Just needing a point of veiw

[Isis1]

not so bright CA at the moment (there's a storm brewing over my house)

so, i value the input of pretty much every senior here and need some input.

facts, this morning, i had a $100.00 bill on the counter for grocery shopping. Kids went to school. $100 went missing. hmmm...okay. so i head to the elementary school, call the 7 year old to the office. asked to bring backpack. searched him right there in the office. took shoes and socks off. nothing came up, sent kid back to class.

went to the middle school, pulled 11 year old out of class with backpack. asked 11 year old if he took something from the house he should not have. he said no. told him to take off his sweater. searched his pants. told him to take off his shoes. nothing. then told him to take off his socks. out rolls my $100.00 bill. yes, the child is still alive. i sent him back to class. said we will discuss this when he gets home.

so in the spirit of co-parenting, i call the father. asked him if he was aware of where the 11 year old's money was coming from. he said he gives him money as well as uncle gives money. son also takes loose change lying around the house. gave him a briefing of what happened this morning. the father asks, what kind of problems are going on in my home that he would do such a thing, son never does that at his house. i just left it as "i just wanted to inform you as what was going on".

so aside from coming up with a list of things to do for the consequences of the 11 year old's action, i'm at a lost on how to deal with dad. now i just gave him something to whine about in court on the 8th of this month. WE are supposed to be working together. not pointing fingers. this is something WE both have to work on.

 

[LdiJ]

not so bright CA at the moment (there's a storm brewing over my house)

so, i value the input of pretty much every senior here and need some input.

facts, this morning, i had a $100.00 bill on the counter for grocery shopping. Kids went to school. $100 went missing. hmmm...okay. so i head to the elementary school, call the 7 year old to the office. asked to bring backpack. searched him right there in the office. took shoes and socks off. nothing came up, sent kid back to class.

went to the middle school, pulled 11 year old out of class with backpack. asked 11 year old if he took something from the house he should not have. he said no. told him to take off his sweater. searched his pants. told him to take off his shoes. nothing. then told him to take off his socks. out rolls my $100.00 bill. yes, the child is still alive. i sent him back to class. said we will discuss this when he gets home.

so in the spirit of co-parenting, i call the father. asked him if he was aware of where the 11 year old's money was coming from. he said he gives him money as well as uncle gives money. son also takes loose change lying around the house. gave him a briefing of what happened this morning. the father asks, what kind of problems are going on in my home that he would do such a thing, son never does that at his house. i just left it as "i just wanted to inform you as what was going on".

so aside from coming up with a list of things to do for the consequences of the 11 year old's action, i'm at a lost on how to deal with dad. now i just gave him something to whine about in court on the 8th of this month. WE are supposed to be working together. not pointing fingers. this is something WE both have to work on.

Do you realize how many times we have heard a parent make a statement like that on these forums? Its a "classic".

Don't worry about dad whining about it. Simply tell the truth if it comes up and tell the judge how you are handling it.

Have you considered the Garden of Eden approach to this one?

 

[Bali Hai]

Do you realize how many times we have heard a parent make a statement like that on these forums? Its a "classic".

Don't worry about dad whining about it. Simply tell the truth if it comes up and tell the judge how you are handling it.

Have you considered the Garden of Eden approach to this one?

She won't be able to tempt him to take another bite of the apple. You women got away with that once, but never again!!

 

[LdiJ]

She won't be able to tempt him to take another bite of the apple. You women got away with that once, but never again!!

The "Garden of Eden" approach to discipline is something very different than that...LOL.

 

[stealth2]

I wouldn't have even brought it up to Dad at this point.

 

[profmum]

I wouldn't have even brought it up to Dad at this point.

Agreed.. if Dad brings it up in court, it will look petty...kids do these things, you sound like you are doing to deal appropriately with this.

so ignore Dad and remember coparenting in a contentious relationship is best limited to things that are only necessary until you figure out why kiddo did what he did..

