basscatcher
Junior Member
My ex and I were divorced in Minnesota, where we both currently reside.
I am wondering what kind of evidence or supporting documentation would be necessary for me to seek sole legal custody. I should start off by saying that I have met with a lawyer and he thinks that I do have a case, but maybe not an overwhelming one.
Here is the situation as I know to be true:
1) We have joint physical and joint legal custody of our 6 year old son. I would not be seeking to change physical custody as I can't prove physical endangerment.
2) I have proof via copies of medical records that she has tried to block me from receiving any medical information (within the last month). There was a note in the file saying "don't give info to dad as per mom". It was actually very difficult for me to prove to the clinic to give me the information, but eventually they contacted my ex and she admitted that I should have access.
3) In the last month, she has told me (via email, text, and verbal) of a medical condition that our son has. Copies of the medical records do not support her claim, or the timeline that she told me. Example: she sent me a text in the afternoon about a diagnosis and lab tests when the doctor appointment didn't actually happen until that evening at urgent care. I spoke with the doctor where he denied the purported diagnosis and said that no lab tests were ever ordered. This "false" diagnosis caused me to cancel a vacation with my son, which I lost some deposit money. My guess is that she just didn't want me to take my son on vacation.
4) Last year she failed to pay for preschool tuition resulting in the disenrollment of our son. He attended there for 3 months prior to being disenrolled. Records show that no tuition payments were ever made, and as of today, still have not been paid.
5) She has not yet paid for kindergarten tuition (we have to pay extra for everyday kindergarten) which was due two weeks ago. The school told me that she plans to pay it later this week. If she doesn't, it may result in him being disenrolled in the everyday program. I would pay it myself before that happens.
6) She insists that our son needs to go to counseling. She claims that he has picked up on some negative behaviors from other kids and he needs to go to counseling to worth through his issues. Now, I'm generally not opposed to counseling (I've been there myself), but I disagree that he needs it. I've observed that when there are young boys playing around with each other, they may pick up a behavior or two, which usually fades quickly.
7) She told me that his swimming lessons had been canceled due to a swine flu outbreak. I have written confirmation from community ed saying that no such event occurred and lessons are continuing as scheduled.
8) This is not related to custody, but does go to show character: we have a joint consolidated student loan that we are both ordered to make payments on as per the court order. She put the loan into deferment for several years (to attend school, or something), but since then has not made payments. She is in contempt of court on this one, and my credit is in danger if payments are not made. I have made my payments religiously even during the deferment period where the lender did not require payment.
9) I am required to make child support payments to her, which I have made every single month.
10) I have documentation in the form of emails, letters, and cards over the last 13 years (we were divorced 4 years ago) of her extravagant lies. I did not know of these lies when we divorced - I uncovered them later. I'm not a psychologist, but my lay-person research suggests that she suffers from pathological lying and narcissism. I don't know how, if at all, these documents would affect a custody decision. If she continues to lie at this rate, I would imagine that there would be a detrimental affect to our son.
I am not out to take him away from her. I believe that a child should benefit from the love that two *healthy* parents can offer. But it's becoming very clear to me that she is not able to handle his schooling or medical care in a truthful way. At the most, I would seek sole legal custody, so I could handle his affairs, and a majority of parenting time (or at least 50% - I have about 42% now).
Any thoughts / advice is appreciated.
I am wondering what kind of evidence or supporting documentation would be necessary for me to seek sole legal custody. I should start off by saying that I have met with a lawyer and he thinks that I do have a case, but maybe not an overwhelming one.
Here is the situation as I know to be true:
1) We have joint physical and joint legal custody of our 6 year old son. I would not be seeking to change physical custody as I can't prove physical endangerment.
2) I have proof via copies of medical records that she has tried to block me from receiving any medical information (within the last month). There was a note in the file saying "don't give info to dad as per mom". It was actually very difficult for me to prove to the clinic to give me the information, but eventually they contacted my ex and she admitted that I should have access.
3) In the last month, she has told me (via email, text, and verbal) of a medical condition that our son has. Copies of the medical records do not support her claim, or the timeline that she told me. Example: she sent me a text in the afternoon about a diagnosis and lab tests when the doctor appointment didn't actually happen until that evening at urgent care. I spoke with the doctor where he denied the purported diagnosis and said that no lab tests were ever ordered. This "false" diagnosis caused me to cancel a vacation with my son, which I lost some deposit money. My guess is that she just didn't want me to take my son on vacation.
4) Last year she failed to pay for preschool tuition resulting in the disenrollment of our son. He attended there for 3 months prior to being disenrolled. Records show that no tuition payments were ever made, and as of today, still have not been paid.
5) She has not yet paid for kindergarten tuition (we have to pay extra for everyday kindergarten) which was due two weeks ago. The school told me that she plans to pay it later this week. If she doesn't, it may result in him being disenrolled in the everyday program. I would pay it myself before that happens.
6) She insists that our son needs to go to counseling. She claims that he has picked up on some negative behaviors from other kids and he needs to go to counseling to worth through his issues. Now, I'm generally not opposed to counseling (I've been there myself), but I disagree that he needs it. I've observed that when there are young boys playing around with each other, they may pick up a behavior or two, which usually fades quickly.
7) She told me that his swimming lessons had been canceled due to a swine flu outbreak. I have written confirmation from community ed saying that no such event occurred and lessons are continuing as scheduled.
8) This is not related to custody, but does go to show character: we have a joint consolidated student loan that we are both ordered to make payments on as per the court order. She put the loan into deferment for several years (to attend school, or something), but since then has not made payments. She is in contempt of court on this one, and my credit is in danger if payments are not made. I have made my payments religiously even during the deferment period where the lender did not require payment.
9) I am required to make child support payments to her, which I have made every single month.
10) I have documentation in the form of emails, letters, and cards over the last 13 years (we were divorced 4 years ago) of her extravagant lies. I did not know of these lies when we divorced - I uncovered them later. I'm not a psychologist, but my lay-person research suggests that she suffers from pathological lying and narcissism. I don't know how, if at all, these documents would affect a custody decision. If she continues to lie at this rate, I would imagine that there would be a detrimental affect to our son.
I am not out to take him away from her. I believe that a child should benefit from the love that two *healthy* parents can offer. But it's becoming very clear to me that she is not able to handle his schooling or medical care in a truthful way. At the most, I would seek sole legal custody, so I could handle his affairs, and a majority of parenting time (or at least 50% - I have about 42% now).
Any thoughts / advice is appreciated.
