Custody Question!!

[4children]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

My Ex and I share Joint legal and Physical Custody of our Kids. (This maybe helpful). We just went to court in July. When we were in Court. Ex, was working third shift. Then first shift. Then back to third shift. I, was working with him, as fair as his visitation with the kids. Then, he started working second shift. (All these different shifts are the same job).
My (MOM) visitation, is-Sunday thru Thursday, 6:00 pm to 8:00 am and every other weekend.
Dad- MTWTF at 8:00 am, and every other weekend.

Dad has been back on second shift for about a month now. When, he notified me that he was going on second shift, I knew this would cause a problem. (Visitation for kids). Dad wants to pick the kids up at 11:30 pm. I disagree with that. I told dad no. That I felt it wasn't in the best interest of the kids. One, of the kids are already having problems in school from Meds that make her sleepy. It was bad at the beginning of the school year. The teacher had a hard time keeping her awake. In, the last few weeks it's gotten somewhat better. With, me not agreeing with Dad, he as usual Petition for Full Custody. Or, for him to pick the kids up at 11:30 pm. That Mother will not work with him on visitation. And, we have a Court date for next month.

I know every custody hearing is different. But, my question is- Am, I being unreasonable to agree with that time of night? And, is it possible for a Judge to grant Dad 11:30 pm visitation of school age kids? Or, even Full custody? And, dad hasn't paid his CS in three months.

I appreciate any help.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

My Ex and I share Joint legal and Physical Custody of our Kids. (This maybe helpful). We just went to court in July. When we were in Court. Ex, was working third shift. Then first shift. Then back to third shift. I, was working with him, as fair as his visitation with the kids. Then, he started working second shift. (All these different shifts are the same job).
My (MOM) visitation, is-Sunday thru Thursday, 6:00 pm to 8:00 am and every other weekend.
Dad- MTWTF at 8:00 am, and every other weekend.

Dad has been back on second shift for about a month now. When, he notified me that he was going on second shift, I knew this would cause a problem. (Visitation for kids). Dad wants to pick the kids up at 11:30 pm. I disagree with that. I told dad no. That I felt it wasn't in the best interest of the kids. One, of the kids are already having problems in school from Meds that make her sleepy. It was bad at the beginning of the school year. The teacher had a hard time keeping her awake. In, the last few weeks it's gotten somewhat better. With, me not agreeing with Dad, he as usual Petition for Full Custody. Or, for him to pick the kids up at 11:30 pm. That Mother will not work with him on visitation. And, we have a Court date for next month.

I know every custody hearing is different. But, my question is- Am, I being unreasonable to agree with that time of night? And, is it possible for a Judge to grant Dad 11:30 pm visitation of school age kids? Or, even Full custody? And, dad hasn't paid his CS in three months.

I appreciate any help.

No what you are asking is not unreasonable personally I want to know whose brilliant idea this plan was? This is one of the most crazy parenting plans I have heard of it sounds very bad for the kids to be going back and forth everyday. Am I understanding it right its everyday like that? And you not wanting him to pick up and wake up kids at 11:30 at night well you think he would agree. You all need to go back and get a parenting plan that will work better for the kids and you parents. As for him getting full custody out of this he is really stretching it but you do need to get back to court asap and file for a new plan because technically you are in contempt if order doesnt state anything different. Child support is seperate matter and has nothing to do with his visitation if he is behind in support you need to address that apart from custody/visitation.

 

[forthecause]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

My Ex and I share Joint legal and Physical Custody of our Kids. (This maybe helpful). We just went to court in July. When we were in Court. Ex, was working third shift. Then first shift. Then back to third shift. I, was working with him, as fair as his visitation with the kids. Then, he started working second shift. (All these different shifts are the same job).
My (MOM) visitation, is-Sunday thru Thursday, 6:00 pm to 8:00 am and every other weekend.
Dad- MTWTF at 8:00 am, and every other weekend.

Dad has been back on second shift for about a month now. When, he notified me that he was going on second shift, I knew this would cause a problem. (Visitation for kids). Dad wants to pick the kids up at 11:30 pm. I disagree with that. I told dad no. That I felt it wasn't in the best interest of the kids. One, of the kids are already having problems in school from Meds that make her sleepy. It was bad at the beginning of the school year. The teacher had a hard time keeping her awake. In, the last few weeks it's gotten somewhat better. With, me not agreeing with Dad, he as usual Petition for Full Custody. Or, for him to pick the kids up at 11:30 pm. That Mother will not work with him on visitation. And, we have a Court date for next month.

I know every custody hearing is different. But, my question is- Am, I being unreasonable to agree with that time of night? And, is it possible for a Judge to grant Dad 11:30 pm visitation of school age kids? Or, even Full custody? And, dad hasn't paid his CS in three months.

I appreciate any help.

I agree with his on this one...seriously....what brain child thought this schedule up??