 

[Isis1]

I wouldn't have even brought it up to Dad at this point.

point taken. i was trying to extend a hand at co-parenting. it was working so much better the past month. lessoned learned, just cause the horse smiled, doesn't mean he'll drink the water.

the garden of eden is actually being implemented at this moment. his bed has been stripped, his clothes have been selected. everything he is being stripped of is in a big pile in the middle of the room. i'm pooped at this moment. so sat down to take a breather

a strict menu is being drawn up. and a list of things to do around the house for when his homework is done.

the only thing i'm trying not to drive myself crazy over, is dad won't back me up. the whole garden of eden issue is moot at dad's visitation. he can do everything he wants there. so a month won't cut it. this is going to take longer then it's supposed to.

 

[LdiJ]

point taken. i was trying to extend a hand at co-parenting. it was working so much better the past month. lessoned learned, just cause the horse smiled, doesn't mean he'll drink the water.

the garden of eden is actually being implemented at this moment. his bed has been stripped, his clothes have been selected. everything he is being stripped of is in a big pile in the middle of the room. i'm pooped at this moment. so sat down to take a breather

a strict menu is being drawn up. and a list of things to do around the house for when his homework is done.

the only thing i'm trying not to drive myself crazy over, is dad won't back me up. the whole garden of eden issue is moot at dad's visitation. he can do everything he wants there. so a month won't cut it. this is going to take longer then it's supposed to.

That's a real shame, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Its better to get it nipped in the bud, because if he does that somewhere else, he could end up in juvie, and that's a whole lot worse. He learned one important lessen from this already, and that is that mom is NOT stupid.

 

[liandrajade]

not so bright CA at the moment (there's a storm brewing over my house)

now i just gave him something to whine about in court on the 8th of this month.

weell...forgive my candidness, If i were you, id be so inclined to ask, well what is going in your house that your child is TAKING what doesnt belong to him, you are not teaching him such actions or behaviors, where else is he getting that from?....lol... i know totally catty but also valid...i kow you are trying to be the better person, i was too at one point or another...

forgive my ignorance but what is this garden of eden discipline you speak of? I usually put my daughter on a time out and make her sit in a chair and not get up until i say she can get up{drives her nuts since she cant sit still to save my life but it works}

 

[Isis1]

That's a real shame, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Its better to get it nipped in the bud, because if he does that somewhere else, he could end up in juvie, and that's a whole lot worse. He learned one important lessen from this already, and that is that mom is NOT stupid.

as much as i am trying not to let that motivate me, i am REALLY ticked off that my son wouldn't think i would notice!! $1.00, $5.00 but $100???...now i'm questioning in when i've missed money in the past. there was an incident last year regarding a DVD missing. it was between the 11 year old and my husband's cousin.

 

[LdiJ]

as much as i am trying not to let that motivate me, i am REALLY ticked off that my son wouldn't think i would notice!! $1.00, $5.00 but $100???...now i'm questioning in when i've missed money in the past. there was an incident last year regarding a DVD missing. it was between the 11 year old and my husband's cousin.

You are going to need to start hiding your purse, or keeping it with you at all times.

 

[Antigone*]

as much as i am trying not to let that motivate me, i am REALLY ticked off that my son wouldn't think i would notice!! $1.00, $5.00 but $100???...now i'm questioning in when i've missed money in the past. there was an incident last year regarding a DVD missing. it was between the 11 year old and my husband's cousin.

You know Bella, scrubbing the grout with a toothbrush was a fine punishment for my daughter once.

 

[LdiJ]

You know Bella, scrubbing the grout with a toothbrush was a fine punishment for my daughter once.

I like that one...giggle. Scrubbing the toilet with a toothbrush isn't a bad idea either...LOL.

 

[my life is mine]

A visit by a local law offical may also give him some food for thought, if one cannot come to you, perhaps you can go by a local station. I know in my city they would prefer to talk to a young person before it becomes a larger issue.

 

[LdiJ]

A visit by a local law offical may also give him some food for thought, if one cannot come to you, perhaps you can go by a local station. I know in my city they would prefer to talk to a young person before it becomes a larger issue.

That can be a very good idea, but a friend of mine tried that with her son and it backfired on her. The police ARRESTED her son and they had to go to court and everything, and it ended up being an expensive mess. This was in MI, not in CA, but if you were going to do something like that I would be talking to someone about it ahead of time, to make sure that the outcome was going to be what you wanted it to be.