Same old birthday story, same old birthday song and dance. And it’s all CJanes fault…

[maryjo]

I am not understanding why a parent's birthday is that big of a deal. Can't you just celebrate on a different day? Like, the day after, or the weekend after? I have an intact family (3 of my kids, anyway) and last year we celebrated MY birthday on a different day, because there were several other things going on that weekend. I just don't see why it is a big enough deal to warrant a trip to court?

If all there is to clarify are the parent's birthdays, I don't get the big deal. I respect you and your posts, ProsedadinMD, so I am trying to understand, but once you get past 21, who really cares if you celebrate on the same day? I will admit in advance that I could be in the minority, but I just don't think it is worth a trip to court.

AMEN!!! This goes along with people who HAVE to take the day off from work because its their birthday. For some reason, most people in my family were born at holidays. Two around Halloween, one (me) around Thanksgiving, two around Christmas, one around Valentine's day, one around Easter (I realize it falls at a different time every year). And when you have a family involved in the floral business, not only do you not get to celebrate your birthday on the day it occurs, you dont get to celebrate holidays on they day they occur! Its just a day. You are an adult, you can choose to celebrate it on another day! Lets be mature about this. If our son is at his dad's for his birthday my world isnt going to fall apart. I will still make sure we celebrate whenever he comes back or before he goes. But if he cant be here for my birthday...well....oh well!

Yeah...maybe someone has money and time to throw around going to court over this but I just cant imagine why its a big deal.

And seriously.....all the after ex, WHY?? Its enough already.


Sorry....rant over.

 

[CJane]

Right. Like I said. It's all your fault...

Kinda scary being seen as "the reasonable one". I prefer to think of myself as “Deliberate of action”.

I generally use "Too lazy to fight with your stoopid azz."

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

I guess birthdays are like "the other parent wants to go to our childs sporting events"(which I was on the NCPs side in that little debate, go figure), in that to some people it's important and others it's not. Not my question or am I going to debate that subject.

And maryjo, it's The Ex that's going to cause this to be a long, drawn out process. As she's made it plan that she EXPECTS to get Little Miss Pro Se on her birthday(The Ex's, not LMPS's) regardless of who's parenting day it falls on, so why shouldn't the NCP have the same rights there? We could simply agree now, but I won't hold my breath. She's drawn her line in the sand.

I like the BTW, but they aren't even directed at The EX, are they Jane?

 

[maryjo]

I guess birthdays are like "the other parent wants to go to our childs sporting events"(which I was on the NCPs side in that little debate, go figure), in that to some people it's important and others it's not. Not my question or am I going to debate that subject.

And maryjo, it's The Ex that's going to cause this to be a long, drawn out process. As she's made it plan that she EXPECTS to get Little Miss Pro Se on her birthday(The Ex's, not LMPS's) regardless of who's parenting day it falls on, so why shouldn't the NCP have the same rights there? We could simply agree now, but I won't hold my breath. She's drawn her line in the sand.

I like the BTW, but they aren't even directed at The EX, are they Jane?

I just think some things arent worth the fight. There comes a time when you have to let some things go for the well being of your own sanity. I think both parents should have things equally but in the real world that just doesnt happen. And being the parents = being the adults. So SOMEONE is going to have to step back occasionally. There is always next year. I would go MAD if I had to quibble with my ex over every tiny little thing. I guess some times an uninvolved parents can be a good thing. But I wouldnt anyway. If I have to give on some issue (and trust me, I have many times..to the point that my own parents think I am a pushover and just doing it because I still love him. Now here is where we need a GAGGING smilie!) then I do because I would rather spend a lonely day without my son than put him or myself through drama that we dont HAVE to go through. There really isnt any need to fight over one day when there are 364 other days you can celebrate on.

