dad says he's taking daughter to chiropractor

[californiamom3]

the only comparison made was between it being OK for Mom to schedule an appointment but not for Dad. The nature of the appointments didn't appear to be the point at all.

Just to be clear....I don't have an issue with dad making an appointment.
After 5 years of nothingness, I welcome dad being interested in care.
I thought that he and I need to AGREE on care. If he didn't agree on the eye appointment I would not be allowed to take her. I understand this.

 

[CJane]

As I said, I assumed that when parents have 50/50, things such as this need to be agreed upon by both parents.

Nope. "Share and have access to..." Joint legal does NOT mean that the parents have to agree on every little thing. NOT AT ALL.

That's like saying "Dad wants child to receive tutoring on his time (won't ever ever interfere w/MY time at all) and I object."

Or

"Dad wants child to attend church at a church whose teachings I do not follow. I object. Can I call the pastor and tell him I object to him teaching my daughter anything about his doctrine?"

The answer in all cases is "suck it up".

 

[Proserpina]

Just to be clear....I don't have an issue with dad making an appointment.
After 5 years of nothingness, I welcome dad being interested in care.
I thought that he and I need to AGREE on care. If he didn't agree on the eye appointment I would not be allowed to take her. I understand this.

(I was just trying to clarify what I think may have been a misunderstanding of OG's post )

 

[californiamom3]

Nope. "Share and have access to..." Joint legal does NOT mean that the parents have to agree on every little thing. NOT AT ALL.

That's like saying "Dad wants child to receive tutoring on his time (won't ever ever interfere w/MY time at all) and I object."

Or

"Dad wants child to attend church at a church whose teachings I do not follow. I object. Can I call the pastor and tell him I object to him teaching my daughter anything about his doctrine?"

The answer in all cases is "suck it up".

So we do not have to agree on this?
He can take her to the chiropractor without my approval?

 

[CJane]

So we do not have to agree on this?
He can take her to the chiropractor without my approval?

Absolutely.

Unless specifically prohibited by the court order, the child's parent or legal guardian can consent to treatment of said child.

He has to INFORM you, and make sure you have access to the records. But he does not need your PERMISSION.

Also, daughter is 16. If SHE objects to treatment, SHE can inform the chiropractor and it's very likely that treatment will not take place.

 

[Proserpina]

So we do not have to agree on this?
He can take her to the chiropractor without my approval?

Actually the way your order is worded would suggest that, yes.

Admittedly I would be wary of what is perhaps more accurately termed (in most States) a non-standard form of therapy but that's purely for my own reasons and has no basis in legality whatsoever.

It wouldn't be a bad idea to verify that any practitioner is licensed (if it's a State requirement) and is current with any and all other legal certifications and the like.

 

[californiamom3]

Absolutely.

Unless specifically prohibited by the court order, the child's parent or legal guardian can consent to treatment of said child.

He has to INFORM you, and make sure you have access to the records. But he does not need your PERMISSION.

Also, daughter is 16. If SHE objects to treatment, SHE can inform the chiropractor and it's very likely that treatment will not take place.

Thank you!
Now I know what to request in the next hearing.
I don't think that either parent should be allowed to take a child to say....an acupuncturist or a hypnotherapist or in my opinion a chiropractor without an agreement. Just insane. I'll have to ask that we agree on any/all medical dental treatment to cover all of the bases. (excluding emergencies I'd imagine.
Daughter already knows that dad wants to take her and she knows from past discussions my stance on it. (I have serious back problems) I see it as a last resort not a first line of defense, especially for headaches. Everybody has their own opinion.
Poor girl will end up having to decide on her own without intentionally being put in the middle.
I didn't want this at all.
I guess I'll have to suck it up then!

 

[profmum]

Thank you!
Now I know what to request in the next hearing.
I don't think that either parent should be allowed to take a child to say....an acupuncturist or a hypnotherapist or in my opinion a chiropractor without an agreement.

I doubt if you are going to get that ordered!

Just insane. I'll have to ask that we agree on any/all medical dental treatment to cover all of the bases. (excluding emergencies I'd imagine.
Daughter already knows that dad wants to take her and she knows from past discussions my stance on it. (I have serious back problems) I see it as a last resort not a first line of defense, especially for headaches. Everybody has their own opinion.

That is your opinion, you really seem like you are resentful of Dad's reentry into the kids lives, despite how much you protest otherwise!

Poor girl will end up having to decide on her own without intentionally being put in the middle.
I didn't want this at all.
I guess I'll have to suck it up then!

yes suck it up is the best way to coparent peacefully at times! You are picking the wrong battle here..

