Not a question...about custody evaluations->

[doc2b]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MI

My husband had his evaluation this week with his ex and the kids, as well as the new spouses. He was, of course, very nervous because the decision of the judge is essentially relying a lot on this evaluation and the findings from the evaluator. Basically, everyone told him it would go something like this (and I've seen it here a lot, too, so I wanted to share with everyone else):

Mom and dad would get the chance to speak with the evaluator together, and spend at least an hour interviewing with her individually. The kids would possibly be interviewed, depending on the evaluator, and the spouses would possibly be interviewed as well. Each parent would be observed interacting with the kids separately.​

This is what actually happened:

Mom and Dad were interviewed together for almost 3 hours, spending 90 % of the time discussing how they met, how their marriage was, why it ended, and how they felt /what happened during the divorce process. Rarely were the kids brought up. The kids were interviewed together (age 8) for 20 minutes...in fact, all of the kids in the office were interviewed that we saw (some were as young as 5, the oldest was 11). Mom and Dad had a chance to comment to the evaluator in private, neither spent more than 10 minutes with her. She brought both parents and both steps into her office to make sure we'd all met, and sent the group on their way.​

So, all in all, my husband thought it went well, but was really surprised at the course of the interview. It was not at all what he had imagined, and the focus was on the marriage rather than on the kids. I don't know if it's a psychological technique or what, but I think it threw them both for a loop. Mom kind of had diarrhea of the mouth, by the sounds of things...which is never good in an interview situation.

Anyway, he has 3 weeks until the results...then comes the first hearing, so I'll update again then.

Maybe this wasn't as strange as everybody thought, but I've not heard of anybody elses evals going that way...

 

[basylica]

mine was about 20-30min talking to me with kids around. which is awful because a 1yr and 4yr old are just bonkers when new people come to visit! lol

then I spent a hour with her alone, and so did my ex.
he had a similar exp with kids and social study lady, but I don't know what went on because we are most def not on good terms.

 

[stealth2]

The way my custody eval went (with the GAL) was that she met with both of us first and explained how we'd proceed. She then met with each of us separately - she did ask questions about the marriage as well as our kids. That was probably an hour to an hour and a half, at least on my end. Then she met with each of us separately WITH the kids at our respective homes. She looked around the house, had the kids show her their rooms, and then we just sat around and talked while the kids played, she watched how I interacted with them in the meantime, etc. The kids did get a little bit antsy, and I felt a bit too wimpy with them, but when I apologized to her for their behavior, she said that it was okay - it was important for her to see how I dealt with them when NOT on their best behavior. Eek!

 

[Antigone*]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MI

My husband had his evaluation this week with his ex and the kids, as well as the new spouses. He was, of course, very nervous because the decision of the judge is essentially relying a lot on this evaluation and the findings from the evaluator. Basically, everyone told him it would go something like this (and I've seen it here a lot, too, so I wanted to share with everyone else):

Mom and dad would get the chance to speak with the evaluator together, and spend at least an hour interviewing with her individually. The kids would possibly be interviewed, depending on the evaluator, and the spouses would possibly be interviewed as well. Each parent would be observed interacting with the kids separately.​

This is what actually happened:

Mom and Dad were interviewed together for almost 3 hours, spending 90 % of the time discussing how they met, how their marriage was, why it ended, and how they felt /what happened during the divorce process. Rarely were the kids brought up. The kids were interviewed together (age 8) for 20 minutes...in fact, all of the kids in the office were interviewed that we saw (some were as young as 5, the oldest was 11). Mom and Dad had a chance to comment to the evaluator in private, neither spent more than 10 minutes with her. She brought both parents and both steps into her office to make sure we'd all met, and sent the group on their way.​

So, all in all, my husband thought it went well, but was really surprised at the course of the interview. It was not at all what he had imagined, and the focus was on the marriage rather than on the kids. I don't know if it's a psychological technique or what, but I think it threw them both for a loop. Mom kind of had diarrhea of the mouth, by the sounds of things...which is never good in an interview situation.

Anyway, he has 3 weeks until the results...then comes the first hearing, so I'll update again then.

Maybe this wasn't as strange as everybody thought, but I've not heard of anybody elses evals going that way...

What better way to get to know someone and understand them by letting them do all the talking. I've used this strategy in my line of business. The evaluator could have had them talk about french fries in Paris ~ lots of what was said probably didn't really matter (I'm being extreme, but I hope you get my point). It is more, how it was said, the tone, inflection, body language, emotional intensity.

Take care, I hope things go well. Tell Dad to stay positive, he will never stop being DAD.

 

[doc2b]

mine was about 20-30min talking to me with kids around. which is awful because a 1yr and 4yr old are just bonkers when new people come to visit! lol

then I spent a hour with her alone, and so did my ex.
he had a similar exp with kids and social study lady, but I don't know what went on because we are most def not on good terms.

This is a lot how he expected it to go...

The way my custody eval went (with the GAL) was that she met with both of us first and explained how we'd proceed. She then met with each of us separately - she did ask questions about the marriage as well as our kids. That was probably an hour to an hour and a half, at least on my end. Then she met with each of us separately WITH the kids at our respective homes. She looked around the house, had the kids show her their rooms, and then we just sat around and talked while the kids played, she watched how I interacted with them in the meantime, etc. The kids did get a little bit antsy, and I felt a bit too wimpy with them, but when I apologized to her for their behavior, she said that it was okay - it was important for her to see how I dealt with them when NOT on their best behavior. Eek!

This is also how he thought it might go, before he found out there were no home visits. I can only imagine how nerve-wracking it is to be under a microscope when your kids are being stinkers and someone is analyzing your parenting I would have a panic attack or something...

What better way to get to know someone and understand them by letting them do all the talking. I've used this strategy in my line of business. The evaluator could have had them talk about french fries in Paris ~ lots of what was said probably didn't really matter (I'm being extreme, but I hope you get my point). It is more, how it was said, the tone, inflection, body language, emotional intensity.

Take care, I hope things go well. Tell Dad to stay positive, he will never stop being DAD.

I'm positive things will go well, no matter the outcome. I (for once) have faith in the system and know that these people are looking out for what will be a better situation for the kiddos. And Dad is more positive after this evaluation than he has ever been...let's just say Mom showed a side of herself that even he hasn't seen, and some emotional guts were spilled during the process. I was kind of under the impression that the evaluator was working her magic in a roundabout way, but I guess no one will know what her angle was until the report comes out...I'm hoping for the best!

 

[wileybunch]

Why is there an eval being done? Who's trying to change what about custody or visitation?

 

[doc2b]

Why is there an eval being done? Who's trying to change what about custody or visitation?

Dad got transferred out of state for work...we moved over 700 miles away. So, he filed for Change of Domicile, and the judge ordered an eval. back in June during a hearing that Mom and Dad were at regarding Mom's failure to repay overpayments in CS that he had made. (The judge knew about the upcoming court date in November for the Change of Domicile, and wanted to head it off with the evals so that it would all hopefully be wrapped up by the end of the year). The evals are standard in Change of Domicile and Change of Custody cases in Wayne County...

And Dad currently has joint legal/physical with Mom. The CO currently gives him majority of the time with the kids, but he's been unable to exercise about half of it since we moved (he's used up his vacation time to go up and exercise as much as possible).