Father refuses to communicate - Involving his MIL

[shesaidwhat]

3rd Party Interference - Dad refuses to communicate

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Custody/Divorce in WV

Previous thread (locked) for background info: https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/inappropriate-sexual-conversation-between-step-mom-child-484095.html

So, to current situation:

For the two weeks after I told Dad he may not stop by my home (or as he put it "denied/refused"), he did not contact child at all. The routine before that was: Dad texts 'Have child call me when he wants' - child always calls before bed. At that two week point, I emailed Dad with information about son's school pictures and asked if there was some reason he had stopped contacting child.

His response was that child knows he can call him at anytime, and again, "I also want it to be known that I tried to see him on the way home from a family emergency and was denied." This has been stated in multiple text messages to me as well, as if it will be used against me somehow.

I emailed Dad asking him to discuss my concerns about child and events that took place during his summer visit - including the sexual conversation, statements the child says were made to him implying he is unsafe here, etc. I did not accuse at all, simply stated what child said, and asked if it was true or not.

Another week goes by with no response from Dad, and no attempts on his part to contact child either.

I email Dad again, let him know I'm going to have child call him this evening, asked him if there was some reason child should know of why he has stopped contacting him, and asking him to please discuss the issues regarding our child with me.

Instead of Dad contacting me, I received an email back from his MIL - overstepping step mom's mother - who is a non practicing (from what I understand) licensed social worker. This woman has never even as much as met child in person, was not present for any of these events (lives out of state), and has been spoken about horribly directly to me by both Dad and step-mom.

She begins by stating, "You may feel I am an outsider, but I am not and am more than qualified to speak to your concerns."

She continues, saying that she has been asked by Dad to reply to my concerns because: "Apparently, communication between the both of you has deteriorated, misunderstandings are the norm, and child is the one who stands to be hurt the most by all of this" She states that, "It is one of his parental rights and the right of a divorcee to not talk to their ex."

She continues to go on and condescendingly quote (literally) pages of Dr. Berman's views on sexual education for children.

She then closes with, "Since Dad has informed you that he is done speaking about the same issues over and over again with no resolution, he will be happy to forward any, and all, of your comments and concerns to me."

Mind you, the only breakdown in communication has been his outright refusal to communicate with me - or his wife's refusal to allow him - about our son. Further, Dad has informed me of NOTHING, as HE hasn't spoken to me about ANY of this.

Child has been seeing a social worker and is being referred to a counselor/therapist this week by her. That part is being addressed. I *do not* EVER discuss this with my child other than to correct information he brings up and tell him that nobody, including myself, should ever be involving him in adult issues.

-What do I do about this though?
-I know I can't force Dad to communicate with me, but how am I supposed to deal with these issues with my child if he won't?
-Should I petition for sole legal since he refuses to communicate with me and continues to allow, and apparently ask for, third party interference after I repeatedly ask him to stop involving them? I honestly don't want to go to court at all - and I most definitely can not afford to get a lawyer to help me through this at the present time.
-These people (step mom and MIL) are attempting to intimidate me, bully me, and continue interfering and preventing communication between Dad and I. Quite frankly, I'm fed up, but haven't a clue how to handle this.
-Is it worth it to go back to court and ask for a no third party interference to be added?
-I'm not asking him to have conversations with me about the environment or politics for crying out loud. Call me crazy, but our child's issues trump his (or his wife's) intense dislike of speaking to me - even through email!
-Should I stop contacting Dad at all? Would that not look bad on *me*? I honestly don't know what to do. As far as visitation goes, I am going by the court order strictly from now on, but what do I do about communicating with him?
-I often wonder if Dad is even aware of the emails I have sent him. I already know that step mom reads and responds to them (as she's told me previously).
-He is allowing his wife's personal issue with me to come between his relationship with his son. They're mad at me, so he stopped calling child. Should I just have child call him on a regular basis instead, or do I let Dad make that choice?

 

[shesaidwhat]

I realize that was long; I've edited it. I, admittedly, can get rather wordy. I think I cut out redundant information. If there is anything I am leaving out please let me know.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

If MIL calls, politely state that you will communicate with dad only AND HANG UP. No drama.

