Graduating to regular visitation scedule

[hotrodbaby21]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oklahoma
This is probably more of a legally based opinion that I am seeking, not really sure.

The father of my four year old son has decided to step up and start visitation with out court orders. I am very happy that he has taken the first step towards forming a meaningful relationship with our son. However, neither he, nor I, can afford attorneys and would like to settle this together and work together so that our son can know his father. Can this be done, legally?

The basics are:
Yes, he has been determined the father and is added to the birth certificate.
Yes, he has been court ordered to pay child support through the state.(although, it is not paid regularly).
No, there is no current order for custody/visitation through the courts.
No, we were not ever married.
(did I miss any?)

He lives in another town which is around 25 minutes from our own.
Our son will turn 4 in November, and it has been since Christmas of 2007 that he has contacted us. There have been occasions that I myself have contacted him but, never resulted in any agreement to start visitations.

Question is: What are your legally-based opinions regarding the situation:
We would like to start visits immediately. He understands that in order to ease our son into getting accustomed to him and his new family life will take a little while. What is a suggested time period to allow supervised visits before transitioning over completely to a regular visitation schedule.

3:11
I really would appreciate anyone's help at this point. His dad is supposed to call me very soon to get something worked out and I need to know what a standard is. I have researched Oklahoma's examples of visitation schedules but none yet have shown any suggestions of a graduating schedule to fit my siutation.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oklahoma
This is probably more of a legally based opinion that I am seeking, not really sure.

The father of my four year old son has decided to step up and start visitation with out court orders. I am very happy that he has taken the first step towards forming a meaningful relationship with our son. However, neither he, nor I, can afford attorneys and would like to settle this together and work together so that our son can know his father. Can this be done, legally?

The basics are:
Yes, he has been determined the father and is added to the birth certificate.
Yes, he has been court ordered to pay child support through the state.(although, it is not paid regularly).
No, there is no current order for custody/visitation through the courts.
No, we were not ever married.
(did I miss any?)

He lives in another town which is around 25 minutes from our own.
Our son will turn 4 in November, and it has been since Christmas of 2007 that he has contacted us. There have been occasions that I myself have contacted him but, never resulted in any agreement to start visitations.

Question is: What are your legally-based opinions regarding the situation:
We would like to start visits immediately. He understands that in order to ease our son into getting accustomed to him and his new family life will take a little while. What is a suggested time period to allow supervised visits before transitioning over completely to a regular visitation schedule.

3:11
I really would appreciate anyone's help at this point. His dad is supposed to call me very soon to get something worked out and I need to know what a standard is. I have researched Oklahoma's examples of visitation schedules but none yet have shown any suggestions of a graduating schedule to fit my siutation.

What you want are several phases, and enough time to allow the child to get comfortable at each phase, before you move on to the next. The right amount of time will vary from child to child.

First, supervised visits with someone present that the child knows and is comfortable with. Ideally that would be the other parent if you can get along well.

Second, short unsupervised visits outside of the home.

Third, day long unsupervised visits.

Fourth, single overnight visits

Fifth, full weekends every other weekend and one night a week.

At 4, your child probably can move through these phases fairly quickly, if the visits are frequent enough. The first and second phases should be at least twice a week.

 

[hotrodbaby21]

Thank you LdiJ, your help is appreciated. I just want to make sure that it is fair time for our son to get adjusted, and I feel this should help.

 

[nemom3]

WOW I just felt the need to let you know how great it was to see your post. Good job mom for caring more about your child and understanding how important it is for him to have a relationship with dad. So many get wrapped up in how much they hate their ex they forget how important the parental relationship is for a child.

 

[hotrodbaby21]

Ya well don't praise me just yet.This started with me sending him a message on his phone asking him if he wanted to see his son and he text me back that he was busy at work he gets off at four and that it would be better to talk then. So, I sent him a message that I was willing to put all our past behind us and work with him to start these visits. He invited us to his nephew's birthday(son's cousin) to open his own presents(son's birthday coincidentally same day) and I accepted. Then told him I was trying to get the ball rolling but if he seriously wanted to figure something out, HE would have to call ME, I have already laid the first brick to build on and he would do the rest.

(I was in a way nudging him to follow through to see if he would or not)

As of yet, he has not called. That's why I feel your praise is premature, in a way, but I shall wait this whole weekend to give him a chance to step-up.
I will post updates for any interested.