Trouble with NC Parent

[cvj]

Thank you penelope for your comments. I don't want anything to happen to any of these kids and I am trying to see if the court order can be modified so Dad may feel inclined to be more cooperative.

I believe there are certain circumstances that allow a court order to modified. I am interested in this as well. Does anyone know what circumstances must be present in order for this to happen?

 

[FinnSW]

I believe there are certain circumstances that allow a court order to modified. I am interested in this as well. Does anyone know what circumstances must be present in order for this to happen?

Well if I am successful in my venture I promise I will come back and post on this thread. It'll take a few months. I did speak briefly in a free consulation with a family lawyer a couple of weeks ago and he thought there were a few things that could be modified to "tighten up" the order. In fact one reason I signed on here was to see what others had thought. And this thread has certainly brought some hot discussion.

 

[cvj]

I'm beginning to think a lot of threads in this forum bring hot discussion. Issues pertaining to family tend to bring up a lot of emotion.

As far as when a modification can be done I do not know much of. In my state (Indiana) I believe it can be done when there is a "substantial change of circumstances" or if enough time has passed. However, I do not know for certain.

Even if I am correct, (which once again, I don't know if I am), the definition of a substantial change of circumstances could vary from state to state.

Hopefully someone that knows will chime in and clarify.

 

[Ohiogal]

I'm beginning to think a lot of threads in this forum bring hot discussion. Issues pertaining to family tend to bring up a lot of emotion.

As far as when a modification can be done I do not know much of. In my state (Indiana) I believe it can be done when there is a "substantial change of circumstances" or if enough time has passed. However, I do not know for certain.

Even if I am correct, (which once again, I don't know if I am), the definition of a substantial change of circumstances could vary from state to state.

Hopefully someone that knows will chime in and clarify.

A substantial change in circumstance is needed for a change in custody. NOT a change in parenting time. That is possible with any change. HOWEVER the issue here seems to be that she wants the courts to legislate dad being nice and mannerly. That won't happen.

 

[FinnSW]

A substantial change in circumstance is needed for a change in custody. NOT a change in parenting time. That is possible with any change. HOWEVER the issue here seems to be that she wants the courts to legislate dad being nice and mannerly. That won't happen.

Thank you Ohiogal. I sincerely say that has been very helpful. I just need to know family court so I can regroup and plan. And with you being in Ohio it does help me greatly to understand state law. You are alright

 

[FinnSW]

I'm beginning to think a lot of threads in this forum bring hot discussion. Issues pertaining to family tend to bring up a lot of emotion.

As far as when a modification can be done I do not know much of. In my state (Indiana) I believe it can be done when there is a "substantial change of circumstances" or if enough time has passed. However, I do not know for certain.

Even if I am correct, (which once again, I don't know if I am), the definition of a substantial change of circumstances could vary from state to state.

Hopefully someone that knows will chime in and clarify.

Yes cvj, it is emotional. And family court (as I may find out) might not be my best choice of strategy. I am finding it helpful as I reflect on my specific state to gather information. I hate to have my kids torn between the directives of the parents but what will probably end up happening is that I will have to explain to them that their Dad does not have the right to dictate anything when he is out of town. I have heard that it is wrong to show them the court order so I haven't. It isn't easy.

 

[Ohiogal]

Yes cvj, it is emotional. And family court (as I may find out) might not be my best choice of strategy. I am finding it helpful as I reflect on my specific state to gather information. I hate to have my kids torn between the directives of the parents but what will probably end up happening is that I will have to explain to them that their Dad does not have the right to dictate anything when he is out of town. I have heard that it is wrong to show them the court order so I haven't. It isn't easy.

But that is where the parenting comes in. Not to harp on this but seriously, dad has no right to dicate what goes on in your house. And when he is out of town, YOUR RULES rule. This is more an issue of the children not respecting you as a parent and you are in control of that -- you can force the issue. Family court will most not likely not achieve anything. At the age of 18, your son is going to do whatever he feels like. He could go live at dad's house if he wanted. How far away is his 18th birthday?

 

[FinnSW]

Yes Ohiogal he was incredibly disrespectful (the teen) and sneaky. It seems some of the kids around here get into binge drinking. I hold him 100% responsible for his behavior. The last incident was 6 months ago and frankly he is doing great in school now and his behavior is respectful. I did a drug screen on him (hair cause it covers a 3 month period) and it was clean. You can be sure he was mad about that!

He will be 18 in a couple of months and I hope the same parenting schedule will stand. Legally he can do what he wants. He is a senior in high school and still a kid so we'll see what happens. He may want to live one week at one home and one week at the next (he has always mentioned that) to feel like he is with both parents more equally. If he does as he wants you can be sure the younger one will get mad initially and want to do the same thing but will settle down.