My best friend was adopted. He is fairly certain that the day on his birth certificate isnt the actual day he was born because back in the 60's it was typical to change things like that so the parents couldnt be traced. So even if he did celebrate on the day he uses as his birthday, doesnt mean thats the day he entered the world. 41 years now and it hasnt ruined him....


And by the way, it doent matter why you are using the eye roll smilie. I have been reading your posts for a long time and it just shows you as being contentious towards your ex. I dont know if you meant to come off that way, but to me at least, thats how it seems.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

… I would rather spend a lonely day without my son than put him or myself through drama that we dont HAVE to go through. There really isnt any need to fight over one day when there are 364 other days you can celebrate on.

Spoken like a true primary custodial parent, because that's easy to say when you see your child pretty much every day.

And by the way, it doent matter why you are using the eye roll smilie. I have been reading your posts for a long time and it just shows you as being contentious towards your ex. I dont know if you meant to come off that way, but to me at least, thats how it seems.

I’m fine with coming off contentious here towards her. It keeps me from doing it in real life…

For the record, I'm ok with this as a battle, but she'll be the one that turns the anthill into Kilimanjaro.

 

[Knowalot]

Your poor child. Read your posts from an outsider's view and take an honest look at the time you spend on your birthday nonsense, emails, posts, fighting, arguing, Court. The only birthday that matters is the FIRST one, the day of birth. The rest are days on a calendar with no importance at all. None. If you think your child doesn't know about all this bickering between her parents, you are pretty dense. GROW UP and put your child first. Who in the heck forgot your birthday when you were a kid? That is not for you to use your child to make up for. Families are dynamic entities, they evolve and change. If it works out that you get to have your child on your big important day, great. If not, just be reasonable and have your big circus party another day. And get some therapy, quick.

 

[maryjo]

Spoken like a true primary custodial parent, because that's easy to say when you see your child pretty much every day.


I’m fine with coming off contentious here towards her. It keeps me from doing it in real life…

For the record, I'm ok with this as a battle, but she'll be the one that turns the anthill into Kilimanjaro.

Yes, you are correct. I am a TRUE primary custodial parent.......and all. AND I am one who cant get her son's father to be in his life if his life depended on it....and I have TRIED! And just so you know, being a SINGLE MOTHER who works MORE THAN FULL TIME and has to depend on family to help take care of my child...no...I do NOT see my son all the time. I see him about 2 hours in the morning and if I am lucky I see him about 3 hours in the evening before he goes to bed. He goes to school and I work like a fiend. And even on my days off I am usually working at my SECOND job. So yeah...being the TRUE custodial parent I relish every second I can get with my only child. HOWEVER...I STILL make sure our son sees his father as much as his father wants him.

For example: This past weekend was his weekend. He told me his girlfriend was sick and he had to work all weekend so he wasnt going to take our son for the whole weekend but wanted to pick him up for a few hours on Friday to take him to eat and to visit his great grandmother. GREAT!! PLEASE!!!! I am so glad you are going to spend time with your son. OH...there was a catch. That girlfriend who was too sick to take care of our son over the weekend while his father worked...wasnt too sick to tag along for this trip.

But I still accomodated his father. And this week he wants to pick him up on Veteran's day to take him to the parade. Its not his normal time. I dont care! I am SO glad his father is going to spend time with him.

Dont go throwing your hatred for your ex on me. I dont take it from MY ex and I wont take it from you. It appears your true colors have just made an appearance.

And just so you know, whether I was a CP or not, I still wouldnt be so petty and immature as to DEMAND to the point of taking it to court...that my child spend MY birthday with me. Because its just a day, just a birthday. I had nothing to do with it. Mother's day is the ONLY day I would fight for and trust me when I tell you I worked HARD for that day!! Its the only holiday I really care about because I feel like I did something to earn it. And thankfully we all know the courts make that decision for us.

And...furthermore....this past year Mother's Day fell on my ex's weekend. Did I demand the entire weekend just because it was Mother's day and because I knew I could? NO! I just asked that he come back a little early on that Sunday.

