transportation issues

[3junebugs]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Order is out of PA, I, the CP, live in MD

NCP was ordered by a judge to do 50% of travel in July. I provide transportation every 2nd weekend and NCP is to provide transportation every 4th weekend of the month. At the an emergency hearing that same month NCP had expressed that he has no possible way of getting to MD to get our son. The master saw this as an excuse because the NCP had appealed another masters decision that ordered him to share transportation, but then didn't show up for his own appeal hearing. He gave him 6 weeks to find some way to pick up our son in Maryland this past Friday. At this hearing NCP asked again for a hearing in front of a judge - we go Dec. 7 for the modification portion of the emergency petition.

The order stipulates that "If father is unable to have child on the 4th weekend, he shall give mother written notice by the Tuesday preceding that weekend". I received no such notice and he didn't not come to get him. I sent him a text message and asked what time would he be arriving and he wrote back "he's here???" So I wrote him back that it was his weekend to come get him and was he coming or not and I got no response.


I have talked with my lawyer and he said that if NCP doesn't come for the 4 visits until our hearing - that we would just ask for the visitation to be reduced to once a month with me doing the transportation still.

Is this the best option? Or should I stand my ground to have NCP share in transportation? Because even if its reduced to once a month - I still have to do all the transport. I would much rather keep it at two weekends a month for our son's sake but if his father isn't going to come then our son is the one getting disappointed.

Another reason that I don't like having to bear all the responsibility of transportation is because NCP "opts" to change pick up and drop off times often. The last visit I drove him, I dropped him off early. In return NCP texts me at 5 on pick up day to say that they won't be home until 7 (pick up is at 6) and I have a 180 mile 3 hour drive home. I said where are you? I'll come pick him up where ever he is because my husband had to get up for work at 330 AM. His exact words that he put in a text were "He wants to stay. I opted to stay until 7p.... As far as your husband that not mine nor [our son's] concern". And this is only the most recent instance. Even though I moved - the courts sided in my favor when I filed for a modification last year because of these type of antics he would pull.

I feel as though if I don't bring him, then my son just won't see him. On one hand I want to make sure that my son sees his father on a regular basis. But on the other hand it really burns me that I feel as though I have to do all the grunt work because he doesn't want to make the drive that I have been doing 2 times a month for 5 years. I feel as though hes just getting away with not having to be responsible.

What do you think a judge would order in this situation?

ETA: It's also important to mention that the emergency hearing was due to the NCP not having heat or hot water in his home so that will also be addressed on Dec. 7.

 

[LdiJ]

If he doesn't have heat or hot water in his home, isn't that an indication that he is having financial problems? If so, is that the reason why he states that he cannot make the drive?

You could ask that he be ordered to meet you half way. However, if he tends to pull "antics" that either means that he often or always won't show at the exchange site, which means that either your son won't see his father at all or you will have to drive the whole way to retrieve the child anyway.

I think that your attorney has come up with the only practical idea.

 

[3junebugs]

If he doesn't have heat or hot water in his home, isn't that an indication that he is having financial problems? If so, is that the reason why he states that he cannot make the drive?

You could ask that he be ordered to meet you half way. However, if he tends to pull "antics" that either means that he often or always won't show at the exchange site, which means that either your son won't see his father at all or you will have to drive the whole way to retrieve the child anyway.

I think that your attorney has come up with the only practical idea.

He always has had 'financial' problems. But not because he can't keep a job, he just doesn't know how to prioritize.

At the hearing we offered that I either drive halfway to meet him or I would come and drop him off and then he would bring him back. He let his car get impounded in Feb and never went to pick it up. It was right after the first masters recommendation came that he should share in transportation. When those weren't good enough we offered the suggestion that he rent a car for a weekend rental once a month, we even came prepared with estimates - he said that this was not possible because he doesn't have a credit card and they require a large deposit. We asked if he had a friend or family member that would let him borrow their car and he said no. He said that it is impossible for him to do the driving and he just can't do it.

However, he still parties almost every weekend, he wears nice clothes and is up kept. He makes at least 35k a year and pays about $600 a month in rent. He pays me about $300 a month in support. Most of his utilities are on payment plans because he would rather party and keep his blackberry on then pay his bills. Even though his daughter now lives with her mother - since the order is also temporary (their hearing is in Nov.) she hasn't filed for support from him yet.

 

[stealth2]

Personally speaking, since you created the distance, it's entirely proper that you should provide the transport.

 

[LdiJ]

Personally speaking, since you created the distance, it's entirely proper that you should provide the transport.

