Just needing a point of veiw

[Isis1]

That can be a very good idea, but a friend of mine tried that with her son and it backfired on her. The police ARRESTED her son and they had to go to court and everything, and it ended up being an expensive mess. This was in MI, not in CA, but if you were going to do something like that I would be talking to someone about it ahead of time, to make sure that the outcome was going to be what you wanted it to be.

you know, i was given that same EXACT idea not an hour ago....but definitely thinking about going down there WITHOUT son and see what they have to say.


but i was thinking....now that it was brought up, i have a few family relatives that are police officers...maybe i could take him down there and they might be able to scare him up a bit....

 

[Rushia]

DS went to the police station on a Cubscouting trip. They cuffed him and put him in a cell for about 5 minutes. That kid behaved for about a month. It was great.

 

[Isis1]

DS went to the police station on a Cubscouting trip. They cuffed him and put him in a cell for about 5 minutes. That kid behaved for about a month. It was great.

well, i contacted my aunt. so maybe she can suggest a friend to do it. she's a detective. and last i remember of her, she was not a scary looking lady.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

I have found that a tour of the juvenile detention facility works wonders as well. Its amazing how much my daughters attitude improved

 

[Isis1]

okay quick update.

ugh....so 11 year old is MAD. 7 year old has been so good, he hasn't been on time out in 5 days. 11 year old spends his days cleaning (he already got the shower today) the toilet will be next.

however, ran into another problem. short recap. in 2007, NCP called CPS for bruises. says husband was beating my children. false allegations. after a few more calls, and still more allegations, those calls stopped. well, 11 year old remembers dad's reaction on the first call. so he tells dad my husband spanked the 7 year old and drew all over his face with a marker.

now the spanking isn't true, the marker is. it's a washable marker we were drawing all over EVERYONE. except 11 year old. he was in the kitchen. 7 year old tried running into the hallway. shrieking and laughing. no danger. we were having fun. 11 year old told his dad 7 year old was crying. not true.

so dad and i had a conversation. 7 year old is not backing up 11 year old's story. i told 11 year old to apologize to dad. 11 year old will only say mom is making me say i lied. hmm. i talk to dad again. dad asked me what happened. i told him. dad asked me for a list of punishments i was giving so he can make sure those are followed at his house as well. okay, good i think.

however, i'm still going to cover my rear. i will be taking the 7 year old to the doctor first thing in the morning, to make sure it is veiwed with no bruises. so i'll bring that report with me to court on Tuesday just in case dad isn't so understanding at court.

dad did a bit of finger pointing with his famous line "he never does that at my house, what is going on that he does that at yours". well after talking with him, it seems he DOES steal from his dad. in smaller amounts. loose change. but dad dismisses it. doesn't see it as stealing since it's such a small amount. grrrrrr......

 

[Rushia]

Psst, Izzy, take ds's name out.

 

[Isis1]

I have found that a tour of the juvenile detention facility works wonders as well. Its amazing how much my daughters attitude improved

i actualluy caught my husband looking for them here in LA online! LOL.

 

[Isis1]

Psst, Izzy, take ds's name out.

phew, thanks for catching that.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

shoot one look at those metal toilets and no door and she was angel

 

[LdiJ]

okay quick update.

ugh....so 11 year old is MAD. 7 year old has been so good, he hasn't been on time out in 5 days. 11 year old spends his days cleaning (he already got the shower today) the toilet will be next.

however, ran into another problem. short recap. in 2007, NCP called CPS for bruises. says husband was beating my children. false allegations. after a few more calls, and still more allegations, those calls stopped. well, 11 year old remembers dad's reaction on the first call. so he tells dad my husband spanked the 7 year old and drew all over his face with a marker.

now the spanking isn't true, the marker is. it's a washable marker we were drawing all over EVERYONE. except 11 year old. he was in the kitchen. 7 year old tried running into the hallway. shrieking and laughing. no danger. we were having fun. 11 year old told his dad 7 year old was crying. not true.

so dad and i had a conversation. 7 year old is not backing up 11 year old's story. i told 11 year old to apologize to dad. 11 year old will only say mom is making me say i lied. hmm. i talk to dad again. dad asked me what happened. i told him. dad asked me for a list of punishments i was giving so he can make sure those are followed at his house as well. okay, good i think.

however, i'm still going to cover my rear. i will be taking the 7 year old to the doctor first thing in the morning, to make sure it is veiwed with no bruises. so i'll bring that report with me to court on Tuesday just in case dad isn't so understanding at court.

dad did a bit of finger pointing with his famous line "he never does that at my house, what is going on that he does that at yours". well after talking with him, it seems he DOES steal from his dad. in smaller amounts. loose change. but dad dismisses it. doesn't see it as stealing since it's such a small amount. grrrrrr......