You are right to think that his requests are unreasonable...it really is. But you need to go and revisit the parenting plan and change it up since you both can not agree to it. This is one reason why I just wonder where the hell joint ever came from.

And his is right....CS and custody are seperate. But you do need to speak up.

 

[my life is mine]

I have seen crazy schedules like this especially if Dad or Mom are firefighters or police or active duty military.

I honestly believe you need to go to court or mediation and get this order re done.

I had one Judge who thought it was okay for my EX to pick up children even in middle of night for his time, well yeah that did not work for me. Next Judge said this is crazy you have until 10pm, because Ex only received weekends and was long distance.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

My Ex and I share Joint legal and Physical Custody of our Kids. (This maybe helpful). We just went to court in July. When we were in Court. Ex, was working third shift. Then first shift. Then back to third shift. I, was working with him, as fair as his visitation with the kids. Then, he started working second shift. (All these different shifts are the same job).
My (MOM) visitation, is-Sunday thru Thursday, 6:00 pm to 8:00 am and every other weekend.
Dad- MTWTF at 8:00 am, and every other weekend.
Dad has been back on second shift for about a month now. When, he notified me that he was going on second shift, I knew this would cause a problem. (Visitation for kids). Dad wants to pick the kids up at 11:30 pm. I disagree with that. I told dad no. That I felt it wasn't in the best interest of the kids. One, of the kids are already having problems in school from Meds that make her sleepy. It was bad at the beginning of the school year. The teacher had a hard time keeping her awake. In, the last few weeks it's gotten somewhat better. With, me not agreeing with Dad, he as usual Petition for Full Custody. Or, for him to pick the kids up at 11:30 pm. That Mother will not work with him on visitation. And, we have a Court date for next month.

I know every custody hearing is different. But, my question is- Am, I being unreasonable to agree with that time of night? And, is it possible for a Judge to grant Dad 11:30 pm visitation of school age kids? Or, even Full custody? And, dad hasn't paid his CS in three months.

I appreciate any help.

If the bolded is the current court ordered schedule, then that is what you stick to until its modified to something different. If that means dad cannot exercise his time during the week, then he cannot exercise his time during the week.

What dad is proposing is completely unreasonable, and is of no benefit to the children. Quite honestly, as long as dad is on second shift I cannot see any schedule that would allow him to spend any actual time with the children during the week. When he is not working they are either at school or sleeping. He also has absolutely no shot at primary custody, let alone full, when he cannot be there for the children during the week.

You also need to file for contempt for his non payment of child support.

 

[4children]

No what you are asking is not unreasonable personally I want to know whose brilliant idea this plan was? This is one of the most crazy parenting plans I have heard of it sounds very bad for the kids to be going back and forth everyday. Am I understanding it right its everyday like that? And you not wanting him to pick up and wake up kids at 11:30 at night well you think he would agree. You all need to go back and get a parenting plan that will work better for the kids and you parents. As for him getting full custody out of this he is really stretching it but you do need to get back to court asap and file for a new plan because technically you are in contempt if order doesnt state anything different. Child support is seperate matter and has nothing to do with his visitation if he is behind in support you need to address that apart from custody/visitation.

Thanks Hisbabygirl77,
Yes, it's everyday like that. The reason the Judge did it like that is because. When we went to court in July of this year , dad was on third shift. I live outside of the kids school district. Dad petition for Full Custody at that time also. He always do it, when he can't get his way. I went to the Courts and petition for Custody to be changed as well last week. While there at the Court house filing, the young lady said there was already a motion on the docket for November. That, when I finish with my forms, they will serve me while I was there. I believe Dad gave them the wrong address on purpose. I also went there to petition for a Motion for show cause. Which 10 days will be tomorrow. And, I haven't received anything from him. If, nothing tomorrow. Down to the court house I go.

 

[4children]

I agree with his on this one...seriously....what brain child thought this schedule up??

You are right to think that his requests are unreasonable...it really is. But you need to go and revisit the parenting plan and change it up since you both can not agree to it. This is one reason why I just wonder where the hell joint ever came from.

And his is right....CS and custody are seperate. But you do need to speak up.

Thanks forthecause,
Dad has always taken me to Court everytime he can't have his way. He's only thinking of himself, and not the kids. I know the Custody and CS are seperate. And, I feel dad's intentions are all about the CS and not the love of the kids. ( The CS is less than $50.00 a month ) Alot of NCP's will love to pay
that a month. We have Court Appointed mediation to happen soon. I already know that we will not agree. But, the young lady that called me said I have to go anyway. Court Appointed. (Yes I will be there)

 

[4children]

I have seen crazy schedules like this especially if Dad or Mom are firefighters or police or active duty military.

I honestly believe you need to go to court or mediation and get this order re done.

