Multiple questions child custody AZ

[AngelaAZ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Arizona

I probably could ask 20 questions but will keep it brief for now. I believe I just need to find a lawyer that will take payments. But for now will ask a couple of questions:

I filed for divorce recently asking for sole custody of both of my children ages 17 and 11. My children do not want to visit their father over night for many reasons, the main one being the sleeping arrangement. He puts my 11 year old son in a twin bed and has my daughter sleep on an air mattress with him at his mother's home. At home they have their own bedrooms. I've suggested multiple times he put my daughter in the twin and the boys sleep in the family room but he doesn't listen. Can I ask, and will the judge listen, for him to provide a better arrangement for the children. He is supposed to move in with his cousin who is a drug addict. I asked him how many bedrooms the home has but he refuses to tell me.

Also, he pays me child support every weekend. However, on his visits he often invites the children out to eat and see a movie. He then reduces the amount of money he gives me subtracting the cost of food and movie. Do I really have to pay for him to be a father?

 

[Isis1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Arizona

I probably could ask 20 questions but will keep it brief for now. I believe I just need to find a lawyer that will take payments. But for now will ask a couple of questions:

I filed for divorce recently asking for sole custody of both of my children ages 17 and 11. My children do not want to visit their father over night for many reasons, the main one being the sleeping arrangement. He puts my 11 year old son in a twin bed and has my daughter sleep on an air mattress with him at his mother's home. At home they have their own bedrooms. I've suggested multiple times he put my daughter in the twin and the boys sleep in the family room but he doesn't listen. Can I ask, and will the judge listen, for him to provide a better arrangement for the children. He is supposed to move in with his cousin who is a drug addict. I asked him how many bedrooms the home has but he refuses to tell me.

Also, he pays me child support every weekend. However, on his visits he often invites the children out to eat and see a movie. He then reduces the amount of money he gives me subtracting the cost of food and movie. Do I really have to pay for him to be a father?

thew children will be sleeping overnights. mom, supply the 17 year old with her own air mattress if she is uncomfortable.

dad does not have to inform you of how many bedrooms is in his home.

is the child support court ordered?

 

[AngelaAZ]

thew children will be sleeping overnights. mom, supply the 17 year old with her own air mattress if she is uncomfortable.

dad does not have to inform you of how many bedrooms is in his home.

is the child support court ordered?

Again, I'm not paying for him to be a father. He has no job, took all of our money, and both of our vehicles. I've only allowed them to spend the night there because his Mother has been present. They have not slept there since April. I'm simply trying to figure how what the judge will order. He has a serious porn addiction, including child pornography so I have a real problem with the shared beds. And yes the child support is court ordered. It's a small amount from his unemployment.

 

[Isis1]

Again, I'm not paying for him to be a father. He has no job, took all of our money, and both of our vehicles. I've only allowed them to spend the night there because his Mother has been present. They have not slept there since April. I'm simply trying to figure how what the judge will order. He has a serious porn addiction, including child pornography so I have a real problem with the shared beds. And yes the child support is court ordered. It's a small amount from his unemployment.

what convictions does dad have in regards to child pornography? who said he has porn addiction? a professional therapist? any mental health professional?

if the child support is court ordered, then dad owes that full amount. he does not get to deduct ANY amount from the court ordered amount. ever. take dad to court for contempt on that issue.

is dad's overnight visits court ordered? if you are not allowing visits per the court order, you can be found in contempt.

 

[AngelaAZ]

what convictions does dad have in regards to child pornography? who said he has porn addiction? a professional therapist? any mental health professional?

if the child support is court ordered, then dad owes that full amount. he does not get to deduct ANY amount from the court ordered amount. ever. take dad to court for contempt on that issue.

is dad's overnight visits court ordered? if you are not allowing visits per the court order, you can be found in contempt.

His conviction is for Child Neglect and Endangerment. I term it myself as an addiction. I guess my thought is when you watch so much pornography you don't hesitate to watch it in front of your 10 year old son, that's a problem.

There is no court ordered visitation. I just filed for divorce quite recently. I been allowing visits until we have a parenting plan worked out. As I said, he hasn't taken them overnight since April. He's been seeing them approximately 2 hours every other week as that's all he's asked for. I'm more just concerned about the environment my children will be in should he decide to ask for more visitation.