OMG! Dad is an idiot...that is the whole reason why your son stole the 100.00. He has been getting away with petty theft at dad's house for who knows how long, so this was an extension of that...

 

[Isis1]

OMG! Dad is an idiot...that is the whole reason why your son stole the 100.00. He has been getting away with petty theft at dad's house for who knows how long, so this was an extension of that...

*does the spit through devil's horns" jewish style...yes i know. do you know how hard it was not to hiss at him when he said that? i'm sure he could hear my "plastic" smile through the phone.

 

[starting over]

Sounds like your handling it very well. Ive had similar situations with my oldest, I don't think there is any "right" answer to handling it. But, I don't disagree one bit with your choice. DS definately needs to learn a lesson from this choice.

Hopefully, with Dad requesting a list of punishments, he is going to support you and co-parent on this serious issue. Hopefully, he's not trying to gain ammunition for court to say you are being "Abusive" with punishments.....don't think a Judge would agree, but it wouldn't keep someone from trying. Ive always said, I would have no problem standing up to a Judge and making a statement such as " Your Honor, I would much prefer to discipline my child now, than to have you do it later"

I have to ask, what is the Garden of Eden Approach? Ive never heard this term before.

 

[LdiJ]

Sounds like your handling it very well. Ive had similar situations with my oldest, I don't think there is any "right" answer to handling it. But, I don't disagree one bit with your choice. DS definately needs to learn a lesson from this choice.

Hopefully, with Dad requesting a list of punishments, he is going to support you and co-parent on this serious issue. Hopefully, he's not trying to gain ammunition for court to say you are being "Abusive" with punishments.....don't think a Judge would agree, but it wouldn't keep someone from trying. Ive always said, I would have no problem standing up to a Judge and making a statement such as " Your Honor, I would much prefer to discipline my child now, than to have you do it later"

I have to ask, what is the Garden of Eden Approach? Ive never heard this term before.

You empty the child's bedroom of absolutely everything except a mattress, pillow and blanket, and minimum necessary clothing, and not their favorite clothing.

Then they have to earn everything back, one little bit at a time.

 

[starting over]

LOL....I kind of did that once but I didn't know it had a "title" Short story, my DS done something (cant remember exactly what right now) I was SO angry at him I decided I was going to take EVERYTHING out of his room as punishment. My Ex just sat on the couch and watched as I furiously started removing stuff from his room (breaking a sweat to do it). I looked at him and he had this grin on his face. I asked him what was so amusing, he said "don't you think it would be easier to just lock his door and have him sleep in the guest room? The light bulb went off and then I had to put everything back.

Well, the next morning DS was getting ready for school. He was standing in the hallway not doing anything. Of course, I was rushed trying to get out the door for work. I said to him, why arent you getting your socks on? He got this smirk on his face, said "Can't Mom, my socks are in my room and YOU locked the door" He was so smug when he said it, I could have rung his neck (he was about 6 at the time, he is now 17) Sorry, just having a memory

 

[LdiJ]

LOL....I kind of did that once but I didn't know it had a "title" Short story, my DS done something (cant remember exactly what right now) I was SO angry at him I decided I was going to take EVERYTHING out of his room as punishment. My Ex just sat on the couch and watched as I furiously started removing stuff from his room (breaking a sweat to do it). I looked at him and he had this grin on his face. I asked him what was so amusing, he said "don't you think it would be easier to just lock his door and have him sleep in the guest room? The light bulb went off and then I had to put everything back.

Well, the next morning DS was getting ready for school. He was standing in the hallway not doing anything. Of course, I was rushed trying to get out the door for work. I said to him, why arent you getting your socks on? He got this smirk on his face, said "Can't Mom, my socks are in my room and YOU locked the door" He was so smug when he said it, I could have rung his neck (he was about 6 at the time, he is now 17) Sorry, just having a memory

When my daughter was about 12, she did something that she knew was horribly wrong (disappeared when I trusted her to stay home alone). When I found her and brought her home, without a word she went into her room and removed everything that was truly important to her and brought it to me. She told me that she "figured she would save me the trouble".