ExWife doing drugs around children

[Ohiogal]

My daughter is 10 and I don't watch "cops" with her. She gets ideas, and its not really child appropriate.

I'm probably going to get alot of flack for the following, but as a pro legalization advocate, I feel like I should point some things out...

Marijuana is literally a signature away from becoming legal and decriminalized. And I firmly believe Obama is going to provide that signature, as soon as he straightens out the rest of this country's mess. (as in its not his first or 5th priority, but he WILL get to it.)

And furthermore, "weed" is not at all disrupting your ex's ability to parent, or care for her children. As a matter of fact, it might even help in that she might be calmer, and prepare better meals more often. It has that effect. It is less damaging then alcohol, and with alittle openmindedness, America will see its error and embrace its various and medically valid uses, as well as tax the heck out of it in order to provide Americans with total medical coverage.

It really sounds to me like you are allowing your 7 yr old and 5 year old dictate to you what they "want" and I hate to point this out, but they may just be saying some things like that to you in order to gain your approval or get a reaction from you, also kids are notorious liars, embellisher's, and hate punishment and discipline period. Don't think for one minit they don't need boundaries and discipline, so be happy they are not being spoiled silly.

The best thing in my point of view, which in this case is not a legal point of view is continue with your order of visitation, Don't stir up trouble over anything less then a raging crack addiction, and try to appear supportive of your ex and her family. Your children are lucky to have so many family members involved in their lives, and as long as you are united with them from the beginning, the less chance your children will try to manipulate you and walk all over you in the future.

Speak to your ex about your concerns, try to refrain from being judgmental and accusatory, Your in it for the long haul with her... get it straight asap.

Legally you are incorrect. Don't mistake your advocacy for the law. Marijuana can interfere with parenting. It can/could cost people custody of their children. It is very fact specific. Your ranting about wanting it legal is not helping anyone.

 

[StepMom in Tx]

Having gone through a similar situation with my step-son who is 7 If you want details see my thread,I just wanted to add some personal advice.

If you feel the children are not being taken care of or are being put in harms way,report it to CPS they will go out and investigate.

After you report it keep in contat with the office that is handling the case and the caseworker assigned.

 

[atxdad]

Also my ex did try to use the arrest against me. But then I questioned her on the stand and she admitted to selling drugs to her entire family. The Judge then laughed at her and said "you say he is bad for a past that he has already paid the price for, by being on probation, but yet you yourself are admitting here today you have ALSO done the same thing. How can you say he is a terrible person when you did the exact same thing, and he has been going to college to give the children something more. "
Really it is about the kids having a better life. They have been treated like tools to get back at me for years now. She admits to letting the new stepfather spank them a lot, and I hear from here family there is also Cocaine use going on at times. My youngest is constantly having a cough and runny nose but as soon as she gets to my home it goes away. The refuses to let the kids call me....so they have got to call once in the last 5 yrs. She is one of those girls that tells them they have a new Daddy now, so it is a bit sad to see the toll it takes on them at times. Like i said, I want what would be more benefitial to the kids and her trailer home where they constantly are smoking cigs and weed isnt good. They survive off welfare and my CS checks. The are always missing school from being sick. My ex has nothing to offer as far as reading and maths because she can't really do either of those subjects. The main focus is drug use in front of the kids though. I want it stopped at the minimum, and prefer the kids to live with me.

 

[atxdad]

Another thing real quick is she is withholding the address of the kids now for sometime. She only allows us to have the address of the grand parents. She is required to give us her address but just doesn't. She was already almost put on probation by the county for withholding the children 18 times in one year, but she started acting right again so I dropped the case.

 

[Isis1]

Another thing real quick is she is withholding the address of the kids now for sometime. She only allows us to have the address of the grand parents. She is required to give us her address but just doesn't. She was already almost put on probation by the county for withholding the children 18 times in one year, but she started acting right again so I dropped the case.

this is why you shouldn't have dropped the case. you let her get away with it. you are condoning bad behavior when you do this. now you have to start all over from ground zero again. this time, keep pressing the issue until the very end.

take mom BACK to court and have her spell out her address right in front of the judge.

 

[Humusluvr]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

So ex-wife and I have joint conservatorship. We just wrapped up my summer visitation and I was informed (from my 7 year old) that my exwife is smoking marijuana around them. For a fact it's marijuana. We were watching Cops and they pulled weed off of someone and my daughter said "Thats what my mom smokes." but I already knew she smoked anyway, just didn't know it was still going on around the kids. I asked my daughter how she smoked it and she said "she cuts it and rolls small white cigarettes. And smells different than her other cigarettes." my daughter also says she's heard them use the word "weed" often. Also I know that my exwife's parents smoke pot like 5 times a day including when dropping the kids off for my weekends. (they reek of marijuana which is the same thing their mom smokes and tries to hide sometimes). So my question is how can I prove this in court for custody. My daughters have expressed to me that they don't want to live with their mom and step-dad anymore. They've also expressed their want to talk to whoever is in charge (the judge) so they can move in with me. I feel it may be the wrong thing to do to mix them up in the court system, but also do want custody for the best interest of the children. Is there any way to order drug tests for the grandparents and mother and stepdad since they all are doing this with the children in their custody? I want whats best for them. They are scared of the stepfather because he has been known to spank them often, and they want out of the trailer they feel imprisoned in. What steps should I take to gain custody? How do I get them drug tested, and when they do fail, will that benefit improve my chances of getting the children out of this mess? A little info about me- military combat vet, full time student, on deferred probation for possession charge with intent (in court she admitted to being involved in the same offense i'm eligible to be off early probation now and working on it, so it won't be on my record anymore) I've since been rehired as a federal firefighter but resigned to finish up business degree. Any suggestions are much appreciated.

