Child does not want to go with dad

[lulunozz]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

Hello, I have a 4 year old daughter that does not know who her dad is because he does not even try to visit with her.
He has threatened that he will take me to court to enforce visitation.
I dont understand why since he does not even try to visit or call.
How do I prove that he does not even try?
And plus,
my daughter would definetely will not want to go with him since he is a stranger to her.
Can the courts oblige(force) my daughter to leave with a "stranger"?
I know my daughter and she will cry if she is alone with this man.
There is a court order that took place about 3 years ago that gave him visitation and possesion rights but I can not allow him to take her if she does not want to go.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

Hello, I have a 4 year old daughter that does not know who her dad is because he does not even try to visit with her.
He has threatened that he will take me to court to enforce visitation.
I dont understand why since he does not even try to visit or call.
How do I prove that he does not even try?
And plus,
my daughter would definetely will not want to go with him since he is a stranger to her.
Can the courts oblige(force) my daughter to leave with a "stranger"?
I know my daughter and she will cry if she is alone with this man.
There is a court order that took place about 3 years ago that gave him visitation and possesion rights but I can not allow him to take her if she does not want to go.

Has he not had contact with her in those three years? Have you stood in the way of his contact? If he decides that he wants to start using his visitation then he is allowed to do so and you could be found contempt of the order(however the fact that he hasnt if thats the case had contact in 3 years would be something the judge would consider). Now that being said if he has had no contact in the last 3 years then you can go back and file to get a gradual visitation order in place. Basically starting off a few hours each visit and working its way up to him and her time alone and then to overnights if this is what he wants. You really need to encourage this relationship between your child and her father. Talk more about daddy, if you have pictures show her the pictures and refer to him as daddy. That way when the time comes it won't be such a shock to her and she may feel that he is not a total stranger.

 

[DawnPlusTwo]

So Dad hasn't utilized his visits at all since the court order was put into place?
What exactly is the current visitation schedule?

My suggestion to you is to file to modify visitation for Dad. Ask that a gradual schedule be set up so that your little one can get to know her Dad. Something like 2 visits a week for 2 hours each, then after a period, a full day visit once a week, and he will eventually graduate into a standard order of every other weekend and one dinner visit per week.

I know that its not easy, Mom. But we, as custodial parents have to realize that our job is to facilitate that best possible relationship between the non custodial and our children. Sometimes the kids won't want to go, but once they are comfortable with the other parent, they will start to look forward to visiting. Encourage GOOD feelings between your daughter and her father. That's the best thing you can possibly do to help your daughter transition into more time with her dad. If she sees that YOU are excited about her visit, SHE will become excited about her visits.
Its generally harder on the parents than it is the children to adapt.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

Hello, I have a 4 year old daughter that does not know who her dad is because he does not even try to visit with her.
He has threatened that he will take me to court to enforce visitation.

This makes no sense - if there's a court order and he hasn't used his visitation what exactly is he trying to have enforced?

Can the courts oblige(force) my daughter to leave with a "stranger"?
I know my daughter and she will cry if she is alone with this man.

As suggested you need to have that visitation order modified to reflect his lack of contact.

]
There is a court order that took place about 3 years ago that gave him visitation and possesion rights but I can not allow him to take her if she does not want to go.

Yes, you will allow her - unfortunately the court order WILL over-rule what you and/or your daughter want until and unless it gets changed.

 

[paterunum]

Has he not had contact with her in those three years? Have you stood in the way of his contact? If he decides that he wants to start using his visitation then he is allowed to do so and you could be found contempt of the order(however the fact that he hasnt if thats the case had contact in 3 years would be something the judge would consider). Now that being said if he has had no contact in the last 3 years then you can go back and file to get a gradual visitation order in place. Basically starting off a few hours each visit and working its way up to him and her time alone and then to overnights if this is what he wants. You really need to encourage this relationship between your child and her father. Talk more about daddy, if you have pictures show her the pictures and refer to him as daddy. That way when the time comes it won't be such a shock to her and she may feel that he is not a total stranger.

Please OP, specify if there has been any dispute about visitations, and if, as post qtd above, you have stood in the way of his visitation rights, even inadvertently perhaps. Why, otherwise, would he try to enforce visitation?

I was kept from seeing my child by CP, and the "gradual" visitation schedule is exactly what I got from the courts when I claimed my visitation rights. The first time, it didn't matter that CP had obstructed visitation: I just had to start from point A again. No consequences for CP. But the second time this happened, CP was placed in contempt - on probation. So, be careful in how you interact with NCP. And, unless you too are afraid of him and his conduct with the child, tell your daughter it's OK to have a gradual approach back with dad.

 

[lulunozz]

Yes, you will allow her - unfortunately the court order WILL over-rule what you and/or your daughter want until and unless it gets changed.[/QUOTE]

If my child refuses then I will not allow it. Regardless what a piece of paper says. My child has feelings whereas a piece of paper is simply that, ink and paper.

 

[LocalRocket]

Can I ask a possibly ignorant question? What are "possession rights"? Is this another term for the establishment of paternity or custodial status?