 

[Proserpina]

what convictions does dad have in regards to child pornography? who said he has porn addiction? a professional therapist? any mental health professional?

if the child support is court ordered, then dad owes that full amount. he does not get to deduct ANY amount from the court ordered amount. ever. take dad to court for contempt on that issue.

is dad's overnight visits court ordered? if you are not allowing visits per the court order, you can be found in contempt.

And these things weren't mentioned in the first post...why?!

So, can you prove he's watching child pornography? When did these convictions take place?

(and for this one, you really do need proof..because a malicious complaint of this nature can really, really, really backfire on you. Just sayin'.)


Out of interest, how long is the marriage?

 

[LdiJ]

His conviction is for Child Neglect and Endangerment. I term it myself as an addiction. I guess my thought is when you watch so much pornography you don't hesitate to watch it in front of your 10 year old son, that's a problem.

There is no court ordered visitation. I just filed for divorce quite recently. I been allowing visits until we have a parenting plan worked out. As I said, he hasn't taken them overnight since April. He's been seeing them approximately 2 hours every other week as that's all he's asked for. I'm more just concerned about the environment my children will be in should he decide to ask for more visitation.

Those were critical pieces of information to leave out.

If the child support is court ordered, and its coming from his unemployment check, then it should be being withheld from his unemployment check and coming directly to you. Why isn't that happening? Find that out.

How recent was his conviction for child neglect and endangerment? If it was recent, why are you allowing him any unsupervised visitation at all? Why are you setting that precedent? Why are you not insisting that his mother supervise ALL visitation? Is it because he is only taking them for two hours every other weekend and because your daughter is 17?

Your daughter is not really much of an issue in this equation. As soon as she turns 18 it will be completely her decision whether or not to visit, and under what terms. She may even turn 18 before your divorce finalizes.

Your son however, IS an issue since he will not be 18 for another 6+ years. Therefore you need to be careful what precedents you set. If you feel that your son is safe spending a couple of hours alone with his dad at a time, then that's an ok precedent to set. If you are only ok with it right now because your daughter is also there, then you need to think about it some more because once she turns 18, it will be her choice whether or not to be there.

And yes, I would have a serious problem with a 17 year sleeping on an air mattress with her father, with this particular set of circumstances. Dad HIMSELF should have a problem with it and so should grandma. Dad's already got a conviction for child neglect and endangerment he needs to be careful about perceptions for his own sake.

 

[Ohiogal]

Again, I'm not paying for him to be a father. He has no job, took all of our money, and both of our vehicles. I've only allowed them to spend the night there because his Mother has been present. They have not slept there since April. I'm simply trying to figure how what the judge will order. He has a serious porn addiction, including child pornography so I have a real problem with the shared beds. And yes the child support is court ordered. It's a small amount from his unemployment.

What proof do you have of child pornography and did you report that to the police? Or are you okay with being an accessory after the fact?

 

[Ohiogal]

His conviction is for Child Neglect and Endangerment. I term it myself as an addiction. I guess my thought is when you watch so much pornography you don't hesitate to watch it in front of your 10 year old son, that's a problem.

You cannot determine that he has an addiction. Where does the CHILD pornography come in? Who did he neglect and endanger? When? If it was your children why are you ALLOWING HIM ANY VISITATION?

There is no court ordered visitation. I just filed for divorce quite recently. I been allowing visits until we have a parenting plan worked out. As I said, he hasn't taken them overnight since April. He's been seeing them approximately 2 hours every other week as that's all he's asked for. I'm more just concerned about the environment my children will be in should he decide to ask for more visitation.

If he neglected and endangered YOUR children why are you allowing HIM any visitation?

 

[Ohiogal]

Those were critical pieces of information to leave out.

If the child support is court ordered, and its coming from his unemployment check, then it should be being withheld from his unemployment check and coming directly to you. Why isn't that happening? Find that out.

How recent was his conviction for child neglect and endangerment? If it was recent, why are you allowing him any unsupervised visitation at all? Why are you setting that precedent? Why are you not insisting that his mother supervise ALL visitation? Is it because he is only taking them for two hours every other weekend and because your daughter is 17?

Your daughter is not really much of an issue in this equation. As soon as she turns 18 it will be completely her decision whether or not to visit, and under what terms. She may even turn 18 before your divorce finalizes.

