I've had enough

[californiamom3]

CA
This is dads first Tuesday visit since the new court order.
He called me this morning telling me that he will not make it.
He called me this afternoon telling me that he will make it.
He called me later this afternoon telling me that he will not make it.
I predict this occurring on a weekly basis. I don't find this to be reasonable.
I'm not sure how to handle this legally.
If he were to call me 10 times in a day changing his "will.....won't make it" do I have to put up with this?
I'm at a loss for words right now.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

CA
This is dads first Tuesday visit since the new court order.
He called me this morning telling me that he will not make it.
He called me this afternoon telling me that he will make it.
He called me later this afternoon telling me that he will not make it.
I predict this occurring on a weekly basis. I don't find this to be reasonable.
I'm not sure how to handle this legally.
If he were to call me 10 times in a day changing his "will.....won't make it" do I have to put up with this?
I'm at a loss for words right now.

No matter what he says just plan every visit like he will be there. It stinks I know but it will just make it easier on you. If he doesnt show then he doesnt show. If he does you were prepared.

 

[happybug]

Don't tell your child/ren he is coming until he is actually knocking on the door.

 

[cyjeff]

And tell him not to bother to call.

You don't need the madness.

Tell him that you will be there. Every time.

And he will have to explain it to the child why daddy has more important things to do.

 

[Banned_Princess]

And tell him not to bother to call.

You don't need the madness.

Tell him that you will be there. Every time.

And he will have to explain it to the child why daddy has more important things to do.

Sweet answer!!! Go with this one OP.

 

[californiamom3]

Don't tell your child/ren he is coming until he is actually knocking on the door.

The kids already know that they are supposed to have every other Sunday and every Tuesday night for diner with their dad.
I would love to be flexible with him on days but that hasn't worked out for us in the past 3 months so the judge made him pick a day. Now he wants me to let him make up tonight's missed visit. He asked the judge about that and she said no, he would not be able to make up a missed visit. As I said, I think we could all benefit from the flexibility but he abuses it to the point where in the end I have to stick with the order. We have a review hearing in early December. I will log everything that occurs between now and then.
So basically without going back to court for a modification there's nothing I can do? We need to set aside Tuesday nights even if he doesn't make it until December? That's seems so unfair to the kids. Then again, they were given the option of not attending a visitation or accepting a phone call from him.
We'll see what happens. I can only hope this was a one time thing. The past tells me that it will go on and on and on******************************************.

 

[Banned_Princess]

The kids already know that they are supposed to have every other Sunday and every Tuesday night for diner with their dad.
I would love to be flexible with him on days but that hasn't worked out for us in the past 3 months so the judge made him pick a day. Now he wants me to let him make up tonight's missed visit. He asked the judge about that and she said no, he would not be able to make up a missed visit. As I said, I think we could all benefit from the flexibility but he abuses it to the point where in the end I have to stick with the order. We have a review hearing in early December. I will log everything that occurs between now and then.
So basically without going back to court for a modification there's nothing I can do? We need to set aside Tuesday nights even if he doesn't make it until December? That's seems so unfair to the kids. Then again, they were given the option of not attending a visitation or accepting a phone call from him.
We'll see what happens. I can only hope this was a one time thing. The past tells me that it will go on and on and on******************************************.

Exactly. Keep a detailed log for the next court date. Include the childrens reactions to the disapointment.

Good luck.

 

[divona2000]

...That's seems so unfair to the kids. Then again, they were given the option of not attending a visitation or accepting a phone call from him...

A Judge gave the children the option of refusing visitation with their father ???

 

[LdiJ]

A Judge gave the children the option of refusing visitation with their father ???

The circumstances of this case are outside the norm.

 

[my life is mine]

A Judge gave the children the option of refusing visitation with their father ???

Yes, some children get to choose, especially when one parent is lackadaisical in parenting.

 

[californiamom3]

Dad was on the phone with one of the kiddos last night and asked her if she had practice on Wednesday. She said yes, why? He told her that he was planning to email me and ask for a visit to make up for his lost Tuesday and that if I said no.....she and her sisters would not be able to see him this week and it will be my fault for not being flexible. (I was sitting right there and could hear his side of the conversation) I told my daughter, "You can be angry with me if you want, but at this point being flexible is not an option. Maybe someday down the line your dad and I will be able to work things out a little easier." She shrugged her shoulders and made it seems like no big deal.
Thank goodness these kids are in counseling!
Nobody should have to deal with this crap.

 

[LdiJ]

Dad was on the phone with one of the kiddos last night and asked her if she had practice on Wednesday. She said yes, why? He told her that he was planning to email me and ask for a visit to make up for his lost Tuesday and that if I said no.....she and her sisters would not be able to see him this week and it will be my fault for not being flexible. (I was sitting right there and could hear his side of the conversation) I told my daughter, "You can be angry with me if you want, but at this point being flexible is not an option. Maybe someday down the line your dad and I will be able to work things out a little easier." She shrugged her shoulders and made it seems like no big deal.
Thank goodness these kids are in counseling!
Nobody should have to deal with this crap.

I would document that...and then I would tell dad that what he said to the child was totally inappropriate and remind him that the judge said no makeup time. Then I would tell him that you are going to be bringing it to the attention of the judge that not only was he missing visits and asking for makeup time, but that he was, totally inappropriately, involving the children in the discussion.

 

[californiamom3]

I would document that...and then I would tell dad that what he said to the child was totally inappropriate and remind him that the judge said no makeup time. Then I would tell him that you are going to be bringing it to the attention of the judge that not only was he missing visits and asking for makeup time, but that he was, totally inappropriately, involving the children in the discussion.

This is what I emailed to him last night:
Since we can not agree on being flexible
the girls will be here at home every Tuesday from 5-8:30pm and every other Sunday from 10am-7pm as the court has ordered.
You should not be speaking to the girls about visitation and/or asking them when they are available other days of the week.

I started a log starting last Sunday. (visitation went without a hitch on that day)
I often hear the girls on the phone telling him, "Dad, were not supposed to be talking about stuff like that."
I can only imagine what he says to them while they are alone.

 

[LdiJ]

This is what I emailed to him last night:
Since we can not agree on being flexible
the girls will be here at home every Tuesday from 5-8:30pm and every other Sunday from 10am-7pm as the court has ordered.
You should not be speaking to the girls about visitation and/or asking them when they are available other days of the week.
I started a log starting last Sunday. (visitation went without a hitch on that day)
I often hear the girls on the phone telling him, "Dad, were not supposed to be talking about stuff like that."
I can only imagine what he says to them while they are alone.

The only problem that I see with that is that your wording was poor. It almost sounds like you are telling him that he will not be getting his visitation because they will be "at home".

I would send him another email to clarify that the children will be available for his visitation on Tuesday from 5-8:30PM and Sunday 10AM - 7PM as the court ordered.

 

[californiamom3]

The only problem that I see with that is that your wording was poor. It almost sounds like you are telling him that he will not be getting his visitation because they will be "at home".

I would send him another email to clarify that the children will be available for his visitation on Tuesday from 5-8:30PM and Sunday 10AM - 7PM as the court ordered.

Oh dang!
Thanks....I'm on it!