I wouldn't be too, too worried about anyone forcing your daughter to leave with "a stranger" right away, as long as you do something immediately. Right now though, the "stranger" part makes no difference--this stranger is DAD, who already has established rights to the child. But as the others have said, as long as there isn't proof of some reason why he would be a danger to the child, dad will be granted a visitation plan where he gradually gets more unsupervised time with your child away from you. You will have to file for this is court though, this "graduated visitation" schedule isn't something that you can tell him he has to follow. If things aren't officially modified, then you can be held in contempt right now if you don't let her leave with him.

Lulunozz, when you say that you want to prove that dad hasn't even tried to exercise visitation, how often would you estimate that he has contacted you about visitation (phone calls, text messages, e-mails, letters, face-to-face encounters) over the past few years? How does he phrase the fact that he wants to take you to court to enforce visitation while simultaneously stating that he won't be visiting and why does he say he hasn't visited? Does he live nearby?

 

[Rushia]

If my child refuses then I will not allow it. Regardless what a piece of paper says. My child has feelings whereas a piece of paper is simply that, ink and paper.

What are you going to do when the court decides that dad should have custody cause you ignored that piece of paper? It is a court ORDER not a suggestion.

 

[Proserpina]

If my child refuses then I will not allow it. Regardless what a piece of paper says. My child has feelings whereas a piece of paper is simply that, ink and paper.

You are setting yourself up for a world of trouble.

Dad has rights - just as you do. Depriving him of those rights can actually end with you losing custody. Is that what you want?

I know where you're coming from - I really do. But she is FOUR years old...there isn't a judge in the land who will tell you that it's ok for her to decide whether or not she wants to see Dad during Dad's visitation time.

 

[Ronin]

Dad has court ordered visitation.

Mom is refusing to allow visitation per the court order, instead trying to force Dad to accept a gradual approach on her terms.

Dad is now threatening to go to court to enforce visitation.

If this goes to court:

1. A childs refusal is not grounds for a parent to deny visitation
2. Mom is in violation of the court orders and in contempt of court.
3. Willful interference with the other parents visitation is grounds for a change in custody.

The "piece of paper" lulunozz intends to ignore is a court order, and violating it will cause her a lot more gief than it was worth to violate it. Including the possibility of losing custody of her child over.

 

[Just Blue]

Yes, you will allow her - unfortunately the court order WILL over-rule what you and/or your daughter want until and unless it gets changed.

If my child refuses then I will not allow it. Regardless what a piece of paper says. My child has feelings whereas a piece of paper is simply that, ink and paper.[/QUOTE]

If you ignore a court ORDER then you are an idiot. Your job is to facilitate. If you don't understand what that means look it up in your dictionary. Start telling your child about her Dad...Nice things. Show her a pic. Build the relationship rather than subvert it.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Dad has court ordered visitation.

Mom is refusing to allow visitation per the court order, instead trying to force Dad to accept a gradual approach on her terms.

Dad is now threatening to go to court to enforce visitation.

If this goes to court:

1. A childs refusal is not grounds for a parent to deny visitation
2. Mom is in violation of the court orders and in contempt of court.
3. Willful interference with the other parents visitation is grounds for a change in custody.

The "piece of paper" lulunozz intends to ignore is a court order, and violating it will cause her a lot more gief than it was worth to violate it. Including the possibility of losing custody of her child over.

He has threatened that he will take me to court to enforce visitation.
I dont understand why since he does not even try to visit or call

At this point we do not know if she has refused visitation as the OP has still not answered that question. She states on one hand that he has not tried to contact or have visitation but then on the other she states that he threatens to enforce visitation. So OP which is it? Because it can't be both.

 

[dannyt]

daughter doesnt choose

Yes, you will allow her - unfortunately the court order WILL over-rule what you and/or your daughter want until and unless it gets changed.

If my child refuses then I will not allow it. Regardless what a piece of paper says. My child has feelings whereas a piece of paper is simply that, ink and paper.[/QUOTE]

then for the next 13-14 years, you could be the parent with visitation instead of custody. YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER DO NOT GET TO DECIDE TO IGNORE A COURT ORDER. is there any part of that you dont understand? its not about your daughter's feelings here, its about you and your daughter wllfully ignoring a court order, which could result in your daughter going to live with dad and visiting you. you are interfering with dad's rights, and thats not something a judge will not look kindly on.

 

[Just Blue]

If my child refuses then I will not allow it. Regardless what a piece of paper says. My child has feelings whereas a piece of paper is simply that, ink and paper.

then for the next 13-14 years, you could be the parent with visitation instead of custody. YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER DO NOT GET TO DECIDE TO IGNORE A COURT ORDER. is there any part of that you dont understand? its not about your daughter's feelings here, its about you and your daughter wllfully ignoring a court order, which could result in your daughter going to live with dad and visiting you. you are interfering with dad's rights, and thats not something a judge will not look kindly on.[/QUOTE]

K-DAR-------------------------

 

[Proserpina]

then for the next 13-14 years, you could be the parent with visitation instead of custody. YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER DO NOT GET TO DECIDE TO IGNORE A COURT ORDER. is there any part of that you dont understand? its not about your daughter's feelings here, its about you and your daughter wllfully ignoring a court order, which could result in your daughter going to live with dad and visiting you. you are interfering with dad's rights, and thats not something a judge will not look kindly on.

K-DAR-------------------------[/QUOTE]

I suppose it wouldn't be so irritating if there was actually new information included...but there never is, is there?