 

[LdiJ]

I'm beginning to think a lot of threads in this forum bring hot discussion. Issues pertaining to family tend to bring up a lot of emotion.

As far as when a modification can be done I do not know much of. In my state (Indiana) I believe it can be done when there is a "substantial change of circumstances" or if enough time has passed. However, I do not know for certain.

Even if I am correct, (which once again, I don't know if I am), the definition of a substantial change of circumstances could vary from state to state.

Hopefully someone that knows will chime in and clarify.

I am in Indiana as well, and tightening up a custody order does not necessarily require a substantial change in circumstances. It depends on what actually needs to be tightened up. A change in custody would require a substantial change in circumstance, but I doubt that a tightening up means a change in custody.

 

[FinnSW]

I am in Indiana as well, and tightening up a custody order does not necessarily require a substantial change in circumstances. It depends on what actually needs to be tightened up. A change in custody would require a substantial change in circumstance, but I doubt that a tightening up means a change in custody.

Well and the other big issue is that during his parenting time he doesn't take the kids to their scheduled medical appointments.Of course things at everyone's work does come up but there has been a pattern of him knowing well in advance and just "no showing". Sometimes an important appointment comes up on his watch and he has texted me that he is not going to take off work to take kids to appointments. Period. I have taken off so much for appointments I don't have much time at work left for sick time.

For example our younger one had a specialist appointment that it took two months to wait for . It happened to fall on his time with the kids (he travels and came back early so per court order the cycle of weeks keeps changing depending when he returns). So I sent him information way ahead of time, texted to remind him. He never responded. So the night before I texted him again and at 11 pm he texted back that she has to miss the appt. and he is not taking time off of work for child. What I ended up doing was my mother -just diagnosed with serious cancer and sister picked up the child at his house so the child could have a very important appointment. Another example is these past few weeks he had the kids for his two week vacation and agreed via text he would keep appointments already scheduled. Well, he no showed for younger child's two eye appointments and older son's weekly allergy shots which now threw off that cycle. I am not sure how court views that - I would assume he is responsible for the children during his watch.

 

[justiceadvocate]

I addressed that later on in this thread. Perhaps if YOU learned how to read you would see that. I don't believe everything I read on the internet. Do you?

cvj


Well, meanyjack's post was deleted by admins most likely and thank goodness. His post to you was totally uncalled for and I'm glad it was taken care of. Good folks like you have every right to post without being called bad names.

Thanks for your contributions to my thread btw.

Finn, when I was a teenager I played my mom and my dad against each other. My dad spoiled me rotten so I stayed with him and my mom was the authority and I rebelled against her. So one day I came home and my mom and dad were both there and they had sat down and decided that to parent efficiently they had to be united in their fight. So needless to say I got my act up. Even if you are the best parent teenagers will still rebel and get into mischief because they are testing the waters and finding their way.

I completely understand what cvj was saying. It is unfortunate that people get personally attacked on this forum when looking for advice. I was the subject of a brutal attack earlier then got accused of having self righteous indignation when I spoke up about the rudeness. I think people forget about compassion and empathy. I understand the law can be harsh but I have never met a lawyer that was complete and utterly rude. I guess its just the down south hospitality. I was always taught its not what you say but the manner in which you say it, treat others the way you want to be treated and you reap what you sow.

 

[FinnSW]

Finn, when I was a teenager I played my mom and my dad against each other. My dad spoiled me rotten so I stayed with him and my mom was the authority and I rebelled against her. So one day I came home and my mom and dad were both there and they had sat down and decided that to parent efficiently they had to be united in their fight. So needless to say I got my act up. Even if you are the best parent teenagers will still rebel and get into mischief because they are testing the waters and finding their way.

I completely understand what cvj was saying. It is unfortunate that people get personally attacked on this forum when looking for advice. I was the subject of a brutal attack earlier then got accused of having self righteous indignation when I spoke up about the rudeness. I think people forget about compassion and empathy. I understand the law can be harsh but I have never met a lawyer that was complete and utterly rude. I guess its just the down south hospitality. I was always taught its not what you say but the manner in which you say it, treat others the way you want to be treated and you reap what you sow.

Thank you justiceadvocate for the support. As the thread evolved I felt like posters heard and were responsive to my needs and I also went back and read my own posts several times to see where they were coming from. Aside from meanyjack's unnecessary comment about cvj which got deleted I feel now like everyone here is being helpful.

Yes it is hard to parent when kids hear opposing directives. And it really helps to get that reinforced when it's a rough time.
I really have two wonderful children - one who has done some poor choices though.