I think that the first post indicates that the judge made that order because dad had been playing some games.

 

[stealth2]

I think that the first post indicates that the judge made that order because dad had been playing some games.

Which is why I said "personally speaking".

 

[3junebugs]

Personally speaking, since you created the distance, it's entirely proper that you should provide the transport.

I hear you. That is why I did the driving for 5 years. I understood when I moved that would be a burden of mine. I am glad the court was able to be objective and see that in my case, his actions were done purposefully to be disruptive. He would have not had to do any driving if he had just made an effort as suggested 3 years ago to assist when possible. Even when I physically could not drive (I had a broken foot) he never made an effort to come and see his son, and he had a car at the time. He missed 4 visitations during that time.

In shared transportation what seemed to always work best with my husband and my stepson was the one receiving the child to do transportation.

So mom would pick stepson up from his house then after her visit was over dad would pick him up from her house.

That way if dad in your situation can't come get the child your not out the transportation either because its either both do or neither.


Just my opinion.

In the first recommendation it stated that I was to drop off and he would bring back which seemed backwards to me. In my opinion it gave him no motivation to drive at all. When we go in Dec. we are going to ask the judge to make it like you suggested.

 

[LdiJ]

I hear you. That is why I did the driving for 5 years. I understood when I moved that would be a burden of mine. I am glad the court was able to be objective and see that in my case, his actions were done purposefully to be disruptive. He would have not had to do any driving if he had just made an effort as suggested 3 years ago to assist when possible. Even when I physically could not drive (I had a broken foot) he never made an effort to come and see his son, and he had a car at the time. He missed 4 visitations during that time.



In the first recommendation it stated that I was to drop off and he would bring back which seemed backwards to me. In my opinion it gave him no motivation to drive at all. When we go in Dec. we are going to ask the judge to make it like you suggested.

It definitely is backward. The receiving parent should be doing the transportation when its shared that way...that way they have some motive to make the drive.

 

[3junebugs]

Update

Since the new temporary order was entered on July 16th, NCP has NOT come once to Maryland to pick up DS. He missed a total of 5 visitations. One was on my scheduled weekend to drive due to DS getting Strep Throat the day before he was to travel. The doc recommended that he not travel until he had the course of antibiotics. I offered him make up time this weekend, but it didn't pan out.

He is supposed to be coming tonight, but I have heard nothing from him, so I doubt he will be coming once again.

He still has no heat or hot water to my knowledge.

But the HUGE update is that on 11/19, NCP had a hearing for his 15 year old daughter (https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/dhs-questions-471082.html) and he didn't even show up! Mom was awarded permanent physical custody and sole legal custody. All that was ordered was "liberal partial visitation". It was also ordered that she is not to visit during cold months until he gets his heat reinstated. He had had primary legal and physical since 2/2005.

I go for my hearing in front of the judge on 12/7. My question is will my judge take into consideration that he didn't even show up for his other child's custody determination if he decides to make an appearance at ours? The last two hearings I have had with NCP in front of judges (one with the same judge and one with a different one) he hasn't shown up.

 

[liandrajade]

i dont know if that may or not hold up in court since it is not related to your specific case, you may want to bring up to the judge that this is cause for concern for you that the ncp has unsafe conditions at his home i.e no heat, hot water, especially with this being the winter time and all.

 

[LdiJ]

Since the new temporary order was entered on July 16th, NCP has NOT come once to Maryland to pick up DS. He missed a total of 5 visitations. One was on my scheduled weekend to drive due to DS getting Strep Throat the day before he was to travel. The doc recommended that he not travel until he had the course of antibiotics. I offered him make up time this weekend, but it didn't pan out.

He is supposed to be coming tonight, but I have heard nothing from him, so I doubt he will be coming once again.

He still has no heat or hot water to my knowledge.

But the HUGE update is that on 11/19, NCP had a hearing for his 15 year old daughter (https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/dhs-questions-471082.html) and he didn't even show up! Mom was awarded permanent physical custody and sole legal custody. All that was ordered was "liberal partial visitation". It was also ordered that she is not to visit during cold months until he gets his heat reinstated. He had had primary legal and physical since 2/2005.

I go for my hearing in front of the judge on 12/7. My question is will my judge take into consideration that he didn't even show up for his other child's custody determination if he decides to make an appearance at ours? The last two hearings I have had with NCP in front of judges (one with the same judge and one with a different one) he hasn't shown up.

I don't think it would hurt to mention that its been ordered that his older daughter is not to visit him during the winter months until he gets his heat reinstated.