 

[shesaidwhat]

If MIL calls, politely state that you will communicate with dad only AND HANG UP. No drama.

It's now through email. They won't stop. He won't make them stop. It's seriously stressing me out and interfering in my life. I've made it clear, to both Dad and SM and MIL (in writing - multiple times) that DAD only is to contact me, but they won't stop.

 

[MichaCA]

They won't stop, cause apparantly dad is playing passive and poor dad is trying so hard and these women are playing up to him. The deal is is you cannot change the dads' behavior. All you can do is what you've done, stay focused on communications being about your child. And I wouldn't keep asking, pushing dad to communicate with you. I know he should, and its stressful he doesn't address important issues, but again, you cannot change him.

Try to ignore communications from the others. Only respond to father if and when he makes a request about communicating with them and let him know, no. You say you've written them several times about your boundries. Perhaps stop after the first time. Try to let it go, try not to feed into their drama. Thats the deal you have with this dad, you will have to find a way to accept it.

 

[Rushia]

I only see that you have 2 options that won't involve going to court.

1: Put MIL, stepmom and anyone BUT dad on ignore. Problem solved.

2: When you receive an email from someone other than dad, send an email to dad saying "I have received an email from xxx stating that you may have concerns, please feel free to call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx at your convenience to discuss these matters with me. Thank you. And leave it at that.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Nothing says that you can't direct MIL emails to go directly into spam or the trash can. Unless there is a court order, no one can MAKE you talk/read email/ text back, etc to a person.

Don't feed the drama. IGNORE.

Nothing says that you can't have someone NOT involved in this read the email and see if there is anything that may be important.

 

[Ohiogal]

With phone calls, tell the callers specifically "I will not accept calls or emails from you regarding discussions about my child when dad should be the one doing the parenting. If you keep interfering I will take appropriate legal steps."


if they keep contacting, file a harassment complaint against them. Also file to get a no third party interference clause placed in the court order.

 

[shesaidwhat]

Update

With phone calls, tell the callers specifically "I will not accept calls or emails from you regarding discussions about my child when dad should be the one doing the parenting. If you keep interfering I will take appropriate legal steps."


if they keep contacting, file a harassment complaint against them. Also file to get a no third party interference clause placed in the court order.

Just wanted to give an update. I did exactly as directed above (thank you to all), and when further contact was made I went to the police station. After explaining the situation and my actual reluctance to press charges (I am *not* out to get anyone arrested or cause more drama, just want this to end), the officer made a couple of courtesy 'warning' calls for me to step mom and her mother. I think the point was made.

However, Dad emailed me within a few hours informing me that his wife has left, it's all my fault, and he doesn't want to hear from me at all - even about our son. I know it's not my fault, and I highly doubt their separation will last, but apparently the control issues run that deep. Crazy and sad.

 

[Isis1]

Just wanted to give an update. I did exactly as directed above (thank you to all), and when further contact was made I went to the police station. After explaining the situation and my actual reluctance to press charges (I am *not* out to get anyone arrested or cause more drama, just want this to end), the officer made a couple of courtesy 'warning' calls for me to step mom and her mother. I think the point was made.

However, Dad emailed me within a few hours informing me that his wife has left, it's all my fault, and he doesn't want to hear from me at all - even about our son. I know it's not my fault, and I highly doubt their separation will last, but apparently the control issues run that deep. Crazy and sad.

his wife left him? it's all your fault? oh brother.....and he wants nothing to do with his own child? honey, i am so sorry.

 

[Rushia]

Just wanted to give an update. I did exactly as directed above (thank you to all), and when further contact was made I went to the police station. After explaining the situation and my actual reluctance to press charges (I am *not* out to get anyone arrested or cause more drama, just want this to end), the officer made a couple of courtesy 'warning' calls for me to step mom and her mother. I think the point was made.

However, Dad emailed me within a few hours informing me that his wife has left, it's all my fault, and he doesn't want to hear from me at all - even about our son. I know it's not my fault, and I highly doubt their separation will last, but apparently the control issues run that deep. Crazy and sad.

You hit the nail right on the head. She's just trying to "mark her territory". She'll be back and at it again. When that happens THEN you file for a no third party interference clause.