Not Following Court Order

[poppabear]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oregon

My ex has supervised visitation, and the times and days are clearly spelled out in our Custody Order. The location and who is to to supervise is simply "to be determined by father." (My wife supervises at Chuck E. Cheese)

About a month after the order went into effect, my ex gave me 3 days notice that she would be going back to school and expected me to work around her schedule. I did, but only because I am trying to facilitate a relationship for my daughter. Since then (about 1 1/2 years) we have done visitation about and hour later than the CO states. Also, there are days when my ex 'has an appointment' or activity going on so I accommodate her by changing the day of visitation, and sometimes when it is nice they go to the park.

I don't want to get in trouble for not following the order to a T, but also don't want to get in trouble for not working with mom. Since no location is named, it would be very hard for her to prove contempt, as there is nothing in writing agreeing to meet at Chuck E. Cheese. I am thinking of sending an email to my ex stating that the custody order will be followed exactly, and at X location. I have read on here how important it is to follow the court order, but also that as CP that I need to be flexible. Is it really more important for me to completely follow the order than it is to work with mom?

Also, on her 'holiday' visitations, whose responsibility is it to confirm the visit? On my ex's birthday she never called to say she was going and so I didn't show up (it was my day off so I was going to be the supervisor). She never said anything about it to me, and I know if she was there waiting I would have gotten 10 calls every minute. She didn't mention it to my wife, and now my wife wants to remind her for holiday visitation. I am getting fed up and think that if she can't remember, or at least check the CO, then I shouldn't have to remind her. I am tired of trying to make her make our daughter a priority!

 

[Nevergrowup]

What has happened now to want to abide by the court order, if things have been working with being flexible?

Court orders are there for a reason, but it is also great if two parents can coparent and work it out for the child. My ex and I are really flexible, and it works well...we never follow the court schedule and our child is the winner since she benefits from our flexibility.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oregon

My ex has supervised visitation, and the times and days are clearly spelled out in our Custody Order. The location and who is to to supervise is simply "to be determined by father." (My wife supervises at Chuck E. Cheese)

About a month after the order went into effect, my ex gave me 3 days notice that she would be going back to school and expected me to work around her schedule. I did, but only because I am trying to facilitate a relationship for my daughter. Since then (about 1 1/2 years) we have done visitation about and hour later than the CO states. Also, there are days when my ex 'has an appointment' or activity going on so I accommodate her by changing the day of visitation, and sometimes when it is nice they go to the park.

I don't want to get in trouble for not following the order to a T, but also don't want to get in trouble for not working with mom. Since no location is named, it would be very hard for her to prove contempt, as there is nothing in writing agreeing to meet at Chuck E. Cheese. I am thinking of sending an email to my ex stating that the custody order will be followed exactly, and at X location. I have read on here how important it is to follow the court order, but also that as CP that I need to be flexible. Is it really more important for me to completely follow the order than it is to work with mom?

Also, on her 'holiday' visitations, whose responsibility is it to confirm the visit? On my ex's birthday she never called to say she was going and so I didn't show up (it was my day off so I was going to be the supervisor). She never said anything about it to me, and I know if she was there waiting I would have gotten 10 calls every minute. She didn't mention it to my wife, and now my wife wants to remind her for holiday visitation. I am getting fed up and think that if she can't remember, or at least check the CO, then I shouldn't have to remind her. I am tired of trying to make her make our daughter a priority!

I don't think that you necessarily need to remind mom of what she is entitled to as far as the holidays are concerned, but it would be a good thing to do in the spirit of co-parenting.

I also do think that you should be flexible in working around mom's school schedule and work schedule. Again, its the right thing to do for your daughter.

I also think that you should vary the location. Eventually, your wife, your daughter and mom are going to get burned out with Chuck E Cheese.

 

[poppabear]

Thank you for the input and advice.

Mom finished school a year ago (6 month technical program) and hasn't worked in 9 months (got knocked up and decided to be a stay-at-home-mom for her baby). So there really is nothing to 'work around' other than appointments that she schedules during visitation time. She gives me 2-hour notice that she won't be at visitation and expects it to be 'made up' within the following 2-3 days. (Even though CO states no make-ups). Apparently her and her BF have just broken up (the one who 'allegedly' abused our daughter) and she was 'too heartbroken' to make visitation last week. She emailed me yesterday and 'let me know' that she expects my wife to make up visitation this week. Since we live in my ex's universe, there is nothing anyone else could possibly be doing that can interfere with her plans. And I am currently disgusted that she is so horribly upset over 'losing' the man that she gave our daughter up for.

Technically, they don't go to Chuck E. Cheese, but a small-town, mom-and-pop version. This is where CPS advised us to hold it, and really the only place they can go, unless they want to head to WalMart. It has to be in a public place and since we are in a rural area there are no facilities that handle supervised visitation. Occasionally it is nice and they can go to the park, but we live on the coast so it's really only an option a few weeks out of the year. And most of the time she sends our daughter to go play with the other kids while she reads a magazine, so it seems to work out for everyone. And visitation is only 8 hours a month, so not quite enough to get burned out.

I am just getting burned out on trying to make her a better mom than she wants to be. I already feel so disappointed, and I really don't want my daughter to feel this way. At this point I would be willing to do pretty much anything to get my ex to pull her head out, unfortunately I know that's unlikely to happen anytime soon.