Your son however, IS an issue since he will not be 18 for another 6+ years. Therefore you need to be careful what precedents you set. If you feel that your son is safe spending a couple of hours alone with his dad at a time, then that's an ok precedent to set. If you are only ok with it right now because your daughter is also there, then you need to think about it some more because once she turns 18, it will be her choice whether or not to be there.

And yes, I would have a serious problem with a 17 year sleeping on an air mattress with her father, with this particular set of circumstances. Dad HIMSELF should have a problem with it and so should grandma. Dad's already got a conviction for child neglect and endangerment he needs to be careful about perceptions for his own sake.

Oh heck, DITTO. Co-signed. Except for letting the 11 year old alone with dad at all.

 

[AngelaAZ]

Our initial agreement when we separated was for him to have visits overnight with his Mother present, or a day visit in a public place such as a restaurant and a movie then home. This has worked out well for us since we split up. The past few months though he's suddenly developed a great deal of animosity towards me and will no longer even speak to me other than cursing, calling me names, and hanging up on me. Until recently we were able to communicate and decide what is best for our children together. This is why I've allowed the children to visit him. We were married for 12 years. We have two children together. I have no one in Arizona. The only family I had here was his family. I don't have any sort of support system for myself or my children here in place. When he moved out we lost everything. From my vehicles, right down to all of my clothing which he threw away. I have both of my children seeing counselors, and my only wish in this is what is best for them. It's not my goal to remove their father from their life. I can't be charged with an accessory after the fact. I had no idea what he was doing on the computer. I'd been working long hours hoping he'd eventually find a job. He went from being a supportive and decent father and husband who had the same job for many years, to going from job to job, and sitting on the computer all day. One day my daughter received an email on my space from a woman claiming to be having sex with her father. From there I investigated his computer and was completely shocked what I found. Since then I've been trying to pick up the pieces for myself and my children. I asked questions based on my assumption that he is going to request changes to our agreement. This is based on the things he screamed at me on the phone on Monday. I just want to make sure my children are protected while they can still maintain a relationship with their father. It's not very easy to cope with such a huge change in our family structure at their age. I guess in the end all I can really do is wait and see what he files, and hopefully in the meantime be able to find an attorney to help me that is someone I can afford.

 

[Ohiogal]

Then you know everything. If you found child pornography and did NOT report it immediately YOU can be charged as an accessory or with child pornography charges as well. but you know it all. Go with it.

 

[AngelaAZ]

Then you know everything. If you found child pornography and did NOT report it immediately YOU can be charged as an accessory or with child pornography charges as well. but you know it all. Go with it.

I don't know much at all. I'm trying to find out. I reported him less than an hour after finding it. That's why I said I could not be charged.

 

[LdiJ]

I don't know much at all. I'm trying to find out. I reported him less than an hour after finding it. That's why I said I could not be charged.

Is that what caused his conviction for neglect and child endangerment?...or are those charges still pending? You never clarified that.

 

[AngelaAZ]

Is that what caused his conviction for neglect and child endangerment?...or are those charges still pending? You never clarified that.

No those charges are not pending. He was initially charged with more though I do not recall the exact charges. He had an attorney that worked out a plea agreement for him where he entered a plea of guilty for Child Neglect and Endangerment and spent 30 days in tent city here in AZ. This was approximately 18 months ago. Since then I have been lacks in filing for divorce as I just have a feeling it's going to be very hard on not just the children but also myself. I have a recent diagnosis of MS and am concerned he will use my health problems against me. He was served with divorce papers 9 days ago and thus far has not filed an answer with the court. Our initial parenting agreement was as I stated, he'd either visit with the children in a public place or under the supervision of his mother. Yesterday evening he took the children to Subway. In Subway he spit in my daughter's face later telling me it was to wash off her make up. She's 17 and was not wearing more than blush beige eye shadow and mascara. I have a meeting with an attorney tomorrow and am hoping that the children will be ok through all of this.

I have another question. Perhaps OhioGal can answer? Should this go to court, and I believe it will, at what point can I request a GAL for my children to make sure there is a neutral party between myself and my husband with solely my children's interest as their priority? I worry that my children tell me the things like the spitting not just to complain but also to take my side. I want them to have someone they can speak to freely.

Thanks again for all of the answers so far. I appreciate the time you take to answer me.