared for her to throw your own record right back at you.

 

[LdiJ]

Oh for the love of...look, this is not an episode of Masterpiece bloody Theatre and Helena Bonham-Carter is not running around with little more than a few pieces of silver and a sadistically restricting bodice.

This is a LEGAL board - people respond to questions with information based upon the law. There's more than enough drama floating around without debating the rights, wrongs, morals or ethics of a particular law. We just don't have time. (and I'm sure if we did have time we'd spend it petitioning our local Congressmen etc to try and get things changed to how we want 'em, y'know?)

OP, pop back in the morning to check your responses too - I still think you're going to need a lot more proof before you'll get anywhere but another poster may have more or different information. But be aware that even if Mom tests "dirty" it does not guarantee that you'll end up with custody - some judges see pot as no more harmful than alcohol. And be prepared for her to throw your own record right back at you.

This is a very important issue OP. There is actually outside evidence out there that you have had a problem, but no outside evidence that mom has one.

 

[Ohiogal]

Thats over the edge. Sounds to me like you are reaching alittle.
Smoking anything (_in front of_) kids is wrong because of the secondhand harm to there lungs, and I completely agree with that, but smoking when there not around is harmless. hiding it from your kids is harmful, then you look like a liar and loose any credibility with them. Honesty is best. Your ex wife is an adult. Her parents are adults, they can smoke cigarettes, they can drink, and they can smoke pot. Be happy she isn't on heroin and forgetting to feed them for days because shes passed out. Come on, be reasonable.

You are rightfully upset over your children's statements to you, but you are being ridiculous. Pot smoking, if decriminalized will do more good then harm, and theres no way to tell if smoking or not smoking will influence your kids in the future at all. If you make a huge deal about it its going to be a big deal. but if you don't, you'll keep the peace and maby influence your kids in the right way.. to make there own educated decisions about what they get into when they get older. They might just decide not to do it because its no big deal, and they see no need to use because it wont be rebelling in any way. instead of -doing it to see what the big deal is really about.-

Cigarettes are more horrible then pot, and it is perfectly legal to smoke them. and not hide it.

You should be more worried about the harder drugs out there that are truly destroying lives. and the lives of everyone around them, like kids.

Legally your statements in this post and the other post are incorrect.