Chances of Change in Custody?

[allwipedout]

Or, ya know.... maybe she simply didn't like those activities, as much as you may have thought she would/should. It isn't obvious to me that she's doing things out of stubbornness to allow her to move. It seems more obvious that there are other things that interest her, which perhaps you're not aware of.

I *knew* my son would not only like baseball, he would be a superb catcher. Funny thing.... he wanted to be a pitcher. Then I *knew* my son would be an awesome wrestler - basically physical chess... strategy is such a huge component. Problem with both of those things I *knew* he'd like? He hasn't an athletic bone in his body.

Okay, I could handle that. I *knew* lots of things he'd really like. Problem being.... they were things I *thought* he *should* like. Once I embraced the quote in my sig line, things became much clearer. What *I* thought he
should/would like, weren't the things he thought he would or did like. And funny thing was? When I opened *my* mind to it, he bloomed and started taking the first steps towards what looks to be a brilliant future in music.

So no... she may not just be being stubborn to force you to let her move. Maybe she feels that you are constricting her to your dreams and hopes for her - and not allowing her to follow her own dreams. Maybe she feels she'll be more able to do that at her Dad's/Grandparents'. Might be something to think about.

Thank you for your response stealth2

I have tried really hard not to force my wants onto either of my children and to let them find their own interests (I wanted to be a biologist and neither of my kids share that interest). My daughter has told me that nothing in Florida will compare to Oregon and that she is always going to hate it here. When we go to events, she will distance herself from everyone, no matter how friendly they may be. It seems she compares everyone to people she knows in Oregon, and if they do not fit the same bill, she will stay away from them.

As for activities, my daughter has expressed a desire to learn French, so I got her some lessons she could listen to at her own pace, and she did for a while. I asked her if she wanted to take French lessons in a classroom environment, and she did not. She has also expressed a desire to help animals, but has turned down offers to volunteer in clinics. If we go to a fair she will not go on any rides because 'she only does that with her Oregon friends'.

She also has a very strong desire to produce her own fashion line, but has turned down offers to attend fashion shows, or learn how to sew. I have bought her a sewing machine so she can make things on her own, and she has played with it, but gets frustrated because she does not know how to make what she wants, and has refused offers from others to take lessons on how to use the sewing machines to make what she wants to.

She has also asked for a guitar in the past because she loves music, which now sits collecting dust in the closet, as well as she used her own money to purchase a keyboard piano, which she has hardly touched.

As she has gotten older I have tried to give her space to let her find her own interests and try to suggest things that it seems she might like once in a while, but I only offer them as suggestions and do not push the subjects if she says that she is not interested.

 

[CJane]

I'm confused.

Child is TWELVE and y'all moved to Florida almost 12 years ago! She has NO MEMORY AT ALL of Oregon as a place she lives full time. She's lived in FL essentially her whole life.

I'm unsure how things even got THIS far w/the kid "distancing" herself from all things not Oregon related. She has no idea at all what "Oregon" is.

Me? I'd tell her to suck it up for another 6 years and she can go wherever she wants to.

 

[allwipedout]

I'm confused.

Child is TWELVE and y'all moved to Florida almost 12 years ago! She has NO MEMORY AT ALL of Oregon as a place she lives full time. She's lived in FL essentially her whole life.

I'm unsure how things even got THIS far w/the kid "distancing" herself from all things not Oregon related. She has no idea at all what "Oregon" is.

Me? I'd tell her to suck it up for another 6 years and she can go wherever she wants to.

Thank you CJane for your response

My daughter goes to Oregon every year (every summer, and every other Christmas) to visit her Dad, Grandparents as well as my parents, so she has frequent contact with Oregon.

 

[CJane]

Thank you CJane for your response

My daughter goes to Oregon every year (every summer, and every other Christmas) to visit her Dad, Grandparents as well as my parents, so she has frequent contact with Oregon.

She has NO concept what it would be like to LIVE in Oregon, I don't care how many summers she's spent there. Grand total of time spent in Oregon in her LIFE? 3 years. (that's 3 months x 12 years=36 months) Though I'm betting those summers in Oregon didn't take place when she was an infant, so it's really less than that.

If you're even entertaining her "Oregon is HOME" bit by the smallest margin, you're creating your own monster. Tell her that she's already survived 12 horrible years in FL and in just SIX more, she can do what she wants.

If princess is THAT miserable and has NO friends and NO interests and thinks every problem in her life would be solved by moving away, her issues run deeper than what this forum is equipped to deal with.