Proserpina
Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
I don't know whether you read this or not. But believe it or not, it's from a person who was in the same situation as you who knows exactly what can happen; it was written by another step-parent.
There is nothing else we can help you with - if you refuse to face the reality and insist on being "right" at the expense of the children, there's not much anyone can do. But on the off-chance, maybe you'll read this and let it sink in.
There's always hope.
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Listen. Read this, if you read nothing else here today:
I have been there - I've been in your shoes, except I was probably 100% times worse. I deliberately tried to push my stepkids' Mom out of the picture - I think the only thing I didn't do was turn up at the hospital while she was giving birth (that one was reserved by another poster...). I wanted to be Mommy and prove that I was of course the better parent - I had to be, right? Mom was a no-good vindictive bitch who mistreated her ex-husband and didn't deserve to be a parent to those kids - it was painfully obvious to me at the time. I had to rescue those poor children, and insert myself into every little situation, every facet, every aspect of their lives....even the time they spent with Mom.
Basically? I sucked. I know I've said this before but it does bear repeating....the kids' Mom was about equal with the Dalai Lama when it came to how she put up with me, the antics and her ex-husband and showed a level of grace and dignity that I frankly didn't deserve. She was really the only grown-up amongst us. I'm still mortified when I think about it. But the point is, let your indignation go. Quit acting as if you're the victim here - because trust me, you're not.
You want to support him, right? You would do anything to preserve the relationship between him and his children?
Then do what I had to do....back off. Now. Step back. Love those children, cherish them and know when to keep your mouth shut. You're in a much better position than I was - you can nip it in the bud before any real harm is done. You've got the chance to make it go much more smoothly and actually turn into a healthy dynamic where nobody is getting hurt.
Please, grab that opportunity by the wings and fly with it.
******************
I don't know whether you read this or not. But believe it or not, it's from a person who was in the same situation as you who knows exactly what can happen; it was written by another step-parent.
There is nothing else we can help you with - if you refuse to face the reality and insist on being "right" at the expense of the children, there's not much anyone can do. But on the off-chance, maybe you'll read this and let it sink in.
There's always hope.
******************
Listen. Read this, if you read nothing else here today:
I have been there - I've been in your shoes, except I was probably 100% times worse. I deliberately tried to push my stepkids' Mom out of the picture - I think the only thing I didn't do was turn up at the hospital while she was giving birth (that one was reserved by another poster...). I wanted to be Mommy and prove that I was of course the better parent - I had to be, right? Mom was a no-good vindictive bitch who mistreated her ex-husband and didn't deserve to be a parent to those kids - it was painfully obvious to me at the time. I had to rescue those poor children, and insert myself into every little situation, every facet, every aspect of their lives....even the time they spent with Mom.
Basically? I sucked. I know I've said this before but it does bear repeating....the kids' Mom was about equal with the Dalai Lama when it came to how she put up with me, the antics and her ex-husband and showed a level of grace and dignity that I frankly didn't deserve. She was really the only grown-up amongst us. I'm still mortified when I think about it. But the point is, let your indignation go. Quit acting as if you're the victim here - because trust me, you're not.
You want to support him, right? You would do anything to preserve the relationship between him and his children?
Then do what I had to do....back off. Now. Step back. Love those children, cherish them and know when to keep your mouth shut. You're in a much better position than I was - you can nip it in the bud before any real harm is done. You've got the chance to make it go much more smoothly and actually turn into a healthy dynamic where nobody is getting hurt.
Please, grab that opportunity by the wings and fly with it.
******************