I had one Judge who thought it was okay for my EX to pick up children even in middle of night for his time, well yeah that did not work for me. Next Judge said this is crazy you have until 10pm, because Ex only received weekends and was long distance.

Thanks ,my life is mine

I feel 10pm is to late also. Let alone 11:30pm. If, my kids dad so happen to get his wish of 11:30pm. It will not end there. Because, it's sometimes mandatory for him to work up to 3:30 am. That's something I have to bring up in Court also. (I have to show up for Mediation, but I know we will not agree.) In less than two weeks, dad haven't showed up 4 times for his visitation. When, he does this, I don't even get a phone call. The Court say, they can't make him exercise his rights. Which, doesn't bother me. But, he doesn't know what it does to the kids.

 

[stealth2]

OMG. That hurts to read. PLEASE, either learn to use punctuation (especially commas) or leave it out. It's painful to read!

 

[4children]

If the bolded is the current court ordered schedule, then that is what you stick to until its modified to something different. If that means dad cannot exercise his time during the week, then he cannot exercise his time during the week.

What dad is proposing is completely unreasonable, and is of no benefit to the children. Quite honestly, as long as dad is on second shift I cannot see any schedule that would allow him to spend any actual time with the children during the week. When he is not working they are either at school or sleeping. He also has absolutely no shot at primary custody, let alone full, when he cannot be there for the children during the week.

You also need to file for contempt for his non payment of child support.

Thanks LdiJ,

I agree with all you have said. When dad told me he was going to second shift. I told him it wasn't a good idea. That, he would spend less time with kids than on third shift. He, was sure that he could talk me into
letting him pick kids up at 11:30pm, and on occassion 3:30am. And, on most of his weekends, he have the kids, he also works. There's not much physical time at all with them.

 

[4children]

OMG. That hurts to read. PLEASE, either learn to use punctuation (especially commas) or leave it out. It's painful to read!

Sorry, I'm not feeling well. Have a bad cold.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Thanks LdiJ,

I agree with all you have said. When dad told me he was going to second shift. I told him it wasn't a good idea. That, he would spend less time with kids than on third shift. He, was sure that he could talk me into
letting him pick kids up at 11:30pm, and on occassion 3:30am. And, on most of his weekends, he have the kids, he also works. There's not much physical time at all with them.

What time with them? He and they will be sleeping not to mention they will be have very interupted sleep its not fair to the kiddies not to mention physically bad for them. Yea you really need to get this order modified. I realize both you and daddy need time with the kids but he needs to think about their needs as well.

 

[my life is mine]

Not sure of your area in VA but in my area and surrounding counties, I would suggest highly going to the mediation and if Dad does not show, then it goes in front of Judge and he/she makes an order then and there and Dad loses.


I would ask for visitation to be set at a normal visitation schedule without late night pickups. Set a time for school nights and weekend nights (my Ex had only weekends so that is why he got 10pm). Be careful of drop off times as Dad may try since he may lose pick up time that he will try to keep them later, so be specific of times!!


Sounds like this other parent may need court order written very specific for him to follow, especially if he continues to be the way he is.

 

[4children]

What time with them? He and they will be sleeping not to mention they will be have very interupted sleep its not fair to the kiddies not to mention physically bad for them. Yea you really need to get this order modified. I realize both you and daddy need time with the kids but he needs to think about their needs as well.

I agree Hisbabygirl77,

When dad was on third shift, he spent 1 hour in the morning with kids M-F. Now that he's on second shift, it's only 30 minutes or no time at all if he doesn't show up. Also when dad was on third shift, the kids spent 2 hours with him after school, now kids can't because dad is at work. I feel that he doesn't spend enough time with kids either. Dad isn't thinking about the kids well-being at all. We have a Court date in November, and thanks to all.

 

[4children]

Not sure of your area in VA but in my area and surrounding counties, I would suggest highly going to the mediation and if Dad does not show, then it goes in front of Judge and he/she makes an order then and there and Dad loses.


I would ask for visitation to be set at a normal visitation schedule without late night pickups. Set a time for school nights and weekend nights (my Ex had only weekends so that is why he got 10pm). Be careful of drop off times as Dad may try since he may lose pick up time that he will try to keep them later, so be specific of times!!


Sounds like this other parent may need court order written very specific for him to follow, especially if he continues to be the way he is.

my life is mine,

Thank you, thank you, thank you,
You hit the nail on the head. Dad is determined to get his way about everything. He doesn't care about the Court order at all. At our last court date, dad told the Judge and the children GAL that I will not co-parent. That I tell him (dad) I'm only going to follow the Court order to every word. Dah, that's what a Court order is for. (And, I have every right because I allowed dad to manipulated me for years as the kids were concerned. And, I've told him those days are over!!) depending on the situation that arise.
The Judge and the GAL just looked at him and didn't respond. I will take your advice and the others that posted. Thanks again.