I've had enough

[californiamom3]

Your going to love this

This was dads response,
"According to both of our court dates, due to my work schedule, you are to be flexible with dates and times. I am available this evening. I will be in _____ from 5 to 8:30 to spend time with girls. If you say no, then you are denying the girls time with their dad. Are you familiar with PAS (concept of one parent attempting to separate their child from the other parent as punishment or part of a divorce) or MDS (arises after separation or divorce and denotes the attitude shown by one parent to another in denying access to, or contact with, their child(ren)? You might want to research those before you make your decision.
I am doing everything possible to communicate with you and you are doing everything possible to sabotage our communication and the girls' right to visit with their dad. This has got to stop and we MUST move forward. You are punishing the girls for your anger.

Have a great day!"

Sounds like dad has become self proclaimed psychiatrist.
Just to be clear, the judge specifically told him that he may not have make-up days.
The flexibility part was talked about during mediation, not in court.

 

[wattie]

just a though

When you go back to court, you might want to specify a grace period for his pickups. If he is scheduled for a pick up at, say, 5pm, if he doesn't show up by 5:30, then he automatically forfeits his time. Of course, if he calls you from the road saying he is running late, and its a few minutes after 5:30, be reasonable. But this would protect you from staying home those 3 hours on Tuesdays not knowing if he would show up at the last minute or not. But, get it in writing.

I used to have a 30 minute window when i had to travel 60 miles on a Friday afternoon through LA rush hour traffic. Once, I called to tell her I was running late, and she said I better be no more than 30 minutes late. WHen i got off the freeway, i called to tell her I was just exiting and would be there soon. SHe said "You have 2 minutes". I got there 4 minutes after the 30 minute grace period (so i was 34 minutes late) and she refused my weekend visitation. Then she had the nerve to call me with my kid crying in the background saying that how dare i hurt our kid's feelings. (This was when I was NCP). Now, we don't have a grace period, but she is always late, sometimes an hour. She doesn't even have a phone to call me and tell me she is late. I don't refuse her visitation though. i guess i am just the better person. LOL. But, it's something I would include if we ever end up in court again.

 

[californiamom3]

I don't have much of a problem with the late thing as long as it's not abused.
Yesterday dad called to tell me that he would not make it until 6PM rather than 5PM
I was fine with that. It still gives he and the kids 1 1/2 hours to hang out.
Tuesdays were chosen because the kids don't have activities on that night, so we're home anyway. (he ended up not coming, but that's beside the point)
My current problem is him threatening me if I don't allow a make-up day (which was very specifically stated by the judge that he not have a make-up day) since he missed yesterday all together.
He has called and left 3 messages since this morning. UGG!

 

[sometwo]

I think I would scan the court order. Underline the specific parts that pertian to the email and once again email him stating this is what the court order says about your visitation days. The court order will be what we go by. The kids will be available for pickup at these times and days it states. Thank you.

Then leave it at that.

 

[LdiJ]

This was dads response,
"According to both of our court dates, due to my work schedule, you are to be flexible with dates and times. I am available this evening. I will be in _____ from 5 to 8:30 to spend time with girls. If you say no, then you are denying the girls time with their dad. Are you familiar with PAS (concept of one parent attempting to separate their child from the other parent as punishment or part of a divorce) or MDS (arises after separation or divorce and denotes the attitude shown by one parent to another in denying access to, or contact with, their child(ren)? You might want to research those before you make your decision.
I am doing everything possible to communicate with you and you are doing everything possible to sabotage our communication and the girls' right to visit with their dad. This has got to stop and we MUST move forward. You are punishing the girls for your anger.

Have a great day!"

Sounds like dad has become self proclaimed psychiatrist.
Just to be clear, the judge specifically told him that he may not have make-up days.
The flexibility part was talked about during mediation, not in court.

Dear XXX,

There was no discussion of flexibility when we were in court on XXX date in front of XXX judge. In fact, that judge specifically stated that you were not to get makeup days if you had to miss a visit. The judge told you to pick a day, and specifically told you no when you asked about makeup days.

We are both required to obey the court orders. They are not suggestions they are orders.

Yes, I am familiar with both PAS and MDS and know quite well that neither have any remote relevance to this situation.

Your visitation days are Tuesday and Sunday. If you cannot make the children your priority on Tuesdays that is not my fault.

 

[californiamom3]

Dear XXX,

There was no discussion of flexibility when we were in court on XXX date in front of XXX judge. In fact, that judge specifically stated that you were not to get makeup days if you had to miss a visit. The judge told you to pick a day, and specifically told you no when you asked about makeup days.

We are both required to obey the court orders. They are not suggestions they are orders.

Yes, I am familiar with both PAS and MDS and know quite well that neither have any remote relevance to this situation.

Your visitation days are Tuesday and Sunday. If you cannot make the children your priority on Tuesdays that is not my fault.

Your so good at wording this stuff! I can't thank you enough.
I just got home and saw this email from him in response to my last one to him reminding him of his Tuesdays and Sundays.
"That is fine! I'll remember this! But you remember, that when I loose my job, you loose your child support!

C u next tuesday!!"

Classic!

 

[LdiJ]

Your so good at wording this stuff! I can't thank you enough.
I just got home and saw this email from him in response to my last one to him reminding him of his Tuesdays and Sundays.
"That is fine! I'll remember this! But you remember, that when I loose my job, you loose your child support!

C u next tuesday!!"

Classic!

Gawd...lol, the spelling makes me cringe.

What does he do that he is so all fired important that he can't leave work on time?

 

[wattie]

Wow. i bet he is so stoked that his visitations are on Tuesdays so he can specifically say "C U Next Tuesday". We all know what that really means, Right??

My response to my ex is usually "You need to stick to the court order" and leave it at that. I stopped doing favors for her since she always bent over backwards to NOT do me any favors. The court order protects everyone.

 

[californiamom3]

I felt compelled to respond to dads last email regarding child support.
This is what I wrote,
" If you lose your job the girls will lose the child support from you.
The support is not for me...... it is for our three girls.
They will suffer from your lack of responsibility."

I just got a response from him.
"If I loose my job it will be because I had to refuse work in order to see my girls because my ex will not be flexible with the scheduling like the courts requested."
Unbelievable. I swear the guy was not in the same court room that I was.

 

[californiamom3]

Gawd...lol, the spelling makes me cringe.

What does he do that he is so all fired important that he can't leave work on time?

He is a driver.
Lest we forget that during the last hearing he announced that he already has Saturdays off. When asked by the judge why he doesn't take Saturdays as his visitation days rather than every other Sunday and lose work he said, "No, Saturdays are MY days."

 

[CJane]

I felt compelled to respond to dads last email regarding child support.
This is what I wrote,
" If you lose your job the girls will lose the child support from you.
The support is not for me...... it is for our three girls.
They will suffer from your lack of responsibility."

I just got a response from him.
"If I loose my job it will be because I had to refuse work in order to see my girls because my ex will not be flexible with the scheduling like the courts requested."
Unbelievable. I swear the guy was not in the same court room that I was.

Do not respond.

 

[californiamom3]

Do not respond.

Your right. It's so hard.

 

[wileybunch]

Your right. It's so hard.

It gets easier when you ask yourself, "What's the point?" If you've said what needs to be said ie. Tuesday is the weekday visit and there's no make up visits (since you guys can't work it out), there's really nothing more to say, you do not need to "prove your case", so to speak, in an email to him.