Well, all you can do is file for a change in custody.

Any real evidence you have (not the word of a 7 year old who watches Cops) would be necessary.

Ask for drug testing for ALL PARTIES, including yourself. It would be more credible if everyone was tested, not just you demanding mom does the test. It sounds a little fishy that YOU could play, but since YOU got caught, now you want mom to go down.

Ask that there be no corporal punishment (no spanking by ANYONE).

And to the banned, marijuana is illegal. Right now. And if that changes, that still doesn't affect them RIGHT NOW. Get off your soapbox. The "higher ups" can't change everything.

 

[atxdad]

I understand it may seem fishy, but wasn't caught using drugs, I passed all my drug tests when arrested, and I did not see my kids in over a yr because she didn't want me to see them when I asked for a divorce when coming home from Afghanistan. I think its wrong to do drugs in front of kids. I don't really care what she does when they are with me for the summer...but I understand your thoughts. Will this matter in a couple of years when they kids can talk to a judge on where they would rather live? (@ dads or moms)

 

[Isis1]

I understand it may seem fishy, but wasn't caught using drugs, I passed all my drug tests when arrested, and I did not see my kids in over a yr because she didn't want me to see them when I asked for a divorce when coming home from Afghanistan. I think its wrong to do drugs in front of kids. I don't really care what she does when they are with me for the summer...but I understand your thoughts. Will this matter in a couple of years when they kids can talk to a judge on where they would rather live? (@ dads or moms)

get a GAL to speak with the children. this way, the GAL can tell whether the children are saying what they want, not saying what their parents want them to say.

 

[txmom512]

So, I have one question --

When your kids come to your house "reeking of the smell of weed" why are you not taking them to a doctor - who could verify the smell - to get a hair follicle test? You could prove right away the kids have it in their system, and wouldn't that be proof? Why are you not doing that if it's so obvious they are exposed to it on a regular basis?

 

[stealth2]

That might scare them into never ever ever experimenting with drugs, (which is inevitable no matter what)

Actually, experimenting with drugs is NOT inevitable, no matter what. I never tried pot or any other illegal substance. I do enjoy a glass of wine or a cold beer on occasion. Neither of my teens are interested in experimenting in either. And not due to any scare tactics on my part. So please - stop perpetuating this myth.

 

[atxdad]

So, I have one question --

When your kids come to your house "reeking of the smell of weed" why are you not taking them to a doctor - who could verify the smell - to get a hair follicle test? You could prove right away the kids have it in their system, and wouldn't that be proof? Why are you not doing that if it's so obvious they are exposed to it on a regular basis?

You would have to smoke about a pound of weed in an enclosure the size of an elevator to possibly get a shred of weed in the drug test....from what I understand. We also pick them up in Brownwood, at 6pm on Fridays and drive 3 hrs back to Austin when this was occurring (before I moved to CA for the yr). Also its the Gparents that are dropping them of smelling of weed, not the Mom. I don't know of any Dr's offices open on weekends. If this is what a lawyer recommends me to do I would do it...I dont know what my best move should be to protect them/ gain custody some day.

 

[Proserpina]

You would have to smoke about a pound of weed in an enclosure the size of an elevator to possibly get a shred of weed in the drug test....from what I understand. We also pick them up in Brownwood, at 6pm on Fridays and drive 3 hrs back to Austin when this was occurring (before I moved to CA for the yr). Also its the Gparents that are dropping them of smelling of weed, not the Mom. I don't know of any Dr's offices open on weekends. If this is what a lawyer recommends me to do I would do it...I dont know what my best move should be to protect them/ gain custody some day.

You misunderstand ......

Smelling like weed and actually having traces detectable in a follicle test are two entirely different animals - moreso if you're a child. Granted, one joint a day in a house with half-decent air circulation isn't generally going to leave much trace in a non-smoking child, but the point is you can smell like Cheech & Chong's camper van and come up with a negative test result - and you can be completely bedecked in Febreze and Chanel #5 and test positive.

There's no hard and fast rule but very generally speaking a child will retain much more of the active metabolite than an adult - even when both are exposed to the same conditions for the same amount of time.

 

[Ohiogal]

You would have to smoke about a pound of weed in an enclosure the size of an elevator to possibly get a shred of weed in the drug test....from what I understand. We also pick them up in Brownwood, at 6pm on Fridays and drive 3 hrs back to Austin when this was occurring (before I moved to CA for the yr). Also its the Gparents that are dropping them of smelling of weed, not the Mom. I don't know of any Dr's offices open on weekends. If this is what a lawyer recommends me to do I would do it...I dont know what my best move should be to protect them/ gain custody some day.

If you have concern about them smelling of weed then you take them to the ER to make sure they haven't ingested any or are under its effects. That would be logical. And not because you want to gain custody some day -- but because it is what a concerned parent would do. And the gparents are dropping them off? So therefore you don't know if it is mom or the gparents or someone else that has smoked the weed to get them to smell that way. That evidence would not be credible or very strong that MOM is doing it. But if this is about safety it would be credible that the children have been exposed so i would be hightailing it to the ER to check them out.