 

[californiamom3]

Just out of curiosity, why would you think that I have resentment towards dad for re-entering their lives?
Even if dad and I were still together, I would expect for the two of us to agree on treatment before it happens.
This is really about what is best for the child.
Granted, I am no longer the sole decision maker. I can admit to initially having an issue with that. I can also say that I am soooo over it! I have been a single mom for a long time. I welcome a little help and some different views (guy views/dad views)
In my opinion parents who are married, separated, divorced.....whatever....should agree on treatment of their children before it happens.
And why wouldn't I get that ordered?
From what I see it's pretty common for divorced parents to have to agree on school, medical, dental, extracurricular activities, etc.
Is it just the judge we go to? Is this a California thing?

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Just out of curiosity, why would you think that I have resentment towards dad for re-entering their lives?
Even if dad and I were still together, I would expect for the two of us to agree on treatment before it happens.
This is really about what is best for the child.
Granted, I am no longer the sole decision maker. I can admit to initially having an issue with that. I can also say that I am soooo over it! I have been a single mom for a long time. I welcome a little help and some different views (guy views/dad views)
In my opinion parents who are married, separated, divorced.....whatever....should agree on treatment of their children before it happens.
And why wouldn't I get that ordered?
From what I see it's pretty common for divorced parents to have to agree on school, medical, dental, extracurricular activities, etc.
Is it just the judge we go to? Is this a California thing?

You do realize it would be a two way street right? Say you want to take your daughter to the dentist because her tooth hurts if you got that ordered DAD would have to give his permission first. If you wanted your daughter to go to the PCP DAD would have to give permission first. And what if he doesnt give permission? Your gonna have to run back to court EVERY time to get it straightened out. Um yeah its not gonna happen and if you were smart at all you would NOT want it to. Hello, think about it.

 

[LdiJ]

You do realize it would be a two way street right? Say you want to take your daughter to the dentist because her tooth hurts if you got that ordered DAD would have to give his permission first. If you wanted your daughter to go to the PCP DAD would have to give permission first. And what if he doesnt give permission? Your gonna have to run back to court EVERY time to get it straightened out. Um yeah its not gonna happen and if you were smart at all you would NOT want it to. Hello, think about it.

A toothache would be emergency treatment that would not require the parents to agree.

I also disagree with the advice that everyone is giving here. With joint legal custody, any invasive, non emergency, non routine, medical treatment does require the agreement of both parents.

A chiropractic visit would definitely fall in the catagory of invasive, non emergency, non routine, medical treatment.

The way everyone here is talking dad could let the 16 year old get a boob job without mom's agreement if it happens on his time, and we all know that is NOT true.

 

[Ohiogal]

There is still a lot of doubt out there about chiropractic visits, even in the mainstream medical community. Insurance often doesn't cover them as a result of this doubt.

You KNOW this, therefore its gratuitious for you to make those kinds of comparisions.

You know what I KNOW? Bull. Quit acting as though you are omnipotent. Your God Complex is getting old and pathetic. YOU do NOT get to tell me what I know. Chiropractic medicine is accepted by many insurance companies. You are showing your narrow minded, mom bias again.

Mom doesn't get to schedule the child for appointments and dad does not. Why do you believe mom has the right to make all the decisions?

 

[Ohiogal]

Thank you!
Now I know what to request in the next hearing.
I don't think that either parent should be allowed to take a child to say....an acupuncturist or a hypnotherapist or in my opinion a chiropractor without an agreement. Just insane. I'll have to ask that we agree on any/all medical dental treatment to cover all of the bases. (excluding emergencies I'd imagine.
Daughter already knows that dad wants to take her and she knows from past discussions my stance on it. (I have serious back problems) I see it as a last resort not a first line of defense, especially for headaches. Everybody has their own opinion.
Poor girl will end up having to decide on her own without intentionally being put in the middle.
I didn't want this at all.
I guess I'll have to suck it up then!

Yet you are fine with the child going to whatever type of doctor YOU decide upon. It is only dad's choices that are out of line. That is NOT going to get you anywhere. What is insane is that you seem to believe dad's idea of a chiropractor should be stopped. What you seem to want is to be able to veto dad whenever it suits you.

 

[Ohiogal]

A toothache would be emergency treatment that would not require the parents to agree.

I also disagree with the advice that everyone is giving here. With joint legal custody, any invasive, non emergency, non routine, medical treatment does require the agreement of both parents.

A chiropractic visit would definitely fall in the catagory of invasive, non emergency, non routine, medical treatment.

The way everyone here is talking dad could let the 16 year old get a boob job without mom's agreement if it happens on his time, and we all know that is NOT true.

Chiropractic treatment is NOT invasive. You are showing your inability to understand common words. Seriously. Of course since you know what I know and were quite DEFINITIVE about it, then you know what I am thinking now.

 

[stealth2]

Out of curiousity... the "eye doctor" you're taking your daughter to... would that be an opthalmologist or an optometrist? Yes, there is a (huge) difference.