What I find humorous is that you think your kids even CARE that its your birthday! Do you remember caring about your parent's birthday? Should they? Well...yeah. Do they? NO! You just need to force them to be there to make yourself feel better.

This is nothing but a control issue.

 

[maryjo]

Your poor child. Read your posts from an outsider's view and take an honest look at the time you spend on your birthday nonsense, emails, posts, fighting, arguing, Court. The only birthday that matters is the FIRST one, the day of birth. The rest are days on a calendar with no importance at all. None. If you think your child doesn't know about all this bickering between her parents, you are pretty dense. GROW UP and put your child first. Who in the heck forgot your birthday when you were a kid? That is not for you to use your child to make up for. Families are dynamic entities, they evolve and change. If it works out that you get to have your child on your big important day, great. If not, just be reasonable and have your big circus party another day. And get some therapy, quick.

And thats the truth!!!!

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

And thats the truth!!!!

Maryjo please the rest of this OP's previous post before you go passing judgement on him. He has proven that he is a good father who does have the children's best interests at heart and his ex has been one to manipulate and constantly try any and everything she could.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I think this is just the straw that broke this camel's back. His X wants HER birthday, but wants to disregard prose's birthday. Her mantra is, "I want, I want, I want ..."

Since Little Miss Prose makes it to school when Prose has her - I don't see why a judge would take that away. If anything, he might make IWant share in the drive.

Personally, the judge either grants both, or neither.

 

[maryjo]

Maryjo please the rest of this OP's previous post before you go passing judgement on him. He has proven that he is a good father who does have the children's best interests at heart and his ex has been one to manipulate and constantly try any and everything she could.

I have read his posts. I said earlier I had been reading them a long time. And while he might have his child's best interest at heart, I still believe this is just petty. This isnt worth a fight over. Isnt worth going to court over. And it isnt worth putting the child through.

 

[wileybunch]

Okayyy ..... back to your questions:

1) As our birthdays aren’t listed in the order at all, but are now established via Status Quo, any opinions on severity of ding I might take for keeping our daughter this evening?

--> I wouldn't sweat it. Let her try to try to argue contempt. Worst case what would happen? You'd owe her the day back? Best case -- you'd be able to get it clarified into a modified order that parent can have child on their respective b'day.

2) Is me not responding to her threat to keep LMPS after Thanksgiving a tacit agreement? As it stands now, my thought is that it would be contempt.

--> From her behavior over time, I think you're right to assume she will use that angle if you leave it open so give it a couple days for the b'day situation to die down then send a notice the normal way you do (email) reinforcing the time you'll be exercising per your parenting plan blah blah.

She also seems to think we need to go to mediation over birthdays.

--> This IS where something like this belongs, the reason being you all can "waste" a mediator's time to hopefully hash this out instead of "wasting" the judge's time and only go before the judge if you CANNOT agree.

P.S. I'm also not into HEY, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!! thing, but that is beside the point for YOUR situation since one parent always wants their b'day with child, but doesn't extend that same privilege to the other parent. If the other parent didn't give a rip and didn't want to make that arrangement, then I could see leaving it as is and letting the chips fall where they may if she was really against it.

 

[stealth2]

Rocket - wrong thread, I think.

As for OP's issue... put me on the "not a hill to die on" bench. <shrug>

 

[Ohiogal]

I agree that this would not be a hill to die on but I also feel it is something to get clarified.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Prose's X reminds me of my X: selective obtuseness.

I've had similar issues in the "control" area. Eventually you get tired of being the only one to give up to the other party. Co-parenting is that BOTH sides compromise.

In the case of Prose, just like with my X, it must be clarified and DETAILED before a judge. I agree that it should go to mediation. The mediator may help them find a comfortable middle ground. I would ask for it to be completely spelled out. If it were me, I would take a calendar for many years forward to see what EVERY scenario spells out.